Day 2 without games.
I relapsed after months without gaming. I am not fully sure how it started. It is vague in my head, not clean or clear. Probably a small web idle game first, then reinstalling a Steam idle game, then analysing how I could perfect it for the Steam achievements.
Once achievements were back in my head, I started checking other games too. I spent hours on an indie management game. Then a few days passed with me not going outside, neglecting things, neglecting people, and I realized clearly what trap I had stepped into again.
I did not quit cold turkey at first. I had a plan in mind. Since I was not far from unlocking all the achievements, I played a bit more. Most of them were just progress-based, so I pushed further with automation, even though it still took my time. I wanted the 100% to close a chapter. My first completed Steam game. I wanted to feel what it would do, even though deep inside I already knew it would change nothing.
And when I got there, it changed nothing.
The ironic part is that I could not even showcase it on my Steam profile because my account level was too low. Not that I needed the exposure, but it showed me how empty and absurd the whole thing was.
So yes, I lost precious hours. But I also closed an open chapter in my life: the chase for achievements and trophies. It is just not worth it.
Today feels flat. My brain is still adjusting after the stimulation of gaming, so normal tasks feel slower and less rewarding. I am doing chores around the house and adding more websites to my blocker. I also want to delete or block anything connected to doomscrolling.
Some of us cannot be in control with this. We think a little bit of gaming cannot hurt, but for me it does. Not a little. Not casually. Not safely.
I do not think I needed this relapse, but since it happened, I want to come back stronger and cleaner from it.
By
Corvus ·