Thank you sir, It's been a while indeed since I started here 🙂

Entry 29.6 ( Written on 30.6) Day 638: No Useless Videos Day 637: Sticking to Food schedule Day 239: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 230: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -7 pomodoros -7 hours of deliveries -Cleaning room floor 1 thing I could do better -Having planned for bringing bike to store for a price offer (Ge an offer to sell my old bike which is in the middle of the room for ages already)

June 30 - Day #1 (should be) It's relatively cold, wet and windy out. I woke up clear-headed enough, but as soon as breakfast was over, I went for the adult websites without thinking - but no games, considering those 5 needs. What should have scared me was how quickly I decided on that and how natural it seemed. Sure, technology served me this time, but the people who created the material have still probably gone through a lot. I've recently thought of many things I could say to friends and family to amuse myself whilst still fostering (for me) positive kinds of relationships, but I've learnt that they haven't really worked for the two-sided strength of them yet. I texted a 'local' buddy from gaming last night, and he eventually 'took aim' at my main decisions within my/our game as opposed to outside of it, which is what I really wanted to talk about. Could I blame him after having known me for 10+ years, and maybe 5 of solid maturity? I dunno. It's just that over the years I grew into a person who sometimes used too much force (of personality or physicality) while hardly knowing it. When just 'doing my thing', I rarely feel like 'poor little me' until I consider the pains other people are going to because of beliefs that they are necessary - walking, talking and working/operating in certain ways/manners. Then I think "I do very few of those consciously", though it was only after changing medication a couple of years ago that a lot more of my actions became mindful and thus often painful. It's still way better than I was living almost 10 years ago without meds, but couldn't it stand to reason that I could get by now without them, with a bit more control over any manic behaviour? Still, yesterday I banked on this being a quiet Sunday - the hours are just stretching somewhat further. _____________ Gratitude: ~ The S.K. book reeled me in and put me in a good mood before sleep, but it's still at a funny introductory point and I'm not sure if I'm 'being had' or not ~ Another 'clear' start to the day, and I'd have liked almost nothing better than to meaningfully 'babble' with somebody ASAP, but this'll have to do ~ I've even read some of everyone's posts on my phone this week, but haven't located the 4 most recent posts column on it, so only saw them a half hour ago - I'm not signed in on it because phone texting usually bothers me and the temptation might hold too much sway ~ This one track from a band 'Miss May I' came on shuffle on my evening walk, and I played another 5 or 6 of them loudly without too many negative effects - could it have been obvious to passersby that I was enjoying myself? lol Good luck all, Matt

Hi, Putting in today's entry because I will be at a family function later (bless).  Yesterday I deleted some of my longest standing social media accounts and it was difficult but I feel so relieved. I still have a few more to delete but that is where I am at in the process. Trying to set myself up to not rely on internet while I am traveling by printing everything out .

I don't think I look for anything specific physically. It's mostly just about pretty girls and their desire to have sex. I know the videos I watch are a kind of sci-fi. I think my girlfriend mimics my opinion of porn; it's a problem for her as long as it's a problem for me. I think I'd be in big trouble if I watched videos reminiscent of my exes. I always have a good laugh when governments try to moralize people, when it's clear they also have their own agenda that doesn't have to be in the best interest of the people. Coronavirus pandemic would be nothing compared to a prohibition. Forget smuggling and black market. We'd have a civil war in weeks here. So our governments don't do anything about alcohol, while being quite heavy-handed towards drugs that don't have as many consumers. I think I have a strong desire and ambition to be/become successful. I think this can also go against the desire to be healthy; individuals can risk their lives in order to become successful. People changed the rules of the game over time so that health/survival is really not the top value anymore.