Well of course, losing focus on the goal / getting complacent puts you at a higher risk of relapse. On the other hand, being confident and really seeing a vision for the end goal (like I described) is not losing focus or being complacent! Day 64/90 going well. Just got done with a run and a cold shower, feels fantastic

Having read Cameron’s letter, I have to concede that gamers avoid unfamiliar tasks and problems, conflict situations where control is limited, or giving a bit more in terms of effort and charity. Addicts may second guess people that they encounter, and usually sabotage themselves before they can be offered a great prospect to learn something useful.

I never outright asked to be medicated. I agreed to it starting around a decade ago when people inside and outside of the family (finally) started showing concern. I would now have to be desperate to increase what I take, like I had become back then. I mean, today I was pretty sure that someone was about to walk past me on the popular trail, decided I looked funny and kicked something in my direction dramatically. I dismissed that with one or two thoughts without reaction. Back then was way worse for control issues. A former game-buddy that I used to mention told me that 'drugs are never the answer' and that getting off of my medication should be my 'first step' to being healthy/happy/satisfied/whatever he thought I meant. His ideals were mainly in the first half of the 1900s though. I did my best to keep up and still inform him of how things were for me, but we never reached the point of saying 'let's really slow down and talk things through', you know? - As a side note, he also told me that all of my 'interests' were in fact 'hobbies', and I picked away at the past for awhile before saying that I was interested in close human relationships, shortly before I was deemed 'too incoherent' and his needing a break from me or something. I blocked him instead of trying to argue on that. Don't think it has left my mind, but medication has pretty much stopped me from trying to break things whenever I saw 'fit' to. 😐 But hey, maybe I shouldn't have minded all of the people trying to force me to be more like their kind of 'man'. Maybe even at my size, I should be throwing my hands over shoulders and spending minutes of every first introduction trying to size people up. I'd sooner forget all of the arguing I used to do to try and get people onto my wavelength, which I did in order avoid those primitive minutes. I'd be okay with being a 'nobody' forever, but 'doing my thing' for longer and longer on games would basically make me appreciate less what I do have offline. Hence, this and my other habits.

Entry 11.3 (Dozed off at about 21 and woke up accidentally at 00:01 of 12.3 to finish evenng routine) Day 55: No Useless Videos Day 887: Sticking to Food schedule Day 490: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 38: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small  -having turned off quinoa at the 50 minutes point without mixing it manually. Only a little bit after 30 minutes more when i added water because it looked a bit dry.  it seems it has been quite well cooked. (I think i should use the same ingredient amounts and try turning it off without fixing at the 45 minute point next time) Note: The pot used was a wide one but half height of the gray one - documentiing that to help me repeat results next week. -wake up at 4 20 even though 20 minutes later than first alarm clock, it could have easily become hours -Having taken a photo of the schedule on my phone, so that i wouldn't have to open the computer to see the plan when i came back from the run   1 Thing I could do better -Allocate times in the schedule for cooking that are a bit longer and for putting pots into the fridge. Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5  Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 56 

Are you saying that the thought of increasing medication was a moment of weakness and that it was just a thought, but it's okay so long as you don't go through with it? Or that taking it up to begin with was a moment of weakness, and you shouldn't have done so and you should stop? Or that whether in the past or now, it's okay to take it so long as you don't start prioritizing gaming? In any case, appreciate your "OG" reference. You had me smiling with that term. Both because I appreciate your gratefulness and it makes me feel like I might have done something right, and because this is a corny term 🙂  Keep it up man.