Alright, finally able to get back here to write. I've been having a hard time finding the time slot, though it's been continually on my mind to get back here.
So much has happened in the time between now and my last entry in January. I was focused on trying to start my own business and was working away at some of the big obstacles. In hindsight, I stupidly bought too much equipment up front before I really got going, though it is sort of a chicken-and-egg problem anyway. Without a full equipment list, you can't be certified to do the work and on the flip side, having all the equipment but no shop to work in will not work. Shops require a specific setup with industrial zoning, 360VAC electricity (surprisingly hard to come by), a counter to receive customers, etc. So, you almost have to have everything all at once to begin. Still, some of the equipment I purchased was very expensive.
While working through this, I had been in contact with a friend from my previous company. Long story short, in June a job opening appeared on their team and within two weeks I had an offer. It truly came out of nowhere, I was blindsided by both the opportunity and the speed. The offer was so good (including the chance to once again work with people I really like) that I decided to take it. I'm glad I did because I am so, so much happier here than my previous job. I have a renewed love for the field, I'm operating at a higher skill level than ever before, I love the people, and the company has fulfilled everything they've said they'd do. I was so scarred from the other job that I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it has continued to be good. I anticipate stressors from the work itself at times, but the problems from my previous employer don't exist here.
All that to say, I finally feel more settled in my career. If the company continues to be this way, I have no problem staying here for the remainder of my career. In the (paraphrased) words of my director, "We've structured everything the way we have because we want you to stay. We want to incentivize you to feel rewarded for your work."
I realized I didn't want to spend the remainder of my free time also working at night for a side gig that was really meant to get me out of my former job. So now I'm trying to close down what I had started for my business. Thankfully, I didn't have any customers waiting on me. The biggest issue is selling the specialized equipment I don't need. There are some items I bought that I will keep because they are useful to me in other hobbies and repair work, but the specialized stuff has to go. I think I can sell it, I just have to spend the time getting it up on eBay and other sites with good photos and prep for shipping. I had to take out a personal loan to cover the equipment, so I want to sell these and get that paid off ASAP. It's not especially burdensome, but it's money I'm paying on something I no longer need (plus the interest on it).
All this brings me back to screen time habits, and renewing my focus on good things. I started falling back into older habits of watching YouTube (though not nearly like I used to), some scrolling, and listening to too many podcasts. A new factor playing into all of this is that a few months back, I was officially diagnosed with inattentive-type ADHD. I don't experience the hyperactivity, but many of the mental patterns, distraction, etc. are very relatable. I'm still having a hard time believing it's true because I've gone 32 years (now you know my age lol) "just fine". I did hear someone say though that sometimes it doesn't appear until you are put in a situation where it suddenly conflicts with your environment, and then you know you have it. So I'm still working on that acceptance. I think this plays into why I need that constant mental stimulation of a podcast in the background.
Still, I know that it makes my mind distracted. I've noticed that the more I allow space to think, the more creative I become. I've embraced the way my brain makes connections and the cool things I can develop because of it. I've already innovated at work so much because of this. I've always been this way to an extent but didn't realize a lot of it comes from that ADHD portion. I've read that it is not really a disability so much as a different way of thinking that isn't always recognized by society (linear vs. a sort of network structure, if you will). What can make it a disability is that the world is structured more for linear thinkers, but I won't get into all of that as it would be a long digression.
I'm here trying to renew my intention to spend less time on the internet. I need to be disciplined in using the tools I have available and my support network, one of which is this forum. I want to log in every day and report, if possible - even if just to update streaks. Sometimes I get started very early for work, so I'm working on finding a good slot of time to write and/or update entries here. Part of that is going to bed on time and using my CPAP (another fun new diagnosis, maybe a story for another entry), which means removing scrolling and mindless internet/podcast consumption that keeps me awake. I have so, so many fun hobbies I can replace things with and yet when energy is low, I just resort to the above. I'll start by writing some of things I want to do every day with a few replacement activities. Later, I think I'll start listing things I can do based on energy level, since that seems to be a major driver in pushing me toward the low-quality leisure of scrolling.
Used Brick
Use the Brick device to block things early in the morning to avoid late night scrolling when willpower is low.
Checked Freedom settings
Check the Freedom app in the morning with Brick to ensure blocks cannot be bypassed later in the evening.
Eliminate podcasts for at least 90 days
I want to stop listening to podcasts for at least 90 days, if not forever since I feel I never gravitate toward anything educational - just something to fill the air.
Replacements: If I need something, either music or audio scripture.
No mindless scrolling
I tend to fall into scrolling on Reddit, etc. because it's passive and easy. I want to eliminate this behavior entirely, especially since it often increases my anxiety about the world around me.
Replacements: I will list a lot of high-quality leisure later, but for now a few to list are reading, caring for my plants, low-pressure tinkering with some device, etc.
No YouTube videos for at least 90 days
The only exception here would be something I need to help me with repairs around the house, with electronics, etc., and in that case I can get my wife to temporarily unblock it for those videos while keeping the overall block in place. While I'd like to say I can introduce it back in my life, it seems so hard to moderate.
Went to bed before 11:30pm
Starting with 11:30 and will work backwards over time.
Used CPAP machine
Pretty self-explanatory and is tied to the above.
I'll start here and see where we get. Thanks for anyone who made it to the end and happy to be back and seeing some familiar names!
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FDRx7 ·