Friday morning, day 3: Wow, intensely dreamt game compulsion - not even of a realistic past or planned scenario, just something I could 'easily' and quickly 'put right'. I used to wake up with that feeling from work, but less intense because this time, only I was interested in the outcome, and it was (previously) 'fun'. But you know, crawling out of bed and forgetting to do a whole half of the morning routine, just to get an in-game fix is hell to receive perspective on. I read some of that new book too for a couple of hours, and didn't find it as 'shallow' as before - I definitely gave more consideration to things generally yesterday, and that's probably because I don't ignore 1000 things a day without all that solo gameplay.  Otherwise, good standard workout yesterday. I'll see what's really 'up' on Saturday morning there, hopefully.  Gratitude: ~ Forgot, free cocoa and gifted socks ~ Still 'sniffing the air' for caution, but placing more equal value on things ~ Being healthily reminded of details ~ Social meet today Cheers all, ~ Matt

Entry 10.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 176: No Useless Videos Day 1008: Sticking to Food schedule Day 611: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 159: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - 75% effort run - About 38 hrs fast - 4 pomodoors 1 Thing I could do better - Call accountants or tax authority. All i have left is 2 questions and I might be done with the tax report. Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 177

Entry 9.7 (For some technical reason didn't post on 9.7, so reposting now on 10.7) Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 175: No Useless Videos Day 1007: Sticking to Food schedule Day 610: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 158: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - Afternoon workout - Finishing the driving lesson review message - 2 pomodoros at least 1 Thing I could do better - Plan simpler tasks for fast day, 4 pomodoros if that's my current norm, and other things like apt. search or german course (consumption). That is to say not to increase effort on this day I guess, but if I do these simpler tasks maybe I'll find myself retiring less to bed to escape the feelings of "fast day" Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 176

I'd find it difficult to call the main online game I've played massively multiplayer at all, now - the largest in-game groups of players I found recently were situated around passive/'away from keyboard' content, which said to me that few people were interested in getting old enjoyments out of it - one of my concerns. It's hard to explain how idiotic and far-flung some of the advanced achievements were though - you'd have to be SO locked in and hooked to successfully go for them. This year I created two new profiles to squeeze the lemon.  My next big hit would have to be relearning how to span my natural motivation over full days again, working up to weeks. -> But I really did mean that I basically lost my sense of self sometimes, chasing its levelling system in my own tedious way. Man, I only typed this because the only thing in that game remaining was the 'RP/role-playing' aspect in 'MMORPG'. Hope good things are coming your way.

Thursday morning, day 2: I removed the game launcher and files (again), making the shameful/desperate act of visiting the website, clicking for the download (tailored to computer type, somehow) and re-installing once more a barrier. But what made me want to type was remembering the period of time when I'd spent 2-4 weeks being productive in a solo manner towards my degree, and then losing heart - only maintaining lifting, work and gaming. Back then, I had trouble telling when enough was enough, and a couple of workouts in the gym found me thinking that I was being glared at for trying too hard. One of those times, I screwed up my face mid-set at someone in their middle-age passing me with a look on his own face, so as if I was guardedly saying, 'Yeah, this is maximum effort; what of it?' I guess I mean to ask whether naturally, we all gradually find out what life simply won't let us get away with, even if it's towards growth. I told someone I'd be back at the gym today, and was undecided whether I'd try a similar workout to the one I was doing above, all those years ago (a favourite), or my standard targeted one, which I've also been missing. I was worried because I was on the verge of not caring, as long as I went, which proved unsuccessful on Tuesday. But 48 hours ago, I hadn't reached peace with the idea of not game-playing, or finished entertaining myself at the same time to distract from the problem of it. I aim to kind of read/meditate more before heading out, and I have another to-do list. For now, I am grateful for restful sleep, unhindered reading, and enough milk to spare until later. See y'all soon, ~ Matt