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Hello to All, and my reasons


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Dear all,

I am 32, and hardcore gamer for 23 years.  I started to play as a young kid, and gaming was always fun for me, and nothing else.

How it started

At first I played FPS with my classmates, started our own clan, they got bored quickly, but I gained some online friends, and moved on to competitive games. Play hard, try hard, and stop my workout, and offline activities.

I got a gamer girlfriend,we played all the time together, I was still able to pass my exams on uni, started my first job --> dream life  in my mind

Then I lost my dad, played even more for a year, and my girlfriend couldn't handle more, broke up with me.  I was hurt, but I went back to play, and moved on.

I kept playing, but also started to practice martial arts, few years and got again in long term relationship. Then almost the same loop, career fine, gf fine, less activities, more competitive games (all ranked I just can play), and a broke up again. That was the first time, I realized I have to change, but not really happened. In this period I only had gamer friends, I was depressed, but playing together pulled me "out" and was "fine" again.

I still improved in my career, bought my own flat, played less then anytime before..

And now comes the real deep water, why I quit 

I  practiced martial arts, spent lot of time with my friends, and played only few hours per week, just to hang on with online friends, got again in relationship. I warned her at the start, please let me know if I play too much, coz maybe I wont recognize. First 1.5 years were beautiful, we had so many programs together, that I could barely play few hours. We became a bit lazy, and my gaming hours grown again, and then covid came..

For a gamer, best time ever, friends at home, you are not allowed to go out, what could you do between 4 walls - play all day

Started Wow again, fixed raid times, and also play Path of Exile(Poe). I was bored in Wow pretty fast(4-5months), so I could quit, but grinding in POE with friends was great. I got even a spinal hernia, and have to start a rehab, but it still couldn't stop me to play. In the last few months,  I felt it's not joy anymore, but I can't stop, I have to keep playing and be the best.

I planned to engage my girlfriend in this summer, have a weeding next year, and build a house together, and booom..

an average Sunday morning, my love just sat on couch with empty eyes in silence. I asked, what's wrong honey ?

"I move back to my parents,I love you but not in love with you anymore" - you can imagine how shocked I was. She left me on that day, and I started to think, what was wrong?  Ofc .. gaming again. I cannot control it.

I became a careless, unsocial, lazy beast, that only lives for games.  We discussed a few weeks later, what just happened, and her point of view.

She told me, she cried in the kitchen many times, she stayed at the work place longer, coz she didnt wanted to see me playing, and she is fully depressed now. - This was the biggest slap in my life, and the real wake up.

I am a very kind person, and I did not noticed my love is on the ground, cries behind me, because of my lifestyle ?? No, that cant be, but that's the truth.  If I play I only have the online world, and next time someone could even die behind me, and I wont notice ?

I lost my love (I really think she was special), lost again almost every connection with friends, refused a great job opportunity not to lose time for gaming, stopped activities etc..  - No thanks, enough for me.

I have to rebuild again my life.. but now on the right way, without games.

I had always the fear, that I wont enjoy anything else, just gaming. I started to swim, walking, and already have more energy then before. I also got great tips from Cam and James.
Thanks guys for sharing your route, and thanks all for the support!

PS.: Fun fact about Poe, money for trading in game called  "chaos" (like penny)  and "exalts" (like pound) - so if you collected enough chaos you can get an EX, and you wanna have as many EX-es as possible. (We even joked about it with my gf) - Not a joke anymore, I get the biggest EX that man can achieve. So I really dont have the mood to play with it again, anytime.

 

Game over - Life on

 

Wish you all the best guys

 

 

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Wow, it was a strong story. It makes me think about my own more deeply.

Feel sorry for you and your relationships. It seems that you are a kind, smart and successful guy. All will be fine!🤗

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Hey man! 

Can really relate to your story. I have been hurting people all my life with gaming. My friends and family have attempted to tell me that I become different when i game too much, I absolutely disregard any long term goals for the rush! 

Hope you are still holding on! :)

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Hi guys, thanks for your support! Yeah I am holding, and already feel, I have more energy, and I dont rush home to play.

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