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Just flushed 3 weeks down the crapper.


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I'm not gonna lie.  I just spent the last 3 weeks playing SWTOR.

The game is good, but I have played it all - even the newest expansions, and THERE IS NOTHING NEW FOR ME TO DO THERE.

Yet, I did it again.

So, as I have said many times, I am old.  I'm 59.  And what I have proven to myself over the last 3 weeks is this:  I STILL HAVE THE FOCUS TO WORK AT SOMETHING FOR 10 HOURS A DAY.

So that's good, right?

I AM SO READY TO BE DONE WITH GAMING.

I know I'm going to face my work again tomorrow morning, and get that feeling in my brain that I absolutely MUST do literally anything else, but I need to press on.  I need to think of billable hours as renown points, and payday as a conquest goal.  

I have uninstalled, and I'm taking all the additional steps too.

  • Uninstall the app
  • Shift+Delete the installer from c:\downloads  (Shift+Delete removes files without putting them in the recycle bin so you can get them right back).
  • Delete the security key app from my phone.
  • Cancelled my subscription

I know, guys: the lockdowns, business failures, and rank political climate are sending a lot of us spiraling.

Add to that the fact that those of us seeing counselors CANT GO SEE THEM.  At least not in California.  

The depression is taking hold, and I AM TAKING A STAND.

This is MY LIFE dammit, and I want it BACK!

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Hey bro I used to be a huge SWTOR addict too. I started in beta and was pretty good at it. I'm a huge star wars fan and I loved the kotor games and I LOVED SWTOR.

I am glad to be out of it though. I enjoyed the gameplay and story and made some good friends, but pretty much all guilds in MMOs Ive found are very toxic, lots of backstabbing, drama, power tripping, bragging, putting people down - felt like I was in the Sith Empire for real! I think theres just something about online video games, and just the internet in general that turn people into cunts, or just bring it out of them.

In general I find mmos and people online pretty toxic and it felt good to quit swtor and only played single player games for a while, but now I am trying to cure my chronic fatigue and stomach problems and I think stress is the biggest factor, so I use Cold Turkey to block all video games and video game websites and this program is very strict, its got me locked in for 90 days and the only way to bypass it is to format my hard drive and do a clean install of windows xD

Thats how it is with MMos though, even though we have done everything, they are designed to keep us addicted and the stimulation and toxicity from people online is absolute hell for our mental health! Glad you are back on the light side of the force xD

Edited by Alagos
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Yeah I have found that it's hard to actually get people to play cooperatively.  I call it Massively Single Player.  Flashpoint groups are all about tricking the mission to run by everything, and they will LOSE THEIR MINDS if someone doesn't skip all the dialog.  But for the most part if you need help from a guildie, it's always... Nah, I have time to link 300 costumes, but I have no time to help lowbies in their missions.

That said:  After a couple weeks, when my work is piling up and my family is being ignored and lied to, I just get to this point where I feel like I am wasting my life doing something that no one will ever care about.  If it made me happy that might be a reason, but it doesn't.  It just makes me hate myself.

I re-watched this: https://youtu.be/arj7oStGLkU  and there is a point (https://youtu.be/arj7oStGLkU?t=408) where he says "the fun you have in the Dark Playground isn't actually fun because it's completely unearned".

The guilt, dread, and anxiety that result from that are what I feel after wasting a day - or 3 weeks - on gaming.  Even if it's a great game.

I only came in here today because for the first time after I uninstalled and cancelled my account, I felt like downloading it again.  Thankfully the memory of how it made me feel - disgusted with myself - prevented me.

 

Edited by Some Yahoo
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