First step

[Kanelikorppi]

Hi everyone!

My name is Alli and I have been playing video games for my whole life which isn't that much for a college student but still. Things could have been much better if I knew what 'better' actually is.

There were no time in my life when I wasn't playing a game. If I wasn't playing, then I was watching letsplays. It started to get worse recently (a year or so type of recently). Firstly, I noticed how the games I played have changed. I used to like big immersive games, rpgs, rich in story. Of course, I used to imagine myself being a protagonist, going on adventures...perhaps, creating such stories on my own. But I switched to much simpler games or started spending time replaying games that I had already dealt with. And the time I spent (or is it better to say wasted?) on games went from 2 hours to...much, much more. I am disgusted and ashamed to admit how much time it was. Then I went full casual, mindlessly clicking on the screen WHILE listening to some letsplay as background noise. It started to get in a way of my daily life activities and my studies. It affects everything - the way I talk to people (irritated), the way I do (or rather neglect) my basic necessities, the way I eat (very trashy). I can't concentrate,  I procrastinate on my duties and I hate myself for that.

My life changed drastically when I decided to move to another country and study there. Now I am stuck in so called voluntary quarantine and guess, what am I doing? One more game, one more letsplay. I have 5 days left and I don't want to show up at college sleep deprived and slightly mental.

Whenever I tried talking to my friends about it, I failed to explain them that I am not okay. No, I am not relaxing after all the stress of the day. No, it stopped being my hobby. It stopped being my hobby when I realized I can play up to 20 hours a day, neglecting life around me. And I can't ask my family for help. Although, they love me, I don't think they can understand. Besides, they have hopes for me and I am already failing badly, so I am turning to GameQuitters community for help. I am really grateful such place exist. I will write more about my ideas for detox in my journal entry a bit later today.