Back at it again

[Adamski]

Hello, 

This is my first post here. I'm sort of writing for myself but feel free to comment if you can relate.

I've slipped back into a pattern of "just one more game" thought loop. The more I game the harder it is to face reality. Not that my reality is unbearable, actually it's pretty good and I love my life and what it can become. Although I know that my gaming addiction hinders my potential and the guilt is eating me up. Whenever I get myself into a momentum of feeling good and life is rolling in the right direction, I figure a little gaming wont hurt.

The first hour is usually very stimulating and super fun, but as time goes, I've find myself glued to the screen for the past 6 hours and my sleep takes a toll and brainfog follows the next day. I drown the guilt from playing games by playing more games and escaping. 

I always seem to forget this pain of recovery somehow, or maybe I'm not being honest with myself. I am in a hurry to get myself into the good "vibration" I was in prior to the gaming binge. But I know only acceptance of what is can let the guilt go, so I gotta go through this, once again. I need to put limits on myself and really have discipline if I'm gonna achieve my irl dreams. 

Something I've learned from falling back again and again into gaming is how to handle it. Relapse is part of the process of recovery and I've accepted it. I used to think in a self-defeating way: "I can never get out of this addiction, I'm always slipping back". But the opposite is true as well" I always get back up, and I have become pretty skilled and efficient at getting back up again. I'm playing less frequently and getting a handle on this".  I rather choose the latter one. 

Stay well guys. 

Adam