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BattlefieldNoMore

The long, short version.

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Hi guys, I'll try to make this brief. 

 

TLDR version: Gaming turned me into a raging, angry, and irritable person. More than ten years later, I realised I've wasted all this time, and quit battlefield since October.

 

Long version:

I started gaming in high school when I built my first computer (sound familiar?). First with CSS, then with Battlefield. While I was in high school, I used gaming as a way of blocking everything out. I didn't want to think about my courses, what I wanted to do as a profession, etc.  I have never had a group of friends, or people I met up with outside school, so for me, gaming was a way to feel included, and part of something. 

After high school, I moved back to Greece to live with my parents, where I got a job as a sales assistant, and carried on gaming. I then got made redundant due to staff cuts, nothing to do with my gaming. I spent the next two and a half years unemployed. Gaming until three to five in the morning. I'd be on Teamspeak shouting "THE BOMB IS ON THE ROOF" while playing Counter strike and 4am. My routine consisted of me getting up at around one in the afternoon, have breakfast, directly followed by lunch, go back to my computer till it came time to have tea and walk the dog, go back to my computer to play more, go down for dinner, then go back to my computer till three to five in the morning. Rinse and repeat.

One of my memories of this period is shouting at my mom, after she came to tell me dinner was ready, where she interrupted, my battlefield session is me shouting to her, "YOU RUINED MY FUCKING GAME". Nice right?

I moved back to the UK after that, my mom wanted me to do something, and I got tired of my mom constantly saying 'why don't you try this', or 'have you thought of this' and so on.  

So I came back to the UK, where my parents had previously been renting out their house. I moved into the house once I got a job, and had two lodgers to rent the house off my parents, as well as paying rent myself. At first I got a job where the hours were 15:00 till 23:00. This pretty much suited my 'escape routine' as I would game on my computer from the time I got home until five in the morning. I had no social life, no friends (that's never been the case but yeah), so again, gaming became my social life. Every time I'd sit in my chair and start up the game, I'd feel like I was accomplishing something. That buzz you get when you're playing on line games. 

Fast forward to three years ago, I met my  girlfriend. Soon into the relationship she moved in with me. It always bothered her when I played because every time I died she would hear me swearing. "Fuck sake", "Bullshit" etc. 

Every time I'd be playing battlefield, I'd get so annoyed. I was 'carrying' my team. I was the guy who would switch teams to play on the weaker team, thinking, 'yeah, i've got a code of honor here, i'm better than these guys who just play to farm kills". After I logged off, I'd snap at the slightest thing. It was as if I was blaming my bad gaming session on the first person who spoke to me. I'd come off my computer feeling like the whole world just 'WASN'T FAIR".  I would need three hours just to be myself again. Sometimes I'd come off the computer, and not even realise why I was feeling so down. 

Last year October, I was playing battlefield, and there was a light bulb moment. I just thought " WHAT THE FUCK? I'm not having fun here? What is the actual point to any of this?"

I haven't played Battlefield since October last year. Even playing single player, Fallout 4 in this case (I never got round to finishing the DLC's), couldn't keep me attention. The thought, "this is a waste of time" just seems to take over. I used to watch a lot of movies. Until last year my thought was always, "my girlfriend is gonna be home soon, would I rather watch a movie, or play battlefield". I'd always chose battlefield.

So yeah. At the moment, I'm playing some single player Far cry 3. I probably play maybe an hour a week, and even then, the thought in the back of my mind "this is a waste of time" still pops up fairly soon, but most importantly, I feel the same sense of addiction like I did with battlefield. 

One thing I think people don't talk about enough, is how when you're playing on line games, you feel so much more alive than doing anything else in the real world. The only thing I've found that even comes close is bodyboarding. I try to go to south africa every year. If I was closer to the coast in the UK, I would do it more often. 

My girlfriend is still with me, and I'm glad that I made the choice to (so far so good), to quit battlefield and on line gaming. I've read that it can take a long time for 'normal' things to feel like fun, rather than just 'it's okay'. 

 

Thanks for letting me share. 

 

 

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After high school, I moved back to Greece to live with my parents, where I got a job as a sales assistant, and carried on gaming. I then got made redundant due to staff cuts, nothing to do with my gaming. I spent the next two and a half years unemployed. Gaming until three to five in the morning. I'd be on Teamspeak shouting "THE BOMB IS ON THE ROOF" while playing Counter strike and 4am. My routine consisted of me getting up at around one in the afternoon, have breakfast, directly followed by lunch, go back to my computer till it came time to have tea and walk the dog, go back to my computer to play more, go down for dinner, then go back to my computer till three to five in the morning. Rinse and repeat.

The same thing happened to me but with Call of Duty!

Quote

Fast forward to three years ago, I met my  girlfriend. Soon into the relationship she moved in with me. It always bothered her when I played because every time I died she would hear me swearing. "Fuck sake", "Bullshit" etc. 

Also, something similar happened to me with fucking FIFA online matches.

Friend, I totally feel you.

I was addicted to Call of Duty games. They were my life. I was one of those guys that most of the times ended as top player in a match.

And I wil tell you this.

I think that people who play FPS at a high level are very intelligent people who are also very skillful.

I think you have what it takes to live an amazing life, build a business, or get an amazing job, or do anything you like at a high level.

Personally, this is the second time a try to quit videogames, but the first time I lasted year and a half, and in that time I set the base of my current consulting business. It has been an amazing journey.

I'm pretty sure that if you quit games 100% (yes, even Far Cry and any other shit you justify yourself to keep playing) you could change your life forever.

Wish you success on your journey!

Paco

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