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Hello Guys. My name is Leo. I'm From Venezuela. I'm 24 years old. I was addicted (they still affect me when I play) to videogames since I was 12 years old.

My English sucks, so, be tolerant. If you have any suggestion I'll be glad.

Well, I started playing GTA Vice City and San andreas. Those games destroyed my school life.

I notice that I was addicted when it was impossible to do my homework and I didn't know why. (dopamine problem)

After a few years of addiction, many things happened. Lost college, lost friends I lost everything.

I also was addicted to pornography, even before I was addicted to videogames, so there was two problems in one.

I stop playing videogames and replace it with youtube and porn because they had less power over me than videogames, with videogames it was almost impossible to get out of my room and do the daily stuff.

A friend of mine introduce me a videogame called Tibia, an MMORPG. But it didn't called my attention, even though I learnt how to play it, I stop playing it when he left the city.

In march 2018, I found the site NoFap and started a run of almost 4 months, stop playing videogames and masturbate and see porn cold turkey. And because Tibia was boring to me, I also didn't play it anymore. But I started to hang out and drink a lot of alcohol, never didn't enjoy it.

After 4 months trying to be social and failed, low self-steam, no personal values, no goals, I just wanted to have real sex (big mistake). I never had sex with any girl during that time and  I a got bored of that, so I remembered the good videogame I stopped playing, someone told me that it was possible to take money from it so I gave it a chance, bigger mistake, the first three days I played for 20 hours, there was a good event in the game. I dont know what happened to my brain during that time, but after that I couldn't stop playing, even forget about taking money out, instead I was putting real money in the game, so there was something wrong there.

I relapsed into pornography and masturbation again and after 3 month of game addiction, the consecuences were very terrible, no will power to do anything, anything, just play.My body had no energy, I was like a zombie.  And Mom got very very mad, after an event I notice how bad I was, I broke all the rules. So in that moment I  Uninstall the game and took the computer out of the house. And to replace the source of dopamine I kept watching youtube and masturbating for 3 months more.

Well I amost die, I had suicidal thoughts everyday, I tried to commit suicide two times. Have no reason to live and knew I needed help, emailed a good friend to guide me, I also contacted a psycologist, and after a few sessions I could get out of my house and start working a again (to pay the sessions:). Nevertheless, in January, I couldn't see her again, some aconomics problems and well (you know whats happening here). I managed to keep clean active for a couple of month more, but in the end I started to feel anxiety, a lot of it. I felt I was about to explode, I didn't wanted to relapse into porn again, so I started to play again, I felt very weird, weird, like I lost all the progess I made, just because I played again. I didn't got adicted, just played weekends to relive the anxiety. Move to live alone, and kept with the habit, relapsing, but I made a friend in whatsapp and started chatting with her everyday and in some way I didn't need to play again, I was entertained taking to her. But a few days ago I started to feel anxiety again and played again, bought some tiems to my character, but not play, just chat with the friends I had there. I felt weird buying virtual items, the plan was not to play again, but felt weird because of that there was no reason to buy those items, play again next day, but I had an anxiety attack.

Deleting my account.

I notice that I had an emotional attachment to the game, the friends that I had there, and the time I dedicate to level up my chart. But finally decided to get rid of it. woke up at 4:30 am, started to play and ended up burning the recovery keys at 12:00 pm. I throw away most of my items to needed people in the game, sold some of them to help mom and pay some debts, gave a few valuable items to my friends in the game, they didn't accept my decision to detete my account but it was late, I told them that I knew what I was doing.

After that I felt some regret for the choice and wrote a hole letter of reasons why I made it. And another one of the feeling and good moments I had in the last day of my account, with my friends the the people recolecting the items I was giving away. 0 items, lvl 109. Rip "Dormant Leo"

Some people may say that I'm crazy but I'm sure about my choice, the day I deleted my account It was very difficult to get out home, I didn't even eat anything. Also cam mails helped me, to understand the damage videogame causes to the brain, and I was addicted to it. It's a hard choice, but I plan not to play videogames anymore. Thats why I'm writing this letter, cuz I want to make new habits, find a new passion, travel, make friends, meet people, find a good job and have a  family.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

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Welcome to the forums Leo. We're all addicts here and you'll see, if you read other journals, we all struggle and get better together. You're not alone, we all face similar problems. You did the right thing, prepare yourself for replacing all this new free time with activities and avoiding triggers!

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