oncogenes

Growing the f*** up

5 posts in this topic

Hello,

It's June 8, 2018, and I've finally decided to do something that I should have done a long time ago--change my life for the better, and grow the fuck up.

I won't go into too much detail on my life, but just know that I'm an enormous loser and lifelong game addict, living a crappy and meaningless life. I'll admit that I've tried to change, but let's be honest--change is hard, and why do something hard when I can lie in my soft bed, or relax in my chair with a game or movie? All that grinding, training montage crap, it takes work, and why work when I can live my life and be comfortable? I figure I'm a smart guy, something good must happen to me eventually.

That all changed last night. I was driving home from getting dinner outside when out of nowhere an enormous truck swerved out from the oncoming lane, spinning out of control and heading straight for me. I didn't have time to react, only stare at the blinding headlights coming from head-on, growing bigger and bigger. In that moment, I didn't exactly see my life flash before my eyes, but rather the life I was never going to have. Losing my virginity, getting my first girlfriend, finding a job I didn't hate, going back to school and pursuing my dream field, making friends, crossing items off my bucket list, hell even marriage and kids....I saw all the moments that I could have had in my life, that instead I pissed away by playing games, eating shit, and being content with my half-baked existence. 

What happened next went by so fast I don't really know what transpired, but I felt a huge bang against the side of my car, and then nothing. Just an open road, no truck, no blinding headlights. My side mirror had been blown clean off, but other than that I was okay. I suppose that by some divine intervention the truck missed my car, and as a result I'm here to type out this story on a computer, still alive and without any serious injuries. 

It sounds cliche (because it is) but what happened to me that night really caused me to rethink what the hell I'm doing with my life. I got back to my incredibly messy room, my Runescape bot still running, and instead of plopping down on my bed to sleep I just stood there, feeling so unhappy. I realized then more than ever that my time is limited, I really am going to die, and every day I spend gaming is another day I won't be able to spend doing something that actually makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Climbing out of hell would suck, but it couldn't possibly compare to living the life of a real loser, spending every night alone in front of a computer game, surrounded by garbage and junk food. 

If you've made it here, I sincerely thank you for making it through my rant. As of tonight I'm not yet sure where I want to go or how I'm going to get there, but I definitely feel that quitting gaming and posting my story on this forum is the right way to start.

Good night,

Oncogenes

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Nice to have you here. Posting your journal consistently every day will help you go through the hard times. Quitting videogames can be a massive improvement in your life, so first of all congratulations for your decision. Rotting in the gaming comfort zone is just another way of meeting the truck unprepared. There’s no tricks for escaping, treating it as a serious matter and not some kind of afterthought is enough, and you’ve already taken a very good first step in that direction. So, welcome to the community :)

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Your story is what most of us need to wake up unfortunately. Welcome to Game Quitters!

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It's been ten days since my first post, and it's probably time for a little update. 

The journey to quit gaming has really been a lot harder than I thought it would be. In fact, I will admit that in the first few days after my post, despite declaring a 180 in my life, I let my urges get the better of me and spent countless hours gaming. It was like the whole near-death experience thing never happened, and honestly, that scared me shitless. If something of that magnitude couldn't jolt me out of gaming, I didn't see how I could accomplish a 3-month detox, let alone turn my life around.

After one day getting unhappy enough to close the game, google "how to quit gaming" and finding this article, I started to understand why detoxing was so hard. As my primary hobby for the last 14 years, as well as my number 1 source of social contact, gaming really goes a long way towards helping me find fulfillment as a human being. I realized that unless I could find other stimulating activities and means of interacting with people on a consistent basis, I would never be able to shake off gaming no matter how many life-altering experiences I had.

I wish I could say that I've already found an activity to replace gaming, but the truth is that it's been kind of difficult. Most of the things that interest me aren't social enough (running, working out) or too expensive (rock climbing), so I will definitely have to keep thinking. In the meantime, I've tried to eat up my copious amounts of free time by finding a job so that I can finally accomplish one of my lifelong goals: move out of my mom's house. I've also spent time watching videos on Khan Academy to reacquaint myself with material, with the hopes of taking a certain graduate exam that will let me pursue the career path of my dreams. So far it's worked, and I'm currently on the third day of my detox!!

 

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That story with the truck is amazing! Glad you're ok, and you're car isn't too damaged.

I've read that a near death experience is one of the most powerful catalysts for change for some people. I almost wish there was some way to induce it so I could experience it myself (preferably without the risk lol). Maybe there should be a service where family/friends conspire behind your back to pay a doctor to give you a false cancer diagnosis or something, like an existential jump scare. Or maybe there could be a lab that specialises in giving you a bad LSD trip where you experience ego death (fascinating topic btw).

As good a motivator as it can be though, I think it's important to keep it in perspective that change takes time and energy, and there will most likely be many failures along the way. As long as you're still fighting for yourself, you'll make it eventually. 

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