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New Year, New Me(Hopefully)

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Hey everyone. Happy New Year and hopefully it's a great one for us all. After a rough year in 2023, I'm going to try my damnest to make 2024 an actually great year for once. Going forward, I'm not going to be posting about every day simply because most of the time my days are boring with basically nothing to speak of. I started a new journal for the purposes of this year simply so I can document at least more days this time around. This first post is going to talk about the first two days of the year and what I've done in them.

January 1st and 2nd: The first day of the year wasn't really all that exciting tbh. I wrote down some goals I'm hoping to accomplish by the end of the year and I'm making a commitment to daily journaling, but that's really it for yesterday at least. Today had a little bit more to offer. I watched the first John Wick movie which was a good watch from start to finish. I also started a new media thread for this year which is why I decided to start it with a movie. I also started to read "Gifted Hands" by Ben Carson, a book I haven't read in literal years. I'm only three chapters in, but it's a entertaining read so far. Reading more is one of my goals for this year, and I'm hoping to read a lot more books between now and next year.

I actually almost ended up playing more of Astro's Playroom tonight, but decided against it for my better judgement. I'm still trying to commit to at least a few days a week of gaming, and so far I basically ended up doing that. Last week with Christmas and my brother's birthday was a different story and looking back I feel kinda bad for gaming for more hours than I originally planned on doing. It's usually been 2 hours a week and only one day, but I might just commit to 2-4 hours over 1-2 days a week. We'll see how it goes, but considering I start college next week, I know that gaming is not going to be a huge part of my life all the time anymore especially this year since I have some plans in mind I want to commit. 

That's basically all I have so far for the first two days of the year. Like I said, I'll only be talking about days where I've done meaningful stuff and/or things related to gaming, if possible. I'm really hoping to make this year something special, and whether or not video games will play a huge part in that role, we'll wait and see. 


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January 4th and 5th: Between yesterday and today, I ended up finishing Astro's Playroom by accident and more Mario Wonder. Looking back while it was fun, playing them back to back days when I'm trying to reduce video game involvement wasn't exactly a great move. I mainly did it because the days had some rough and annoying parts to them and in reality I couldn't really see any other way to calm down than playing games. But I could've went about it in a better way.

My attempts to apply to Georgia State University have been very annoying somewhat, which I didn't really expect. At this point, I'm just waiting on a decision and hopefully I get in and can still attend for the spring semester. I was hoping to start on the actual first day which is this coming Monday January 8, but I'm honestly just hoping I'm able to get in at all.

Today(Friday) I finally finished "Hardcore Self Help: F**k Depression" which was a great listen and overall insight into depression and the many reasons as to why I'm heavily affected by it. With this being my first audiobook done, I'm going to be starting another one as soon as possible. I also started a little document titled "The Past Three Years" essentially detailing some stuff that's happened over the past 3 years of my life and why I'm not fully happy. It's not done yet since I have a lot more to say but I'm glad I decide to do something like this even if it's small. I also might be finally getting a job and it may be at Amazon which is one of the places I really wanted to work at. It's still to early to tell but I do hope I end up getting the job because it will be a huge next step in my journey. 

I felt the need to share about these two days in particular because it shows how easy it is for me to rely on games as a crutch when I'm bored or frustated. It isn't really a issue when I do it every once in a while but not all the damn time which I'm really trying to cut down on. These past two days were not perfect and were rough at some points, but they brought some small but huge next steps for me and I can't wait to see what else lies in store for me in the future. 

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January 6th: For the first time in over a month, I finally returned to YouTube. I didn't really watch any videos, just removed some channels I don't really feel like watching content from. I'm not sure if I plan on using it as much as used to in the past, but probably not. 

January 7th: Once again I took a walk(not much to see), meditated, and started to read "The Last Mile" which I'm enjoying so far three chapters in. The college thing was really getting to me at this point because I really felt like I fucked up on the choice considering I had many more to choose from, but oh well.

January 8th: I started my spring semester at Atlanta Technical College. The first day was pretty typical with not much going on and basically the second class of the day not happening due to the teacher not being there. I'm actually supposed to be attending Georgia State University, but applying there so late basically has me waiting for a while for a decision and I hope I get in. It has campus housing which will allow me to socialize more and have a more meaningful college experience. Worst case scenario, I'll have to attend ATC for the spring for now, and attend GSU in the fall. I'll have the decision by this Friday, so we'll see how it goes. I also played more Mario Wonder and once again I'm captivated by how much fun I'm having with it. I know video games have been on a downward spiral for a while now, but playing that game really feels so amazing and it's really fun to discover everything for the first time blind. Despite me loving it a ton, I'm still only trying to reduce playtime to like 2 days a week or 2-4 hours a week to not lose myself in the video game grind. 

Very interesting stuff from the past three days I would say. Tomorrow I have my pre appointment for Amazon and I hope I can get this job to finally have something else to do besides school and staying in the house all day. I also have another class tomorrow which I'm experiencing for the first time and it's 3 hours long 😪, so hopefully it's a good day tomorrow. Sorry for the long post, just felt like sharing my thoughts. 😅😅

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oh boy its been a while since I've last posted on here and looking back now makes me feel bad for being gone this long. Ever since the weekend of January 15th, I basically was gaming and watching Youtube videos that entire weekend. Honestly it wasn't healthy despite how much fun I had because I'm trying to reduce gaming as a whole while not cutting it out completely. But still it wasn't the right choice to be gaming for 4 days straight with a few non gaming things here and there. As for Youtube, I sometimes have to watch videos for some of my math assignments and I feel like that's partly the reason why I've been on Youtube more often than not nowadays. I'll admit I forgot how much fun I enjoyed watching Youtube and playing games occassionally but still they are not the main focus of my life anymore at this current point in time.

I'm still working my way through college and the past week made me realize how much it sucks to not have a job and not being able to buy the required materials for my courses. At this point in time, I only really have access to one class and even then that access is about to expire again unless I got a physical copy of the book I need. The same goes for my other two classes as well since I'm locked out of them for the time being. I really regret how much money I spent over the years because if I saved up, I could've bought more important things instead of wasting them every single day on junk food and other stuff. 

Despite how much gaming occured over the past two weeks for me, I'm still doing other things that are more beneficial like reading, journaling, meditating, taking a walk sometimes, listening to music, etc. I'm really trying to step out of the gaming zone I've been in for a while and I'll admit its hard because I live with two other brothers who are addicted to gaming and so seeing them play really influences me a lot. But soon that needs to change as I'm still trying desperately to find a job, and am going to start looking for extracurriculars at my college to see if I can participate in any of them. Ultimately, I know for a fact that gaming isn't and will probably never not be a part of me, but soon I'll be 21 years old and I have to start looking at my life outside of the typical things I'm used to. But with all that being said, here's what happened between yesterday(the 22nd) and today(the 23rd) since I don't have time to recall every single day.

January 22nd: Today was overall an average day. Today I just did a lot of assignments for my math course as I'm trying to bring my overall grade which is good but not great at this current point in time. I also finally updated my media thread as I talked about some stuff I've watched over this month so far. But even still the day wasn't really that great tbh.

January 23rd: Today I didn't attend one of my classes seeing as how attendance is tied to just doing assignments and since I can't do any of them until the time being, I decided to just stay home. Plus attendance is an extra 5 points and I'm okay with missing one day of that. I continued my daily meditation which was very calm and relaxing even if I sometimes find it hard to breathe deeply. I ended up going for another walk with once again not much to see sadly and me spending money on unnecessary junk food, but I still did enjoy the walk regardless. I also continued reading "The Last Mile" getting through chapters 8-11 this time around. I didn't expect to get through the chapters so fast, but so far the book is very engaging and a fun read everytime. 

That's basically all from these past two days. In general, both were pretty average and I guess that's the best I can do at this point in time. Hopefully I don't disappear like I did once again because I really mean it when I say I want to branch out to other things in life. And gaming so much really holds me back from my true potential despite me not being able to do much about it at this current point in time. But I know things will get better for me even if it takes a while.

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