First Entry December 24, 2023

[MarshMan30]

Its almost Christmas, things are a bit challenging these days. I have graduated with a bachelors in History last year but due to video games i have not done a great job in gaining experience for learning to teach for a teaching career. I goofed off and just played and played and played. i do have some hobbies that just kind of sit there. guitar, piano, books, and drawing but I just cant sit down and do it. I am also living with my parents and I have no job. I quit my job last week. One that I was very dissatisfied with and I don't know what is the problem but I just get frightened of the work that goes into well paying jobs. I am an easygoing guy but I am very reclusive. I was living with roommates 3 months ago but we got evicted because my roommates couldn't pay rent and all my money went into moving back to my hometown. 

I started a coding class but I don't have much motivation to keep going with it. I am a week behind and I am concerned that I won't make up the time. I have been applying to different places, mind you it is the holidays, but no one has gotten back to me. 

Lately I have just been laying in bed watching youtube. I do that for hours until my parents get me to do chores around the house in return for rent payments. I just feel so weighed down and I miss gaming but I know that it will just cancel my hobbies and I don't want that. I also was involved in the furry fandom until I stopped around 6 months ago. I am slowly making other friends elsewhere but I had so much ease online with online friends it takes some effort in delegating energy to the real world.

Let's face it. Live is tough but it can get better. I intend to go to an open mic night in my town and see what the local talent has to offer downtown. I want to practice a song and play it and see if I am any good so here is to hoping that goes well. 

I have also been going to a Buddhist community center called a Sangha and it has been enjoyable. There are always calm faces and we talk about creating inner peace in our lives. I have just had had some stressful times lately, with quitting my job that I have felt that life is just too hard to live. I am doing better though and winter can also take a toll on one's emotions. 

This feels like a good place to stop. I have been keeping a gratitude journal as well and my parents are very kind to me so at least I have resources. 

Hope Everyone has Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! 

[BooksandTrees]

Welcome to the forums. Good luck on this journey and hopefully you can find some help through the process here.