Still Gaming at 33

[Lizzy]

Hello, 

I am a 33-year old female. I've been gaming since a child, and grew up competing against my brother and his male friends in board, video, card, and console games. I definitely fit the achiever category, for I have a highly competitive spirit. In high school, I played mostly Warcraft Frozen Throne, which then transitioned to present day League of Legends. However, back in High School I was monitored by my parents and had all of these young, ambitious expectations. I excelled in both sports and academics in high school, even though I gamed quite heavily on the weekends when my extra curriculars were "finally out of the way".

When I proceeded to College, life hit me as hard as the next average person. The competitive pool got too big, and I grew too small to be recognized for anything. I struggled with online tests and my grades suffered from being student #1000 instead of being in the top 10. Nothing was personal anymore and no matter how hard I worked, it was never good enough, except when it came to competitive play.  Gaming has been able to satisfy my need to win without having to wait on or involve others. In the end, I graduated with an unimpressive GPA, and a semester late.  Contributions for this included relationship traumas, surgery, and other life events, but I do recognize that gaming makes that list. My biggest anger stems from knowing its a problem, but continuing to do it!

After college I found myself back home, occasionally applying for jobs in between games, as I didn't know how else to recover from a broken heart. I did this for over half a year, until I finally decided I would just jump ship and go volunteer in the Amazon rainforest for 6 months. Yes, I left the country for the first time and thrived, despite not having a computer or consistent internet. It was a beautiful and challenging time of my life, but also one of the most memorable. Unfortunately, within a month of returning, I was back to gaming. I've traveled much since then, but definitely not enough to get off of the funktown road that eventually lead me to taking a break from my career last year, due to lack of motivation and depression. I game 12+hour days regularly and have lost all sense of purpose and sight of goals that used to overflow from my journal. I know I can be so much more, but even the smallest tasks feel like mountains. I know I need help, so here I am, trying to summarize my life of gaming in three paragraphs. 

[wheatbiscuit]

2 hours ago, Lizzy said:

Hello, 

I am a 33-year old female. I've been gaming since a child, and grew up competing against my brother and his male friends in board, video, card, and console games. I definitely fit the achiever category, for I have a highly competitive spirit. In high school, I played mostly Warcraft Frozen Throne, which then transitioned to present day League of Legends. However, back in High School I was monitored by my parents and had all of these young, ambitious expectations. I excelled in both sports and academics in high school, even though I gamed quite heavily on the weekends when my extra curriculars were "finally out of the way".

When I proceeded to College, life hit me as hard as the next average person. The competitive pool got too big, and I grew too small to be recognized for anything. I struggled with online tests and my grades suffered from being student #1000 instead of being in the top 10. Nothing was personal anymore and no matter how hard I worked, it was never good enough, except when it came to competitive play.  Gaming has been able to satisfy my need to win without having to wait on or involve others. In the end, I graduated with an unimpressive GPA, and a semester late.  Contributions for this included relationship traumas, surgery, and other life events, but I do recognize that gaming makes that list. My biggest anger stems from knowing its a problem, but continuing to do it!

After college I found myself back home, occasionally applying for jobs in between games, as I didn't know how else to recover from a broken heart. I did this for over half a year, until I finally decided I would just jump ship and go volunteer in the Amazon rainforest for 6 months. Yes, I left the country for the first time and thrived, despite not having a computer or consistent internet. It was a beautiful and challenging time of my life, but also one of the most memorable. Unfortunately, within a month of returning, I was back to gaming. I've traveled much since then, but definitely not enough to get off of the funktown road that eventually lead me to taking a break from my career last year, due to lack of motivation and depression. I game 12+hour days regularly and have lost all sense of purpose and sight of goals that used to overflow from my journal. I know I can be so much more, but even the smallest tasks feel like mountains. I know I need help, so here I am, trying to summarize my life of gaming in three paragraphs. 

One of the tasks that used to regularly defeat me while gaming were the dishes. After committing to a 90 day, no-gaming detox like several people here, I recalled one speech from YouTube (Alan Watts, if you're ever looking for calming content to listen to) mentioning to just wash them one piece at a time. It can even be enjoyable that way!

College, yeah, from big fish-small pond to small fish-big pond. I think that's supposed to be the first taste of being your own global citizen. Heh - but you graduated! Maybe in the meantime, you would benefit from community activities - like markets/church/sports where your mere participation is appreciated. 

Hey, start a journal here! That's a significant time period, graduation to age-thirty three - there's probably a lot of stuff to say for your part, especially if you read a bunch of others' posts there. 

Welcome!

[FDRx7]

3 hours ago, Lizzy said:

but even the smallest tasks feel like mountains.

Hi Lizzy, welcome to the forum! This is a difficult feeling. After gaming for so long, everything feels hard. It feels like you can't concentrate on anything and that tasks become frustrating very quickly. However, I've experienced that this starts to go away as you progress through your 90-day detox.

I'm 26 days into my detox from YouTube and I've begun finding pleasure in old hobbies again. I can feel my attention span improving and the difficulty of tasks is being restored to a normal level. There is hope! And you've taken the first step by being here.