Shaun's Journal

[shaun]

Hello everyone this is shaun. Starting from today, I will record every day I leave League of Legends here, until the 90th day.

[shaun]

On the first day, my emotions and psychology experienced some twists and turns, but my reason told me that it's okay. This is normal. Today, I washed clothes, cooked a meal, actively lived, and did not play games. Remember, I have been playing games for more than ten hours every day since then.

My brain went blank, and I remembered what my father told me when I was a child, that electronic games are heroin. I don't believe it, but now I feel like I'm no different from a drug addict, like a waste.

[shaun]

I want to improve my learning ability and earn high scores and recognition from my supervisor through my own efforts in at least one course at UBC.

1. Clarification, high scores, and confidence

2. Continuously understanding and improving, knowing how to learn and improve

3. I aspire to success

4. Perhaps I need a friend who can make progress together

[Laney]

Welcome Shaun! I feel you with the feeling no different from a drug addict. So glad you’re here.

[shaun]

2 hours ago, Laney said:

Welcome Shaun! I feel you with the feeling no different from a drug addict. So glad you’re here.

Thank you, today is the second day. I am trying my best to control myself and not touch the game. I accidentally opened a video website just now, and the game content made it difficult for me to restrain myself. Maybe I need to go out for a walk or something else,

[shaun]

The withdrawal reaction is much scarier than I imagined. Once I don't know what to do, I will fall into fear and subconsciously want to open the game. Moreover, at this time, nothing can attract me and I can't do anything.

I lost sleep last night and woke up very early today. The lawn mower outside the door makes it difficult for me to sleep. It may be because I am too tired now, my mental state is not good, and I am a bit dazed. I had breakfast two hours ago, but I started feeling hungry again.

[shaun]

After a nap, I feel much better, at least I don't have the feeling of being top-heavy anymore. I just feel a lot of pressure, maybe it's the upcoming exam.

Come on, Shaun. Everything has just started.🫠

[shaun]

At the end of the second day, I couldn't help brushing Tiktok for an hour. Although I haven't played League of Legends anymore, I feel like my reactions are becoming sluggish and my efficiency in doing things is gradually decreasing.

The mentality of avoiding problems still exists, and I don't think I have developed a willingness to take responsibility and face difficulties. It seems that autism is my personality, but my inner desire is not like this.

[shaun]

 

Useful points from the video: 1)Be the one who initiates social interaction or events , don't wait for other people to invite you 2)Show your geniune, true and authentic self to others, never just agree with whatever. Voice your opinion 3)Be comfortable with rejection that way you can meet more people and increase your chances of forming deeper bonds. 4)Go to the places where you think you can find people who have the same interests as you.

 

 

[shaun]

 

[shaun]

As a former League of Legends player, what he said is very true. Except for truly exceptional talents, most top lol players improve themselves by training for over ten hours a day. This kind of achievement may seem very beautiful, but you wouldn't want to live like this.

[shaun]

When I realized that my life was starting to crumble like a cliff, I knew I had to quit.

Thank you for the platform provided by CAM. I think I still have the opportunity to change myself.

Today, I will work harder and face the difficulties in my life directly.

[shaun]

The first three days are thought to be the most agonising. Congratulations! I've already finished one-third of it.

Today's game addiction had no effect on me, but I did spend one or two hours surfing various entertainment news sites. I'm not sure if this is considered a failure, but I'll do everything I can to avoid it.

I began napping and stopped masturbating. Quickly repairing my mental condition allows me to keep positive sentiments and mental well-being.

I started cautiously doing my homework and memorising some information. I told myself that I needed to be nice and patient with myself.

I hope I can make good use of my time in the next 5 hours. So, see you in 5 hours.

[shaun]

I'm back.

The work was not completed as expected. On the one hand, the goals I set were too high and unrealistic. On the other hand, my efficiency and concentration ratio were not high enough. High intensity work only wanted me to quit and find something to spend time with.

I probably haven't studied for too long. I'm like a baby now, struggling to learn how to walk, and a child my age has already started running 1000 meters. I feel a bit of the pain of disabled people now, but the difference is that I still have the opportunity to recover.

I suffer from insomnia at night still, but good night

 

[shaun]

Good morning, it's the the fourth day. My sleep quality is still very poor, which makes me have to consider doing some exercise every night.

I woke up early in the morning, but I was very sleepy and would lie in bed for a long time. I will sleep for two or three hours in the afternoon, and then continue to suffer from insomnia at night.

I always think about the summer vacation, which is not right. I need to focus on the upcoming exam

[shaun]

Today I went out to participate in a field exam. The questions were not difficult, and I answered them very well. When walking through the forest, I feel very happy. Perhaps I am suitable for becoming a forest researcher.

At the end, I enjoyed a BBQ, although the bread was not large and im still hungry, the taste of the sausages was right.

The scorching heat of summer approaching, the shadows under the noon sun, the dazzling sunlight, and I am inside.

A great satisfaction.

[shaun]

One year later, I'm back.
After reading the journals I wrote down, I remembered myself from a year ago. Alone in Canada, miserable and disheveled.
What's different is that I never let my life get that bad again. My life is improving, and I'm getting back to building my confidence and fixing my body.

I think the most important thing we can do when it comes to quitting internet addiction is to accept an imperfect version of ourselves. When you realize that, stresses in your life will not be as great.
At the same time, establish and fulfill that goal you will reap great joy. Even if it's a distant goal or not, when you plant this idea in your mind, move towards it and one day, one day, it will come true.

That's what I'm thinking right now.

[shaun]

Lets talk about the game. Last year I started gaming again after holding out for about a month without gaming. Because I didn't organize my time wisely and bored myself with too much free time, gaming became a way to kill time.

Breaking my promise was an act of cheating myself, and I feel guilty about it until now. I may have lost a lot of good things while I was playing games to waste my time.

So when my semester was over, I gave up gaming. It was a success, I organized my time with something meaningful every day, and now I feel energized and healthier.

However, I also realized that the maybe the success wasn't my willpower that was strong enough. The social aspect of gaming is waning, and as we get older, friends who used to game together are starting jobs and have other things crowding their daily lives. In place of gaming, there are love relationships, fitness, and exhausting routine.

[shaun]

Yesterday I went to a jazz piano recital for over an hour. The music was energizing and classic, reminiscent of old Disney cartoons. People were raving about the performance and standing up to give the players a round of applause.
But I was so bored and I was about to fall asleep. Bored, a world without games is really boring.
Maybe, I need to think if I still have problems with my schedule.

[wheatbiscuit]

On 4/21/2024 at 12:41 AM, shaun said:

Yesterday I went to a jazz piano recital for over an hour. The music was energizing and classic, reminiscent of old Disney cartoons. People were raving about the performance and standing up to give the players a round of applause.
But I was so bored and I was about to fall asleep. Bored, a world without games is really boring.
Maybe, I need to think if I still have problems with my schedule.

Hey dude, how are things going? I thought I'd bump this journal thread of yours - nicely spelt reminiscent! 😛 

So I played the same game for the last 10+ years, suffice that even looking at 'the best gear' was just another 'thing'. I don't know what it's like to have the ability to master a long list of games, and quickly at that - in case that's what you've done.

But one thing I've been more aware of this time, as opposed to my detox last year, is how much time I spend thinking about real world activities (helped by reading the news and fiction novels, as well as journals here). When it's time to actually do something, like the gym or a walk, - or even more computer activity job-searching - I find it's already mapped out in my head. The point is, I learnt something different from relapsing and quitting the second time, though I felt just as desperate.

Anyway, for a change, it hasn't been like 'oh s***, I need to face real life again after all these blissful-torturous hours staring at extra-responsive pixels'. I was feeling dead-low yesterday, and all I had to do was vocally talk to myself for 5 minutes before packing my backpack with the basics before going out for a walk and workout that far exceeded my expectations. I'd already been fantasising hard about doing that for 2 hours in the centre of my mind, so once I was one block over and walking, I kind of knew it would happen.

____________

^ That all sounded like one of the motivational GameQuitter emails I/we get; I still meant every word. You're a good typer; I'm hoping you update soon!

 

Edited May 1 by wheatbiscuit