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Sheep, it happened again


Franco Sosa
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Hi guys, hope you're well.

It's been a long time since I last logged in this forum, glad to be back.

Today I just need to put some thoughts out of my head, so that's what I'll do.

 

Where do I begin...

 

After, like, 5 months since I finally quitted gaming, I relapsed.

Again. 

 

I thought it'd be final, that it wouldn't happen again, that now I had it under control, got myself under control, but no. This strong temptation to play a game had to get the best of me one more time. I couldn't help but deceive myself. I gave up, and it's fucking frustrating, specially after all the progress I made in these months (or this year).

I started a new carreer in college, got good grades (bc I studied), got to meet many new friends, I came to be more social... I even started talking with a girl I like recently.

 

I'm usually optimistic in general, but the reason I'm mad with myself is the moment this relapse is happening. It's just the worst time possible to do it!

During the past months, it was much easier to resist gaming, if I had a craving, that is. Because of college, I had many responsibilities I had to attend, so not even cravings were frequent at the time. But now that the period had just finished, I have a lot of free time again, and as opposite as in college, where things sort of arranges things for me, now I am responsible for managing my time and what to do with it.

I feel that last part was one of the two most important reasons why I fell back into gaming. I... simply had forgotten which were my other goals. What do I want to do after finals are over? What had I planned for vacations?

The other reason, was that I was tired. Well, I AM tired. From college. And now I don't feel I have the energy to do all those things I wanted. "I just want to relax", I thought. "I don't want to think much now, I'll wait a bit until I relaxed and then I'll continue with my projects again".

 

The third reason, finally, is the one I mentioned before: I started making progress with a girl I like. To me, this is a really big deal.

Look, for a long time I considered myself a shy, even anti-social guy. Today, though the social aspect is still difficult for me, I think I progressed a lot, specially with girls. I have some friends that are girls, I don't get as nervous when meeting new people or starting a conversation, I hold more eye contact... I'm still pretty naive, though more perceptive than before. And recently I got to know this girl in college, she's one of my classmates in a couple of classes. We met to study together for an exam, and quickly we had good vibes. From then we started hanging out before class, and at some time I noticed something was developing. We both couldn't stop smiling when talking to each other, I made her laugh (I'm horrible with humor)...

I think I like her, and I had the chance to ask her out, but I missed it. Again, this social thing is still very difficult for me, but I'm trying my best. Now that classes are over, we no longer have those opportunities to hang out, so how I see it, this is the final chance. And in the worst moment possible, instead of trying to overcome this struggle, I gave up and got back to gaming.

SO. FRUSTRATING. AARGGHHHH!!!

Now it's been a week or two since we last met, but I like to think I still have a chance, that it's now or never, but each moment that passes makes it seem more difficult.

I'll be really honest with you: this happened to me before. This is really embarassing for me, but I just don't want things to happen like those times. I don't want to lose oportunities anymore.

 

Sorry for that part, I didn't want to deviate from the purpose of the post but like I said it's really important for me so I wanted to put it out of my head for a bit.

So, it's just been a couple days of relapsing I think. Most of it was going all out, gaming many hours a day nonstop, then regretting it and uninstalling all games.

 

I keep saying that I'm just spitting thoughts here, that you don't have to mind this, but you know what, maybe I do need some help. This things are tough for me to speak, and while it's easier for me to put out here on a post, it's hard for me to open up in front of other people. Didn't really had the oportunity to either. So if you please could send me good vibes, just supporting me with a quick reply will mean a lot. Thanks guys, really.

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15 hours ago, Franco Sosa said:

So, it's just been a couple days of relapsing I think. Most of it was going all out, gaming many hours a day nonstop, then regretting it and uninstalling all games.

Despite relapsing, it appears that you did not stay in that state for weeks or months!

In contrast, you have proven that you are able to stay away from gaming for multiple consecutive months. Furthermore, not only have you stayed away from games, but you have spent time developing yourself socially in addition to attending to your responsibilities.

You appear to have identified a need for structure and for relaxing activities outside of gaming. If you are able to address those needs (perhaps through Module #5 and #4 in Cam's Respawn program, respectively), it is possible that this could be your last relapse!

I wish you well as you recommit to progressing towards your goals.

Edited by Resonant_Shell
Removed repeated prepositional phrasing
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6 hours ago, Resonant_Shell said:

Despite relapsing, it appears that you did not stay in that state for weeks or months!

In contrast, you have proven that you are able to stay away from gaming for multiple consecutive months. Furthermore, not only have you stayed away from games, but you have spent time developing yourself socially in addition to attending to your responsibilities.

You appear to have identified a need for structure and for relaxing activities outside of gaming. If you are able to address those needs (perhaps through Module #5 and #4 in Cam's Respawn program, respectively), it is possible that this could be your last relapse!

I wish you well as you recommit to progressing towards your goals.

Hey, thank you so much for replying.

About finding ways to relax, you're right. I'm not good at taking time to chill, since I've either went all out on my projects and tasks or too much time doing nothing productive.

Another reason is that many hobbies or activities I enjoyed doing, I turned into projects, so I still enjoy them, but relaxing is no longer the purpose when I'm doing them.

I'll look into the respawn program, not sure if I can afford it but I'd sure love to get a guidance on some aspects.

About this potentially being my last relapse, I dunno man, I'm not so sure about that, I already kind of accepted that these things just happen from time to time. I still wish this is the last time, though.

Thank you so much again, it means a lot.

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