I relapsed today, but it's ok. I learned from it and got back up in one day!

[Franco Sosa]

Hey everyone, I hope you are doing well.
It's really late at the moment I'm writing this so I'm sleepy, but I really wanted to write this.

Today I relapsed. Oh well. I could remain sober from videogames since mid february, so it'd be like, 3 months and a half? I did relapse during that time, but I got back up really fast, like a couple hours after I relapsed.

But today I installed Terraria and played all day long, ignoring all the tasks and responsibilities I was supposed to be doing. The reason? Lately I've been having many cravings. All my friends from college play many videogames, and often they invited me to play with them. So I think hearing them talk all the time about how cool those games were, or how much fun they were getting, I started to think that I was missing on something important. I was burnt out, and thought that if I could start gaming in moderation, I could have fun with my friends too.

I didn't want to. At the start I could deal really well with all these cravings, but with time, it slowly became more hard to manage. I started to miss the games I used to play real much, too.

But I think that the thing that made me prone to game again the most, was forgetting my goals. Why I ended gaming for good, what did I want to do with my life.

Since the very first moment I started to play again, I knew I shouldn't be doing it, and I started feeling bad. An hour ago, I forced myself to get out from the game and watch one of Cam's videos about relapsing.

And then I remembered, and my perspective shifted. Right after watching the video, I uninstalled and completely deleted the game from my pc.

I was reminded what I told myself: I gamed enough for life. I quitted for good.

I also recalled all the good things I did in these three months: I started excercising everyday, studying for college (I even enjoyed it!), made new friends, and much more!

So when I came here, I read Cam's post about relapsing, where it says that we shoudn't see relapse just as something bad, but also as a possibility to learn. And just after reading that, I understood. Between the many reasons I ended up playing again, the main ones were:

1. In my college almost everyone plays games a lot, so it becomes really hard not to have cravings if all the people around you talks about it on a regular basis. At the start I managed to meet many people and make new friends without having gaming in common, though. I learned that even if everyone around me games, it doesn't mean that I'm missing something if I don't do it too. I can still engage and have lots of fun without doing it. In fact, I already did!

2. I was working all the time. I was burnt out. Though I've progressed a bit on giving myself permission to rest or relax, irl it's also very likely that at some point you get bored. But I couldn't bare to be so, therefore, whenever I was bored or got nothing to do, I was thinking about gaming. So, I reminded that it's ok to be bored. It's even good, I'd say, cause then you come up with something to do.

 

In conclusion, all I wanted to say was that it's ok to relapse. It just means you're struggling to better your life, and you just gotta learn from it. If you're depressed and believe that all that effort went to waste, you better think also about the things you did well! Be grateful about all what you achieved in your sober periods, no matter how many or how few they were.

And no matter what will happen in the future, the only thing you have to remind is that you're getting better everyday. You. Are. Getting. Better. Believe it, cause it's true. Cause it's what you want.

Have a great time!

Edited May 25, 2022 by Franco Sosa

[WishINever]

Sometimes the relapses will remind you of why you started quitting in the first place.