WonderingChild Journal

Day 1
Quitting gaming is something I have tried to do about a dozen times. Often it only last 2-5 days, a few times it has lasted 2 weeks, and once it lasted a month. I have tried to permanently delete my Riot games account 3 different times but every time I change my mind before the 25 day time period it takes. 6 months ago my main account got perma banned for toxicity (mostly calling my teammates stupid repeatedly). This was super hard because I had already invested hundreds of dollars and thousands of hours into it. Afterwards I thought this would be a blessing in disguise and get me to quit playing. Not the case. Within 3 days I created a new account and kept playing just as much. 
 

Recently I put barriers up to make it hard to play again but ultimately I know that is not enough. I deleted the game from my computer. I started the process of deleting my new main account. I also physically destroyed my gaming mouse. This has been helpful in keeping me from playing the last few days, but I know it's not enough. 
 

If I really wanted I could start playing again within a couple hours. It takes less than an hour to download. It would take me 40 min to drive to the store to buy a mouse. Even after the 25 days I can just start a new account or spend $5 and buy a lv 30 account so I can play ranked.

I can not rely on these physical barriers. I need to strengthen my mental desire now while I'm motivated so I won't givein in the future. I know I will have pressures to play. I convinced basically all my close friends to play as well as my brothers. I get messages every few days from friends asking me if I want to play with them. Next month for the World championships I know I will be tempted to play again. Each time my favorite characters get new skins or updates I will be tempted to play again. I need to be so mentally strong that none of these pressures can lead me to play again.