kortheo

Day 38 Moving right along. I feel good this morning. I can feel myself growing as a person and I feel the small changes continuing to compound. My morning routine has gotten some improvements added to it and I'm sticking with them. I'm starting to see the world a little differently. The GQC courage missions are making me realize that the world is less scary than I thought, and that if I choose to I can talk with strangers, or even girls I might find attractive. I'm not 100% there yet... ha, it's only been 3 days, but the proof of concept has settled into my mind. I'm challenging beliefs about the world that I didn't even realize I had. I haven't had a real vacation in over 2 years. I'm going to take one soon. Probably a 2 week vacation, maybe around the holidays. No idea what I'll do. But I really could use a break from work to shake things up and change my perspective. I've started training for a 5k. I'm following the couch-to-5k plan, but since I'm not completely out of shape, and because I don't have 9 weeks to train, I'm going to reduce the total number of training sessions. I'm doing 1x the easier routines instead of 3x since they aren't that challenging for me... once I get to the harder stuff I will do them multiple times. Excited to sign up and do a run for once! I think this will be pretty manageable. Gratitude I am grateful for: The pale morning light when I leave my apartment to go to work.That my parents are both alive in reasonable health.That I am alive in good health.My niece.Warm showers on cold mornings.Healthy food.Cheerful coworkers.Work mornings with no emergencies.That I am not poor.Walking for 20 minutes on my lunch break.

Hey bassitone, welcome. I've been here for a bit over a month now and in that time alone I have seen great change. It's kind of crazy what can happen if you commit to it and just show up. There is a lot more depth to life that comes after quitting games than I would have expected. Best of all, you're right, we can definitely learn from each other and help improve each other here. We are all stronger the more of us that join :). Good luck to you.

Day 37 I'm feeling OK today. Good even. I felt a lot better after writing the above post last night. I'm actually excited for work this week. Should be good! I guess since I did a lot of thinking yesterday I don't have a ton to say today. So I'll keep this brief and just do my gratitude: I'm grateful for: 1. The cereal I'm eating for breakfast. 2. Having a hot shower on a cold morning. 3. A refridgerator to store food in. 4. A heater t keep me warm. 5. That I'm young and still have a full life ahead of me. 6. That live in a place with a great climate. 7. That my niece is always excited to see me when I come to visit. 8. That I have a good relationship with my brother-in-law. 9. That I've paid off all my debts! 10. My emergency fund.

I've been thinking a lot today and I've come to some interesting conclusions. As I've mentioned, I've been doing the courage missions in the Game Quitter's Challenge. I've completed the first two (yesterday and today). During the missions I felt some anxiety of course, as if you've never done these things before it will push the boundaries of your comfort zone. Immediately after I accomplished them I felt pretty good! But later on in the days I've felt uneasy and I couldn't quite place why. It felt like I still had anxiety. I struggle with anxiety generally, so that wouldn't be a surprise for me. But this was a little different. For those that don't have the GQC, suffice it to say that the courage missions challenge you to push your comfort zone's boundaries in various social ways. After the first challenge, I met up with an old friend for lunch and I tried to explain the challenge to him. I think I explained it kind of poorly and came off kind of weird. I don't think he quite got it in the proper context and I was worried about being judged by him. I think this whole experience triggered some shame in me. There's a part of my brain telling me "these challenges will make you look weird to other people" and to me "weird = bad = shame". Or even, "quitting video games and joining a website and doing missions is weird/shameful. Why can't you just be like everyone else and play games and not rock the boat?". Obviously I don't believe that voice in my head, but it's a voice that's there. I think that ... from my perspective, even the idea of self-improvement has a kind of stigma attached to it in the greater culture, although I'm not sure why. Telling someone that you're working on self-improvement... it can be a vulnerable thing to share. I'm reading Daring Greatly right now, which in my case is a perfect companion for these courage missions. Courage requires vulnerability. When we were gamers we used gaming as a way to avoid being vulnerable. It was armor to hide behind that would prevent us from taking risks and being seen. It was something to distract us from our own emotions. In Daring Greatly, I'm reading a chapter where she talks about us hiding behind masks and armor to avoid having to be vulnerable, but that as a result we don't show up as ourselves in real life, and we may not even know who we truly are underneath it all. I guess after recently getting out of a relationship and quitting gaming, and having been hiding my true self for most of my life under armor, I'm not sure who I really am in truth at this point. My identity is in flux. I'm changing how I see myself everyday. A week ago I would have never thought in a million years that I would be the sort of person who would be able to complete these 2 courage challenges, but here I am. So this is a story that is still unfolding for me. I'm realizing that some relationships in my life will have to change... the old friend that I met up with, who I felt judged by, I may not see as much anymore, because I feel more judged by him these days than accepted and supported by him. After thinking and feeling my way through all this, I feel a lot calmer, physically and mentally. I don't feel as anxious about tomorrow's challenge. It may be hard, but the change in my mind is this: the fact that I'm doing a challenge, even if I fail it - it doesn't mean I'm weird or have any reason to be ashamed. What twisted logic. I'm doing it because I care about my life and want to improve myself! I hope that my thought process makes some sense in this post, because I realize how ass-backwards it must sound. On some deep level I'm afraid of standing out and getting noticed, especially if it's for something that might be unconventional; the GCQ forces you to do that, so that has dredged up some shame for me. I'm grateful to be able to work through it. It is a path towards gaining self-acceptance. I think I can illustrate an example of how my identity is changing. Old Travis is someone who feels uncomfortable talking to strangers, and takes whatever friends that come along because he feels lonely, and plays video games because they're easy and comforting and distracting, a good way to spend/kill time. If he feels ashamed, he is helpless and tends to avoid rather than constructively deal with the emotion. This results in insecurity, which leads him to seek validation from others in various unhealthy and insecure ways. New Travis is someone who can summon the courage to make requests of strangers, won't tolerate people in his life who make him feel worse about himself, and chooses to discard video games because they were a crutch he used to avoid his own emotions, including shame. If he feels ashamed, he works to recognize and understand it, and acts with compassion towards himself, understanding than he is worthy of love and connection. This results in self-esteem, which means than he doesn't require validation from other people, and can enter into relationships on an equal playing field with healthy interpersonal dynamics.

Day 36 Feeling a bit drained today. For those of you who have done the GQC, I'm doing the courage section right now and it is very challenging for me. I completed day 6 yesterday and even though it wasn't bad as expected, it still took a lot of emotional energy from me. I'm still not sure how I feel about it haha. Today's challenge, day 7, doesn't seem nearly as hard to me personally. But it will still take effort! Hopefully I can complete it today. That aside, I've been keeping up with most of my habits pretty well. I need to cook tonight, so that will take up a chunk of my day. I hung out with a friend who I haven't seen in a while yesterday, so that was nice. I guess other than that, not too much to report. Oh, I had my first video game dream last night... I dreamt I was playing Skyrim. At first I woke up thinking I had relapsed, haha. Thankfully not. Gratitude: I am grateful for: Friends I can be vulnerable withPublic transportationThe oceanLogicBirds outside my window (again)Fresh, cool, morning airMy educationCouch-to-5k giving me a premade 5k training scheduleHaving the luxury of free timeMy bed

Ah, sorry to hear about your back. That sucks. I don't have any plans yet. I only just decided that I wanted to do a 5k - I've never done one. We have Thanksgiving 5k's around here so I might sign up for one of those. Couch to 5K sounds good, I will give it a look!

Day 35 Feeling OK today. I don't have too much on my plate. I don't feel quite as confident as I have the earlier this week. I actually get the sense that my moods and emotions are shifting a lot. Could be changes in my brain from the combination of game quitting and nofap at the same time. No idea. Anyway, I'm just riding the wave. I have a courage-related Game Quitter's Challenge challenge today and I am very uncomfortable about it to be honest.I'm realizing that I'm terrified of rejection. My dedicated challenge journal is here http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/275-challenge-journal-travis/#comment-2779. Going to try to go out there today and do it anyway. Yesterday, I created this vision board for the GQC Day 5, so I thought I would share it here: From top left to bottom right: I want to run a 5k! A challenge for myself.I like kettlebells and I want to get in shape with them.I like writing and I want to keep writing/blogging on a regular basis and improve at it.Pyramid: I'm into financial independence, which this represents.Meditation. 'nuff said.I'm working on learning to be more vulnerable in life.Reading / books - I want to read as much as possible, I don't think I'll ever be done with books.My career is computers, I want to keep gaining skills there.My general life philosophy is about growth and learning - I get satisfaction from continuous improvement.Hiking! I want to plan and accomplish some major hikes in the future.There you have it. Also, I wasn't able to get around to writing a blog post yesterday, so I'll have to try to get to that later today. Gratitude time. From now on I'm going to try to do 10 things instead of just 3. I think it's getting easier now. I'm grateful for: Fresh air to breath.Warm showers.Birds chirping outside my windows.My family.Access to healthy food.Being alive.That I got a good night's sleep last night.Having good books in my life.Fall weather.Clean water to drink.

Well put, and I think that's essentially the point that gank and I are dancing around. We want to have high standards (achieve excellence) as well as feel good about ourselves and being responsible. Interesting... food for thought.

Yeah, I can see where you're coming from too. This seems like a thing where either extreme is bad - if you're overconfident and you think everything you do is great, you're not going to be motivated to improve or proofread, etc. If you're a perfectionist you're going to beat yourself up and be paralyzed because nothing you do is ever good enough and you won't be able to actually put something out there - you won't write 'shitty first drafts' if you're a perfectionist, because it feels too vulnerable. You're correct that perfection isn't attainable. I was reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown last night and a particular sentence struck me - "Perfection doesn't exist." Whoa. I think she's right. Not only is it not attainable, but there isn't even really such a thing in an objective sense. I guess my interpretation of that sentence is as follows. Things can always be improved. And maybe perfecting one aspect of the whole inevitably detracts from another part of it. Having awesome detailed prose might make the draft longer overall and detract from the pacing in some way, if we're talking about a novel. A perfect maximalist style isn't going to be perfect to someone who hates wordiness and perfers a minimalist style. So it's really wrongheaded to strive for perfection, on this view. Just do you thing. I do like the advice about shitty first drafts. Just throw it all on the page and cut what you don't like, and improve what you do like. Trying to make it perfect the first time leads to analysis paralysis. 'Just writing' allows you to finish more things... and I'd rather have several things finished that are 7/10 instead of one thing finished that's a 9/10, etc. You'll grow more as a writer from that approach, simply because you're writing more. It's like you say - the important thing is to get things done.

Day 34 I woke up this morning and didn't hit snooze, for once. I meditated for 10 minutes, which I don't usually do in the morning, but it felt pretty great (decisions I made from Day 4 of the GQC). Today is a light work day, as Fridays are usually pretty slow. Although I am wrapping up a big project's final steps, so that feels pretty good! I was exhausted yesterday. I came home from work and fell asleep for 2 hours, haha. That also felt good. I live in a small studio apartment ("tiny" is a better descriptor - 225 sq ft), so anything I choose to have has to be intentional, and also plays a big role in the feel of the space. I have a desk with a full desktop computer setup, which I used to use for gaming. That desk / computer takes up a bout 1/5 of the space of my apartment. Yesterday, I took the computer down and put it in my closet. I did this not because I felt gaming urges, but because I'm on a computer all day at work anyway (9 hours), and when I get home I really should be doing something else with my time. I have a work laptop that I can bring home if I need to use a computer for something important, so that's what I plan to do. It's very interesting how different my apartment feels without it there. It's much easier to sit at my desk and read or write, because there's more space. I don't have a proper dining table, so it's also a better space to eat. It feels calmer in the room somehow, like I can relax more. There's no PC tugging trying to pull me in to it. I'm not going to reflexively jump on reddit or facebook as much, or something else for more stimulation. I've made this change a couple times before, maybe for a week or so at a time until something would compel me to bring my PC back out (gaming, frequently). Once I adjusted, I didn't miss it, and in fact my ability to focus on reading or writing or what have you was much better. I'm a believer in experimenting with how your room/apartment's/home's environment is setup. Environment can affect our behavior in powerful ways, because we tend to go for the path of least resistance. I keep a meditation cushion and kettlebells nearby in my apartment. It's easy to meditate or lift some weights if they're just there, waiting. It's also easy to jump on reddit and browse mindlessly if you're PC is there, waiting. If I have to take a laptop out of my backpack and find a place to put it and turn it on and enter the harddisk encryption PIN and login in order to get online, there's more of a barrier to action there - so I'll only do it if I need to, not just to satisfying a fleeting impulse. In the same way that developing habits can make something automatic instead of an act of will, changing your environment can increase the willpower required to things we don't want to do, and make it easier to do healthy things. Another example would be keeping healthy food around - it's easier to eat fruit and veggies they're in your fridge, harder to eat ice cream if you have to go out to get it. Hmm... my thoughts are trailing off now. I feel like there's more to say here, but it's not coming to me. More later maybe. I hope everyone has a great day. I am grateful for: Having time and space to think.Being alive.Having instantaneous access to ideas via the internet. How much faster does this allow us to grow as people, I wonder?

Hey Gank, Great post. Allow me to play devil's advocate, slightly. Or I guess just share my experience with personal standards. I agree that having high standards for yourself is important. If you're coming from a place of low standards, then by all means raise them if you want to accomplish more. My experience was different though. High standards aren't always a good thing, if they're too high. Growing up I had low self-esteem, and I set high standards for myself in a way to counteract that. Achievement was a way to plug that self-esteem hole. The problem with this is they were often so high as to be unrealistic (perfectionism). And when I inevitably failed to meet these impossible standards, I just felt worse about myself. I think the sweet spot between not accomplishing enough and perfectionism is 'striving for excellence' (as Brene Brown puts it). We need to be compassionate with ourselves where we're at, so that we feel good about ourselves even if we aren't knocking it out of the park. And from that place of esteem, then we strive for excellence. Keep the posts coming!

I've just started going through his podcast; listened to the Arnold interview the other day. It was awesome. I never knew that much about Arnold... after listening to that, mad respect.

Hey Florian, great posts. It comes up occasionally that quitting games is easy, and it's all the stuff that comes after that matters. So even if you're here specifically because of games, I'm sure you'll be going through a lot of the same stuff as the rest of us. Welcome. I studied biology in college and considered doing graduate work but ultimately decided it wasn't for me. I was involved in undergraduate research and it was fun, but somehow it just didn't fully click. I ultimately didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I work in IT now, and I struggle with whether to become more technically specialized or stay a generalist. You make an interesting point in the most you specialize, the less you can relate your work to people. Certain roles give value to others more readily, I think. As a project manager I can deliver a project that achieves goals that people care about. If I were a programmer or someone who worked farther behind the scenes, I might not have that same experience necessarily. Not an exact comparison to your situation, but sort of along the same lines.

That's great to have a feeling of peace in your home. I'm working on that, too. Calm is my favorite mental state these days.

Day 33 OK, feeling better this morning than the last two days. Cam mentioned the idea of a status check and seeing what was changed... thankfully, Coach.me makes it painfully obvious which habits I haven't been doing! I hadn't meditated for a few days and while I was getting light exercise, it wasn't enough I now realize. I meditated a few times last night and did some exercise. I also had a burst of energy where I just felt compelled to do pushups and lift stuff. It was very unusual for me. Felt amazing though. Possible side effect of Nofap? I didn't go to the meetup last night, unfortunately, because it was down to 2 attendees. I will make commitments for social events going forward though, at least one per week. Instead, to get out of the house I went to a coffee shop and read for a couple of hours. I started reading Daring Greatly which I think is going to be an important book for me. I'm starting to get a better grasp of what vulnerability really is, when to recognize it in myself, and when to recognize when I'm choosing to not be vulnerable. I felt really good last night while at the coffee shop, too. I'm starting to feel more confident in my life on a consistent basis. I have the feeling that there will be many challenges ahead but I know that I will meet them. I feel like quitting gaming has allowed me to start living the life I actually want to live and it doesn't really feel like an option to go back. That life involves a lot of learning and reading, socializing with a chosen few, working on meaningful personal projects, being healthy. I think that I knew this on some level for a while, but I just needed someone to come along and tell me that it was OK to stop gaming, and that I could do it. Definitely. You are right. I have good memories like that too; I should create more. Gratitude: I am grateful for: Supportive coworkers.The feeling you get when you accomplish things!Utilitarian design.Cool autumn air.

Ha, interesting. I was not aware of Plato's stance on art. Makes sense though. Here when we say "reality" or "truth" to Plato we're talking about the forms... which reality is an imperfect representation of, of which art is then again an imperfect representation. Aristotle probably does have more to say about improvement. Some day I'll get around to his Nicomachean Ethics. Now that I'm no longer gaming, I may find the time!

Totally! Getting other people's perspective is so important. I definitely agree. Yeah... this is all good. Actually, I noticed your most recent video was on getting out of the house, which I guess is something I'm struggling with a little bit (and well, always have). You mention social anxiety, not knowing where to go, etc, and I think those things all apply to me. While my social anxiety isn't pathological, I do get anxious about meeting new people. So you're right, I am rationalizing due to social anxiety. Spot on. And, to some extent, I'm making mood based decisions as you mention in the video. I think I'm conflating "getting out of the house" with "socializing" or going to social events though, I'm realizing. The video talks about the benefits of getting out of the house in general... it doesn't have to be a social event, it could just be going to the gym or a coffee shop. I suppose just being around other people even if you're not there to socialize with them directly can still help shift your energy and give you more momentum. Hmm, lots to think about. Thanks Cam. EDIT: Also, with regard to perfectionism / success, I guess I don't even know what my definition of success is for a social event. I guess... feeling like I connected with someone? Feeling comfortable rather than awkward? Feeling included? But I've never thought about that before. Maybe my definition of success at this point should just be showing up, no matter what happens.

Something occurred to me today that I wanted to share. Are you familiar with the story of Plato's Cave? It's a common introductory philosophy text: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave I'll give a brief summary. Plato uses a allegoric story to contrast ignorance and knowledge. In the story, there are people chained in a dark cave. They've been trapped there their entire lives, and it's all they've ever known. Behind them, there's a fire which casts shadows on the wall in front of the prisoners. They can't turn their heads, so they are forced to look straight ahead. Between them and the fire there are puppeteers, and the puppets cast shadows on the wall that the prisoners watch. It sounds kind of weird if you aren't familiar with the allegory, but basically, the idea is that to them, the shadows on the wall are real people and things instead of just puppets. They see shadows as reality, instead of the real objects that cast them. Eventually, one of the prisoners gets free, finds the way to the entrance of the cave, and is blinded by the light when he goes outside. After his eyes adjust, he realizes that everything he knew was just shadows, and he wasn't really experiencing reality. At the risk of being slightly dramatic, I think there is a parallel here with gaming. Gaming can be like the shadows in some ways. Instead of engaging with real life and improving ourselves, we pour our effort into gaming. Gaming at times can be a pale imitation of life. I guess I'm thinking of the idea of a character in an RPG VS. seeing yourself as a character in real life. We level up in both, we grow in both, we explore and fail in both, we achieve in both etc, etc. Sometimes that RPG or game can feel real and important. It's not that we don't know that it's just a game, it's that the game somehow starts to feel important and as if really matters even though it doesn't. We spend hours on games and build up our achievements. But once you stop gaming your perspective shifts and you realize all the much more important things that you could be doing. You realize that the games that seemed so central and important to your life we really kind of empty, in some ways. They don't really have meaning beyond themselves. And it feels empty to invest in games instead of people, life, relationships. It feels like coming out of the cave and realizing you've been staring at shadows, thinking they were real life. Let me know if that made sense, or if you agree!

Day 32 I'm noticing that I am a little short of patience today, and getting irritated more easily than usual. I have also not been meditating the past couple of days, and I think there's a connection there :). This journal is nice because I feel that it's easier for me to notice my own emotions. Yesterday I was feeling kind of sad but it went away... today a bit irritated... it will pass, too. For those of you with the Challenge, I have started a Challenge Journal in that sub-forum... which apparently no one else did haha. Anyway if you're interested you can follow my Challenge-related thoughts there. Social events: I have a bad habit of choosing not to go last minute. On Sunday I was sort of planning to go to a board game event. I was too tired so I didn't, but ended up choosing to buy and start the Game Quitter's Challenge instead, and I still felt that I made a good use of my time. Tonight there's a trivia meetup group near me. But only 3 people, including me, are signed up on the event page, and the original event host isn't even going :\. I should probably just go anyway, but I'm afraid that no one will show up other than me, or it will be awkward and uncomfortable. I guess I have this kind of social perfectionism. I only want to go to social events that I feel confident will go well. At the same time, I'll only meet people if I put myself out there, I guess. I wonder if this is something I need to overcome? Or how to even overcome it? ...even if I don't go tonight, I feel like my life is full just trying to work on other aspects of my self. So I tell myself, it's ok, I can go another time. But the 'other aspects' of myself that I work on are invariable solo endeavors. I wonder if I'm just tricking myself to staying inside, or at least alone. If anyone has thoughts on these social matters, your input would be greatly appreciated. How do you approach situations like these? How do you choose what events you attend? Gratitude I am grateful for: 1. Meetup groups, even when I don't go to them... 2. Sticky notes. 3. Tupperware. 4. Dual monitors. 5. The kindness of strangers.

?Definitely. Stagnate is a good way to describe it. Ever since I've quit games I feel like I have momentum and I'm moving forward - with games I felt like I was sitting still (literally and figuratively). I wouldn't hold it against a fellow game-quitter either. Everyone can make their own choices about how they want to live their live, so if they want to keep playing games, I wouldn't hold that against them either. The important thing is to share our experiences and encourage them to do what they think is best for them.

Day 31 I felt great last night. For some reason I don't feel that great this morning. I don't really want to be at work today. Gaming doesn't really cross my mind much. I wonder if I'll ever even have cravings? I guess I should face work head on and just not agonize over why I'm feeling weird today. I suppose some days will be ups, and others downs. Such is life. I guess... it would help to accept that whatever I'm feeling, and tell myself it's OK to feel that way. I'm noticing right now that I feel bad or off and I'm telling myself that that's wrong, that I shouldn't feel that way. Am I expecting myself to always be happy all the time? That people will reject me somehow if I'm not happy? Maybe. Something to think about. I spent a lot of my evening last night cooking, which was not what I had originally planned. I have a lot to learn when it comes to cooking, but I'm excited to keep practicing. I ordered an instant-read meat thermometer and a food scale. The thermometer I know will be very useful because I used to have one. The food scale I suspect will be useful... but I also just kind of like the idea of having a digital scale that can give readouts in various units. I think I just like measuring things, ha. Gratitude: I am grateful for: 1. The Game Quitter's Challenge! 2. Having clean air to breathe. 3. Having clean water to drink. 4. Science. 5. Amazon.com 2-day shipping.

Octsober - I agree that in theory couch-coop video games are probably fine. I imagine an argument might be able to be made for arcade games as well. You don't ever hear about people having Mario Party addictions (at least I haven't!). As you note though, in practice, what are the chances you're going to be able to stick to ONLY playing those games? I guess everyone can judge for themselves, but I know for me that playing any video games are probably going to miss my old favorites. So I think I will personally stay clear. It's an individual choice though.

I think board games are fine. And, in my case, I'm using them as a partial replacement for video games. The social aspect is a major plus. They aren't addictive because you can't make a board game play on the human mind in the way that video games can be designed to be addictive. At least, I don't think so. For me, board games are a healthy way to game :). Uh... disregard the below images. Forum bug? I used these in another thread and somehow they popped in here. I delete them but they're stuck in the post anyway O_o

Hey Gank! Since you mentioned it, I also just started a blog after quitting games: https://kortheo.wordpress.com/ It's still pretty fledgling, (title is a placeholder), but if you want to follow that would be cool. I'm only posting once per week at the moment, on Fridays. Anyway, I just followed yours. While I don't aspire to be a professional writer, I do really enjoy writing, and it would be cool to hear from someone also into writing. Hope your day is going well!

Day 30 Day 30! This feels like a milestone. I can't believe it's already been 30 days... and yet only been 30 days. Weird! Anyway, that's 1/3 of my no-gaming 90 day challenge done. At this point though, I can't imagine going back to gaming. I still have my Steam and Bnet accounts... but I may delete / give them away after the 90 days are up. Back at work for the first time in 10 days, since I was away at a conference last week. Feels weird. Not looking forward to getting caught up on everything that happened while I was away, ha. Excited to start Day 1 of the Game Quitters Challenge today. Wish I could do it now but I... I should get to work ;). I hope everyone is doing well today. Gratitude: I am grateful for: 1. Green tea in the morning. 2. Supportive co-workers. 3. Quiet mornings. 4. Leafy green house plants. MIDDAY EDIT: Just a couple more thoughts. I have gotten into the habit of scheduling my days now, thanks to Respawn. It has subtly, gradually changed my conception of my time. I didn't use to think that I had that much time. I wasn't very conscious of how I spent it. Now I am realizing that time is finite, and that scheduling your time is a good way to make sure you're tackling the important things. Here's a sample of my current weekday: My schedule works out pretty well so that I have room for about 3 hours in the evening of planned activities. Usually Dinner won't take a full hour unless I'm cooking, so sometimes it's 3.5 hours. Respawn talks about using 30 min blocks for things, but hours work better for me personally. It's simple and satisfying to slot in three productive activities each night. I won't always get to it perfectly, but at least I have a plan! I like having a plan. I didn't use to like google calendar much, and I didn't really get why - but when you just use all your free time for games, you don't have much to plan anyway! Actually having things to put on your calendar makes it much more useful :). I also have gotten into the habit of using coach.me now. I use it track all my daily goals: Also a very satisfying little tool. It's exactly as complex as it needs to be, and no more. A great way to keep track of the things I want to do as well as the things I want to abstain from :). Finally, I was just reflecting on the past month, and I have noticed already how much my demeanor and mood have changed. I think I am a much more positive person, being surrounding by the positivity from this forum. I write so much more often, having to spit these out every day. And honestly the encouragement here is probably the most encouragement I've ever received in my life for anything. Which sounds crazy, but it's totally true. I'm realizing now that I haven't always had the most positive people around me in my life, and that I have the option to surround myself with positive people if I choose to do so. I feel more confident in myself, and like I'm beginning to trust myself and be able to stand up for myself more. It's really crazy what small changes can add up to, in ways that you can't always see until after they've been in place for a while. For instance, let me share something: I struggle writing my daily gratitude, even though it's such a simple thing. Every day I don't want to do it, and it's hard for me. Probably because I just don't have strong neural paths for feeling gratitude haha. But I do it anyway, and here I am, writing about how grateful I am and actually feeling it. So something has changed. That is all. See you guys tomorrow, unless inspiration strikes again.