Marquess

Nvm, I know what to do about that part as well. 60 days tomorrow btw.

The meaningful things in life are rarely ever easy. The longer you don't play the easier it gets. It's all habits. I don't disagree with this, but what's also important is to enjoy the process. If you don't, you really are bound to fail sooner or later. I enjoy a lot of what I'm doing right now; however, I need to do something about the meltdown part. I don't know what yet. Any ideas?

It's done; I've banned myself from both Twitter and FB for a week using Cold Turkey. I know there's a way to disable it, but I refuse to look it up because what do I have left of I make Cold Turkey meaningless. Apart from that, my broken mouse saved me from reinstalling once again. This is seriously fucking great.

Meh, I want to play WoW so, so bad. But I also want to reach at least 60 days, so I can at least say I managed that. Today would have been two months since my last drink except I got wasted yesterday and had the badly needed meltdown on Twitter. I dare not check it now; I'll block it for a week or something. Last thing I remember was people posting screenshots of my bio as if it were some kind of a secret, lol. Then I obsessively listened to some song for 30 minutes and fainted. The good part is that, outside of the Twitter thing, I remained friendly with everyone and had a couple of good convos. So I think it's still safe to say I'm happier now than I was two months ago.

Breaking the fast was awesome. The tastes, man, so intense. ITS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE TRIPLE RAINBOW

I don't follow any gamer channels but one about DOS gaming because I'm consistent like that. However, people in my Twitter network do, and this is what popped up on my feed. I think Pokemon GO should be purged out of existence and its creators trialed for crimes against humanity, but this is brilliant:

I can't adjust my posts, and I also can't make myself read most of the journals. I'll adjust and continue making very short posts here; that's the most reasonable approach.

I wonder if anyone's even reading this. The views counter seems to go up and the post/views ratio is very good in comparison to other journals, but that's probably because other journals get more comments. I'm not going to start making list posts about what I ate for lunch though. If you're reading this journal, please take 5 seconds and tell me so in this Strawpoll.

I’m near the end of my 10 day fast; I’m breaking it on Thursday, and all I can think about right now is food. It’s going to be awesome. Having this little energy is an interesting experience as it seems to be making me less inclined to deal with unimportant activities. Social networks seem, for the most part, redundant (I’m still using Cold Turkey; it’s the best), and I really am just focusing on getting my daily 1000 words together even though I can barely write on anything of much relevance right now. I’m also trying to finish a HMTL/CSS course on Codecademy, but the progress is slow because, again, no real energy. Fasting for that long effectively put me in a very deep ketosis, so the mood is a lot more stable, and I also seem to be significantly more creative. Lots of ideas, including more or less every aspect of my upcoming website (as long as I don’t fuck up). It won’t be anything spectacular — just a personal blog on a few predetermined topics that are both interesting to me and socially relevant. I’ve been on the internet long enough to have a few channels through which to promote it, so I should start with at least some kind of readership. We’ll see; I writing still has a long way to go, but I think writing a thousand words first thing in the morning (or, heh, when I wake up as my biorhythm is, again, messed up) should get me far enough to be better than most. I’m also slowly moving away from writing in 100% correct English in terms of punctuation, so we’ll see where that goes. It’s all very small deviations because I feel bad every time I use a comma where I shouldn’t :P. Probably the important part: I’ve finally, without a doubt, determined that my near-inability to learn anything (as in having huge problems with studying for more than 10 minutes) is based in my depression. Focus problems, irritability, literal cursing at the screen when any kind of a problem appears, no matter how much I tell myself I’m just wasting my already limited energy that way, becoming devastated after I struggle with something for too long, which can be as much as 5 minutes — it’s textbook depression. What I don’t understand is why it took me 18 years to understand that. I mean, I’ve known I’m depressed for years, at least on some level, but the issue was that I had this idea that I somehow don’t deserve the status of a depressed person, and that I just need to try harder, stop being lazy. Does that make sense to any of you? Did anyone else have the same experience? I’m starting to think that how I feel when I’m at least decently buzzed and playing WoW is actually normal — how normal people feel a lot of the time. It sounds bizarre to me; however, I am running out of explanations for my continuous struggle with just everything. (I’m aware that depression is not my fault, but it is my responsibility since I’m the person who cares about it the most and also the only person who can do something about it.) I somewhat enjoy writing and talking to people online, people who may perhaps become friends one day, maybe, but the only thing that’s close to getting high with anything is music: Japanese happy hardcore for some reason. Just listen to this. How is it possible not to feel happy while blasting this? This will literally make you love life. I’m also one of those monstrous people who listen to nightcore without irony and aren’t 12 years old. My apologies to the universe. To think I listened to progressive metal when I was a teenager. Awh :3. This is the dankest version of "don't thread of me" pic, lol.

I assume you bed every girl you appear with in a video tbh :x.

You can have a relationship that is friendly, but if you attempt to create an actual, functioning friendship, two things are likely to happen: 1. One of you will fall in love with the other. (Often the guy.) 2. It's going to be an uneven relationship where one cares a lot more; I wouldn't call that a friendship. There are exceptions to this as always. Maybe the guy is gay and girl in a happy relationship, etc. But two single people of opposite sex being friends? That's a time bomb.

Women and men can't be friends unless under very special circumstances. It's not something you should base your decisions on or something you should pursue as a man.

Because that's what personal responsibility is really: the fact that you can only spend so much time and energy on trying to help someone. If we lived in a world of unlimited resources, that wouldn't be an issue.

v

Conspiracy theories are only conspiracy theories if they aren't true. There are some conclusions you can make from publicly available data that most people would call insane.

People talk about how Pokemon GO is great since it makes people go outside. But that's not the idea behind it; the idea is to make normal people who don't see themselves as gamers (even if they may play some mobile or flash games) play a more serious video game. And what better way to hook them but apart from integrating it with the real world? They don't have to sit at home and feel like sad nerds, it's social, and it can be played anywhere. Modern games are either about subscriptions and mictoransactions, and for these models to work, the best costumer is an addicted one. The amount of money involved is far, far too massive for any of the gaming companies to care whether they ruin lives. I find it slightly terrifying how popular this thing's become and how fast. Methods to distract others from meaningful activities are probably as old as civilization, but they're becoming exponentially more advanced and effective. VR is around the corner; it's said to be crap right now, but it's just a matter of time before it becomes a norm, I think. PS: Why the fuck do children need cellphones? We didn't have cellphones until the 7nd grade of elementary school and we curiously weren't eaten by wild beasts. This comic encompasses a part of my life statement (found higher up on this page) well; it shows how faith and pragmatism can lead to great things when combined. The flame may be spirits of vengeful dead, but look how well can we use it for hot soup! (In case you're wondering where all these awesome comics are coming from: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.)

Just because you can still buy food in the store and pretend none of this is real, that doesn't mean it isn't coming to you more likely sooner than later. #Nice

Lol, this video makes a fine job of making fun of Pokemon GO in a non-aggressive way (well, kinda). It definitely is Gamequitters friendly, and the entire Joe Goes channel is just very good. I don't think all the jokes about being a virgin have a lot of basis though. The entertaining dork in the video must be more of a persona, an act, since he clearly knows how to relate to people and make them react in a way he wants. There may be a chance I'm not entirely right about this, but I'd say it's slim. This guy is slaying it in spite of his looks. As for me, I found Pokemon lame as soon as it came out. I wasn't small enough at that point; I'm not sure whether I still had my glorious Game Boy (the original one ofc), but there were better games to play, and the Pokemon thing was just a lame card game or something.

50 days. Holy shit.

Two more things that don't matter so much for this journal I wish to express anyway: I'll start cleaning my past posts a little bit as some of what I wrote is either not what I truly believe in or is poorly presented. The second thing is that I decided to put something that's very important to me on hold yesterday. I didn't expect it to hurt so much, but the fact that I find it so troubling only reaffirms me in knowing that it's worth pursing -- when the time is right in a few months.

I wrote a sort of a personal life statement. I originally titled it "my personal manifesto", but using the word "manifesto" feels like I'm planning to go on a shooting spree, which is exactly the opposite of what I'm trying to convey. This is just the first draft; I'm not actually trying to sell any of the ideas; the goal is just to get something out. Should any of it sound harsh, please read to the end; it's really very uplifting and positive. (YES I LOVE THE SEMICOLON PORN. I tried to hold back for a while, but then I started reading Rand who nearly spams them. I take a lot of what she says about selfishness, but don't subscribe to the idea that reality is objective. I find the question largely irrelevant and put more emphasis on practicality and faith. You can't get far by reason and emotions alone.) Post song: VNV Nation - Where There Is Light Life Statement 1. Observable reality I exist. I don’t know in what exact sense; I may be a brain floating in a jar, but I am. 2. Faith (in other people’s existence) Other people exist in a same way than I do. I can’t prove it, but life is more meaningful and pleasant this way. I chose to believe it for my own selfish benefit. This is helped by the fact that, for the majority of the time, I certainly feel like other people are real; the feeling can be further intensified by socializing & building relationships. Faith makes life amazing; the alternative is grim. I chose to believe it for my own selfish benefit. … They have no right to rule over me. I have no right to rule over them. They requests are meaningless and are to be disregarded if they go against my selfish interests. However because (I choose to believe) they are as real as I am, the same applies for my requests towards them. If I say their requests can be disregarded, but my requests should never be, they don’t exist in the same way as I do — they are either inferior or non-existent. That would mean that I truly am alone in this existence. This would be extremely difficult to accept and live with. It would also go against my feelings; I feel that other people are equal to me in terms of existing, being real. (Ability in specific skills may and does vary, but the nature, value of their conscience is equal to mine.) … Society is made out of (real) people. As but a single member of it, I can influence it to a degree, but I’m either unable or extremely unlikely to change it in a fundamental way. I owe nothing to it and it owes nothing to me. (You owe nothing to the world and it owes nothing to you.) My goal is to adapt to it and influence it in ways that I find both suitable and possible. Asking from the world what it can’t give me can only lead to unhappiness. I accept and understand and chose to thrive inside what’s possible instead of complaining and blaming others or myself. … All my functioning is a result of predetermined processes. Chemical and physical processes that take place in my brain can all, on some level, be predicted and are therefore, in a way, predetermined. Just because I’m not capable of being aware of their predictability, that doesn’t mean that I have free will. Despite the fact that it feels that way. If I choose to lie down and do nothing with my life, dramatically proclaiming that it’s all set in stone anyway, that’s been predetermined. If I choose to deny the notion of determinism and pursue my life goals to my maximum ability, that’s been determined as well. It’s all a mental exercise, and the only rational approach is to go with what is most practical. But that choice has already been determined as well. The best I can do is, again, have faith. Faith that what’s determined for me is good; that it will bring me both lasting fulfillment and pleasure. NOTES: - Saying that other people exist in the same way that I do may sound redundant. However, how many people actually follow that in their everyday lives? Choosing to believe that other people are just as real as you will make you more likely to treat them with respect and kindness. Not for their sake, but for your selfish interest. - Saying that the only thing one should pursue in life is their selfish interest may sound negative and brutish. But the vast majority of people, with the exclusion of sociopaths and the like, are built in a way that gives us pleasure when we do something that benefits others. This may not be true in a situation where our personal needs aren’t met, but almost all people automatically turn towards helping others once they’ve built themselves up. The reason for this isn’t some kind of high-minded sacrifice; it’s because it feels good; it appeases their selfish interests. By choosing to live for yourself and no one else, you will, if successful, turn into a person that’s seemingly acting in the most altruistic manner imaginable. And you want to be successful for the sake of your own selfish interest. See, it all works out ^^. Understanding and making peace with that will make the process easier for you and everyone else. - Lasting fulfillment must always take priority over momentary pleasure.

Thank you, Cam, for affording me special treatment for probably the third time and changing my nickname ^^. This one is far, far easier to pronounce (I honestly have no idea how Marchosias is supposed to even sound), contains two syllables (down from 4), and is at least somewhat less pretentious. How's that for progress.

Jews control Americans, Illuminati Jews control Jews, Aliens control Illuminati Jews, Reptilian Aliens control Alines. Wake up, sheeple.

I don't think so, no. I basically posted it in a FB discussion group; it was in a thread where self-proclaimed national socialists were complaining about getting banned from the group, and I just posted two pictures to entertain myself. The other one (which didn't get removed): Remember, memes are real.