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d.manuk

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Everything posted by d.manuk

  1. I want to think of a new username, I don't feel like Shine Magical anymore. I've been creating a new workout routine for myself and I'm excited to start it soon. I weighed in a 181lbs at my doctor today, I was 165 at the beginning of this year. I need to buy new clothes for myself. I bought chairs but they'll get delivered in 6 months. I did most of the stuff on my to do list and have added a few new things that make me excited. I have 3 paintings in progress. I still really like my apartment and neighborhood. The weather is getting nicer and nicer. I am getting anxious that I'll eventually be asked to come into the office, I want to continue working from home and need to figure out how to negotiate that.
  2. I've had a very low libido the past few months. I'm not really interested in any men. I have some blood work scheduled, but I think it's more of a mental thing. I have 2 paintings in progress. I was supposed to go to the gym today but I felt like I woke up at 3pm because my whole day was somehow wasted. I'm a little off today!
  3. I just realized that I’m now making $90k/year. This was my immediate salary goal when I started working 7 years ago. I read that people become very happy once they reach $90k and above that there isn’t much of a difference in happiness. I’m pretty happy now with how things are going with my job and life as long as I can keep working from home.
  4. I'm doing spring cleaning on my clothes. I feel the need to post in my journal pretty often these days, I think I just need to feel myself supporting me as I do a lot of work. My self esteem isn't very good, even though I work out more than ever I'm still years away from my goal.
  5. Testing new hobby: incense sticks Retiring old hobby: streaming my art painting process (it's annoying to set up and also to have the camera in the way) Testing hobby to see whether I still want to do it: watercolor painting Decide if I want to continue oil painting or if I should try acrylic painting (faster drying times, I don't think I'm utilizing oil paint properly with blending techniques)
  6. Stop Sending Things to my Job I work from home and when you send things to my office it’s a problem not just for me but for other people. It’s unprofessional and uncomfortable for everyone. 7 years ago I asked you to stop contacting me and every time you send me something I feel violated, annoyed, unhappy and it’s a reminder of why I don’t like you. I usually throw what you send me into the trash without opening. I still don’t want you in my life, I still don’t want to talk to you or know how you’re doing. I still want zero contact from you, I still want the same thing I asked for 7 years ago: leave me alone. I understand that you’re my mother and how this situation must make you feel. However, you’re really underestimating how much I dislike you. I’m not confused, I’m not going to change my mind, I’ve never regretted my decision and I’m certain of what I want. I don’t want any contact from you.
  7. I was planning to have sex after the gym today, but a guy was pressuring me this morning and I ended up meeting with him instead of eating breakfast. This made me not get enough calories before the gym and I lost steam midway. I regret not putting my workout first ahead of the sex. It was pretty decent though, I'll probably meet him again.
  8. I was sick for the past week and so I allowed myself to play League of Legends (pretty much the only time I play video games now is when I'm sick -- I'm very comfortable with this). I noticed how tired it made me, which was very interesting. Working all day doesn't make me as nearly as tired as playing League of Legends all day. No I'm not addicted, no I didn't find it super interesting. It is a good way to pass the time though when you're not feeling great. I don't really like to watch movies for too long, I need something more engaging. I was feeling physically better yesterday so I immediately uninstalled. Today I have so much energy even though I've been doing stuff all day. Just a reminder for myself!! Still feeling great about my new deadlift PR even though a lot of hours have gone by since it happened.
  9. I was able to deadlift 2 plates on each side which is a nice new PR for me. I want an even juicier butt! I was also able to fit in comfortably into a shirt I had bought a few months ago but thought I was too skinny/didn't fill it out that well in the chest. I hadn't worn it since I bought it but now I will wear it to the gym, it's of my favorite band. I still have so much I want to progress on, but gym food and work take my priority. I haven't met up with any guys for a few weeks now, I think I will try to do something this weekend.
  10. I put together my new electric standing table. It was pretty difficult! It was supposed to be a 2 person job, but I did it alone. The top alone weighs 120 lbs. I feel a nice sense of accomplishment. I've been gaining weight and spending more money on food as I get stronger at the gym. First few months of data got deleted from an old credit card.
  11. A lot of progress is happening 🥰
  12. I am getting a crown on one of my teeth. I regret smoking so much pot as a young adult. I'm going to spend the next 2 weeks focused inwards on myself.
  13. Just stop playing for a week, it's not a big deal
  14. An updated hobby list. I hope by taking away some of the crossed out hobbies I'll have time to do more of the ones that are left over. I haven't had extremely enjoyable sex for a while. So far I'm mostly underwhelmed with the men of Boston. I'm going to take a break from hooking up and focus on weightlifting. I don't really like any of my fwb's anymore except maybe one or two. I want to take better selfies soon. I'm very focused on my appearance this year.
  15. Spring cleaning!! Always feels so good
  16. I’ve been kicking ass all week!
  17. Hobbies I’m letting go of: herbalism essential oil diffusing fermenting foods like sauerkraut Thank you for the interesting knowledge you’ve given me!
  18. It’s been very sunny and warm the past few days. I’ve gone hiking twice this week. I’ve been very productive doing things in my to-do list. I hung out with someone that I might potentially become friends with.
  19. Sell current table - AptDeco, Facebook marketplace, Craigslist Buy standing table and chairs Buy stronger command strips Invest money Make more sauerkraut Make YouTube video? Buy more scented woods - scents of earth.com Reorganize home clothes Reorganize kitchen cabinets But new cutting board Sell prismacolor colored pencils Buy black skull hoodie Renew lease Replace light bulb kitchen
  20. Here's a spending per month over time graph: I closed one of my credit cards so that spending history isn’t in the graph but my expenses are still noticeably higher.
  21. Here is a net worth update: Basically I took a big hit to my finances after I became single and moved and it took me a year to get back to where I was pre-break up. I had to close my accounts and move them to a different bank because of my job so that's why there's a big jump in September.
  22. I’m a little stressed. Do I move even though I’ve only lived in this apt for a year? I have a week to decide if I'm going to renew my lease. My new upstairs neighbors are louder than the old ones. My landlord is fed up with me because I’ve gotten 4 noise complaints. I could move into a new apt but I’d have to pay moving costs and do a lot of cleaning. I looked at a nice apt in a quiet high rise but it has no visitor parking (important for me) and the apartment was too big and the smaller units were too small. I think I’m leaning towards not moving even though I won’t be as happy here for another year, is this lazy logic and should I just move anyway?
  23. I went ahead with letting go of some of my possessions today: a recipe book, some essential oils, some herbalism things, some stuff in my fridge. Right now my goal is to let go of 1 kitchen cabinet’s worth of stuff. It will take a while since I don’t want to throw things out unnecessarily, and I want to give each thing a final use to decide if I want to really let go of it.
  24. My life is so much better in so many ways than it was in September. I think I'm the most content I've ever been in my life. I feel like I'm slowly healing myself, physically and mentally. It's always a good idea to look back on some older journal entries. I'm happy I've kept this journal active. Here is an update on my elimination diet. It has way more information than anyone other than me needs to know but this is my journal and I want to document it haha. I'm happy I found a carb that works for me and will try more. It seems that anything high in fat is just not agreeable with me. It limits my cooking a lot and explains why I was reacting so poorly in my past relationship, where we mostly ate out at restaurants which is always high in fat. I just grill my meats now, I don't use any kind of oil or fat when cooking. I always knew I wanted to take more control of my diet but was never really forced to since I was being offered free gourmet food all the time... Only in a situation like this where I'm in full control for 100% of my meals am I able to get real answers to my questions about my body. I'm not going to date anyone until I have this fully sorted out!! I went on my first real date a few weeks ago since my breakup 1+ year ago. I didn't enjoy it, and I'm not looking to rush into anything. The date took place in a coffee shop and I thought it was really boring. After 20 minutes I was ready to do something else, I hate sitting around and just talking doing nothing. The other 40 minutes were painful and it was really apparent to him by the end that I didn't have a good time. Since it was really cold there wasn't really anything to do though, and COVID has all the movie theaters and other things shut down. I don't think I'm going to try dating again until the end of this year... there are so many other things I'm excited to do on my own and I'm trying to make the most of this precious lockdown opportunity. The weather has been warming up and it's been making me excited. The sun has moved quite a bit in the past few months and now when the sun is setting my apartment is filled with light. My plants are going to grow so much this year. I'm excited to go hiking a lot in the summer.
  25. I've been going to the gym every other day for about 2 months now and my body looks pretty good. I'm still not very happy with how I look but there's no way to rush the process. I took down a lot of my old artwork in my apartment and I'm ready to create some new stuff. I've had some good sex the past few weeks. I've been discovering some good music. I negotiated my salary, compared to my old job I'm making $20k more. I went to the dentist and have to get some old fillings replaced which makes me nervous. I still want to get rid of 10% of my current possessions but it's a slow process.
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