d.manuk

My great aunt got moved into a retirement home yesterday. I was planning to visit her in the summer but I'm wondering if I should visit earlier? I read online that the average person only lives 6 months in a retirement home before passing away, but can be up to 2 years.

I liked the laser radiofrequency on my forehead... I'm going to get more. I look a lot better now 3 days later. Scars will take a few weeks to look back to normal. I've tested a few skincare products that previous I thought broke me out but they're actually fine for me to use so I'm happy. I feel like I made a lot of progress this weekend towards becoming more attractive.

I also ended up getting laser radio frequency on my forehead… lot of stuff done to my body today, I’m going to just rest for the next week.

I met with the guy again. It was okay the 2nd time around. I like him less than the first time, but that's normal. I still think he's cool and like we could have a good thing potentially. I think I'm closer to his level than I previously thought in terms of attractiveness, even though he's obviously more muscular than me. I'm going to be getting my 3rd round of Kybella injections and 2nd round of laser scar removal today, so I told him I'm not free until January. I've been getting stronger at the gym even though I've been eating less and trying to be leaner.

I don't think I will date or do anything meaningful with this man other than have sex, which is sort of expected but still upsets me and makes me sad. I'm meeting him tomorrow but I'm not super excited because I feel sensitive, but my mood will probably change when I see him tomorrow.

Now that I've imagined what our marriage and breakup would look like, I have a clearer head about this guy. Oof, I get so excited by new things. I'll just see how things go and try to have no expectations. I still plan to treat him very well as if he were a special person to me.

He seems to like to party and drink, so I don't think we'd end up dating since our interests are completely different. I'll enjoy this for what it is though!

It will be a one-sided romance as far as I'm aware for the time being, giving me time to show him what I have to offer. I always go 100% immediately into things I like, I have no chill. I'm just going to act like he's my half-boyfriend for now because that's what I want him to be. edit: I’m mostly exaggerating but the above mindset might help me get him to like me

I met up with the hottest guy I've ever had sex with in my life yesterday. The sex was extremely good: he's muscular, hung, tall, and he lasts a very long time in bed just like me. We went 5 rounds and he slept over at my house which I never let people do. He thinks I'm extremely good in bed too (I am 😀) and we will be meeting up again. I already want him to be my boyfriend. However, this is stupid of me to want since I don't know him that well and he might not even want to be in a monogamous relationship. I was able to meet him because I was slightly persistent in messaging him, which is something I normally don't do but I went along with it because he seemed to like my pics and responded to my messages. The reason why we met though is because of the right timing where I was in his neighborhood at 1am. Now that we've met up once though we want to meet up more on a regular basis. I'm not confident this guy would want to be in a relationship, but we'll see. I’m probably just another guy that’s convenient for him and good enough to satisfy a need. Why would he go for me? I'd be really happy if he showed initiative for something deeper, but I can't have hope that will happen because I need to guard my heart against disappointment in a difference in expectations. I think he just wants to be friends with benefits but I guess I do have hope that he'll fall in love with my sensitive and happy personality. I need to remember to play it cool though. Too much too soon is cringe and weird!

I’m starting to get in one of those moods where I hate everybody. Is it because I hate myself at the moment?

I believe I have mild rosacea as well as mild IBS or some other sort of stomach issue, which is why my body responds best to a low sugar, low fiber, and low fat diet. I found a new moisturizer that works for my skin and I’m so happy, because it is more hydrating than the previous one and I think I look a lot better because of it because it’s cold and dry weather now. I’ve been growing out my hair and it looks cute, I think it will look really good in a few months. I had a weird rash on my body for a month now, it’s mostly gone away now but still have a little bit of it and I’m still worried it might come back.

I went back in for a 2nd round of Kybella injections into my chin. I was told that I'd likely need 3 total. The before and after pictures after the first round didn't seem to have much of an effect. Hopefully with this second round I'll see more of a change. My work is starting to get busy so I've been a little stressed. The weather is cooling down which makes me anxious because it means winter is coming. I'm at least ready with most of my clothes for winter.

A lot has happened in the past few days. Thursday: I worked out for 2.5 hours because I knew I wasn't going to work out Fri or Sat. It was a really good session. Right after I finished, my new friend texted me inviting me to a yoga class in an hour. I went even though I had already worked out a lot, and I managed pretty well. I sweat a lot. Friday: The day of the Beartooth concert! I took a train to Worcester. The commuter train is pretty gross and ghetto. I didn't like it. It made me really want a car. I checked into the hotel and went to the concert venue. It started off pretty well, but right before the main act got on stage I realized my phone was missing from my backpack. I got pretty bummed out immediately. Thoughts like "I'm going to need to spend $1k on a new phone UGH" ran through my head the whole time the best part of the concert was happening. It was hard to fully enjoy the band's performance but I tried my best to make the best of it. I was at 75% instead of 100%, which was a shame because I spent a good amount of money traveling to another city, booking a hotel, etc for this 1 show. At the end of the night, my phone was in the lost and found so my emotions swang back wildly into the positive. It was an emotional roller coaster of a night. Today: Since I had to check out of the hotel I had sex with 2 random guys this morning. I hadn't hooked up in a few months. I thought it was a decent experience for what it was. 1 was this hot college kid with a big eggplant. It kind of made me feel bad that I can't get guys like that as easily in my hometown because it's a bit further outside the city and not as accessible for people. It's not easy for socializing and stuff but I'm priced out of Boston. My scars from laser scar removal seem to start to be fading a little which is making me optimistic for what they'll look a year from now. I still want to grow out my hair more. I decided that I want to buy a condo instead of a home, because I don't need a lot of space and I'm not sure I want a yard anymore because I don't like taking care of things and plants seem to get sick and diseases easily and need maintenance and stuff. My new goal is to buy a condo in a minimalist building that doesn't have a fitness center/etc because I wouldn't use that stuff anyway. This is close to a gym I really like. That I can afford the monthly payments + have a car too. Right now with my lifestyle I can only afford to rent alone, but I will look into condos a bit more next year when my lease is up.

There's a really friendly girl in my gym classes that I've been making an effort to befriend because she's a friendly extrovert that was initially very nice to me and spoke to me first. Today she chatted me up again and I made an effort to continue the conversation, I had previously added her on Instagram to signal I wanted to be her friend, and after class she asked if I wanted to hang out for a bit and get tea after class and I said definitely. It turns out she lives very close to the gym (which also means close to me). We have enough overlap in our interests that I think we could be friends if we put in the effort. We walked around the neighborhood and I went up into her apartment and met her roommates and her guinea pig. We exchanged numbers and will probably hang out again in the upcoming weeks. I'm happy that it seems like we might become friends. We have the same big interests: classes at my little gym, plants, arts and crafts. She could be my first real friend here in Boston! I honestly was expecting to have to put in more work and time to find a friend, aka 2023. To have it happen this naturally has definitely lifted my mood a bit. 🙂

I had a meeting with the owner of my gym today to review my 2.5 months of progress in their personal training program. I go the mandatory 3 days a week, and have been doing an optional 4th workout day on my own. I gained 3.3lbs of lean muscle in 75 days, or about ~1.3 lbs of lean muscle per month. My body fat percentage has stayed about the same, hovering in the 16% area. (Results being tracked through inbody tests). I've been gaining weight and am at 5'10 and 180lbs now, but I've been relatively happy with how my body has looked, especially in the past week. I've been feeling more muscular. I thought gaining about 1lb of muscle per month was good progress. However, he said that I should be doing more and recommended adding in an additional optional option workout day and including some cardio on the optional workout days too. I felt really defeated when he said that. I thought I had been doing well, and he said it was good but seemed kind of disappointed by my progress. I think he was expecting something closer to 2lbs lean muscle per month. I also felt a bit overwhelmed by his recommendation because 5 days at the gym seems like a lot, but it just goes to show how much work is required to get a good physique. I'm going to follow his recommendation but I honestly feel a bit sad. I already feel like my life revolves around the gym, but now that feeling is going to increase even more. I hope I don't get burned out.

I don't think I'm going to be ready to socialize and date until Summer 2023 if I'm being honest.

"Too blessed to be stressed" I heard this saying today for this first time and I like it hahaha

I gained 2lb of muscle, gained 5 pounds total, and decreased my bodyfat percentage by 0.5% in 2 months since I started the personal training sessions I want to try harder and see if I can get 3lbs of muscle in the next 2 months

I’m a happy homebody, and a minimalist that prefers simplicity. I’m sensitive and feel really close to my friends because I’m selective with who I connect with. I have a naughty sense of humor. I grew up in NYC for the first 30 years of my life. I like to weightlift, go on nature walks, and make art. I’ll listen to anything with a heavy beat - techno, house, rap, metalcore, k pop... I eat a lot of grilled beef and lamb. Being gay is a very small part of my life & into guys that are the same. I’m sober, but not because I have any issues. I want to own a house in a quieter suburb with a nice private backyard with lots of trees and plants.

Somehow I feel like getting rid of these plants was important, I've wanted to do it for a while but felt like I couldn't, it feel like a pipe was unplugged and I'm being pretty productive now.

I threw out all the plants and cleaned all the containers to prepare to sell them. This is now a plant free home 🥰

Actually 2 other plants were infested. So now I only have one left, and it's one that I grew from a complete baby tiny stem. It's funny because this plant is a complete attention whore and likes to push other plants out of it's way. It's a weed and very hardy. Lol. I guess the queen got what she wanted! #lastonestanding

My largest plant got a spider mite infestation and I threw it out. It's possible that the others are infested and just aren't as far gone yet so I'm going to give them all showers tonight which is annoying because they're all large plants and hard to handle. I have 3 plants left. I think this could have been prevented if I took a bit better care of it, but I don't like taking care of anything other than myself (and maybe a little bit my significant other). I'm kind of tempted to throw out all of my plants lol But I like how they look I think as time has passed, I've been cutting down on my hobbies significantly, lasering my focus onto a few. My body and appearance is my top hobby I'm even getting kind of bored with painting

After about two weeks, I stopped doing nofap because it was causing my stomach to hurt a lot. I feel a lot better now. I think it made me skin look really good though, so I'll continue "nofapping" but probably only do it in 1 or 2 week intervals.