JuMpZ

Day #39/90 Today was packed with family plans. Rather than get anything done, I was out of town for most of the day. Not a lot to comment on, because I actually struggled really hard to get sleep last night for no apparent reason. I didn't hate today per say but I kinda wish I had time to work on my artwork. Fortunately I'll have plenty of time tomorrow to get everything I wanted done, so I'll allow the lack of progress in my studies today. A break is fine every now and then. What I'm thankful for: Having room for a break in my schedule for once. I have untold stories of overworking myself severely. This semester is a distinct change of pace. Goals for Day #40: Do thumbnails for next painting Start making keyframes for next animation Assemble Spring Portfolio

Day #38/90 Today was quite productive, but it was also very fun because I got to use a train local to my area for the first time to visit my family back in my hometown. It was plenty more convenient than expected and I got a really nice sketch in: "First Ride" (Medium: Non-Waterproof Ink and Waterbrush in my "Ugly Sketchbook!") I'm very excited to share more artwork with you guys soon! I've been very driven in this first week. What I'm thankful for: The benefits I have as a student. Goals for Day #39: Start homework for next week Spend time with family Start assembling Spring portfolio

Thank you very much 😊

Day #37/90 Hard to believe I was so in the zone while working on my digital painting I forgot to submit my journal entry! I am impressed with myself but also aware that I should have definitely taken breaks in the 8 hours I sat down painting 24/7. I couldn't get to my other work but I'm not too worried about that. I'm glad with what I was able to accomplish yesterday but now I'll have to shift into full gear today to get my other homework done. I did manage to sleep at a somewhat reasonable hour, but not midnight. Not a lot to talk about because my entire day was spent painting. Here's how it turned out! I wouldn't say it's finished, but its at a quality I can submit it in. Digital Painting Assignment 1: "Anger" Egg Painting (Medium: Digital) I've still got a bit of work to do before I can call this portfolio ready but considering this is my first digital painting, I'm quite proud of myself. It seems my traditional studies have paid off.

Day #36/90 I'm up far too late tonight. I have a bad habit of getting too far into the zone and becoming time blind when working. It might sound like a good thing but I'd say it's to my detriment the longer it goes on. Productivity falloff is real when it comes to working 24/7. After the first 2 hours or so, I start focusing in on the details that are irrelevant but I become so tunnel visioned I lose sight of the bigger picture. As a result I end up doing less work as more time goes on. In any case, today was very productive outside of my late working hours... rinse and repeat tomorrow! (Except, being up until 5am...) What I'm thankful for: A seemingly easy semester. I will take full advantage of my time. Goals for Day #37: Render final details on digital painting. Work on animation revisions. Work on portfolio related work. Find an acorn for next painting project. Sleep at midnight.

Day #35/90 My plans for today got completely derailed, due to the stormy weather. My plan was to stay on campus for a majority of the day, but I ended up wanting to beat the stormy weather and wound up back home after my morning class. On top of that, all the peers I would reach out to for a productive session were not around, so I really struggled to be on top of my work today. In any case, I did get some work done, and I am still on track to turn things in tomorrow, I just wish I were more efficient with my time. What I'm thankful for: The opportunity to study under a highly competitive art program. I fought VERY hard to be in here. I cannot let this opportunity go. Goals for Day #36: Work on animation work first thing in the morning With any extra time before class, work on digital painting work, and aim to finish said painting work after class. Take time to relax. Not mindless idle time, actual scheduled time to relax.

Day #34/90 Today was truly productive. Unfortunately I couldn't get out of the house due to severe storms happening in my area, but I did reach out to a peer within my program and spent hours being productive alongside them on Discord. Today was an absolute success and i look forward to how my projects will pan out this week! What I'm thankful for: People believing in me when I don't. Goals for Day #35 Finish first animation assignment completely. Finalize digital painting. Avoid naps like the plague. Learn some more about piano on your breaks!

Day #32-33/90 Wow, I REALLY hate the way I slept through a majority of each day. Yesterday I spent nearly the entire day in bed, but managed to make up for it by investing a large amount of time in the evening getting as much work on my digital painting done. Today however, I woke up at 12:30pm, dozed off and woke back up again at 3:30pm, got out of bed at around 4:45pm, dozed off at 6:45pm, and am awake again at 10:30pm. This has to be the worst day I've had in terms of activity, and I feel awful about it. I even neglected journaling yesterday. I'm going to try and work until midnight or 1am tonight to see if I can make up for a fraction of my lost time... What I'm thankful for: Not having a mountain of work this weekend... Goals for Day #34 Leave the house to get work done. Don't give yourself room to doze off in bed.

Day #31/90 Without even realizing it, I am a third of the way through my 90 day detox! Time really does fly by. Overall I haven't felt an urge to come back to gaming, even with peers that are still actively into playing games to the same extent that I used to. Honestly I do find it strange that I have been able to completely let go of games like this without feeling some sort of mental resistance. I'm not sure how to phrase this properly but I find myself either being so unhealthily immersed into my games I lose track of the fact I've played a game for nearly 8+ hours, or completely disengaged like I am right now after telling myself to commit to quitting games, without feeling the urge to return. I'm kind of an all or nothing kind of person when it comes to this, which is why moderation just flat out doesn't work for me. As much as I wish there were a world where I could enjoy video games without it obstructing other avenues in my life, I care much more about a world where I achieve my dreams of becoming a professional artist. I am excited for what the future holds. But for now, I should really be getting some sleep, despite having no class tomorrow. What I'm thankful for: Having my own room. Goals for Day #32: Get photo reference and start working on my digital painting assignment tomorrow. Work on animation homework. Practice figure drawing (do at least 10 1 minute figure gestures before doing animation homework to warm up) Take proper breaks. Try setting a timer for 1 hour and every time it goes off take it as your cue to step back and really pay attention to how you're spending your time.

Thank you for the thoughtful response. It definitely comes down to patience for me, I can't expect to see great change come out of nowhere. I think as long as I'm able to actively put in an effort I'll start seeing good things in the long term. I'm likely undergoing changes that I haven't taken time to reflect upon because all that tiny progress each day adds up. I'm wishing you the best in your endeavors!

Day #30/90 Today was pretty laid back. A bit too laid back for my liking, to be honest. I spent a lot of time idling and procrastinating, but I still managed to get things done for the night. I've always sucked at being proactive... even in spite of video games being in my life. It's shocking I've gone this far in academia with my tendencies, but here I am actively trying to fight against my bad habits while still hanging on. Tomorrow I'll be meeting up with a peer in my program to work together on classwork, so that will definitely enable me to be more focused. I cannot make the same mistake I made last semester, that being my inclination to stick around at home, not being nearly as productive as I could be if I were in say, the library. It's the first week, but I need to be conscious of what I could do better for the weeks that approach me, to ensure I'll stay on top of my schoolwork and portfolio. What I'm thankful for: The patience some of my peers have with me. Goals for Day #31: Finish up animation work. Gather photo reference for digital painting assignment before the day is over. Find some time to work on portfolio oriented work. Take real breaks. Walk outside, disengage with visual arts; anything to break the inefficient cycle of sitting down for far too many hours on end.

Day #29/90 Animation class was fun. I had the same professor last semester and he is very funny. We shot video reference today for our first assignment, which I will more than likely share progress in tomorrow's entry. Walking from campus and back has forced me to integrate even the slightest exercise, and it feels very good. Didn't work on portfolio work today, but that's okay. Tomorrow there will be plenty of time for that. What I'm thankful for: My compassionate professors. Goals for Day #30: Work on animation homework after taking a 2 hour nap after class. Make room in the day for portfolio oriented work.

Day #28/90 I went to class today (digital painting), and got introduced to the medium. I've never done digital painting before so I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of work I'll be producing. I got a lot done on my cone/prism painting, but I'm not quite ready to ask for feedback yet. I think with a little more of a time investment tomorrow I'll be more than ready for in-depth feedback. My time today was somewhat productive. Definitely got sidetracked a lot, but I'll find some strategies to boost my efforts. What I'm thankful for: The optimism that still remains that I'll be able to pass portfolio. Goals for Day #29 Get digital painting homework finished. Start trying to finish Cone/Prism painting.

Day #27/90 Not much happened today. I moved everything I needed from my mother's place to the house near campus. I will say, the liveliness of being with college peers definitely lifted my mood a considerable amount. Maybe this is the change of pace that I need right now. Tomorrow is the first day I attend class in person. I'm sure I'll adapt just fine, and I'm hoping I keep busy after class. I'll definitely have homework assigned and now is the time to get even more serious about submitting for portifoio this March. Wish me luck. What I'm thankful for: My supportive roommates. Goals for Day #28: Readjust to the college life slowly and be kind to myself if things aren't as smoothsailing as I'd like them to be. Work on my cone/prism painting. Ask roommates for critique.

Day #25-26/90 Yesterday marks the first time I've missed a journal entry. My depression symptoms have been slowly getting worse as the time to reintroduce myself to my studies approach. I had a good time with my friends yesterday, and I even managed to get some sketching done, but any time outside of that from my previous entry to this new one had been largely spent in bed, watching YouTube, or sleeping. Can't say I'm proud of the way I've spent my time, but tomorrow is the day I move back in with my roommates, with the following day marking the first day I attend class in person. I'm sure the reintegration process into the school life will break the inert nature of my day to day life throughout this week. I don't really have the energy to bring this up, but I have a lot to say when it comes to video games. Overall, my urges have been kept under control, and I don't currently fear a relapse, but I also acknowledge that's because I've replaced it with another time-waster (Social media; YouTube being the biggest culprit). Goals for Day #27 Settle back into my place. Set up painting still-life and work on the cone/prism painting project. Take a walk around the block before it gets dark.

Day #24/90 Today went slightly better than previous days, so I guess that's a win. I felt slightly less dejected about the way I feel about my current life, and I did manage to do more creative work (painting, sprite animation). I also spent some time with my sister and played some mini golf, so that helped raise my spirits a bit. My classes are going to start soon and I am hoping that eliminating games from my lifestyle will help foster a more focused version of myself. This semester is extremely important, and can make or break whether or not I'll be allowed to continue in this art program. I've been fighting to get in this art program for years and I don't want to lose this opportunity now. It's a lot of pressure, but I think I can manage to make it through. Previous semesters have been very rough for me and my mental state has definitely had some terribly rough patches. I think this semester will go much better though, I have grown a lot from those difficulties. What I'm thankful for: Being able to feel my emotions. I recall times I've been so depressed I felt incapable of feeling anything. Goals for Day #25: Wake up and take a walk (if it's not raining). Get up before noon. Spend some time with a friend as planned. Start up the sketches again. Work on portfolio painting.

Day #23/90 Once again, I struggled to get myself out of bed for hours. It was rainy and I wasn't able to go out for a walk as a result. However, I did get to work on my painting today, even if not for long. Otherwise, I felt super demotivated doing anything throughout the day. I just hope getting back into the routine of attending classes will help get me gain the momentum to keep pushing forward. What I'm thankful for: My hands. Goals for Day #24 Get out of bed before noon. Take a walk if it's not raining. Work on portfolio painting. Cover the cone/prism painting with the correct values and ask for feedback before the end of the day.

Day #22/90 Man, today felt like a complete blur. I definitely feel like my symptoms of depression kicked in today as I spent the majority of my time sinking into my bed. No walk, no painting, no keyboard practice, no sketching, no reading. I just spent time on my phone and sleeping. It's unfortunate that things turned out this way, and I hope it doesn't become a cycle. At the very least I'm up right now working on some animation work, but it's already midnight. What I'm thankful for: My goal of becoming a professional artist. It feels like it's the only thing keeping me going these days. Goals for Day #23 Get out of the house. I'm actually going to make this my only goal because I feel like setting these arbitrary goals were helping but also stressing me out. If I can at least go outside tomorrow, I think that alone will have an impact on the trajectory of the day.

Day #21/90 What an exhausting day. Spent the entire time celebrating with my sister. We had a great time with her friends. Not much to say to be honest. I'm exhausted. I'm just gonna sleep soon. No sketch today either, but I'll allow it. What I'm thankful for: Having a lot of energy today. It felt good. Goals for Day #22 Morning walk. Work on portfolio artwork. Continue practicing keyboard. Animate for leisure. Start to brace self for beginning of semester next week.

Day #20/90 Wow, day 20 already? I say that, but I know why I haven't been feeling urges for video games, and it's because my watch time on YT has been creeping in slowly to substitute part of the void created from playing so many games. In terms of sucking all of my time away, it's not nearly as egregious an offender. I've seen myself achieve higher productive levels in the last 20 days than I have in a while. Although I'm not complaining all that much, I still need to do something about my watch time on YT. On a more positive note, I actually got a lot done today, despite being up super late last night (not that tonight is all that much better... but at least I have a chance of waking up before noon lmao). I actually have some pretty cool sketches to share, and I also started to learn some super basic stuff on keyboard! I know that when it comes to investing in a new hobby, it's going to take a lot of push from me to get the delayed gratification that comes with commitment; I can't just half-ass my attempt at learning the keyboard or it won't stick. It helps that I've always had an inclination for working with music (I grew up messing around with music software, instruments, and creating mashups), but I never actually took it all too serious. I would love to take my understanding of music to greater heights; heights that will potentially make my better known language of visual arts speak to that level of musical understanding. I think there's so much potential there. But yeah, I walked today with the intention of sketching, and I ended up experimenting with wash pen and ink for the first time in years. It was very fun, and that's a super good sign. Who knew that not giving a care in the world about how things looked could actually end up yielding some unexpected results? I'm not even talking about how good it looks, I'm talking about that feeling of truly enjoying myself and being in my element, I'm actually super glad I felt that today. Here are my sketches! One more thing to mention for tomorrow. It's my sister's birthday! So I doubt I'll have a lot of time to work on my projects but that's okay. This is a lot more important! What I'm thankful for: My rollerblades. Saved me a lot of time getting from campus and back. Also very fun! Goals for Day #21: Spend quality time with my sister. Potentially sketch while on the go! Meditate, even for a short amount of time once the day is over.

Day #19/90 Man, it's way too late for me to be up. It's great that I'm being highly productive, but why does it seem like I'm only able to attain my flow state in the dead of night? This is something that has troubled me for as long as I'm able to remember. I will be sleeping right after posting this. My day started off very slow, but I started gaining momentum throughout the day. I worked a bit more on my cone prism project, and I managed to get some sketching done. I've been working on Blender related work for the last 5 hours or so, for the intents and purposes of integrating 3D elements into my sprite animation work. I spent some time with my sister in the evening, so that was nice. Otherwise, there isn't a lot for me to comment on, other than the fact I ended up not studying up on learning the keyboard again, but I'm allowing the procrastination since I'm doing other productive things. It's pretty late (or early... I guess), so I've decided to post my sketchbook entry when I wake up later today. What I'm thankful for: Being surrounded by ambitious people. I don't think I'd be this hungry if I weren't around them. Goals for Day #20: Walk in the afternoon, and potentially sketch. Continue cone/prism painting taking peer critique into account. Continue animation work. Study up on keyboard for beginners (This time, I'll actually do it!)

Day #18/90 Today sucked to be honest. I had 0 motivation to do anything today. I stayed in bed for an extended period of time and spent all my time dozing off throughout the day. Things slightly picked up towards the night. I made slightly more progress on a portfolio piece. Instead of a sketch, I decided I'd show progress on that painting instead. Burnt Sienna Cone/Aquamarine Blue Prism on White Background (Medium: Gouache) I've talked about this piece before, but I've been so nervous about messing it up that I'm not as far along as I'd like to be. I'm still in the first pass of applying tonal values, and I'm trying to maintain the integrity of the value/temperature relationships along the scene at this phase. What I'm thankful for: My youth. Goals for Day #19 Walk in the morning. Continue cone/prism painting with no fear. Do sprite animation projects for a less serious artistic endeavor. Study up on keyboard for beginners (I've been procrastinating on this for so long. I think once I push myself to take the first step, I'll engage more easily.

Day #17/90 I've definitely been experiencing some sleeping problems. I slept for an excessive amount of time (12 hours) and ended up feeling so out of it today. However, the art walk that I attended ended up being very fun. Walking amongst a large group of friends from art gallery to art gallery was an absolute blast, and I got to indulge in a nice sketching session. I know that I had mentioned that I would post my sketches daily starting today, but I'm currently exhausted in bed so I'll more than likely edit this post in the morning to include what I sketched during that outing. I named this new sketchbook "the ugly sketchbook" and am trying to approach the sketchbook with 0 concern with how things look. Whether or not others understand what they're looking at is irrelevant to my goal of trying to push out thousands of ugly drawings before I start making good ones. I wish I internalized this when I first started doing sketchbook work, even if I'm still in the process of doing that to this day; letting go of perfectionist traits is very difficult. What I'm thankful for: Seemingly not having as many connections broken off from quitting games as expected. Goals for Day #18: Take a morning walk. Continue portfolio related artwork. Make more progress on animation work.

Day #16/90 Today was honestly a pretty slow day, for reasons mentioned yesterday. I anticipated me being up so late (1pm...) would be a huge momentum killer for all my planned activities. I ended up not walking today, or work on my underpainting, which didn't help my case at all. Fortunately, my sister pushed me to go out with her and hang out at a mall, and an arcade as well. She took me out to eat some ramen and I got to do some sketching in a new sketchbook. This new sketchbook I'm working on is meant to be as welcoming to me as possible, and I did so by putting 0 care into the ink I placed onto the page on the first entry. I want to make it clear that quality is the last thing I should worry about in this sketchbook, and it should be focused on creating the habit of placing ink onto a page daily. Not much to say otherwise. I'm currently doing some sprite animation but I'm going to try and sleep very soon to recalibrate my sleep patterns before my classes start. Also, I have decided that I will be trying to post an ink sketch daily starting tomorrow. I won't promise that I'll be consistent but it should incentivize me to draw more often, so expect some crude sketching, or who knows, something that might surprise myself. Oh yeah! A ton of my friends are planning on going to an art walk downtown. I am very excited to attend this walk and I definitely will be taking the opportunity to sketch. Something I'm going to remind myself right now is to not be so obsessed with being productive. Sometimes, I should just be content with my life regardless of whether or not I was able to produce anything. I need to stick to this idea of trusting the overall trajectory of my changing lifestyle, and there will most certainly be dips. What I'm thankful for: My college campus being less than two hours away from home. Goals for Day #17: Walk in the morning. Start underpainting. Have fun on the art walk with friends! Continue doing some more animation work.

Thank you very much! 😁