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Rusaw

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Everything posted by Rusaw

  1. Thanks! I may have to ask @‌AlexTheGrape for advice on fencing.
  2. Day 3 after relapse Had a pretty good day so far. I'm currently watching the Rio Olympics again. I've also been looking around for new activities to try out. For example I'm thinking about getting into martial arts not karate but more like HEMA (Historical European Martial Arts). One reason for this is because they study historical fighting techniques and I'm a major history buff anyway so that's a win for me. I'd also like to learn how to use a sword the problem is I can't seem to find any HEMA clubs in Florida. I've found fencing clubs but I'm not really interested in fencing but I may give that a try too. I don't know it might be fun.
  3. Day 2 after relapse I didn't get a chance to post this yesterday so I'll just post this today and post again later tonight. Anyway yesterday I visited my therapist and told him about my relapse and what caused it. Later I went shopping for some school supply's and pretty much spent the whole day in town. However, I did manage to make it back home in time to watch the Rio Olympics.
  4. Day 1 after relapse I didn't really do much today except watch some funny video's on YouTube in order to take my mind off my depression. I've also been preparing for Fall classes I'll be taking three classes this Fall two of them are on campus while the third is fully online. Which is nice since during the summer I've been taking classes fully online. Plus in Fall I'll be able to socialize with my classmates in person rather than online or over the phone giving me the perfect opportunity to work on my social skills and make friends.
  5. You're right Cam you can't truly avoid depression. However, the best way for me to remedy depression is not to dwell on the fact that I'm depressed but it is a good thing to acknowledge it. That way I can figure out exactly why I'm depressed and focus on something that will make me happy especially since gaming didn't really help my depression this time but only added to it.
  6. Well I relapsed for six days it started on August 1st. I've relapsed before but I've never lasted 30 days without gaming before I relapsed back when I first tried to quit. However, the difference between this relapse and the ones I had years ago is that I actually put some thought into why I relapsed this time. Which I discovered was caused not just by boredom as I first assumed but by depression as well. I also discovered that the longer I gamed the more depressed I became but I was also aware that I failed my detox this time and so as I gamed I was constantly reminded of that failure. I also realized that being depressed is the whole reason I started gaming seriously in the first place. This is largely due to being constantly bullied around the age of five up until I graduated from highschool and moved out of my moms house because I was bullied at home too by my stepfather during those years. However, the reason for why I was depressed this time was due to my lab partner bailing on me when our group project was to be turned in. But I relapsed due to a mixture of both boredom and depression mainly depression though.
  7. Day 30 July 31, 2016 My lab partner quit on me so I had to do what was suppose to be her half of the research as well as my own and submit it. I also had to write 2,000 word essay explaining what I'm gonna talk about in the PowerPoint Presentation which is something that I had to do by myself as well managed to finish it all but man do I hate it when the people who are suppose to help me with the assignment quit. This is exactly why I hate working in groups when it comes to school work they always expect me to do it for them even more so now since I'm heavily focused on my education rather than gaming now days. Mainly because I'm determined to get my degree and make my dream job a reality.
  8. Hello Math_00, I kinda get anxious at times too when I have to talk to new people its definitely not something I'm used to doing but I'm working on it. Anyway congrats on starting your journal.
  9. Day 29 July 30, 2016 I didn't really feel well this morning woke up with slight fever but managed to get over it. After getting over my fever I took long walk then came back to help my sister pack her stuff since she's heading back to Texas tomorrow morning. I also did some meditating and homework although the fever I had earlier this morning kinda drained me and I didn't want to really do anything productive today. But I did and managed to get half of next weeks school work finished so I guess I could relax and focus on other things at least for awhile.
  10. Day 28 July 29, 2016 I had a slight craving to play a video game today and I'm pretty sure it was caused by me showing my nephew's how to play a game yesterday before leaving the room. However, this craving was different than the other cravings since my mind tried to trick me into believing that I could play in moderation now. However, I know I can't since this very thing happened before when I tried quitting the first time and the second time. Now the first time this happened I was convinced that I could play in moderation by myself so long a I set an alarm on my phone that was meant to go off every five minutes in the event that I ignored it the first time it went off. Which it did and I disabled the alarm after he went off a second time. The second time I got this idea in my head I asked my younger brother to set his alarm to go off after two hours and check on me to make sure I got off not only that but to unplug it and take it in his room so I wouldn't get any funny idea's. Which he did although, I picked the lock to his bedroom and stole it back once he was asleep then barricaded my bedroom door with my dresser before I began playing to prevent him from taking it back until morning. Luckily I was aware of what my mind was trying to do and instead meditated in order to clear my mind it worked and now I'm more focused on my goal's than ever before. This is also my third craving during my entire detox and I've managed to resist all of them so far.
  11. Day 27 July 28, 2016 Today went very well I did more walking today than ever before once in the morning when I woke up then at noon and finally I went for another walk an hour ago. I did this to help me think of ways to help my cousin. I could of walked with him but I needed some time alone to think of something for us to do together. Now all that's left to do is ask him if he'd want to go somewhere to hang out. But I still have doubt's that he'd want to hang out since he believes its my fault for why he got his stuff confiscated. Now I sorta played a video game today although I don't really consider it a relapse since the only thing I did was show my nephew's how to play the game before handing them the controller and walking off.
  12. Good point although I'm not sure what we can do together that he'd enjoy that doesn't include watching YouTube all day. I could invite him to go swimming, to the theme park, for a run, or to play paintball. But I'm not sure he'd want to do that at least not right now since he's still pretty pissed about getting his stuff taken from him. Maybe he'll want to go later that is if he can stop moping.
  13. Day 26 July 27, 2016 I had some difficulty with my lab partner for this weeks part of the group project. She doesn't seem to be doing her part of the assignment if she doesn't do her part I'll just submit my part of the assignment to my science teacher. However, I was able to finished my assignments for my music class this week. Now my cousin has calmed down a little bit he's still upset and totally bored out of his mind. So he's only been sleeping and eating for the last two days. He's also still pissed at his own mom as well since when she found out he wasted the money he saved up for college on Yu-Gi-Oh cards she called him to give him an ear full. He mentioned something about attending a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament somewhere in Orlando which is what he wanted to go to. He really needs to grow up because this is ridiculous but I can't exactly force him to change.
  14. you just describe me to perfection 5 years ago. When that heavily addicted, games are really likea drug. Take themaway and he will get anxiety spikes and desperately want them back. You have to treat it like a drug - he's going to say and do anything to get it back. I know we are treating his problem like a drug we took all his electronics and sat him down to talk to him about it that same day he just ignored us and looked at us like we didn't know what we were talking about and instead accused us of bullying him. Granted I guess I can understand why he believes we are bullying him since we took his stuff away from him. But all we're really trying to do is help him he just doesn't see it that way.
  15. Day 25 July 26, 2016 Today was a bit better considering what happened yesterday with my cousin. For instance I managed to get some sleep last night but that was because he was so pissed at me that he didn't even want to look at me but it was my room so he just walked into the closet and slept in there. Still sorta worried about him cause he's acting very strange but he did just have his games confiscated yesterday. Its a shame you have to do that to a 20 year old but he needs to grow up. But anyway I've been doing well with school and yesterday I talked with my therapist we talked about things going on in politics and even The Slight Edge book I'm reading and how I'm applying that philosophy to aspects of my own life.
  16. Well I've already established that I could read, write, do homework (like I've been doing), go for a walk, learn a language, and go swimming. So the other things I could do are attend meetups, go out for a night on the town, go dancing, sing karaoke, learn to play an instrument, go out on a date, go hiking, go camping, see the sites. Gee there are a lot of things I could do I just got to do it instead of procrastinate.
  17. Day 24 July 25, 2016 Well today didn't really go so well and the main reason for that is because I didn't get any sleep at all last night due to my cousin who is staying with us for the summer playing his Nintendo ds all night as well as walking back and forth all night long. So yeah didn't get to go to sleep and my God he's 3x more addicted to video games than I ever was. Matter of fact he's extremely pissed at all of us in the house right now since we confiscated his Gameboy, his cell phones, and his game consoles. Now let me give you a quick rundown of what my cousin is like. First off, he's addicted to gaming to the point to where he play's 20 hours a day 7 days a week. He also neglect's his own personal hygiene and his responsibilities. He is now blaming me and the rest of my family for his games being confiscated. He also feels entitled to a job even though he has zero desire to work. However the sad thing about all this is he is 20 years old and still acts like a Goddamn child and I don't know what to do with somebody who clearly doesn't want help so what should I do? Now I tried introducing him to game quitters but that back fired since as mentioned above he clearly doesn't want help. He seems to become very aggressive if you even suggest he has a problem. Which he clearly does he just refuses to acknowledge it.
  18. Day 23 July 24, 2016 Came very close to relapsing today luckily I caught myself and canceled the installation before it was finished. As for what triggered what would been a relapse if I didn't catch myself. Well this morning I woke up and got online only to notice that I got even more homework dumped on me for the summer. So feeling irritated I decide I'd watch some YouTube instead of doing the work. While watching I got an advertisement for a video game from one of my favorite game franchises and I couldn't skip it either. So after seeing the whole ad I jumped on my ps4 and attempted to reinstall the first installment of the game that was advertised to pass the time until the sequel is released or at least that was my original plan. Only one problem the game I was trying to reinstall from psn was going to take 10 hours to reinstall. So I had to find something to pass the time so I went ahead and did my school work only to come back 3 hours later and see its only at 5% installed. However, at the same time I realized my craving to play the game has ended so I took the opportunity to cancel it while it was still trying to install. matter of fact my ps4, xbox, and wii u are still plugged into my TV but I don't want to get rid of them just yet I'm hoping that after I finish my detox that I'll be able to play in moderation but right now I can't. Then again who knows maybe after my detox I may not want to play video games anymore but to give up video games completely just doesn't seem like me and I'm not even sure I want to give them up completely.
  19. Day 21 July 22, 2016 Okay I understand I didn't post this yesterday but that was because I working on my group project for science most of that day and well into the night with my lab partner. Once it was finished I decided to relax by reading more of The Slight Edge and got so caught up with what I was reading that I lost track of time and by the time I realized it was midnight I just decided to go to sleep. Day 22 July 23, 2016 I started off my day by reading The Slight Edge. Then I checked up on my grades for school before heading to Downtown Disney with my sister, her kids, and the rest of my family. While there my sister and brother were playing that Pokémon Go app that they both downloaded. Now we're all back home and I'm now listening to some relaxing music but I will do some more reading before I go to sleep tonight.
  20. Day 20 July 21, 2016 Started reading The Slight Edge its a very good read. I also did some meditating which is very relaxing and helps me clear my mind allowing me to focus on what's important instead of getting side tracked with internet browsing. My group project is also going well all that's left to do with it now is make PowerPoint presentation. Also I'm getting very annoyed with this Pokémon Go craze I'm so glad I don't like mobile games never really been a fan of that stuff I preferred playing PlayStation or Xbox before I decided to quit. I have to say though I still miss gaming but I'm well aware of my inability to play in moderation I wish I could play in moderation but I can't I tried before a few years ago but failed and went straight back to playing for 16 hours straight. But I haven't played in 20 days now so I'm quite proud of myself for sticking to my goals and making this commitment to quit.
  21. Day 19 July 20, 2016 Okay today went well I guess I couldn't really do much outside since it was storming most of the day. But at least I did get some exercise and fresh air I also did some more reading and I see I got some book recommendations so I'll check those out. The homework for my music class for this week is now finished so I can focus on my group project for my science teacher which is good because I've got until Sunday to finish it and I don't want to disappoint my lab partner on this one.
  22. Nothing is wrong with Spanish its actually one of the many languages I want to learn I just can't decide which one I want to focus on right now since I have a growing desire to do something very similar to what Cam does which is travel to all these cool and exotic location's all over the world. Which my growing desire to travel is also fueling my desire to learn these new languages. However, I'm still not so sure I'd want to travel so far away from my home country just yet so once I get the chance to do some traveling I might take a trip to either Canada, Mexico or South America. So as for right now though I'm just experimenting with foreign languages at random just until I find one that I like the most once I find it then I'll fully commit to learning it but for now I'm just experimenting.
  23. Day 18 July 19, 2016 I did some meditating today and began reflecting on my past. One reason for doing this is before I started my detox I asked myself why I wanted to quit gaming I just didn't ask myself why I started gaming in the first place. Once I asked the question though while meditating it came rushing back although these were memories that I've been suppressing for years and used gaming as a tool to help me suppress the bad experiences. So anyway I started gaming because of bullying by both students and teachers at the age of five which is how old I was when I became addicted to video games. The bullying continued for years at least until I moved to Florida and went to a private school which is when all of it stopped. So now I understand why I started gaming in the first place I also realize that up until I started my detox that I was just running away from the problems I faced instead of coming to terms with the past experiences. Also my goals are pretty much the same as before but today I've only managed to accomplish focusing on homework and experimenting with new languages. Oh! and meditating (will probably make meditating a daily thing before I start my day). By the way do any of you guys have any book recommendations?
  24. Day 17 July 18, 2016 Wow! I'm sorta shocked that I'm 17 days game free. I say this because I normally give in to my cravings at this point but I didn't and I'm glad. Also I was recently put into a group by my science teacher so I'm gonna use this opportunity to socialize and hopefully make a new friend. So for now my goal's are Find a new language I want to experiment with before I fully commit to one language.Find new books to read.Focus more on my school work.Get some exercise.And finally attempt to become friends with my lab partner.Although, my lab partner for this group project is a girl and I don't want her to assume I'm trying ask her out after starting a conversation that's unrelated to the project we are working on together (that's if my social anxiety doesn't get the better of me at that point) I seriously just want to be friends with her.
  25. Hello Simon and welcome! I'm looking forward to following your journal.
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