Faroe Islander

Up and down on the days, on average I'm still maintaining the pace through I had to make some sacrifices on the grades. I have to choose between just letting go of the semester or committing for a whole week more, my mental hasn't been the greatest, but I passed everything. Now all there is left to do is to choose what to focus on, I know that long term watching videos, even in small amounts is not sustainable as it ends up leading me back to old habits, that leaves restarting the journey of quitting cold turkey again ahead. I want to decide whether I should do it or not and I'm going to take at least today to find my reasons and why I want to quit, I don't want this to be another half-hearted effort, those do not lead me anywhere and unfortunately they have been way too common recently

Committing to a day of break from the internet 14:00 -> night I have been too inconsistent with my schedules and habits and started to believe that I couldn't do it, I intend this to be the second stepping stone to help me hopefully get back on my feet. I'll comment how it goes

Sunday now, will spend day studying when I get there and prepare for exams and psycologist, been putting it off for too long but I finally got an appointment

Almost done with exams, couldn't focus on much right now I'm just trying to keep my good habits and not lose them to time and entropy I guess

Thanks a lot @Paul A.I'm going to try to give 1h/day to be introspective + try the Pomodoro helps and see if I can get out of the exam period, already have some travels scheduled with friends for that time, now it's just a matter of getting there. Good luck to you as well and thank you for your input, I'll keep it in mind and see which Pomodoro time helps (maybe 50-10?) and try to dedicate more time to hobby searching. Btw one of this days I have to ask you for your discord contact or something, you seem like an interesting person

Little by little Paul, we are here for the long run you can manage it we are almost there, it will get better as time goes on to wake up and do the exercise, specially when the increases aren't as relatively big / the consistency with witch they are increased gets lower. You got this hope the you can get your appointment with the nutritionist and switch careers soon. Take care

Been going through a period of serious burnout, when it comes to games or videos I didn't touch them to much but I also didn't do much overall which is concerning considering the upcoming exams. I can't seem to find my pace of last year when I could put in 12h/day of work on average and still keep and upbeat attitude about it, right now I'm lucky if I can get 11h/day and my average is probably closer to 9-10h/day. I don't know what it has been, maybe it's the increased workload, the environment (I moved and it's a bit more messy), my enjoyment of the subjects (which has decreased) or a combination of all the above factors, right now even some of my closest friends in the degree and class have also experienced this, which is at least somewhat comforting, since it is not just me it is something also experienced by some of the top students in class. It is still frustrating though. Right now I'm going to try to focus on the things long term. + 1-My "worst" days of internet now only last up to 5h after that I go out and at least get some fresh air to let it out and get better 2-I don't find any enjoyment in videos which is an upside but it has also led me to see that I don't really have big passions anymore or don't look for a lot of information/projects anymore, I'm just kind of drifting for a bit 3-My health has improved a bit, my back doesn't hurt as frequently and I have tendencies to hate sweets or processed foods instinctively (like I can take a bite and know that I don't really like it) 4-Had a lot more experienced and got more control over my introverted tendencies, I still like thinking alone and being by myself but now I can actively choose to go out more with friends have more experiences outside my house or meet more people 5-Amount of time spent on the internet has overall gone down (these days it should be averaging about 1-2h/day when I count the bad days, much better than the average 4h/day I used to have but still not enough 6-Managed to keep the amount of calculated risks I am taking up (not gone completely back to being risk averted) -> bussiness, groups, dating... 7-took up writing - 1-As said before, no big projects/bouts of knowledge gathering no passion, I'm just drifting and trying to get through the day which even though sometimes it is a bit confortable and better than going through streaks of hatting/loving what I'm doing I hate as it doesn't feel like I'm really alive 2-I'm coming to the realization that I don't enjoy a lot of the things that are in my career and my ways of dealing with this + burnout have not been the greatest (mostly staying inside, trying to continue studying while not being completely in or just defaulting to music/videos to fill in the void) 3-Grades have gone down from what they used to be last year, I'm still attaining marks good enough to pass the classes with a bit of room to breath but my average score is going down from the previous year 4-Can't manage my time go back to games and still wonder why I don't have time for all that I would like to do 5-Became much more averted to pain (not doing as much in the gym/running not exposed myself to more pain can't breakthrough some of the times of the mental hurdles of cravings 6-Became less consistent with habits Goals for this next week 1-Organice my day, get more control over my habits since I have gotten worse at managing them -> waking up at 6:30 once again since it really helped 2-Dedicate time to more passion activities and self seeking ( give one hour of the day for searching for topics of interest -> articles/books + giving myself some time to walk/run/decompress)

Even if I don't fully back Ikar and Yan in their 90 day mark argument I too would advice you to at least take 3-5 days to process, think about and ask friends family, non-gamers and even a health professional if possible for their opinion on the matter. It is true that having a friend with you can help you regulate a bit your game habits but if you switch between multiple of them in the same day or they are into games as much as you used to be you could end up relapsing completely and failing the moderation goal, so keep that in mind. It is also true that chess in itself can have some more benefits and be more social than most games, in my opinion keep doing chess if you want but keep a close watch on how much time you spend with it and what your end goals + benefits you recibe from them are. If it helps you be more social, the benefits you get from it are worth the time you spend on it and you can set and respect boundaries with it (EG you know when to play it or not, + it doesn't mentally consume/occupy you) then by all means keep playing it, it can be a great social and stimulant activity. As an overall summary I would advice you to at least take some time off to consider your situation and ask yourself and other "non-gamers" (family friends...) non gamers things like. Have you done this kind of moderation with friends before? how did it go? Is spending 1-2h + x amount of chess hours per day something you want to do long term? Would it result in a life that seems attractive/good to you? Would it leave enough time for other activities that you also like? Are you ok with the amount of time you would dedicate to work / entertainment / socializing / relax? Are there any benefits for it? Would you like the kind of life/ day to day that have with the games included? What are the benefits, negatives and risks of games in general and for you? Are you the one talking or is it the deeply entrenched game habits/cravings... Take some time off, think about it thoroughly and then choose what actions to take to guaranty a better final result for you be that what it may be. Hope it goes well Paul, you have already done great when it comes to consistency with the increase in sport and the diaries, now take your time and decide how you want to continue with this process. Best of luck to you!

@Paul A. Thanks a lot Paul

It wasn't meant to be I guess, she had some previous bad experience with relationships which I can respect and accept even if I don't understand it completely. At least we had a nice conversation and promised to continue being great friends which is good but it still hurts a bit. I have no doubt that we will continue to be great friends and I'll keep having her support in complicated topics or phases in my life and I'll do the same, I'll just have to look for that kind of relationship with someone else, even if it is complicated.

quite true Paul, though it is sometimes hard to find balance between enjoyment and progress, specially some days. Hope it goes well and congrats on keeping your exercise streak going, really impressive work

3-12 going through it, now I'm struggling and really nervous tomorrow I'll try to ask a friend out I'm really nervous since I haven't done it in a long time and I really appreciate this friend and don't want to throw the relationship away with games and other bad habits if I get it. For now all I can do is just wait and accept what may come out, then adapt to see how it goes and how to get better wether that is to maintain the relationship or if it fails get other chances. Current goals 1-Ask friend out 2-get rid of phone 3-continue working on uni work

2-12 pulled through, managed to take advantage of the afternoon and get a bit of work done while also having time to do some sport went to sleep to late have to work on that goals for tomorros: 1- Go to the library 2-finish theory for 1 of my exams 3- finish the navigation structure of an assignment and do 3 methods of another assignment 4-Do sport

31-12 music and other stuff stayed up a bit late for new year but it is normal 1-12 was nervous, I wanted to take a big risk and spent the morning with music walking outside trying to get decided, the afternoon was my fault though I excused myself until 7 PM and then let games overwhelm me when a friend had to go to the hospital and we couldn't work 2-12 getting back in it the first 2h were more or less wasted apart from some 30m going outside and coding a bit, now I'm going to continue my work and see what I can do. Let's see how far we can go My goals for today: 1-start working on coding assignments 2-go to the library this afternoon 3-make averages to see how I progress

29-12 Got through it I don't remember quite clearly how but I managed in good fashion 30-12 Today was harder, less concentration and starting to feel burned out by uni workload, when I started going in circles I decided to leave and go for a run best decision so far. I let myself go a bit to much, I slept at midday and stared at the ceiling for an hour or so with frustration about my current situation and I had pizza for dinner + I'm going to sleep later than usual, I hope I can correct this for tomorrow My goals for tomorrow are: 1-continue going to the library 2-keep doing sport 3-go to sleep earlier 4-figure out wtf I want to do with life now and after the overwhelming uni workload of this past semester

28-12 Completed, one of the days where I got more done, having a designated place and some people there really works wonders for me, this night I struggled a bit more, I ended up not going for a run and just being satisfied with the 30m exercises on midday, I worry I'm becoming sedentary, at least I managed this time to end up reading instead of relapsing and indulging in activities like entertainment videos games. I'm growing too old for them I don't enjoy them long term, it's just that I sometimes relapse on them feel the relief for like some minutes to an hour and then it is off with me, down to the self questioning and self pity rabbit hole again. I want out and I will keep trying I hope that is enough and this recent revival of the streak keeps going, I just want to move on and finally start gaining the confidence and momentum to get myself to the routines struggles and happiness I want to be in let's just hope that this is enough.

Good work, diet is one of the most confusing things for people to get right since there is not much consensus apart from sugar, alcohol trans fats and processed foods bad moderation good and the confusion in itself can be a huge risk factor. Hope it goes well paul. Btw I read in a book that there are many diets with different effects and a lot of marketing and misinformation around some of them, be careful when picking one and tell us how it goes with the one you choose. Pd: If you have any comments or sources on what diet is best could you send some to me, I have been trying to shake my diet a bit but struggled to get it through

27-12 Went well Woke up, headed to library, studied, had lunch with family and spent the afternoon talking to old friends I hadn't seen in a long time. Talking to people and getting out of the house definitely helped a lot, and also made me realice that I'm still quite bad at talking in groups, I can handle myself more or less in one on one conversations but I really struggle in groups. At least it is a good point of reference and a reminder to also learn to have not shallow but non-deep conversations and talk in groups.

Yesterday went more or less well, today was a new start managed to recover from a slip up in the morning but all was well, the morning went fantastically and so did the early afternoon and evening, then night came around and I collapsed, currently writing this in the early morning/late night hours I just managed to get myself together shower and organice things. Tomorrow I'll follow todays strategy of going and staying outside the house while doing all my chores and tasks and then focus on regaining the habits that used to help me out so much in the nights and mornings when dealing with my problems I still believe in the importance of my identity which an old friend of mine reminded me of "you are a very capable individual faroe, you can do whatever others can do and more, if other people with a brain 2 feet and 2 hands have done it so can you, you just have to believe it, if you think you can't you can't but if you think you can you are already half way there"

Congrats paul, you will get there I'm sure.

21 went well 22 managed to pull through more or less (spent most of the day traveling/doing activities) 23 had it rough and started to default, I didn't have friends to hang out a routine or anything of that sort, I managed to go to the library but just spent a lot of times with music 24 Right now I'm starting to take my first steps tp getting over my rout, this morning I spent with music and trying to get out of the house and do some gardening, I really want to get out of this and hope that traveling, scheduling activities or hangouts modifying habits and environment will help me. There is still a lot I have to rethink and a lot of actions I have to take so here I go it is a start and at least right now I found better strategies and my relapses are just a bit shorter which is something.

20-12 A time of studies and little free time, Today I managed to not slip back into games... which is already a good start, hopefully this time around I'll be more prepared for cravings/other dangerous situations. The strategy of changing my identity has worked well and I will continue to use it, after all the relapse while being bad and stressful also proved again that I'm not someone who enjoys games/youtube. I'm just someone that developed bad habits around them and who will inevitable have to and manage to overcome them for me for my aspirations for my identity and for my relationships which will inevitably decay If I don't keep trying to improve. That's all for now, I am a bit distracted and tired at the moment, I'll go back to studies and see if I can get through the day while also managing to salvage my situation as much as posible

Thank you so much @Paul A. I'm trying my best, let's hope christmas will be good, it's honestly the time I'm most afraid off since it will mean a lot of study and staying indoors time but we will manage, hope you can also make the best of it

Great to hear Paul, I hope you get to enjoy your studies more with the change

Best of luck to you.