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Shell

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  1. Shell

    The Journal

    Day 5 Thanks for your advise Amphibian. I did have a look at that video that you mentioned and found some helpful thoughts in there. What you said is very true.. I do want a new stage in my life and playing that game is not going to allow myself the time and space to fully embrace that! I have had a break for a few days from worrying and thinking about the game and it has been really good actually. I felt like a needed a break so I could come back with fresh eyes. I have not logged onto the game but I do still need to delete it. I do feel like I am getting closer to doing that. I just felt like I need to look ahead for a bit at what I will be replacing the game with. Will keep working on this and am sure I will soon feel ready to delete my account entirely! Feeling positive and hopeful 🙂
  2. Thank you for the support Amphibian 🙂
  3. Shell

    The Journal

    Day 2 Argh, I'm stuck. I didn't log onto the game again today, which is a positive but still haven't deleted it either. The thought of doing it makes me feel sick. The excitement and motivation that I felt for doing things to improve my life have just disappeared today and I am instead feeling unfocussed, irritated, sad and self absorbed. I think I may be beating myself up for not being able to delete my game account yet and knowing that I am not fully committed to letting it go if I can't delete that account.. It feels like cutting my safety net. It has been my safety net to escape my own negative thoughts and in a lot of ways, I think I have been happier during the time I have been heavily playing. It was such an effective escape for me from negative thoughts and situations. Last time I gave up the game and expressed a similar thing to someone (the one person I confided in), they said well just go back to doing that if you are happier and that is exactly what I did. Then you have the moments of surfacing from the game and seeing yourself in exactly the same spot that you were one, two years ago and know that nothing will change while your mind is buried firmly in the game. I have always been pretty slow to process my feelings and think I need to give myself time to get my head around this change. I just worry about the account being there, that it will get too tempting at some stage...
  4. Wow, it has been just over 24 hours and I am freaking out already. The thought of actually deleting my account is unthinkable at this moment. Yes, I have removed the app and my you tube gaming streams and anything else that might remind me but it is like Cam said happens, I can’t stop thinking of how much energy and effort I have put into building my character and city… that is a shit load of emotional attachment to delete in one hit… it is a whole year of my life that I will be deleting.. it is pretty much all I “accomplished” for the year. I was well respected in my guild (maybe that’s why my character is so hard to let go of). I did the hard yards to build that. How the heck am I going to do this? I am solidly stuck on step one on my first day.. at least I didn’t log on at all today.
  5. Hi there, Aussie here who officially quit gaming last night and downloaded the respawn book straight away.. I am so glad I found it as I sure feel like I am going to need the support. I got into games heavily about 7 years ago when I met my husband, who introduced me to Clash of Clans. I had dabbled in games many times before this but it was never an issue. My husband had a terrible addiction to the point that he spent thousands of dollars without thought and was on it constantly, he quit but soon took up a different game in secret and spent even more money on that one... He ended up in therapy for it and gave up totally about 4 years ago and has not looked back. I gave up at the same time to support him but was playing small scale games on the side when I got bored. I own my own business and have been feeling dissatisfied and bored with it for many years now and have thought many times about getting out and doing something else but lack the confidence to do it... Then I found Forge of Empires about a year ago. I have never felt so addicted to anything in my life. I think about it at work, play between clients and as soon as I get home, I am on the computer for hours until my husband gets home from work. I am playing it while we are out, while i watch tv and when I first wake up in the morning. I quit about 4 months ago for 1 month but as soon as I got bored and frustrated at work, I got back onto it, thinking I would control it this time and not let it take over. It worked for a while but this week, I realise that I am right back where I was and getting worse. The reason I want to quit games all together because I can see how sophisticated these games are getting at playing on our vulnerabilities and it scares me how easily I slot into this. It hurts to see my life slipping by with nothing to show for it. I am putting no effort into real life people or hobbies anymore. I want to achieve things in real life, not sit on my computer clicking buttons, getting highs from a false sense of achievement. My main goal now that I have quit is to face my ptsd demons fully (I haven't even been honest with my therapist about playing again) and to have my time back to spend doing things for myself to improve my life instead of burying my head in the sand. Hopefully through this I can gain the confidence to start socialising again and eventually find other things I am interested in and find healthier ways to keep my brain interested and stimulated. I must admit, I am feeling quite scared of the void for now though! Also, I am stuck on step one in Respawn of deleting my game account! I feel ashamed and worried about not being able to do this yet!