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Sashiku

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Posts posted by Sashiku


  1. So, I'm home from my holiday trip home and I'm doing good. I did some Geocaching with my brother and helped take care of all of their chickens and their cat. I had a lot of fun. Some not so good things happened and I had an argument with my dad, but it's a bit much to think about right now. I did play the sims 4 once while at their place because I got a bad cold and had nothing to do, but I was too sick to sit up long and the game ran horribly on their laptop anyway so I stopped playing it for the rest of my visit. Instead I spent most of the visit during my sickness watching movies while laying on the sofa.

    • Like 2

  2. 12 hours ago, Deku said:

    As a fellow aspiring adventurer, I loved reading your intro post. I'm glad you made the decision to quit gaming and I think it was definitely the correct one. The world is an awesome and beautiful place, and I definitely hope that there comes a day when you (**obligatory pun alert**) find you aren't in Kansas anymore. 🙂 

    hahaha. I'm glad to meet another adventurer. Also great to meet another lover of puns. 🙂 I recently started Geocaching and that is opening up a whole new world to me.

    • Like 1

  3. Sunday:

    I have been very tired lately and my legs and hands are swollen all the time so I don't feel like doing much. The swelling just started last week and It's like constant water weight. it's hard to feel like doing anything when you feel so heavy and tired. If I had insurance I'd see a doctor but alas, I still don't.


  4. 20 hours ago, fawn_xoxo said:

    @Sashiku If you find yourself struggling with how to fill your time, I suggest goal setting and exploring your own mind as far as your desires for your future are concerned! Those can unlock possibilities, although scary, they are a door to small changes for our lives.

    Thanks for the tips. I have been setting a few goals lately so I will continue with that. 🙂 I will definitely try to set aside some me time to think about things.


  5. Friday:

    I worked out lightly and did some walking around the complex. *all indoor* I did a few dishes but still have more to go.

     

    Today *Saturday* I am grateful for: Chores. Even though sometimes I feel I hate them, I am grateful for them today because doing chores means I am taking care of myself and I am healthy enough to do them.

    Didn't get much done. There was an event downstairs so I didn't do laundry. Will try to do it tomorrow while everybody is at church.

    • Like 2

  6. 18 hours ago, Silverlining said:

    I used to write. I haven't been able to write anything for the past few months even though I really want to. I have drafts of about 40k words over the years and most of them are just beginnings of stories. 😂 I am not giving up on them yet.

    Do you draw from life? I guess drawing in a park could be good for you if you want to stay out of your room and enjoy your hobby at the same time.

    Wow. That's a lot of words. ^_^ I get art block sometimes so I understand the feeling. And no, I mostly draw from my imagination. ^^ I freehand all my art as well.

     

    Here is an example: https://www.deviantart.com/sashikuchan/art/Good-Morning-737898723

    I did a pretty realistic piece recently but I used a reference so I don't really feel like it's my art. I don't ever use references.


  7. 11 minutes ago, Silverlining said:

    Wow! I never realized this but I also used imagination and reading to escape from reality when I grew up. I never connected them with gaming addiction until today, after reading your post. So, thank you! And I always wondered how I developed gaming addiction out of nowhere. 😄 Now I see that it was actually transferred from imagination and reading, but it was far more destructive to me than any other addiction. To be honest I don't mind getting a little "addicted" to reading or drawing, and I am planning on using my imagination to write stories -- I wrote a few before I got addicted to games.

    Anyway. Good luck! I can feel a positive energy flow from your words. 🙂

    😄 it's nice to know other people can relate to my story. Thank you, I am trying to keep a positive attitude. You write huh? I am rather fond of writing myself but I mostly draw. ^^ I do have an unpublished book however, but it's a kids book. 

    • Like 1

  8. Was gone all day yesterday. Spent some time with my mentors. One of them was older and asked me to come along with her cause she gets lonely. Once I got home I crashed. Today I have a full schedule yet again and I'm pretty glad. I need to clean my house, at least do some dishes and maybe vacuum. After that I want to either do laundry or go grocery shopping.

    am grateful for: This town. It's full of really wonderful people.

    Today I: 
    Did a few dishes, I am trying to do at least one or two things a day chore wise, because I am horrible at procrastinating and I absolutely LOATHE dishes and laundry.

    Worked out - day number 2

    Drew a few rounds of Drawception. I just found it a few days ago. It's sort of like that whisper game. You draw something and after many interpretations, the last drawing turns into something completely different. It's great for practice AND great for cold days where it's hard to find things to do. 🙂

    Spent a few hours messing around on MMD. It's a dance program for 3D models. It was 30F outside and so computer time it was. Tomorrow I think I will read a book.

     

    • Like 1

  9. Day 2:

     

    Notes: Yesterday a lady fell and was yelling for help. I went into her apartment and phoned 911. This is the second time now, I hope she is ok.


    I am grateful for: sleep. I get so tired sometimes that it's nice to just sleep. Even today, I needed a nap and it felt great afterwards.

     

    Today I:
    Exercised for 20 minutes *maybe a bit over* because I was trying out some new stretching techniques.

    Took a half hour nap

    Went to lunch with my Aunt.


  10. 11 hours ago, fawn_xoxo said:

    Welcome to the forums! You are not alone, I am also a woman and feel like I have wasted so much time being in my room doing nothing. I share a little part of that adventurous nature you describe too. Please don't hesitate to ask for help or advice, there are a lot of people here who share experiences and might be able to offer good strategies! From my multiple attempts at quitting I have gathered that two of the most important things are to remember your why and to not leave free and empty time for yourself. The first will be useful once the will power wears off, the second will be useful at any point, cause habits are so hard to break. Now that I say this I recall, this book Atomic habits is a great read and help in this process for me, you might wanna try it out. 

    Thank you, It's nice to know I am not the only adventurous one. 🙂 Thanks for the strategies, I WILL have difficulty filling my time but if I run out of things to do, I can always meditate or get ahead in my studies. I will check out that book sometime too.


  11. So, for my first post, this is day 1. It's pretty easy for me to say I want to quit, hopefully, tomorrow will be a little easier.

    Today I am grateful for: People. Those who are supportive and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. More specifically, The Stinkrat on discord. Thank you so much for listening to me and pushing me in the right direction.

    Today I:


    *Did some laundry

    *Am on my way to Self Development class in 30 minutes.

    • Like 1

  12. So, I moved here to Kansas a little over a year ago and It's been one of the best years of my life. I am going places and doing things, but not as often as I want. Still, compared to last year, I am doing great. Still, I have my share of problems, those problems mostly stemming from gaming.

    I want to lay this out for you carefully and precisely so you can get an idea of where I am now, so here I go.

    I played video games 24/7 or around 7-8 years. They helped me escape from the constant drama, insanity and emotional abuse that surrounded me. I kept playing them after I moved, I thought I wanted to quit once a little while back, but that only lasted a day. I just wasn't ready to crawl out of my safe bubble yet. Even before I used gaming to escape, I used other things to escape. I was isolated for 90% of my life and had always had that safe space where I could disconnect from reality. Firstly by imagination. In my youngest days, I used imagination to take me to other worlds where I could forget everything, even just for a little while. Later on, drawing became my escape, then reading and finally, gaming. Gaming was the best escape because it required little effort and took me to new worlds and showed me things I longed to see in the real world. As a person who is considered blind, meaning my vision is poor enough that it doesn't really count, I have always had the desire to explore, travel and go on adventures. But those things were never something I was allowed to do or something I could ever realistically do for myself. At least, not in the way I imagined.

    My point is, when moving here things were better but I was still afraid to leave my safe place (aka gaming and escapism) because it had become so familiar. I am still hesitant to leave it and I've made some pretty big strides since moving here. For one, I started geocaching. I found my first geocache last month and it was a good feeling. I felt accomplishment and motivation from it. I also have a few other things I have found interest in but I have yet to act on them. Where I am now is much different from where I was. I have noticed a huge rift in my online friendships lately. Even my *best friend* and I rarely talk now. All of my old friends are gamers, and slowly I've felt myself distancing myself from it over the year. Gaming has become a habit and a bad one, it's no longer as important to escape as it once was and instead of escaping, I would like to develop coping mechanisms that work and are good for me. I started exercising a couple months ago, not regularly since gaming has still had a hold on me but amazingly, I walked around 6-8 miles in one day. My Aunt and I spent time at a HUGE new park in Tulsa and we had a lot of fun walking around and seeing everything. By the time we got home, I was exhausted. I loved how that made me feel. I felt tired and felt like I'd achieved something, both of which are great things.

    And now we arrive at the present. I have so many things I want to do and see, however, I am still gaming and it is having a bad effect on me. I developed a bad case of self loathing a few years ago due to how much I play, and thankfully it IS improving, but quitting games altogether would help so much more. I have infinite reasons to quit. My health, social life, activities, friends, my classes, self-esteem, and mostly, I want my life to be an adventure. I'm tired of pretending I am on one via gaming. I may not be able to travel the world or visit every state or even see all of my state, but there are still adventures I can have and have been missing out on. Geocaching, hiking, being out in nature, being part of the community, volunteering, kyaking, ziplining, swimming and exploration, no matter how small the area. It's time I begin the real adventure and say goodbye to the girl I used to be. I can't promise I won't mess up, but I promise to take it as seriously as possible from this day forward.

     

    As for the title of this journal, I want to be the kind of person who isn't always in her room. I want to be helpful and volunteer and just generally be out and about. I also want to keep being kind, and develop a very positive mindset.

    • Like 3

  13. On 4/12/2018 at 11:17 AM, Dannigan said:

    Hey there @Sashiku,

    I see where you're frustrated.  It's a lot to expect of yourself right now.  I think at this time, you feel overwhelmed.  You have a medical condition and also a disorder to cope with.  It's not easy. 

    I have read that having a belief that you 'can' improve, is what determines success in the long-run.  My humble advice would be to choose one small goal.  It doesn't even have to be about detoxing from video games.  Choose one small goal that you can focus on every single day. 

    I can give some examples, but it's you who will decide or not decide.  Doing nothing at all will get you nowhere.  So, that's why I recommend starting very tiny steps. 

    Examples:

    ~ wake up and make your bed every morning [or insert whatever activity], versus getting up and going right to the computer

    ~ wake up and login to a Meet-up website [ do this every single day ], browse the meet-ups for 25 minutes, look for hobbies that you would join

    ~ go for a walk, smile at one stranger every single day

    ~ wake up, but start a journal entry every single day in the morning, same time

    Very tiny steps.  I focused on your social anxiety, to help expose yourself little by little.  Every single step that you accumulate is a success.  You need to start small to feel like you're accomplishing anything.

    Eventually, you'll gain momentum.  And tackle more difficult goals over time. 

    But the first thing you must do....is believe you can change.

    Sincerely,

    ~ Dani

    2

    You are absolutely right. I have been feeling overwhelmed lately and I can change, I'm just doing it wrong. Doing everything cold turkey after 15 years of it feels impossible. Small steps seem like a great idea. I wanted to do the meetup thing but I'm in a tiny town and there aren't any here. I do need to start going back to activities though. I've been locked in my apartment since after I got home and I've just stayed here. One of my introvert moods I guess. I will try your suggestion. And thank you. :)


  14. On 4/2/2018 at 9:39 PM, Dannigan said:

    Hello!  Glad you're taking a couple of days to rest.  Sorry about the recent events.  But it sounds like you know how to take care of your body when it needs recuperation.  That's something I'd like to work on myself as I tend to put too much on my plate sometimes.  

    I do but I don't. Ever since I got home I've been super exhausted and have been doing NOTHING but playing games and feeling out of it. I'm so stressed out lately because I'm WAY behind in homework due to my being gone so much last month. I'm basically forcing myself to be productive in tiny bits because I just can't seem to focus or feel motivated lately. I realized something too. The problem I'm having isn't because I play video games. Video games are the product of my problems. I have had the same routine for 10+ years. *Wake up, sit at the computer, go to bed.* I had that routine for so many years that I don't know how to change it. Every time I try, I find myself pacing or just staring at the walls and being completely bored and unstimulated. I am not a social person so how am I supposed to find other things to do? Also working out is fine I guess but I always forget to. Plus I sorta hate it. It makes me SO tired. Plus nothing else seems to be as stimulating as the computer. When not gaming, I'm watching youtube, when not doing that I'm watching Netflix. My routine has been to SIT for so long. I just don't know how to change it. Reading is fine yea, but it's nowhere as stimulating as a video game or a youtube video or a movie. I feel like I've lost my love of reading. I used to read SO much back before I had a computer. Would turn off the internet if not for my online schooling. Also, the fact that I'm HORRIBLE at making and keeping friends makes life a lot harder away from the internet. I have NO friends away from the internet. I have social anxiety and the internet has always been the best way to make friends for me, even though I still don't make them well or keep them well on the internet either. I guess my point is, I'm feeling very hopeless. My entire life I've felt like I have no value. My parents definitely didn't help that matter.

    • Like 1

  15. My god I'm tired. I started taking thyroid meds again though. I have just been SO BUSY. I went out of town AGAIN this weekend and the week before I was sick. The week before that I was really upset cause my dad was in the hospital. It's been so busy for me. I'm glad to have time to breathe. Just got home and am taking 2 days off to relax. I need it.


  16. Heading to Oklahoma for 9-10 days. See you guys when I return. Also, I relapsed a tiny bit. I played a mobile game for 1 day and quit. Reason: I have been dealing with chronic exhaustion for 2 weeks where I sleep most of the day and most of the night. I haven't been taking my thyroid medicine in months because I am worried I will run out before I get my insurance. It has been months since I sent it in. They are taking ages. I decided to take some yesterday and today but I'm still so tired I can barely even clean my house.I feel like I'm moving very slowly. I hate being tired all the time. I also got my wisdom too pulled and wasn't allowed to eat solid food for a few days which made it even worse. I just want to feel good so I can get out and do things. I hate sitting inside and when I'm forced to, well, relapses happen due to boredom and frustration. Why is it every time I try to quit my health declines? :(

    • Like 1

  17. My goodness. So much has been happening that I haven't been online to update my Journal in a couple of days.

     

    I went to bed at 10pm
    Woke at 5:55am.

     

    Today I'm grateful for:
    Ibuprofen

    Dentists

    My Aunt Debbie

     

    So I have been pretty busy lately getting things done around my apartment. Some cleaning here and there and some organizing. I also had Class Monday and some homework over the weekend. This class is so positive. I can almost feel the positive change it's had on me. The lady who helps teach my class has been SUCH a help. Her name is Jean and she found me a dentist AND some mental health people for me to see for counseling. Speaking of Dentists, the one she found saw me yesterday and pulled one of my wisdom teeth. The dentist was super nice and even gave me a charity form for everything Medicare doesn't cover since I'm low income. I haven't had a dentist in like 15 years because dentists in Oklahoma don't take Medicare I don't think. Kansas is doing everything right for the disabled I tell you. I'm in quite a bit of pain now but I woke up at 5:55 to take medicine and decided to get up because I wasn't tired anymore.

    Lately, I've been filling my time with TV shows and Documentaries but that will probably stop once I get to working on my new project and my comic. My project for when I get home is to re-make some dolls my Grandma had made when I was a little girl. None of her kids remember what they look like, so I'm going to find some scrap material and some yarn and try to completely re-create them from scratch.

    I plan on starting work on my comic as soon as my apartment is completely unboxed, organized and clean, which may not happen till 2 weeks from now since I'm going to Tulsa to sign off on my mom's house on the 13th. I am on her deed. I'll be coming home on the 21st because I want to visit my Dad and Aunt while there.

    It feels great to be doing so many amazing things.

    • Like 1

  18. Day 2: *I kinda messed up but I'm really motivated now*


    Grateful for:
    Pennies

    Freedom

    My Dad

    Neri

     

    I am SO tired today. I had huge plans to get things done but I only did maybe a quarter of the things on my to-do list and ended up falling asleep for like 4 hours. I got some dishes done and vacuumed and failed to get to organizing and finishing my dishes. I still have a little bit of time left today so I'm going to finish dishes probably and do organizing tomorrow. Going to play Bingo tonight at 6pm. Looking forward to it. 

    Had a falling apart with one of my friends. Kinda glad, she was a big problem for me over the past few months. One of those controlling people. I completely uninstalled all of my games and even my RPGMaker stuff.

    Lastly, Ostara is soon. I am going to be in my hometown for a week but I'm scheduled to go home the DAY BEFORE OSTARA which really sucks. I might change my plans so I can celebrate it there. I really wish I could tell my family so I would feel less alone in my journey... Life isn't fair sometimes, however. I'm just going to have to learn to deal with it.


  19. I went to bed rather late last night due to documentaries. >.>;

    Woke up at 11am though. 

     

    Grateful for:

    Jean

    Biscuits

    Friends
     

    I woke up, got ready and headed to the library with the lady who teaches my PPD classes named Jean. WHAT A GREAT LADY! She took all of the bits of information I had pieced together and helped me form them into a working resume in 20 minutes flat. When I got home, I went downstairs at 5:30 and we ate biscuits and gravy! By the time I got home I was exhausted.

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