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Posts posted by championeal

  1. Day 23

    Today I did a lot of reading, reflection, and personal work. When I look back at today and I don’t have these things I can check off in a checkbox, I have to remind myself that it was still a good day. School has so ingrained in me a process of homework, grading, and feedback. I haven’t been in school in five years and I still feel that pressure. Not everything in life is going to be given a score, a progress marker, etc. Working on myself is definitely very fluid. I can tell I am changing, but the only thing I can say with finality at this point is that I don’t play games anymore. Everything else kind of feels up in the air. The days have been good. And I’m taking things day by day. I’m just trying to figure out where I’m going.

    - Neal

    • Like 2
  2. 17 hours ago, dasvira said:

    I am reading the "Heart of Buddha Teachings" by Thich Nhat Hahn for the third time. I really like this book and it was THE book who rescued me from nihilism 7 years ago. I don't agree with everything in it, but AFAIK it is the most accessible and comprehensible book of Buddhist teachings. Contrary to most monks of an Asian background, the author is quite open minded and ecumenical with other Buddhist schools and western philosophy in general. Also he preaches only what he lives himself, which I think is admirable.

    Good stuff. I like Thich Nhat Hahn's books as well for similar reasons, the open mindedness and accessibility of the teachings. How I usually find new books is just to read everything by an author that I like. So, if you really connected with that book, I definitely recommend the other ones.

    • Like 2
  3. 2 hours ago, Jason70 said:

    One thing I realized is that, if I think too much on doing something other than looking at something screen related then I won't want to do it, so I will try to limit my thoughts on things like homework and exercising and reading because once I actually do it I am happy.

    I also tend to be an overthinker. The thoughts are almost always worse than the thing itself.

    • Like 1
  4. Day 21

    I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated today. Thought about gaming. Thought about YouTube. Thought about Netflix. Instead, I decided to read, read a lot. And yes, I am so thankful that I read. For a few reasons: (1) I have now started on the book I committed to read for my friends book club (2) My difficult feelings dissipated (3) I feel a renewal of energy.

    When I would turn to gaming to avoid these difficult feelings, it only served as a distraction. Gaming only made me feel better while gaming, and the moment the games were off, I still felt the same as before, if not worse. Respawn talked about restful activities. Gaming is not restful. Reading is restful. Restful activities rejuvenate. I need to remember this when I feel like avoiding.

    - Neal

    • Like 1
  5. On 12/10/2020 at 12:13 PM, BryanJaz said:

    It's awesome to see how you've taken a bad situation and are trying to improve yourself from it. I find that very admirable and I'm looking forward to seeing how you grow from this. Keep it up!

    Thanks for the support. Yes, it is from difficulties that we grow.

    On 12/10/2020 at 8:54 PM, Jason70 said:

    Sounds like you've been doing great so far, keep it up!

    Thank you for reminding me to think of all the good that has come from this so far.

    • Like 1
  6. Day 20

    First time I'm posting in the middle of the day. Switching it up. The past couple days I've reached the end of the day only to feel too exhausted to want to write anything down.

    I am currently struggling to stay disciplined in my free time. I find it filled up by a lot of consuming YouTube lately. Without gaming, I'm like a sponge, ready to soak up what's around me. Gotta keep choosing things that build me up.

    Goal for today: pomodoro practice 4 of the skills I have been wanting to learn. That's only two hours of commitment! and yet it feels like so much...plenty of time left in the day though. If I sit around again I know I'll feel shitty and if I do some practice I know I'll feel accomplished. So time to get some discipline.

    Two hours, four skills, okay let's do it.

    - Neal

    • Like 2
  7. 9 hours ago, Hai said:

    My school is hosting an event on the game "Roblox" as part of a recreational activity for students. I was tempted to sign up but I know I would relapse after what happened last time.

    Congrats! The decision you made takes resolve. I think it's worth celebrating every moment we have the chance to game and choose not to 🥳

    • Like 1
  8. 2 hours ago, rivers said:

    I'm not ready to quit, but that's the thing.. I don't think I will ever be ready. There will always be more games I want to play or more things I want to achieve in old games. I'm going to do it anyway though.

    It's the leap of faith necessary at any big moment. I don't mean "faith" in terms of religion, but faith in yourself that you will be able to see this through. I think that being "ready" is a lie we've been convinced of as a necessary step before we start. Really though, all we need is to be committed to keep going and take it one step at a time from there.

    I wish you the best in pursuing your artistic vocation.

  9. 5 hours ago, codepants said:

    I don't feel stuck, I just feel... ironically, like I'm at the end of a really great, expansive game. I've done all the quests. Talked to all the NPCs. Upgraded all the upgrades. ...now what?

    Sounds like you've done a great deal of self-reflection. Maybe now is the time for action. But, unfortunately that's a question no one can answer but yourself.

  10. 9 hours ago, alvayuso said:

    I hope tomorrow starts as good as today :).

    Seemed like a good day. Glad you were able to enjoy some things on Day 2, and you had a friend to support you.

    9 hours ago, alvayuso said:

    so I went into his website and bought 'Respawn'

    Super solid stuff in here. I still go back to reference it and the reflections I wrote down from it. 

    • Like 1
  11. Day 16

    Taking action - I started an online book club with two friends who I’ve felt disconnected from for too long. We’ll get to enjoy some good books together and hopefully get some time to catch up and chat too. I’ve never been in a book club before so this is all trial and error. We all mutually decided on reading Shōgun.

    Memorable moment - My brother and I were driving around our town today. When we were driving past a field, we noticed geese. An absolute enormous mass of hundreds of geese spread out over just one field. We decided to step out of the car and say hello, but the geese got scared and flew away in a tidal wave.

    To the small steps and small moments.

    - Neal

  12. Day 15

    Looking back at today, and the last few days, I’m realizing I enjoy my time way more at work than I had been. Work used to be a thing to get through to get to the free time and the fun stuff. Lately, time spent at work is a joy. I’m just a barista, so I don’t work any sort of special job. Something about my overall attitude just feels better. I can’t think of any specific moment where I decided to enjoy my job more. It just has sort of happened. Taking gaming out of the picture really gives space for other parts of my life to shine.

    Quote of the Day:
    “Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.” - Earl Nightingale

    - Neal

    • Like 1
  13. Day 14

    Highlight of the day: I spent about an hour tonight on the phone reconnecting with a friend I hadn’t talked to in a few months. I’m usually nervous about phone calls, but it all just flowed. Felt so good that I didn’t overthink what to say and flowed with the conversation.

    Self-gratitude: Two weeks of gaming detox complete! I woke up early today and even still my energy is much higher than it was last week.

    Let’s keep the weeks coming!

    - Neal

    • Like 1
  14. 13 hours ago, Tabula rasa said:

    Nice, I slept before midnight. A great start and the friend accountability thing worked!

    Congrats! Accountability is definitely another way to go. Use what works for you 👍

    • Like 1
  15. 2 hours ago, Tabula rasa said:

    This diary entry is for yesterday. Straight up, I failed with sleeping before midnight one again. I’m getting a friend to keep me accountable for today (Saturday) so today will be the day I’m back on track. However, I did manage to do the other dailies with the exception of reading. I’ve also finally got a start on getting back into study after a long hiatus and have organised the materials I need.

    If you're staying on the computer past your desired bedtime, here's a suggestion that has worked for me. I set a timer on my router to shut off every night. I also don't currently have the password to my router so I have no way of changing it back. Now, I could use my computer without internet, but I've realized that most anything I would want to do is online. Maybe this would work for you too.

    • Like 1
  16. 3 hours ago, Jason70 said:

    One thing I have to do though is for the future study the dictionary maybe. While English is my first language, there is so much vocabulary and grammar I do not know of. So best would be a grammar book and the dictionary. Let me know if you have any suggestions! 

    Sometime ago I was into this too! I'm always impressed by authors that can use the just right word to describe a feeling or situation. I used vocabulary.com for awhile, but didn't have the discipline to stick with it. I didn't have a goal to go with it. Seems you have the goal of your novel writing though, so that's a good motivator for learning words.

    • Like 1
  17. Day 12

    Today was a tiring day. Felt dead tired after work. Laid around for a few hours until my energy came back. Actually, my energy didn’t really come back until I decided to start doing stuff. Even though I felt so tired, I decided to join my stepmom to bake some holiday treats. I believe that’s what sparked my energy. After that, I was excited to workout even though it was late at night. Gotta remind myself to get moving even when I don’t want to, because right now I think it’s more of a mental block than anything.

    Movement sparks the energy.

    - Neal

    • Like 1
  18. 13 hours ago, Pochatok said:

    Showerthought: Isn't it weird how the direction in which our mouth opens isn't aligned with the teeth? Like, if you smile wide, the corners of your smile will be looking into the void- cuz the teeth goes in a circular curve, while the smile is a flat-ish line.

    Glad the showerthoughts are back!
    Day 13 just wasn't the same 😁

    • Like 1
  19. 3 hours ago, Jason70 said:

    some stopped talking to me but some still do, despite disagreeing, so maybe I should keep in touch with them?

    YES! No need to throw all your friends out. Friends can disagree, what's important is they respect your decision. When I first quit, my closest friend for years was continuing to game, and I thought we needed to stop being friends. There was a couple years that I didn't talk to that friend, and I made the whole transition unnecessarily hard on myself. I'm thankful that we have since reconnected and I've realized that our friendship was more than just gaming.

    Also, I wish you luck in finding your new friends. I saw above you are interested in rock climbing. Awesome! This is one of my hobbies, and I've found it is great for being social. Let me know if you have any questions about getting started.

    • Like 1
  20. Day 11

    I’ve been noticing my energy being higher this week. And I’ve stopped having annoying dreams of video games. THANK GOD, because that was getting hard to wake up to every day. Still, whenever boredom creeps up definitely the first thing I still think of is gaming. It usually takes me a few minutes to fight that internal battle before I can move on to doing something productive. But today felt especially good. After work, things just flowed for the most part. From exercise to dinner to reading to music practice to language learning back to reading to now. I’m hoping to keep that momentum into tomorrow.

    Following the flow.

    - Neal