mountmartin

38 days without video games. It’s been over two weeks since i updated my journal. I haven’t played video games during these weeks even thought I have had strong urges to do so. At one point I made my plans to go back to gaming and even decided a day when I would play again. A day before I was going to play I found an article in New York Times about video game addictions. It made me reconsider my plans to play and reminded me why I decided to take this journey in the first place. I can see that emotional side of me would like to go back to gaming. I remember all those good and funny moments that I have had in games during past few years and I would like experience those moments again. On the other hand, rational side of me knows that there is no way to go back to gaming anymore. It won’t work. What if I play 3 hours a week? No, let’s say 3 hours every two weeks? Really. Like what am I going to do during those three hours? It would take three hours to get back to track after these weeks without gaming. Then I would need another three hours to really make an impact in a game. Then another three hours.. It’s never ending. There is no way I would be able to play only 3 hours a week or two. I hope I don’t sound too black and white when I talk about emotional and rational side of myself. I know it’s more complicated than that but hopefully you understood my point. This experience where I almost fell back to black hole of compulsive gaming helped me to ensure my decision not to go back to gaming anymore. For those of you who are interested to read NYT article that I mentioned, I added link below. I hope it will help you to stay in this journey like it help me. www.nytimes.com/2019/10/22/magazine/can-you-really-be-addicted-to-video-games.html Martin

21 without video games I'm doing great. I haven't had cravings to play video games after my previous update and i'm not interested to take contact to my friends in ps community anymore. I'm motivated to do 90 day detox and i feel that i will be able to do it this time. My life is going much better direction now and i have no interest to go back to gaming anymore. I don't have much else to say this time. Everything is good now. I just wanted to come here and give a brief update where i'm going now. I'll be back. Martin

Thank you Jani for sharing your story. I'm glad that you find your way back in this community. It doesn't matter did you play 7000 or 10 000 hours last year or how many hours you have played during past 10 years. Don't let those things take you down. What really matters is that you are here now. I hope you will be able to spend those next 7000-10 000 hours to move forward things that really matters you most. I wish all to best for you journey. Martin

Thank you Jared for sharing your story. In a way your story was again one remind for myself why i needed to quit gaming. I was plugged in that fantasy world for years too. I wish all best for your journey to respawn back to real life. Martin

17 days without games. These few days after my previous update have been full of ups and downs. I have felt cravings to play video games few times but more than that my feelings have gone up and down. Sometimes it feels like a roller coaster. My biggest goal now is to finish my master degree at the end of this school year but at the moment workload from uni feels heavy. There is so much things i need to do. Articles that i need to read, papers that i need to write and courses that i need to accomplish. Sometimes it feels overwhelming. Beside this i have a part time job that is not related to my studies. I'm grateful that i have a job but i often feel that i'm wasting my time doing a job that i don't want to do in future. I don't have any passion towards that job even though i think some of those skills and knowledge i have gained from it can be useful in future. I have tried to make schedules in order to manage this workload but i usually fall behind those plans sooner or later. I'm afraid it will happen again. Time is on my side at the moment but eventually it will run out if won't get things done. I have thought about my gaming friends lately. I would like to know how they are doing and have they tried to contact me. In order to do so i would need to sign in to my psn account but i think it's not a good idea. They were part of my gaming habit and in that sense part of my addiction. Social aspect of gaming have been one important part of my addiction after all. I'm afraid that if i contact them it will raise cravings in me and eventually lead me back to gaming. That have happened before. Moreover, i don't feel they are my real friends. They are good people but when i shut down my console our friendship, our shared moments in games and "brotherhood" are all gone. There is none of that if i'm not online. That is not a friendship that i need. I want to hang out more with my real friends. Thank God i still have them in my life. They are all good friends and i have known them for years. Even when i had my darkest moments with my addiction being depressed and ready to hurt myself i didn't stop to be contact with them. I'm grateful for all of them. I'm grateful that i have never hurt myself. Thank you Bird by Bird for your message. I agree that we have to be honest where we are going in this journey and not to deny anything if we do relapse. I just hope we could be more patient and forgiving with ourselves (i'm saying this to myself too). Most likely all of us will experience relapse at some point but that is part of this journey. For myself it's easier to see this as a journey that continues to move forward no matter did i relapse or not. Days are moving forward anyway. I will be honest about it if i do relapse. My goal was to update this journal once a week but yesterday i felt that i need to write these thoughts down. Just to get them out of my mind. It's easier for me to breath now. Time to continue my studies. Martin

Thanks MuMuMelon, i appreciate your words! Martin

Today i have been 14 days without video games. I feel relieved. I have had long breaks from video games before but this time everything feels different. When i quit gaming two weeks ago i decided that i will stay out of all video games and games related content like streams, news etc. During these next three months i want to take my mind as far from video games and gaming culture that is surrounding them that i can and take time for full recovery. It's cold turkey style but i think for me it's the only way to succeed. I have tried moderation countless times before but failed every time. I have followed this forum for over a year now and i think that many of new members in this forum take a bit too harsh attitude towards 90 days challenge. I understand that it's important to take time for recovery and set clear goals for ourselves but we should not think that if we relapse during 90 days it means that we have failed to accomplish our journey. It is neither the end nor failure. I would say that it is more like temporary step back. Every time we take those steps back we learn something new about ourselves and our addiction. For me those steps back have showed that i'm suffering addiction that cannot be cured by moderate gaming. It has also showed me how fast i go from zero to one hundred when it comes to video games. Even if i have months behind without video games it takes only few days to be all in with gaming again. Few hours turns to all nighters. For this reason i think that if someone relapse during 90 days it is not necessary to go back to Day 1 and start all over again. It can be pretty hard to strike 50 days, relapse and go back to beginning. Instead we should see this as a long hike where 90 days is our first milestone. During that time we battle against our addictions. If we relapse, we gather ourselves up and continue from where we were before relapse. After 90 days we can take a new direction and set new goals for ourselves. I think it's more important to be committed to take this journey and do our best rather than try to make perfect 90 days strike without any steps back. Fortunately this journey to recovery does not to be perfect. My goal is to update this journal once a week so i will be back when i hit 21 days! Martin

Hello everyone! I'm Martin from Norway. I have had problems with video games since my early childhood. I started to play Nintendo in 90's and moved later to Playstation consoles. I have played game series like Super Mario, Metal Gear Solid, Tekken, GTA and finally Overwatch among many others. Past 4 years i have played video games more intense manner and it have effected heavily on my studies, works, relationship and much more. Last two years i have fought against my addiction by cutting down time that i spend playing, taking long breaks from games (weeks, even months) and taking console etc out of the house (just to take them back inside again). After all this adjustment and moderation i can still see how fast my addiction grows strong if i give any change for video games. Two weeks ago i made decision to cut out this vicious cycle of addictive gaming and everlasting procrastination. Today i have been 12 days without video games. Special thanks to gargamel. I have read your journal during this year and your texts (in addition to Cam's YT videos) have helped me to recognize, accept and finally let go of my video game addiction. I won't be able to update my journal every day, not even every week but i will do my best to keep you guys track where i am going with this journey. This is the start for a new chapter in my life and i will do my best to succeed this time. Wish me luck. Martin