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Everything posted by ChamomileTea123

  1. ________ 27th of June ________ Since I have quit gaming and more into improving myself, I have known a man who is older than me, very mature and knowledgeable. I do have a bit crush on him but it surely won't get to anywhere. Talking with him makes me feel happy and has more purposes to strive for a better life. I no longer get involved in that PUBG group, and I am so happy about that. Also their nonstop conversations, which I don't need to know.
  2. ________ 10th of June ________ After 14 days, I finally know... the way my PUBG friends think about me doesn't the same as how I think about them. I have talked to them about hobbies, about doing online video call so we can talk about our days instead of playing game and talk. I don't want to play PUBG. But they never reply my message, they ignore, and only talk to each other about gaming. Whenever I want to talk to something daily life, they just read and pass. For the whole last 14 days I was some crazy talk to myself alone. And then they want to play, they tag my account name, they say, why are you so quiet? let's play, come on, are we friends?, I miss you, let's be a team, why are you so selfish, come on! Even when they have their own problems, they spam on message and want to get my attention so later they want me to say sth, you seem sad, no worries, let's play tonight. I am sad though, I even thought PUBG world with my friends is even better than my reality. It's all lie, there is nothing better than my real world. I don't want to be a clown trying to act crazy anymore. Nights are time for me to write journal and read books, I don't want to live this life to please them again, one more time. I hate PUBG, guys, and you guys never accept that, all you guys want from me is to play PUBG in a team 4 people. I have to learn how to say NO.
  3. ________ 26th of May ________ Last few days I couldn't do anything really productively. My mind flew around, I felt urgent to play games, to check social media. I felt so disturbing. I wanted to find something on the internet to replace the lacking of gaming feeling. I felt so distressed, very bad. I felt extremely bored even I was rounded by a list of tasks need to do. I was overwhelmed by studying and working but somehow, it was just too boring. I set up the Internet rule for me and just following it I felt like I have no purpose for life. Gosh, I just hate how the Internet made me become. I only played the game on the 23rd of May, I couldn't stand it anymore and ended up borrowing my best friend's phone and played PUBG for 9 hours straight. Even now my brain is feeling so bored. I read the books, I studied, I worked. After that is the endless boredom. I wonder when will this syndrome end? All I want to do now is surfing Youtube. Hope next 7 days my situation will be better.
  4. ________ 19th of May ________ - I just want to have someone in the world to know. Suddenly living without gaming, I feel stressed, about the future, about my study, about my future career, about family about life. I used to use gaming to run away from reality, whenever I put my smartphone down, the beautiful world just collapsed. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't have many friends. Since I was a kid, I am always a weird one. I got bullied, I became a popular topic for friends to make a joke about. Now I have only 3 best friends living far away from here for studying, and I am be like their big sis, who is happy with my life and be generous to give such helpful advices to them. Or it is just me? Pretending I am so strong and having such perfect mental health. My parents, in their eyes, I am a daughter that could be successful on every track I would choose. In their eyes, I am so perfect with passion and endless devotion myself to study and to be a better person that makes them feel proud. Asian parents, what could I expect more? Since I started to use Reddit last year and read about Asian parents, I had to agree on so many points, especially the way they educate their children, somehow, unfortunately, put them far away and cover themselves with masks to please their parents. I love my parents, no doubts. They gave birth to me, that's all. When the night comes, I start to feel lonely and a burdening weight on my shoulder. I wish the night never ends, never. So I can live in this world forever, without being worried facing the morning, the deadlines of everything. I just start to feel I hate sleeping since Monday. Now am I replacing gaming with nights? I guess so. Their daughter has to be strong, has to be successful, has to make them feel proud of. Behind this "trying-so-hard" mask, I guess, I am just a normal person that deserves to have some depressed moments, take this mask off, who knows how long I could stand. Find a personal notebook, right, good things show off, bad things hide away, for only me, to bite it alone. Tonight I am just too tired. Tomorrow, their daughter might be back because they want so.
  5. ________ 16th, 17th, 18th of May ________ Long story short, everything is fine. I was so into studying and working so I didn't really remember that I have a journal here. >> Actions: - I read books everyday, 4 books so far. 50 is my goal. i just love reading books now. - I don't remember what is it today in No reddit/youtube streak. But I feel perfectly good to live without those. - I studied most of the time, on my laptop as well so I guess it's very hard to do "No devices challenge after 6 P.M", like yesterday I learned coding till 1 A.M. - I did want to download few games back, as my rewards. Thanks to my self weeks ago, my tablet has no SD card, I can't download any extra app in my old tablet. - My friends ask me to play PUBG with them in 1 hour at night (once per week). I did play with them in 1 hour, talked, had fun, they are my best friends but now living in different cities for studying. After 1 hour I just turned off the phone and gave it back to the person I borrowed it. I don't have any smartphone. That's all. __________________________________________ Total time of playing game : 1 hour About my journal, I bought a book so I can practice Solitude and Reflection. So I won't write it in here anymore, I mean, how can I practice Solitude with strong Wifi connection and a bunch of bookmarks in front of my face? Next report will be posted after 7 days.
  6. That's very true. My last tries I didn't give up on social media, especially which related to gaming. It caused me so much trouble and stress and I ended up rolling back to the mud. Gladly this time I take different actions, cutting down social media and to be honest I don't feel any regret about it and quititng gaming is much more easier.
  7. ________ 15th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: None - Social media platforms : Reddit, Youtube (blocked) | Zalo, Discord >> Actions: - No devices after 2 P.M. - Finished The thorn birds, Digital Minimalism and reread 13 reasons. Finally I came back to the love of book, I used the a person of books and gaming destroyed my beautiful habit. - 3rd day of No reddit/youtube challenge. Perfect fine! - Oh wow after just few days and my eyes already getting better. No more red eyes and eye-touching. - Best weekends so far 🙂 Hopefully next week I'm gonna do more than this. __________________________________________ Total time of being online by laptop : 4.2 hours Total time of playing game : 0 hour __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal : Just few days and I already noticed the benefits of quitting gaming! I even found out goodreads site is so amazing and have my own account now! Joining reading challenge of 2021, pretty late in comparison with others but well better than nothing. Thank you myself in the past, I don't miss LINE CHEF at all! Thank you mom, dad for bringing me to life. I will live my life to the fullest! ___ Streak Study JP : 5 days (0) No devices after 6 P.M. : 2 (+1)
  8. ________ 14th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: None - Social media platforms : Reddit, Whatsapp, Zalo, Youtube, Discord (blocked) >> Actions: - From yesterday I set up a rule for myself, no devices after 6 P.M., completely peaceful with natural. Yesterday at 5:27 P.M. I just put all my devices into a big bag and that it. I have read 356 pages of The thorn birds - great novel, 77 pages of a self-help book as far as studying Japanese. - 2nd day of No reddit/youtube challenge. Still perfect fine! I don't crave for music either. It's true that we can live without Youtube... but it is still helpful for studying eh? - Successfully talked to 2 closest friends on Whatsapp that I no longer use this platform ! Time to say goodbye to Whatsapp. - About endless Internet surfing while studying/working, still thinking a strategy for this. __________________________________________ Total time of being online by laptop : 6 hours Total time of playing game : 0 hour __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal : Thank you myself, last night was so perfect ! I did think wtf I should do but then just pick up 2 books, and ding-ding 11 P.M. If I missed classes, forgot to study, it was my fault. If I couldn't manage time to study and finish my work during day (that I know I could but I was just sloppy and surfing internet all day), then I had no right to ask for extra device-using time at night, my inner self and metal health needs rest ! ___ Streak Study JP : 5 days (+1) No devices after 6 P.M. : 1 (+1)
  9. ________ 13th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: None - Social media platforms : Reddit, Whatsapp, Zalo, Youtube, Discord. >> Actions: I am no longer struggling with only gaming, everything is under control, now I will just using this journal to start a war with "Being online" habit. I will post my steps here and improvement of not only staying away gaming but also the Internet (except Educational purposes) :) - Decided to delete old Discord, goodbye gaming friends! Make new one to keep contact with my international friends, we rarely talk, maybe once a year... - Block Reddit and Youtube for next 3 days. I did block Youtube for the past 3 days and everything worked! - Trying to convince two only last people that i contact through Whatsapp move to Zalo or Discord. Gonna cut down Whatsapp. - About endless Internet surfing while studying/working, is there any tips/helpful strategy? __________________________________________ Total time of being online : 7.2 hours Total time of playing game : 0 hour __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal : Well, what should I say? It's so hard to speak positive world when the environment is negative. Speechless. ___ Streak Study JP : 4 days (+0)
  10. ________ 12th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: None - Social media platforms (all, not only about game anymore) : Reddit, Whatsapp, Zalo, Youtube. >> Actions today : > Last night Studied JPN like hell. Went to sleep at 2 A.M., was overthinking and stressed myself about dumb stupid things. > Morning I woke up at 6 A.M. Breakfast with oatmeal + banana again, I wonder if they put heroin in there, it's unstoppable to eat ! Went out for few things, Covid in here is getting worst, was scared af when going out. >Afternoon I slept like a pig, was to tired, woke up after an hour and did my work then playing game like hell for the rest of afternoon, I ate dumb foI thought about what to cook in dinner. __________________________________________ Total time of playing game : 1 hour __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal : Thank you government, I know you are trying so hard to keep our country peaceful and be ready with the next silent war - 2nd round of Covid Attack! The street today was so empty, wish everyone the best, stay safe! ___ Streak Study JP : 4 days (+1) Practice Piano : 2 days (+0) Mediation : 1 day (+0) Hot tea : 3 days (+1) Project : 1 days (+0)
  11. ________ 11th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: None - Social media platforms (all, not only about game anymore) : Reddit, Whatsapp, Zalo, Youtube. >> Actions today : > Last night After every thing else is done, I talked to a senpai for a while before going to study Japanese and practice piano. I have found an app for studying, it helps users to count the time with lovely UI designs! Last night was amazing before midnight, I felt hard to breathe again, all I did from 0 to 2 A.M. was sitting and binge watching Youtube before I could be able to sleep back. I made hot herbal tea, but the situation didn't get better. > Morning I woke up at 7 A.M., I didn't hear the sound of 4 A.M., I felt pretty bad and urgent to play games. However I successfully stopped myself to do that. Breakfast with oatmeal + banana again, this times I used mashed banana as "sugar" part for my breakfast, and few more slides on the top with honey. It was very yummy! I love honey! After working for a while, I cooked lunch with tofu and beef. Now I enjoy cooking in reality than in games. >Afternoon I thought about what to cook in dinner, I did touch my tablet for several times, sadly this time instead of enjoying the present, I used social media on my tablet to discuss with friends about how useful books are. At least I didn't play games though! Dinner ended up with potatoes, carrots, garlic and spring onion with 3 slide of pork. Am I too strict to myself? __________________________________________ Total time of playing game : 0 minute but felt like I was almost losing my mind! __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal : Thank you mom, dad, grandparents, teachers and friends. Just feeling to say so even some of them doesn't really take part in my life. I am enjoying the moment of present with essential oil diffuser, I love the smell of sweet orange oil, a cup of hot herbal tea, everything is so calm and peaceful... I just love this moment than noisy world... Time to study though! Oh wait, I started to notice I am enjoying the present than when I played HI3, LOL, Ragnarok and Cooking games like hell! ___ Streak Study JP : 3 days (+1) Practice Piano : 2 days (+1) Mediation : 1 day (+1) Hot tea : 2 days (+1) Project : 1 days (+0)
  12. ________ 9th of May ________ I got sick, did nothing, what a bad day ever. I hardly could breathe for the whole day. Finally my healthy got better in the evening, was worried about getting Covid. Total time of playing game : 36 minutes. ________ 10th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: Ramen Chain - Social media platforms (all, not only about game anymore) : Reddit, Whatsapp, Zalo, Youtube. >> Actions today : > Morning My health isn't fully recovered yet, woke up at 4 A.M. However I didn't complain, there is no time for negative thoughts. I took this chance and prepared oatmeal with egg and banana breakfast. It was very good. So basically I can make good meals without playing cooking games. This is 2nd day of healthy breakfast streak. The rest of the time I didn't touch the game as well, wasn't in good mood. I did spend time to study Japanese in noon, my head was burnt like hell. >Afternoon My health was better. After taking a rest for 1 hour, I decided today would be the first day I do "Digital Detox Night" so I would upload the journal in afternoon. And the actions of evening would be no need to be reported cuz.. I don't use any devices..? However I changed my mind. I'm going to use laptop only, to study some specific subjects. I already block all social media sites for 3 days, unable to unblock before the day. Actually I don't have any problem with doing digital detox, I rarely check them. But so long time I didn't do this, well, this is a better start. Next post will be uploaded with new form : Last night - Morning - Afternoon. I finished my meal before 6 P.M. , vegetable with boiled eggs, 2 pieces of pork and soy sauce. Another healthy meal after so longgg time. I have to be healthy to work and study. I love studying, how can I do this if I keep putting detrimental food into my stomach? __________________________________________ Total time of playing game : 0 minute. __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal : Thank you myself for taking back the baby steps today, 2 days constantly studying Japanese, what else I could say? Bravooo!! Do you feel headache? Do you feel so bored? Keep it up, ignore those stupid feelings, remember your last victory was made by you! You did study like hell! Yesss! Hard work pays off!!! ___ Streak Study JP : 2 days Practice Piano : 1 day Mediation : 0 day Hot tea : 1 day Project : 1 day
  13. I come from Vietnam, I already took the IELTS test (International English Language Testing System) last month but it will be expired after 2 years. Ahaha I took the one of Cambridge English exams and it's the only one will be expired by the time follows. After reading your comment I just notice that. Thank you for caring about my goals!
  14. Thank you so much ! I want to have a professional website for myself and become a trilingual (at least), currently my English isn't perfect yet, It will take a lot of time. I just love the way people can communicate by more than 2 foreign languages fluently. (ノ*゜▽゜*)
  15. ________ 8th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: Kingdom Dash I finally delete this !! ...but I downloaded another cooking game ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚ , Ramen chain - Social Platform I use to update the news of the games : None >> Actions today : > Morning After thinking for whole morning, before lunch, I decided to log in to get today daily rewards and deleted the game. Thanks to dopamine level finally got low this time. I didn't do anything today, feeling so sloppy. I ate hot mixture of oatmeal and creal and a bunch of banana slices with watermelon this morning. >Afternoon I got bored and I didn't want to come back to Kingdom Dash game so I just scrolled and downloaded a random game in Google play store named Ramen chain and binge playing for 1 hours 16 mins. I am so addicted to cook something! The feeling of making amazing food with special ingredients to serve people and receive happy smiles back is just too good! >Night I didn't do anything today. I don't want to touch anything except Ramen chain. __________________________________________ Total time of playing game : 4 hours 56 minutes __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal : Thank you myself... you finally say goodbye to that manga and Kingdom Dash. But now you are playing Ramen chain like hell. You didn't even have any plans to do. Please don't oversleep on your early victory!!!!! ___ Missions tomorrow: [ ] Study Japanese for at least 1 hour 30 mins [ ] Pratice Piano back at night after coming home [ ] Focus on your website, what else to improve? [ ] Make a serious plan for the project, I have been delaying it for too long!! [ ] Keep up with the healthy breakfast like today! [ ] OK! Don't download any extra cooking games I beg you! You can play Ramen chain, but don't put more pressure on me please!!! (´;︵;`)
  16. ________ 7th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: Kingdom Dash - Social Platform I use to update the news of the games : None I skipped the 6th of May because I was too nervous and just binge-playing so many randomly games I can from the store. Thankfully my stress was gone yesterday and I gained my control back. >> Actions today : > Morning Absolutely no gaming, was too happy due to my best result of studying progress. So I spent the whole morning to work and celebrate myself. >Afternoon I worked again, still in happy mood and was daydreaming about my future goals so no game as well. >Night I noticed I didn't play the game today so just login for few mins to receive daily rewards! __________________________________________ Total time of playing game : 6 minutes __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal: Thank you mom and dad. I will try my best to achieve my dream! Thank you so much my dear self, what a long way you have made alone. You overcame your fear, you decided to move on gaming and many other bad habits, to be the real you. Together me and you, we will see even more beautiful things around us. Being present is the keyword, not being online. I guess getting rid of gaming addiction this time is easy with me eh.... I already made it under 10 minutes just in few days... but war is war, no matter where it happens and how much damage it causes. Do your best tomorrow!
  17. ________ 5th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently (Tmr I'm going to delete uninstalled apps from the list): 1. Kingdom Dash - Social Platform I use to update the news of the games : 1 Twitter (Just deactived half an hour ago from this post) 2. LINE (Deactived account) 3. Discord (Deactived account) >> Actions today : - Delete Discord > Morning After waking up, I tried my best to not think about gaming. I spent time to learn how to build a website. Then I cook lunch meals. Everything was going very well. After finishing dishes, I went to play game for 10 minutes as personal reward. I decided I should be more serious by deleting Discord ! I was delaying by an hour because I would lose friends in discord but well, finally I took a deep breath and do it without thinking. >Afternoon I worked again, to build my website. Absolutely no gaming for whole few hours. I didn't stick with my smartphone during the meal but my laptop to code few things, I really enjoyed the dinner tho. >Night I checked the game for 7 minutes then went to read book and work on my laptop again by forcing myself to put my tablet down. I went to other room. However I did scroll Reddit for more than 1 hour before bed because I was so bored. __________________________________________ Total time of playing game : 17 minutes __________________________________________ == Grateful Journal: Thank you mom, dad. You gave birth to me healthily, which allows me to pursue my dream goals. Now everything is only based on my self-disciplined. Thank you my self, yesterday you did such a wonderful job. I am appreciated, tomorrow, I will even do better than this! TMR I will reduce the gaming time to only 15 minutes and no gaming before 11 A.M. as well as after 7 P.M.
  18. I got Nokia 105 single SIM years ago, then last year I noticed I spent 8-9 hours per day on my smartphone and was living a toxic life. So I gave away my smartphone to my siblings, and currently using Nokia 105 and a tablet for drawing (but I do install some games here and trying to quit). At least Im not going to carry my tablet to outside and everywhere in my home cuz It's so old, slow and big. I don't use social media that requires me to upload photos either, I don't need camera phone, I have my dad's old canon camera, it is so blurry view but well, I like that. No spotify, no whatsapp, alarm and basic contact functions are run well on my Nokia 105.
  19. Dear my future-self, I know Game Quitters since 2020 and I already took actions several time and sadly I'm still being addicted to gaming after few weeks. This loop won't stop if I am not doing anything. The biggest challenge I have done is quitting Honkai Impact 3 2 months ago, now I am ready for another new silent war. I wish you the best in the future, my dear self, I know this is going to hurt you badly, you would feel so bored, so crazy so insane. But you have to believe me, everything I do today, is for you. ________ 4th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently : 1. Kingdom Ran (already deleted yesterday) 2. Kingdom Dash 3. LINE CHEF Usagi 4. Nier Reincarnation (already deleted 3 days ago) - Social Platform I use to update the news of the games : 1 Twitter (Just deactived half an hour ago from this post) 2. LINE 3. Discord >> Actions today : - Delete LINE CHEF Usagi (delayed for 13 minutes) - Delete Kingdom Ran - Delete LINE account, no loger backup data for CHEF Usagi game (delayed for 24 minutes) - Delete LINE apps (delayed for 24 minutes) - Delete Tumbr/ Instagram (detox time!) - Delete QooApp << Confession to myself in future : Dear you, I know tomorrow you would be "Wtf why did I do that?". I know, currently my mind isn't fresh, I am so sleepy but I have to take this golden time to do something for you. Let me tell you this : - Your eyes get red for weeks, your sight is so blurry. - You get mad and be too strict nowadays just because non-sense ideas popped up inside your head? You make people around you feel sad, life is too short, don't hurt anyone please! - You don't do your personal work and study either, why? You used to be a person that loves reading book and educate yourself every single second you can. Now, you don't even do anything to expand your knowledge. - I know, you will hate me for deleting LINE account, we lost a bunch of special stickers that we get from grinding limited events' rewards. But come on.. please don't be mad, okay? - I know you love playing CHEF Usagi so badly, because that game is cute right? but you know what, sunshine out there is extremely cute and warm too, shall we go to touch it together? And you love cooking too, cute dishes with good smells, but don't you see you abandon your real meals for too long? Let's buy stuff and make good meals in real life. - I failed to delete Kingdom Dash, you love that manga and that main character, you tried so hard to pull him out from gacha, like 16 times right? This is not easy for me to do right now, I will try again tmr. == Grateful Journal: Thank you, guys in subreddit r/stopgaming, it really motivates me to stand up again, no matter I have failed how many time. I want to be a better person in future. Thank you mom, dad, you guys gave birth to me with good health and good eyes, it's my fault if I can't take care of it, I want to live happily from now and being present.