remember115

Day 92 Just for the Record I made it and kept away from Video Games and Video Gaming Streams for over 90 days now. I did not expect my life to become more stressful and exhausting after i quit gaming, but thats what happened. I also expected life to become much more rewarding, which actually didn't happen. It is more like if you take the red pill in The Matrix. There is a lot, that is challenging and I can't win them all and I have to face actual problems and adjust my mindset to the dirty real world. But what I find, is worth fighting for. And, yes, "fighting" and "Matrix" sounds just so much more "exciting" than this actual real world szruggles turn out to be. Thanks for reading and take care Remember

Day 86 Almost there (?) In the last weeks I sometimes thought about how many days I was acutally away from gaming, but I never took the time to make a count. Sometimes I read journals of the people I was in touch with in the forums, when I was on a train and got a reminder on my phone. But I never took the time to comment. Looking back, it was a good decision to start my gaming-free life in this community. I got quiet some motivation and encouragement. Really, I'm mostly back here to say: "Thank you!", to everyone in the forums, but especially to Marek, Booksandtress and Erik2.0, who inspired me the most. The reason I stopped journaling, after a few weeks, was mostly because I was lacking the time. Looking back, it is really no wonder, that I was unmotivated and dissatisfied with my life, when I wasted that much time with video games. Video games are so time consuming, while in reverse - long term - not rewarding at all! (Actually often enough, vice versa: Especially when I was with people, who had not much to do with video games. It was super embarrassing for me to admit, that I played for 6, 8 or 10 hours just video games, when someone asked a normal question to me like how my day was... it almost always ended in general statements by me, like "I didn't do much, a little bit of this and that, but mostly just relaxing..." How painful it was to hide so much of myself! But who am I telling that? I'm sure, you all know, what I'm talking about.) Anyway, I'm into my studies, I have a new job, I am working on my relationship. The hardest thing was not so much to quit gaming again, but to adjust and manage my actual life under very difficult conditions, which to a major part resulted from excessive video gaming. Looking back, the last episode in my life, where I was playing so much video games, was more of a longer relapse, because I hadn't played for many month before that and then got back again for 4 or 5 month or so. The relapse came from difficulties in my life, which I wasn't able to deal with. When I quit video games for the first time, it wasn't that much of a problem, because I was rather unambitious and didn't try that much to live a good life. I was still anxious and passive and in that state it was easy to live a quiet and simple life without gaming, because I am not a person that is bored or doesn't find things to do without gaming. I needed gaming almost exclusively to overcome stress and anxiety and avoid making important decisions and efforts in real life (or, in the words of Cam, I was using video games as an intense form of "temporary escape"). A few weeks ago, after I stopped journaling here, I got back to playing the guitar and I'm trying to practice everyday for 1/2 an hour or so for 3 weeks now. Also, I am looking forward to paint/draw, write short stories and play more board games (as soon as Corona is out of the way) and work on my social skills and overcome anxiety. Actually, all that is already A LOT to arrange and manage and maybe I have to prioritize, which is something I have difficulties with (video games helped me to "escape" the uncomfortable process of "prioritizing", which is just a specific way of "making a decision" which I, as I said, find difficult, because I tend to think of it as a "loss" because I often fear to make wrong decisions). The most challenging things are still to overcome anxiety, to be brave enough to make decisions and to find a balance between activities for recover, inspiration and the duties and necessities like working and studying. Often enough, when I'm doing hobby things, I find it hard to tell, if I really need recovery or inspiration, or if I just try to avoid making decisions or efforts. One important thing for me to do, is to find more faith in myself, to be open minded and get truly in touch with people around me. Feeling comfortable in company requires to feel comfortable with myself and confident about myself. I will give short updates here from time to time, if possible, but for me it's not a priority at the moment. Thanks for reading and have a nice day! Remember

Day 20 Second Day at New Job Turned out my first day was an unusual busy and stressful one. The next day was much more quite and I did learn how to handle things better, already. It is still going to be very challenging to manage my studies while working a lot. Not a better option available at the moment, though. After getting home and sleep, I did watch a movie and eat a self baked pizza. An hour later I had to go to work again and then be free for a few days. Looking forward to spend more quality time with my girl friend and live more conciously. Having less time means, I really want to use it wisely and enjoy free time more. I want to be more concious and reflected when using my free time instead of acting automatically, which often tends to lead to apathic moods. Take care, Remember

Day 19 First Day at a New Job It has been the first day of my work. During the day I was able to do a little bit of studying. I do realize, that I keep on being unprecisely with keeping record of my actual accomplishments in studies. I might want to take the time, actually. A bit afraid though, that too much measuring and statistics about my life may make me feel like a robot. Maybe it does make me feel more satisfied and calm on the other hand, and helps to concentrate for a limited amount of time and enjoy free time even more. First day at work was a horror. Neither am I used to work at night, nor expected to have so much responsability that early. Colleagues were nice, though. Not sure, how long I'll stick to the job. Take care, Remember

Day 18 The End of Binge-Watching Yesterday was okay. During Corona-times, days are kind of samy though, which is one things why I was actually starting this challenge. Maybe those two things are linked up, though: Building new strucutures takes time and efforts and it is a step-by-step thing, so I won't cry too loud about that. I read in another journal, someone complained, quitting games in times of Corona was not a good idea. Unfortunately, I forgot, who did write it. But I remembered that, when I was thinking, that one might say, that quite the opposite is true. Because, if you quit in a situation like this, you will prove yourself, that you are able to keep away from playing video games even in times, when you are practically forced to encounter boredom and lonelyness. In other words, if you are able to quit now, you have a good chance to keep clean in a long run. You will remember, how you were able to resist the temptation later, when you may feel lonely because of an argument or a break up or whatever. You will know, that you are able to overcome boredom inside, when winter or sickness forces you to stay inside. Quitting now means, proving to yourself that you are capable to stay "clean" later, because rough times will always come and go. I watched the last episodes of "Breaking Bad" yesterday. It was a stunning experience again, even though I already knew most of the episodes, including the ending. Funny enough, it feels like an accomplishment to have reached the end, even though I was actually just consuming. Now I will stay away from tv series, because it is not satisfying for me, to only watch 1 or 2 episodes. It is too hard for me to go back to work or even start work if I'm left with a cliffhanger and have the next episode available. I will stick to movies and only watch series in form of social activity from time to time, when watching is not another way of procrastination or killing time. Consuming tv series in a responsible way (for example 1 episode at the end of the day) requires too much discipline for me and is just not worth it (because after watching 1 episode, usually the urge for watching another episode is actually more more intense than the satisfaction of having just watched one episode. It is pretty similar to my favorite video games, where after 1 game I immidiately wanted to play another round. So, that is that. Besides, I didn't study as much, but I wasn't too upset about it, because I knew it wasn't necessary. I just did the 2 most important things and was fine with it. Today I will have my first shift at the new job and hope everything will go well. Thanks for reading and take care, Remember

Day 17 Prioritizing tasks via chart and avoiding procrastination Yesterday, after journaling, I watched a lot of tv. I was kind of hoping to finish "Breaking Bad" but the last season has more episodes than the previous, so I have to live with that for a few days. I often feel the need to finish things, it is just so satisfying, even if it is something as simple as finishing watching a tv show. That is part of why tv shows have addictive tendencies just like video games. I wrote a chart with tasks for my studies, which does involve columns for a)the description of the task, b)the priority of the task (in terms of personal interest and relevance for exams, that I summed up to a value of 1-3), c)the date, until the task must be finished (for example, if I have to send the results to a professor) and d) a field where I can mark the task off. This chart does make me feel a lot better. Turns out, there aren't as many high priority tasks, as it seemed to me. Also, some of the high priority task are really long termed, so I don't have to worry much about the order, in which I do them. I also will use my breaks, that are scheduled, for physical activities, especially going out for a walk or bicycling, because I figured that those are the activities that are most restorative. I also like to play guitar, write journal or draw while listening to music, but since I do these activites inside and mostly sitting, I just don't get the same refreshing feeling of it. Not only the mind needs variety to refresh, body and perception also do. I don't feel the need to play video games at all. I wonder, how it will become, when I'm done with tv shows. I do try to see procrastination as an alarm signal, that I have to take care of some need and listen to myself carefully and honestly to see what it actually could be. Because whatever I do for procrastination usually does not forfill that need very good. Take care, Remember

Day 16 Dealing with overload Hi guys, there you go, I'm back on track with the journal. Well, yesterday I way, as usual, studying at home. It is wearing me down. I start feeling overloaded and because I can not play games anymore to procrastinate, I watch tv more. I think, this is going to be much less, as soon as I'll have finished the last season of "Breaking Bad", since I already decided not to commit to any series, except I watch them together with my girlfriend as a social activity (and not only to procrastinate). I think, it is important to admit, that I'm overstrained by the conditions of studying in corona days, where everyone is home and does everything on their pcs. It is frustrating to get so little feedback and always being in duty of motivating yourself do something. It takes a lot of self-discipline and, talking about games, there is very little "instant gratification". Today was even worse, I had 2 classes via web cam, then I went out and took a ride with my bike with my girlfriend in the sun. As soon as I got back, I was blockaded and started watching tv again. I mean, studying is for a greater purpose, because, one day I will finish and then I'll get a real job. But honestly, it is a drag, right now. What do I think, I can do better? -> I should focus more on the priority tasks (making a list) and skip the tasks that are less interesting and irrelevant for exams. Just forget those. -> Focus on reasons, why I still find my studies important and why I think it is worth fighting for -> focus free time on activities that are really restorative. For example, yesterday I read a short story and I was drawing for an hour while listening to some good music. Especially listening to music reallly made the drawing a contemplating experience, anyway I was "working" on a major project. Thanks for reading and take care! Remember

Day 15 Keeping record I didn't play video games, but I still find myself thinking about games and consider different strategies and imagine how things would work out. It is fun and maybe even better than the actual playing, because it is way less time consuming. I'm still looking forward for the time after Corona, when playing board games in real life will become an option again. Yesterday I began to get back to my schedule. It wasn't perfect, because I was delaying starting with my schedule, therefore started way too late and in the end was studying until evening. I made breaks where I was watching TV, which isn't as restful, because obviously my body is in pretty much the same situation as it is while studying (looking at a screen). I figure, that the body should do something else in order to make it easier for the mind to do something else and get a real refresh. If I could, I would jump in a swimming pool for 20 minutes and then get back to studying 🙂 In the end, I wasn't too sad, spending my day with studying and watching tv. Longer breaks tend to be not that good, because I keep thinking about the work/studying that has to be done after the break. I sometimes lack the optimism, that it all will be fine and that spending a day with studying is all in all a good day. Because after all, it is my 1st priority. For today, I have a lot of reading tasks in studying and I want to concentrate and stick to the schedule in order to feel free after everything is done. Take care, Remember

I can relate to that a lot and would like to try to explicate my personal thoughts on that a bit. I like how you reacted to that wish of "being famous" by starting to ask, what the purpose or the benefit of being famous would actually be. What is the underlying need, that would be forfilled, if people from all over the world would know and admire us? And I think, that you are probably right, if you state, that this wish just shows, how we need someone, who is interested in us, who does see us, recognizes us, accepts us and encourages us. We need someone, who really knows, who we are, someone we can always trust and who still does forgive us and can see the best in us, even when we made mistakes, in other words, who does love us. Being hurt or disappointed while trying to forfill that need can be devastating. And sometimes it is a good exercise to be forgiving, accepting, encouraging to yourself, when no one else is around or willing to do so. It is easy to forget, that just because nobody is around to truely know, accept, forgive and love is, we still deserve to be loved. Being "important" is already beyond that - it does involve responsability and taking care of needs of other people, often people, that you may or may not know very well or be very close to. None of those needs, love or importance, are strictly related to "being famous". Thanks for making me think about that and take care, Remember

Day 12 Another short one I mostly had to prepare things for my girlfriend's birthday. I was shopping, baking and coloring the drawings I presented her. Also, I had an appointment concerning my new job. In the evening I got message from my work, when I would have my first day there, which was a big relief. Day 13 Another short one I was obviously involved in my girlfriend's birthday for the whole day. It was altogether very enjoyable. Some people dropped by and later we met some people via skype. Then again, having people around myself does become wearisome for me at a certain point. In the evening we were watching a movie, which turned out to be too stupid and boring to finish for both of us, even though several people told us, it was a very funny one. Day 14 TV Shows and Video Games It was yesterday when I got the 2 weeks without gaming full. I actually had told myself, that I would have to continue studying hard, because I wasn't able to do that for the last 2 days. Also, I could kind of recover the last two days, because I had neither to work nor to study. Actually, my girlfriend and me, both had a rough start to the day and as much as we are able to strenghten and motivate each other, sometimes we also drag each other down. I felt exhausted from the last days and the weeks before and decided quickly that this would be another chill day. I was mostly watching "Breaking Bad" and finished the 4th season (I currently watch Breaking Bad for the 2nd time). It was a relief to me, that this season has an actually ending and not some pseudo-ending, that leaves more questions open than answered ("cliffhanger"). In a way, the series could have ended after season 4 and I also felt satisfied with that ending. After I was consuming so much, I was thinking about different video games that would appeal to me, games I enjoyed and was thrilled by in the past. Games I could play a whole day, a whole weekend, or even longer without thinking too much about anything else. I compared the consuming of tv series to consuming video games. I do think, that watching quality tv shows, like Breaking Bad, can actually be even more challenging, than plaing most video games. It doesn't look like it, on first sight, because, while you will just watch (and listen to) the series, you will on the other hand, control the game in addition to watching and listening. But in the series, following the story, appreciate the aesthetics, commit your empathy or at least your emotions to the characters is challenging on a completely different level than gaming is. The more I concentrate, the more intense the experience of the story. The story in games is usually much less satisfying, especially in the kind of video games that I enjoyed (games that challenged me in terms of strategic thinking). The story in games becomes very repetitive and is often very superficial in the first place. I am aware, that there are video games that are actually story-driven. Those, on the other hand, never were my kind of games - if I had the desire for a good story, I would always prefere a quality movie (or a book) over video games. I guess you get the point, that I am trying to make here. In short, watching tv shows is, in my honest opinion, better for me, than playing video games. That being said, I am a bit concerned, that watching tv does become a new kind of temporary escape with addictional tendencies. This is why I was never too big a fan of series anyway: Because I knew myself good enough to see the addictive potential, that these shows have on me, especially when there is such a lot of variety and choices, in other words, infinite amounts of actually reasonably good content on netflix & co. I mean, honestly: Why are producers of tv series even cut their shows in seasons and episodes, if there are always so many cliffhangers and so little relief and ending points in between? Obviously, they want you to continue watching. Even though, many of those series do not even bring episodes from week to week and must motivate their audience to turn on their tv at the right moment, like it was in the days of cable and satellite tv. Now, that mechanism has switched around: Seasons do not have to be addictive to make you come back next week, but they are still just as addictive and support you at the very same time with the option to consume more (because everything is available all the time). Probably, there is an internal competition between the various shows on netflix, which is why every show does try to be as addictive as possible in order to give netflix (etc.) justification to produce another season. Netflix, on the other hand, does want their customers to watch as much as possible, because this way Netflix can justify the prize for the subcription and make it even look "cheap": like, 12€ for many, many hours of entertainment. But at the end of the day, the real expenses are not so much in the 12€ per month but rather the 60 hours, 90 hours or more, you spend on consuming tv shows. The problem, that I have, is not, that tv shows are "too thrilling" or "too exciting". I like "thrilling" and "exciting" in entertainment. The problem is, that I do have to come up with a lot of discipline and mental strength and will in order to be able to turn off my netflix and get things done, that are actually more important - and I don't only mean work and studies, but I mean social life and creative hobbies and relaxation and moving and getting healthy food and getting fresh air... etc. TV shows and video games nowadays have a lot of things in common (being limitless, being available in small portions that add up too a big amount of time, being perfect-level challenging (there is high quality concent, that will keep you involved, but if you don't have enogh concentration, you will find a lot of "easy" entertainment entertainment as well), being "cheap" in money cost but "expensive" in time cost, being "social" in the way that you will learn to know the different characters of the series over time plus in "real" social situations, tv shows are more than ever a topic you can make conversation about...). All that being said (and there would be things to add, but I don't want to make it too big of a subject now), I will be more aware and not start another tv show after Breaking Bad. I think, it can be different, if I would watch a series with my girlfriend, only as a couple, because there is another, often difficult to accomplish condition for access to watching and I don't have to rely on my discipline alone, when it comes to delay watching until the evening or stop watching after one or two episodes and go to bed (similar to the old times of cable tv, when the condition for watching another episode was the program schedule of the station - waiting another week was not a problem, because there was no other option anyway). Today I have to continue studying again, because there will be online meet-ups tomorrow. Thanks for reading and take care, Remember

Day 11 Another short one This morning I have an appointment, so I have to make this really short. Yesterday was a very productive way. I started my schedule later and I ended it later. I was very satisfied with the results. In the end, I was tired and exhausted and decided to watch a documentary on a topic that is related to my studies and was actually part of the exercise we got. It was helpful to have some lighter exercise towards the end, and it also was a good for a change in media, because usually I mostly have to read. I was frustrated about my job situation and sent an e mail there. I also pointed out to myself, that there are potentially tons of good reasons, why I didn't get a satisfying answer. I did some cooking with my girlfriend and watched 1 hour tv. Then I went for a walk and called a friend and we talked for an hour. Today I'm not going to be able to do as much for studies, as yesterday because of my appointment and the fact, that there are some preparations necessary for my girlfriends birthday, which is tomorrow. Take care, Remember @Marek Thanks a lot for the kind words. That really helps.

Thanks a lot, Marek. I try not to blame myself anymore, when I don't get to do all the things I scheduled. Esepcially, after studying or getting things done, I shouldn't blame myself for not relaxing later in a "productive" way, like drawing or making progress with creative projects. I am positive, that it will fit in later, when I catched up with my studies and have more energy for more challenging hobbies as well. My studies should be my number 1 priority now, followed by work. There is no use in stressing out because of number 3 or lower priorities, like hobbies, that are actually supposed to be regenerative for me.

Day 10 Clean up I don't feel attracted by video games at all, these days. In fact, I was frustrated by video games before I made the hard cut, 10 days ago, when I started my 90 days challenge. For me, it is most challenging to clean up the mess, after playing video games many hours per day for half a year. Stop playing and finding hobbies, that are healthier and more forfilling would be hard enough. But the difficult thing is, that I don't continue my life, where it was "interrupted" 6 months ago, all those hours over days, weeks and months - in fact, there were happening things, I should have reacted to, but missed. I was missing a lot of things, opportunities, duties, that were important and now I have to work it out somehow and put things in order. I found, that it is easier for me, to reflect on the day before and write the journal in the morning. Yesterday, I was helping my to-be brother in law, painting the appartment he is about to move out and felt good about it. I am not exactly a practical guy, but I am fascinated by people, who are good at bricolage and crafting. So I saw it as an opportunity to learn something. At the same time, there is a lot of learning matter from my studies, that I have to catch up to. And I still didn't hear anything from my 2nd boss, when to start working there, which is a constant sorrow in the back. In the evening, I was watching a bit tv, partially by myself, partially together with my girlfriend. I observed, that I have problems to start my schedule on time. Therefore I will react to that. I will start the schedule 1 hour later (and also end 1 hour later). And I will prepare my breakfast the evening before. Take care, Remember

Day 9 Exhausted I was tired and exhausted that day. I did not have that much time to self-organize, but classes via video-conference, that obviously were organized by others. I very much felt like our apartment was depressingly small for the two of us (me and my girlfriend) because interruptions happen all the time here. Self-organizing my studies is very tough for me anyway and even more, when I get interrupted and it isn't possible to have much privacy. Maybe things will change a bit, when my girlfriend has to work again soon and we are not both at home at the same time. It is still unclear, as many things are in corona-times. It is, what it is, though, and I will have to get used to it. At the very least, I can learn, to self-organize better, which is something. I will try to see that as an opportunity today. I received an answer via e mail by one of my new bosses, who said the new working contract was ready for signing, but the other boss, who should have told me, when exactly I would have to work, didn't make a move yet. It obviously made me nervous, even though boss 1 said, he would ask boss 2 for me. I got a bit stressed out by all of that (little space and privacy, self organizing, being unclear about the new job) and quit the working schedule 1 hour earlier to watch tv. Maybe it was just a "monday issue" and I have to get used to the schedule after the weekend. I will see. I guess the fact, that I didn't consider playing video games an option is still a plus. After all, days run by, I can't believe I haven't played for 9 days already. It is kind of logical that it is hard to get used to the "normal life" in which I face problems and difficulties instead of avoiding them all the time. I try to be not too harsh to myself and fight another day. When I got to bed, I considered watching tv there, before sleeping. After a long thought of 10 minutes or so, I decided against it and to stay with the good habit of only reading in bed. There is no reason, to surrender a day completely, just because of minor setbacks. It was the right decision, and I was a bit proud of myself. It is the little things, right? Take care,Remember

Hi Erik, I am into drawing as hobby since I was a child - with several discontinuities of course, which were, btw, often gaming related. It is hard for me to tell, when I or from what advice, book or influence I learned about what. Betty Edwards book is about drawing in general. I think personally, that drawing is a very general skill and as soon as you reached a basic level of skill, you can focus on anything, portrait, architecture, nature, animals or whatever you want. You won't care very much on "what" you draw, because you just transfer whatever it is you see. If you're a beginner, I would always start with learning the general basics (see lines, shadows etc.) and progress from there to your favorite sujet. I tried books on portrait and they didn't help me as much because they usually tend to be very schematic. I don't know, if I am "good" at drawing portraits. I know some people who are more into drawing than I am and who are probably able to draw faster and/or more realistic. I still often like my results, though. It's been long ago, since I worked with that book. As far as I remember, it is all about penci drawingl, because it focusses on basic drawing skills, which mostly means to "see" and "transfer". I made it so, that I had a free weekend. My life is very busy during the week with all the studying and since my new job will start this or next week, I am already a bit nervous, if I will be able to get everything done.

Day 8 Duties and Needs Yesterday was a fine day. I had to do some housekeeping, which is a bit of a pain. Since I listen podcasts most of the time though, I can handle it without feeling too frustrated. Then I watched 1,5 episodes of "Breaking Bad" and when I was done, I was thinking about what I should do this day in order to be satisfied when I would go to bed later. I figured, since I already made an agreement with my girlfriend to watch a movie, that it was now the time to draw and listen to some music. I began to work on three small drawings of funny pigs, that I will gift to my girlfriend for her birthday. I got the outlining finished, but wasn't in the mood for coloring. Is still have 4 days for that, so I'm not exactly in a hurry. Also, I much rather wanted to work on a bigger project, which is a 120x80cm drawing of a house, that will take me several weeks for sure to finish. It is important for me, to work constantly on that, because when I see that big format without any progress, it will start to frustrate me pretty quickly. I was able to work on my drawing project for 30-45 minutes and listen to another podcast while drawing. After watching the movie, on which we both were looking forward to, we went to bed and I did read a short story and was overall pretty satisfied. Take care, Remember

Day 7 "Accomplishments or Doing Nothing?" Today I had nothing to do. Well, nothing difficult at least. I have no studies schedule at the weekend. I need free time, too. I got up late with my girlfriend, and we played a card game while having breakfast. It was actually a lot of fun for me. She does enjoy boardgames and card games sometimes, while I do enjoy it much more, and play almost always, when I get the opportunity. After the game, we did have a conversation over skype with some friends of ours and then I did call my sister (she lives in another city) and had a small talk with her. Then, my girlfriend and I went out with our bicycles and met her sister on the way. When we got back, we both agreed, that we both could use some privacy and I had some time on my own in the bedroom, where we have a big desk, we share, while she spent time in the living room. I watched 2 hours tv on the laptop, then she joined me and went to bed, to watch a bit of tv there on her own laptop while having my company at the same time. I must say, that I, for some reason, was very low on energy. I think it has to do with being social so much. It really makes me tired when I have to talk and be social for many ours, because not only am I not really used to it but I am also introverted. Also, I did eat too much and unhealthy for dinner, because I thought, I could afford it, after bicycling for more than 2 hours, but it was still not the right call, I guess. The day was somewhat dissatisfying for me. I feel like I didn't "accomplish" anything meaningful because there is no measurable "results". I actually wanted to continue drawing but I wasn't in the mood. I should have asked this question to myself earlier: "If I will go to bed later, without having worked on my drawing, will I be satidfied?" It is something, that I should work on in the next time. Rationally speaking, I accomplished a lot, because being social and also talking and contributing and being proactive in several conversations and feeling good about it, is actually a success for a guy like me. It is a challenge and I was able to master it. I really want to appreciate that more, than I actually do. One way to do this would be looking at the pro and positive things about it: - today I learned about how my sister and her family is doing, which as important for me, because she means a lot to me and I want her to know that, which she rather does, when I am the one who's calling - I spent quality time with my girlfriend, which is super important, because it really strengthes our relationship and ourselves as individuals, because we feel, that we have things in common and we are getting better as a team, when we share more - it was really fun to talk to our friends - even though I was only "consuming" tv, I still enjoyed it. I didn't play any video games and it wasn't even enticing me to do so. - I even forgot to mention that I was having fun, doing some "hoola hoop" training in the morning. - I will read a bit, when I go to bed soon - learned, that I should ask myself earlier, what it is, that will make a day a "round" and "successful" day - Even though we're talking a lot about "constant measurable growth" as a need, it is important, to keep in mind, that even though it's hard to measure something, it doesn't mean at all that there hasn't been growth or success. If I was a character in a video game, I am sure, that that character would have gotten "skill points" from todays activities, in, say, "communication", "social realtionships", "enjoying moving and nature" or whatever those designers consider "valuable" for their games. But life is not a game. There is no "points" or "successes" or "accomplishments" for everything I do. And yet, there is still a lot of value and accomplishments in all kinds of activities, thoughts and perceptions. It is just so, that I have to point it out myself, because there is no "character sheet" or "final score" to point it out for me. Take care, Remember

Day 6 "A Short One" Today wasn't efficient at all. I started my studying schedule 1 hour late and was working slow. Also, I had longer breaks than i had planned for. My Girlfriend was impatient, because she was "smelling" the weekend already and wanted me to go out with her with our bicycles for a trip. I felt, she was pushing me too much. At some point we got into an argument and in the end she went alone and I stayed home and watched 1 episode of "Breaking Bad". Than I wrote her a letter in which I explained in calm and nice words what the argument was about from my perspective. After that I couldn't stay inside any longer and went out for a walk. On my walk I called a friend and when he wasn't available I called anouther very old friend to whom I didn't talk since 1 or 2 years. It was a nice but not very long small talking and we may talk again soon. I realize though, that I can't talk to many people that often anyway, since I also enjoy being alone with myself. When I got back home 1 hour later, my girlfriend had cooked a good meal and we were friendly again and watched a movie together. Now she is already waiting in bed, which is why I will make todays entry a real short one. Notes on gaming: If this happened a week ago, I would have spent the whole evening with gaming. Now 1 tv episode seems enough of temporary escape and I don't mind the trouble that much. I actually reacted kind not too bad, since I told my girlfriend in my letter, what I was thinking and even got something good out of it when I got to talk to an old friend. Take care, Remember

Day 5 "Days run by" Today it wasn't difficult to not play video games. It was hard, though. I got up a little later than I wanted to and started my schedule 20 minutes late or so. I managed to do a lot of studying and worked longer then I had planned, because I really wanted to finish that exercise. It feels good, because tomorrow I will have the chance to do something different. Yesterday I was able to draw over an hour while listening to some music and, to my surprise, really got into a flow. I continued working on an old drawing that I acutally started many months ago and that was storaged in the basement even. I carried it back the day I started the diary. It is quite a big drawing and I am thinking that this is something that is fun and challenging and everytime I work on it I can see a little progress on it. The drawing forfills a lot of basic needs for me, pretty similar to gaming, but with the huge difference that I feel proud of it when I look at the result and that I can decide to stop whenever I want or need to and I can go back to with a clear conscience. It is still rough under corona circumstances, especially with the high amount of self management and organizing my studying and in one week or so I will also have a new job. Time passes fast and there is always a lot to do and often enough it feels exhausting. But the best thing I can do, is getting the things done, that have to be done just as good as I can, without burning out and try to relax and recover in the evening. I think it is actually not that hard to stay "clean" when I have a lot of things to do. There is almost so much to do, that I don't really enjoy being free from the gaming. On the other hand, I will make sure to have some "real" free time this weekend and at least I hope I will enjoy that even more, because I will have really "earned" it. Take care! Remember

Day 4 "I wonder what I would really do, if a day had 48 hours" Hey guys, so there is my 4th day without any gaming. I still don't miss it. If anything, I miss the hours, days, weeks and months that I spent playing video games. But I'm also not too concerned about that, I'm just trying to live in the presence. I just found the "quote" function for good use. Thanks for the kind words, Marek, feels good that I'm not alone with that 🙂 Today I was surprisingly productive and forfilled my schedule of studying, even though I really lost concentration at the last hour and needed even more time than I wanted to. I actually wanted to end studying on time and enjoy my free time. But I also really wanted to finish that one exercise. I did, and I'm happy and feel proud for actually finishing that one several days before the dead line. That's kind of unusual for me 😄 While having dinner, I watched only one episode of "Breaking Bad" and then decided, that I shouldn't overdo it, because yesterday watching two episodes, I was dissatisfied and not even very recovered. So, I decided to go for a little walk instead. It felt pretty good, I enjoyed just watching the real world turning. I compared the look of the buildings in my neighborhood to the ones from the tv show, which really means I compared them to Albuquerque, because they have a real world there, as well. I was a bit disappointed that it was already evening and that morning I had told myself to make sure I was going to draw for at least 1 hour after studying. Then I imagined, how it would be, if the day had 48 hours and I had plenty of time left for drawing. It was weird, because I figured that I would have probably planned my day completely different then. I probably would not have saved up more time for drawing then, but scheduled other stuff in between studying and drawing and would be in the same situation at the end of the day. Anyway, it felt good to restrict the tv a bit and even though I won't be able to draw a lot, I will take 1/2 hour to do so, anyway. It's still better then nothing and I heard that even 20 minutes is usually enough to get into a work flow. Also, the walk was good for me, very refreshing and relaxing, much more then another episode of tv would have been. Tomorrow I will try to get to my schedule on time, because today I was about 20 minutes late. Also, I not only want to forfill my studying schedule, but also reserve 1 hour or so for drawing. It helped me, to make decisions on what to do, early in the morning already. I don't have to spend time and energy on figuring it out later, then. I guess it's fine to change the plan, if there is a good reason for it or if the actual needs call for different kind of activity. Even though, it seems tempting to me, to not have any plans and a lot of options open, sometimes it just ends in procrastination, because I avoid to make any decision. So, why not just make a decision in the first place? It is part of many games to leave multiple options open for strategical reasons and I often find myself strategizing or thinking way too economically about things in everyday life, even though it makes me blind for the actual values. But the economical mindset is just not the appropriate mindset in most cases. That is a mindset, that obviously doesn't come exclusively from video games or even games in general, but has a lot to do with the way the society, we're living in, is organized. Recognizing, that taking a little walk is actually priceless, is important for that manner. Take care Remember

Day 3 "It is not hard to stay away from games, if you are busy" Hi Guys, thank you very much for welcoming me, Alexanderle and BooksandTrees, it feels really good to be recognized in a positive way here! I am actually kind of interested and have to look a bit more around here in the forums, when I find the time. I made a schedule last week for my studies, since these (corona-)days, studying is completely on e learning. I'm still trying to find a good balance and making sure I do enough but not trying too much at the same time. I try to read and learn about 6 hours a day for now and build in several breaks, just like it would be if I was at the university. It takes a lot of discipline to make sure, you get everything done. Even harder is the organizing. Now I made a list of all the tasks, Professors gave via different channels (E Mail, E learning platform, Webinar) and do one thing after another. Also, I want to make sure that I'm not learning in the evening, because having the perspective of a whole day of work would put me down. I need something to look forward to. Besides starting 1 hour late with my schedule I was able to make everything I wanted to do. Taking part in an online-class, reading (half) an article for another class, do some more organizing for the job I start next month, writing a birthday card for a friend. I still kind of enjoyed watching two episodes of tv shows, but then again, this is not really why I quit gaming. I want to find something, that allows me to relax and recover in a bit more healthy way. To go running is not an option (makes my knee ache) but maybe next time I try to go for a walk. I also read, that some of you guys find that meditation is a good thing, maybe I will try that sometimes. It's just that after watching tv, I don't really feel recovered or motivated much, it doesn't bring me back energy for the more creative things, that I not only can enjoy, but also feel proud of, like drawing, writing short fiction or making videos. So, still no regrets about quitting video games and no serious troubles, if at all. Still no mind blowing experience. But maybe some little things look better. Today, after doing my duties, I feel more like having a choice: What do I want to do with the free time? (That's new, because a few days ago, I also wanted to play games and if I couldn't, I was always frustrated). Also, when I was still gaming and had little things to do, outside of study or work, it felt really painful. Writing that post card or making a pizza dough, would have been a real annoyance to me a few days ago, because all I actually wanted to do in my free time, was gaming. Now, that gaming is not an option anymore, I don't mind those little things that much, I can see that they are worth something. Also, even though I haven't been drawing hours long, like a young Picasso (I admit I imagined that a bit), I'm proud of some little things and changes. At least I was drawing for half an hour yesterday. And I enjoy going to bed and reading a good book instead of watching streams now. I got to know some good music from some twitch streamers, though, which I still enjoy while journaling or drawing. That is something to be thankful for. Take care, Remember

Day 2 Hi Guys, I must admit: it feels good, to know that I'm not the only one who had a problem with gaming and now trys to make the best out of it. I am not the guy that usually likes to be in the spotlight. This is especially true when it comes to talking about weak spots or problems. Hence, I actually didn't talk about how gaming really effected my life in a negative way. I didn't have much of a social life anyway and with the few friends and even family I was very cautios to not let them notice, when I was dissatisfied or unhappy. Also I avoided to let people know how much time I really spent on gaming, expecially the people which I expected to care most about me. Instead, I did use gaming as a way to forget and often enough, gaming itself became just something else I was feeling bad about and tried to hide away from others. Sometimes, when I played a whole day, I just kept on playing late in the evening, just to forget that I was playing the whole day and to forget how bad I felt about it. When I was too tired to play on and wanted to sleep, I often did watch gaming streams on twitch tv, just to stay somehow inside that gaming world and to see people, streamers in that instance, that were playing even more than myself. I didn't need to feel so miserable and lonely then and it was easier to find sleep. I guess, it is just the same as with other addictions: At first, the addiction seems to solve the problem (sorrows are forgotten), then the addiction becomes just another problem on top of the ones it was supposed to help solving. Anyway, those were just some random, pretty miserable thoughts, now that I reflect on that with 2 days distance. Today was ok. My girlfriend asked me, if I didn't want to play games while she was watching her tv series and I told her, that I'm actually trying to avoid gaming for a while. Somehow I don't want her to have too high expectations about it. Or maybe, some weird part of me doesn't want her to know that I am on that serious 90 day detox plan. Because I fear, that I really could not go back then? I don't know. I still have to get to know myself a little bit better. I was able to get some very important organizing stuff done, concerning a new job. Unfortunately I also got into an argument with my girlfriend later, which ruined my evening emotionally. I guess the good thing is, that, not so long ago, I would have just played video games until late at night in order to forget about the bad stuff. Today, I just watched one episode of "Breaking Bad" and then got back to normal. Maybe, in a while I will find even more satisfying ways to deal with difficult emotions like frustration or anger. I didn't draw today, which I am missing a bit. I'm looking forward to reading in bed later, though. I'm still not sure, how much I want to go into detail here about private troubles. It is kind of strange to make such things public. So, I keep it as is, for now. Take care, Remember

Day 1 Hi guys, I actually messed up posting my initial post yesterday, but it was saved in my account so I could post it now. Todays post is just for the record. I stayed strong and it didn't felt hard for me to not play. No wonder, since I was watching netflix most of the day. Like I said, there are other ways to procrastinate, right? Anyway... I somewhere heard, that people, who live a fulfilled life usually have a effortful, sometimes stressful life. So, I will do something that is a little bit less consuming and draw something. I take it as a success though, that I didn't play games or watched streams or video game related content. I know I can make it to quit gaming, but the question is, how proactive I can be at the same time and what I can do as activities to fulfill the "basic needs" Cam mentioned, like temporary escape, mesurable growth, social connection and challenge/ making sense. Sometimes it is not so obvious, whether or not something is really "relaxing" in the sense of temporary escape, because I am the kind of person that trys to make a challenge out of things that usually seem to be very relaxing on first sight, like drawing. (Or gaming :P) Best wishes Remember

Hi guys, so, this is the start of my journal on quitting video games. I did quit video gaming before and I actually quit gaming completely for two or three years. At first I was very motivated and enthusiastic, expecially about the fact, that I could be so much more productive and creative. As it turned out, it was not that terrible to quit gaming, neither was it an overwhelming, groundbreaking experience of joy, happiness and success. I somehow expected more, expecially when I got used to the fact that I was not gaming anymore and found other ways to procrastinate. I think I made some good steps like getting a better small time job and starting studying again. But it never felt revolutionary or something. Then I startet gaming again some months ago. I guess I was stressed out by several things. I was home alone for two days, which rarely happens, and then I decided, that I could just game for some limited time until my girlfriend would come back. Unfortunately, once I started, I just played more and more and more. After a few fights and discussions my girlfriend accepted, that I was playing video games again and after more discussions she also accpeted that I played more and more. Sometimes I felt like I played more than enough and I was even bored and stopped. But I got back to gaming quite soon, usually the next day, when I realized, that I didn't have the motivation and patience for other things, even though people use to say I am actually a very creative and talented person. Anyway, I am in fact thinking about quitting gaming for about 3 weeks now and think, that journaling will help me to discipline and remind me of how I make acutal progress. Don't expect myself to start gaming after the 90 days again, but I want a goal that I can work towards to. Sorry for my not so accurate english btw - I am not used to write in english at all. I am acutally from Germany. See you soon, Remember