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About TopHatSaint

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  • Birthday 01/14/1998

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  • Ikar

  1. Hello TopHatSaint here 21 year old male Sophomore in college. I honestly don't even know how I ended up here , but as soon as I got here theirs been a sinking feeling in my chest and it was like a flashlight being shined into a deep part of my psyche I had not ever realized in my conscious being. Gaming for me started at the age of 7 when my parents got divorced. My dad bought me a PlayStation 2 as way to keep me busy when he was trying to stabilize our life as he was a single dad. Gaming has always been a big part of my life since then. Most of my long time friends I met because I played video games. It's what we bonded over. Especially once I was out of High school , and life began asking for more time towards goals and such I simply was unable to focus on something longer than 2 months before I was back into playing the greatest and newest game that was out. It's even costed me jobs in the past as I would not be practicing my skills. There was a time I had stopped playing games for the most part. Only playing once or twice a week. Honestly that was when I feel like I was in my prime. I had a friend who would in sunshine or rain come to my house and drag me to the gym. and within a few months it was my new outlet for stress and life. I truly loved it. It all changed when I moved though... Last July my parents moved to a small town named Price , Utah. Coincidentally I had been considering going to college after a couple years away from high-school. Low and behold Price has the cheapest schooling in the whole state, so I decided to move back in with my parents to pursue higher education. Price Utah is an extreme small town with only a bowling alley and a movie theater that legitimately shows one movie for a couple weeks at a time. Because of the lack of things to go out and do almost everyone plays video games EXCESSIVELY in this town that ive met. Low and behold after being in this town for a year I feel like I've completely regressed into playing video games as much as possible. and this time I don't have my friend to come and slap some sense into me on a daily basis. So I'm really hoping that this forum can hopefully fulfill a sense of community for me as I begin to try and re balance my life again.. It's crazy to me that all the pieces of why I've felt so down all clicked together last night as I was falling asleep and I did some last minute google searching about it and found game quitters. I wonder if I would have quit games all together when my friend got me into working out if I would have still slipped back into this meaningless , expensive , time consuming addiction. The main thing that keeps me hooked is playing online games like league of legends with my friend from where I moved away from. It's the only way we stay in contact aside from the occasional snap chat. for me the Social aspect is what has it's claws deep in my heart and brain. All I know is I want to learn music. I can free play some ukulele, but I can't read music as of yet which hinders me from many instruments. So if there is anyone who replaced Games with learning music i would love to read your story on how you managed to do that. I'm hoping if I can start learning an instrument or two ( I also want to learn saxophone) I can find a new social group at the college to connect with. It just all feels so far away though. So if there anyone out there reading this please leave me with with something to help me along this path in this small ass town. Be it as I said links to your stories , books that helped you in one way or another , or any thing else you can think of. Once I realize something and get the proper knowledge I know I'll beat this damned habit once and for all. I'm not 7 anymore theres better ways to deal with your problems then explosions on a screen.
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