wookieshark88

Farmer's markets are awesome! I enjoy the fair like atmosphere, the food trucks, and the extra tasty local produce. One very good aspect of the farmer's market I go to is that I usually see people there that I haven't seen in a while. This morning's meditation was excellent. It's such a valuable time to observe the body and mind and notice the subtleties in each that usually go unnoticed. I find that I'm starting to be able to nurture the positive feelings and address the negative ones that I find through meditation. This is the opposite of video games. Playing them made me not notice anything and made me less likely to deal with anything I needed to. Going back to the book, my habit loop for video games usually went like this: bordem/anxiety => video games => escaping negative feelings Using the Golden Rule for habits, I can replace video games like this: bordem/anxiety => meditation => escaping negative feelings The bonus here is that the negative feelings are actually dealt with instead of left to accumulate and amplify. The book also said that the key to succeeding is belief and community. This is actually the first thing I realized and why I joined. It's nice to have such a good book validate this for me.

Yesterday was a good day! I almost always have good days when I'm not at work. The wife, child, and I were able to go on a nice walk and went to the farmers market. Meditation was better this morning, and my mental state was much better. I'm sure starting a new job where I have a lot to learn after four weeks off has a lot to do with my rough day two days ago.

By all outward appearances, today was a good day for me. I continued my habit of meditating in the morning, got to work on time, learned more about my new job, and got my first non training assignment today. I played with my little girl when I got home and tired her out. I'm posting now because she's asleep from all the fun we had. Inside, I haven't felt quite right all day. My morning meditation was riddled with distraction and negative feelings. I opened my eyes and was staring around for stretches of it while feeling an angry, independent of myself presence near me when my eyes were closed. I'm not much of a believer in spirits or anything, but it was creepy. After work, I felt quick bursts of anger when I was playing with my daughter. I absolutely would NEVER hurt her, but even feeling anger when I was in the middle of having fun really troubled me. I don't know what to make of these things. I figured I would just browse around and post on these forums for a while because I've gotten plenty of positive experiences from the short time I've been a poster here. I've had no gaming urges today. My grandmother has started hospice care yesterday which is a sad thing for me, but she's been suffering for years and deserves to rest. I'm just throwing out thoughts to try to figure this out.

?Galiardi played on my Sharks for a year or two. He left to play his hometown Flames, and was really excited when he signed with them. I don't think his stint there went the way he wanted it to. If you played against a future NHLer, I don't think we really belong on the same sheet of ice at the same time. I wish I was able to get into hockey at 4 or 5 years old instead of 11 or 12. That picture is awesome. Seems like you have a high intensity level in whatever you pursue.

?I've never heard of this! I may benefit from trying this out. Worst case scenario is that I'm clean and comfortable, but still can't wake up easily in the morning.

?Throughout most of my life I've motivated myself by using anxiety. For example, I wouldn't do my homework right away. As the deadline for my homework came closer, I would feel more and more anxious about failing the assignment. Eventually, the anxiety would reach a point where I would just do the homework to stop feeling that anxiety. This pattern of needing to do something and doing it to remove a negative feeling was a very dominant pattern in my life. It would leave me drained after every accomplishment. A lot of the time, I use gaming as a way to soothe that drained feeling. This was just the way I operated, and I didn't even realize I was doing it. These days, I am mindful to do things for positive reasons. I now do my homework when I'm ready because I getting good grades makes me feel awesome. When I finish my homework these days, I feel happy that I'm prepared for my classes. Instead of feeling drained after an accomplishment, I now feel energized. This has been a POWERFUL change in my life. I am so much more of a capable person these days because of this. Unfortunately, I don't really have any reading material on this subject. It's something a person in my life taught me. Hopefully, this has provided you with food for thought. If not, please ignore this and carry on!

An important lesson I have learned in life is to forgive myself when I fall short of my goals. Of course, I never lessen my resolve to keep on working towards them. If these words do nothing to help you, please disregard what I've said and carry on!

Congratulation on your realization and good luck on your journey to a better life! One thing I have learned is the shift from doing activities to kill time (excessive video games, TV, or mindless internet surfing) to relaxing and constructive activities (playing an instrument, reading books that stimulate your mind in some way, spending internet time to find food recipes to make) will slowly begin to make you a happier and more fulfilled person.

The nearest city near me is Providence, RI. For big cities near me, I'm about halfway between NYC and Boston. I love NYC, and my wife loves Boston. The best thing about this area is there are four AHL teams in decent driving range from me (Providence, Hartford, Bridgeport, and Springfield). I'm pretty sure that $20 or so will get good to decent tickets at all of these locations. My favorite AHL team just moved from Worcester, MA (70 minute drive) to San Jose, CA (7 hour flight) which saddened me. What position do/did you play? If I had to guess from your TED talk, I would guess primarily RW and occasionally center. I play/played LD on roller and floor (I love playing PP QB and clearing the crease) and LW on ice (because my ice skating is very weak compared to roller and I hate being a defensive liability). Two of my favorite memories out there would be scoring a hat trick (all point shots) and scoring twice in about 20 seconds (both wristers from the high slot). Also, the few times when people tried to drop the gloves with me, I would just get in close, hug them as strongly as I could, and confess my undying love for them repeatedly. For the untold legions of virtual Nazis and terrorists I have systematically and mercilessly slain, I'm surprisingly non violent! The last few times I have meditated, I have taken some time just to consciously revel in the peacefulness of the moment. I figure that these thoughts will help create the cravings needed to enhance the habit loop of meditation. Here's a fun and random hockey fact for the day: San Jose, CA has (the last time I checked) the largest recreational hockey program in North America with around twenty divisions. Retired NHLers have been known to play in the top division!

?I was a little skeptical about how reading a book would impact my ability to form habits, but it really has changed the way I see habits. Last night, I read about the habit loop. This is where a person (or monkey in the book) is presented with a cue (an image on a screen). Then if the person correctly responds to the cue (monkey pulls the lever that corresponds to the image on the screen) the person is rewarded (the monkey is given a drop of blackberry juice). When the person (or monkey) receives this reward, the brain experiences satisfaction. After many repetitions of this cycle, the brain begins to anticipate satisfaction upon seeing the cue. The book says that this anticipation is what cravings are, and cravings are an extremely powerful motivator. I write what I've read about here because I have always gauged my understanding of a concept as satisfactory if I can explain the concept without external prompts. Also, the process of explanation helps me to internalize what I've learned. When I first read about the keystone habit concept, meditation immediately popped into my head as what my keystone habit is. It seemed fairly obvious to me. However, when I was meditating (ironically), it occurred to me that I began to meditate after receiving feedback from my journal and from others in /r/stopgaming. Also, the habit of reading was a result of journal feedback. I then (a hipster level of irony) needed to gently guide my mind back to being an observer of thoughts rather than a chaser of thoughts. I just watched your rejection TEDx talk. I LOVE hockey too (but I suck, haha)!!! I grew up in San Jose, CA which was awarded an NHL franchise and entered the league in 1991. Unlike in Canada, hockey was largely unknown or ignored here, and I was no exception. Being only eight years old in 1991, I really didn't have a way to be exposed to the game. In 1994 that would change though. I was in a mall with my mom and we walked by the video game store in there. The guy in the store was playing NHL 95 on the SNES and invited me to try the game. Being the video game addict I am, I was sucked into the game. I was elated when I scored my first goal in the game and promptly proceeded to beg my mom for this game. Every free moment I has was spent guiding the San Jose Sharks to their first of many virtual Stanley Cup championships. Upon winning the Stanley Cup, I decided that I wanted to win the actual Stanley Cup. I begged my mom for roller blades and a hockey stick. Ice skates were a pointless investment in California at the time because access to ice was nearly nonexistent. I remember being 12 years old and spending my summer vacation days playing NHL95 then going outside to practice skating, stick handling, and shooting with reckless abandon. I fell in love with hockey. I had played football, soccer, and other sports during recess at school, but they never appealed to me in the same way. I practiced every day and convinced my mom that joining a hockey league would not be a waste of her money. I remember being so nervous that I wouldn't be good, and I would be rejected. The awesome thing is that I did great despite starting to play the game by myself at age 12! I joined more advanced leagues as I got older until I was completely outclassed by the other players. It was such a frustrating thing for me to realize that the Stanley Cup was probably not in my future. It stopped being fun for me until I went down a level and was an average player in a mid level league. I still try to play in the company league when I can balance it with school, work, and my kid. What a game... I was in the first generation of kids in my area that played hockey, and I'm tremendously proud of it. I used to be made fun of by other kids in school for being obsessed with such an obscure game. Now, there are some kids in the NHL from my hometown area. I feel like the abuse I took for loving hockey helped to pave the way for the popularization of the game and the eventual production of professional level talent in the area.

I read about the keystone habit which is the habit that serves as a foundation for other good habits to be formed. I feel like this journal has become my keystone habit. The feedback has been instrumental in my second good habit, meditation, and third, reading a good book. Thanks to all who have posted here for that! Even if I don't post much, I'm going to prioritize posting. Today I started a new job at my company. It seems like a much better environment than my last job. I also found the time to meditate in the morning before work (I typically struggle with mornings) and will meditate before bed. Also, my child has just begun teething! She's growing up so fast!

Today was a success even if it wasn't easy. I had received news that a dear family member of mine was injured and in the hospital. Her chances of survival are fair, but uncertain. I was so upset to hear this. The urge to play Candy Crush so bad, but I thought about how much better life is becoming without games. Sitting in the couch with my phone in my hand, I willed myself to stop and control this urge. I then sat there still for a few minutes just collecting myself. I feel proud of myself for this. I also started reading The Power of Habit and am enjoying it. Hardwiring Happiness is a similar read that I had forgotten about until today.

?I usually listen to NPR because it's usually thought provoking on my drive unless I'm getting sleepy. In that case I switch to energy filled music. It sounds like The Power of Habit needs to be my first read! I'm going to check it out right away!

This morning I meditated again. It was helpful just like it was yesterday. During my meditation I experienced a bit of fear of letting myself down and not continuing to build and progress on this journey. Throughout my life, I have had difficulties with keeping good habits. Even small things like taking my medication every day can sometimes be a struggle for me. I am just wrapping up a month off for paternity leave which allowed me to confront my video game addiction and take active steps to deal with it. My normal life is very busy. I work a full time job, have a new baby, and I will be taking a university course in the fall. My days when I'm taking courses are typically to work six hour days on school days, drive about 90 minutes to school, be in class for an hour, drive 90 minutes home, and take care of house and family matters until it's time for bed. My non school days involve working 10 hours, going home to study, and taking care of house and family matters until it's time for bed. It is a dream of mine to finish my education, and I have been doing what it takes for years to get there. Hopefully I am two years away from wrapping it up. I can wait to achieve this dream of mine, but the price I pay is high to support my family and chase my dream. I guess what I'm saying is that I need help being held accountable to continue my progress. That's why I'm here. I know I need all the support I can get.

Today was a good day for me! Taking a fellow game quitter's advice, I meditated for the first time ever. It has helped with the anxiety that has been plaguing me for the last week. I also started a private journal in addition to this one where I could write down things that I would rather keep to myself. While meditating, I felt a sense of peace about leaving games for good. I also felt a sense of security that my daughter will have the kind of father she needs. I was close to shedding a tear of happiness which is profound for me since I almost never cry. I'm so thankful to all of the people who have given me kind words and advice. My goal is to continue on this path and help others once I "level up" my game quitting skills.

?This has never occurred to me before! It's just like how I look back on partying like a young twenty-something fondly, but since I'm a family man now, I don't do that anymore. Thanks for this very helpful insight!

?Does this mean that you have fond memories of games without feeling guilty about those memories? I feel like this is a very important statement, and I really want to understand what you mean.

Day 2 of quitting has been successful so far. I've gone about a month without playing games before, but never with the intention of never playing them again. That month wasn't hard for me. This day is. I haven't had any strong urges to play. The difficult part for me that I feel a loss of the games. I really loved them, and never going back to them feels like walking away from a friend I cared about, but was such a bad influence in my life. Can anybody relate to this?

Thanks for the response!

? Finding this site made my day! Talking about video game addiction is a tough thing to do, but knowing that people here really care about and understand this problem inspires me to let the words flow.

Does anybody know of any good books about combating video game addiction? I would like to have something to read that doesn't involve staring at a computer or phone.

Welcome! We can get through this!

Matthias, I didn't read your whole journal, but I read the first two pages. Your efforts are inspirational to me! Keep up the good work!

I love video games. This is a really important thing for me to admit. I love the immersion, the challenges, and the rewards. I hate video games. This is just as important for me to admit. I hate the isolation, my neglect of other things I love, the depression and anxiety I feel with I realize how I neglect things I love even more. I would love to game in moderation, but in 25 years of gaming, I've never been able to do it. Today is the day I choose my life over games. I know I won't be able to do this without the support of others who understand this part of me, and this is why I'm here. I hope to one day reach a point when I can support others in this struggle, but for now I can only ask for your support. This is me reaching out to all of you because I feel this is a safe place for me to do so. This is where I will lay it all out for you to see because I can't do this alone.

Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm looking forward to being an active member here, and striving for a game free life! What are some of the difficulties you face, and how do you overcome them?