NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Sapuverell
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Posts posted by Sapuverell
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16 hours ago, Mohammad said:
60, 61, 62, 63:
No gaming
All good and productive
You often say you were productive. I would be interested in what you mean by that?
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2 hours ago, Shine Magical said:
I own 14 plants now. I owned zero at the start of January! It really complements my minimalist apartment and helps round it out. They clean the air so at least they are functional in addition to looking nice.
I went on my trip to Taiwan and Hong Kong. Taiwan was really nice... Hong Kong was gross.
I've been drawing a lot more lately. I've been getting people to pose for me and then we can also have a conversation while I paint them.
I've also come to realize the importance of using social media in relation to having friends. It's important to seem active and social from the outside in order to attract more people into your life, and social media is a way to do that. So I've started using my instagram (again). I deleted a lot of older pictures and am starting fresh: @davidmanukjan
Glad to hear that. I'm impressed if someone tells me he went to Taiwan or Hong Kong, just wow!
I'm not really a huge fan of social media. I mean it has some potential I see that, but there is a risk of spending to much time, caring to much about others feedback and so on, I'm sure you know them. Are you having them under control? I'm just asking and I wanna say that ral friends and relationships are probably still better for us. Even though they are rare.
Greetings!
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On 5/4/2019 at 5:45 PM, BooksandTrees said:
I'm 28 weeks free of gaming and 2 weeks free of porn now.
Some major changes have occurred over the past few weeks. I decided to look for an apartment, but hated every apartment I saw. They were all terrible and I would have been miserable living with frustrating neighbors and an uninspiring building. They were also super expensive because my part of the country is expensive and because of the housing market all land lords are raising their rents considerably with the market.
I also had the chance to buy my dream condo. It had everything I wanted: a finished basement with an entertainment center, remodeled bathrooms, 2 huge bedrooms, ready to move in, great kitchen and deck to relax in and cook. I could really see myself living there. I told my realtor that I needed it and we got all the paperwork ready. I then told about 8 friends how excited I was and was very tired. I went to take a nap, but I wanted to zone out a little and watch a YouTube video before napping. The first video I saw was the music video "Risk" by Metric. Like, really? I scroll down and the rest of the videos are about achieving my dreams in life and going after what I wanted.
I started to cry.
I didn't want to buy this condo. It would have meant I spend at least another 5 to 30 years there and the only way I could have paid off the mortgage would be to stay in engineering, get a part time job and another roommate, or rent out both bedrooms and not live there at all, which defeats the purpose and I'd only be profiting $200 per month off of the tenants after the gross monthly pay was finalized.
I then started to think about how unhappy I have become in the past 10 years. I've separated myself from my friends and family and have no feeling of meaning or purpose in life. I feel happy when I'm away from my career and with my friends and certain family members in an environment where I can work on my goals. I then met my friend and told her my story. She shared her story with me, which nearly mirrored my own except she had purchased that dream condo. She encouraged me to follow my dreams. She then made me meet her for a stand up comedy open mic night where I performed my first routine without any practice. I got a standing ovation and the biggest reception. The owner of the restaurant took me out for beer after and gave me his card. Other performers couldn't believe I've never practiced before and said I had a natural talent for comedy and storytelling. I was elated.
The next day I couldn't get the smile off of my face. I couldn't focus on work or anything. I felt happy for 2 days straight - something I've been searching for through porn and video games for decades. The day dragged on, though. I kept looking at the clock. Soon I would just take walks outside in our parking lot, day dreaming of my future if I worked on my goals and what steps I could take. It was my most unproductive week in months.
The next day I decided to give my boss my 2 weeks' notice. I was done with this for right now. My mom, friends, and family supported my decision after telling them everything. It was clear I have a direction I need to follow. I want to create my cartoon, write, and do my passion of comedic work. I also want to continue developing myself. I feel this journey will be the one where I learn how to love myself through constantly working for myself, being a friend to myself, learning to breathe and appreciate my life, and have a more positive mood. I want to support my dreams and myself. This is all attainable. I know it won't happen right away, but just the idea that I'll be embarking on this journey fills me with intention and purpose. I won't be doing other people's work anymore and I won't be in a sloth environment. I see my future and want it. But I also see the journey and am excited for it.
I'll keep people updated. This has been a very difficult journey for me, but I've known for years how unhappy I am and I was getting to a very volatile and turbulent state of mind and emotions. Such a frantic state could only be sustained for so long before a blowout. I love life too much for that. I will win and I will enjoy it.
Matt
I sometimes feel impaired. When reading your journal I start thinking that you're so free when you get older. Now I still in school and I have to adapt myself to it. There is barely room to change something because homework and so drains most of my time. I hope if I get to university I have more possibilities. Or is that just an illusion?
Thank you so much Matt for sharing all this!
Cheers!
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2 hours ago, JPAO said:
Welp I neglected this one too ?
Day 18 ig
Not doing the best with this new challenge I've set forth on, I've been more worried about my own future and goals to focus and help others out (even if its just one ordinary act of kindness out of the usual a day) Gotta keep working at it!
John
Are you just too selfish? Do you have a crisis and others are not that important at the moment? Is there no time?
Would you tell us why it doesn't work? I'm very interested. You don't have to though.
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29 minutes ago, Ikar said:
It depends on the expectations you put into the book. You can be hardly motivated to read some subject you don't care about. Generally, that's not really required on high-school in most subjects, it's more around the time of university/college when that starts to ramp up.
"No Fap" seems odd, I am sure it's not too practical. A healthy male has to "release" at some point, as sperm gets renewed in between some 60-90 days (forgot the exact number) and it goes away when you "release" it.
My awkward story speaks for itself; when I was younger, not "releasing" but activating sexually, I had these "pollutions" every 14 days or so, where I would just wake up wet, with my body "releasing" while I was asleep! Generally with some sort of a sexual dream as well and no, I didn't wet my bed ?
I've been releasing on a daily basis consistently for a while, however I imagine the ideal state is to do it 1-2x a week, so I'll have to change the habit too. I've never heard anyone talking about having too much sex though ?
The thing is, that I like the book "twelve ruloes for life" and I enjoy reading it. It's just, this isn't nearly as exciting as video games. It's slow, it's silent, you always have to think and maybe reread a section. So in comparison to gaming i wouldn't say I have fun. I see this not as a bad thing, but I have to experience, that real life is not that stimulating and I have to get used to this. Do not get me wrong now, but there are of course activities that make you feel very passionate, but I'm not far enough yet.
In terms of "NoFap", I had this aswell, but it was years ago. Maybe I should consider changing my goal to no pornography instead of no masturbation at all. I'll think about it.
Thank you very much Ikar. I really appreciate your feedback and it's helping me alot! Much thanks!
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Day 5
gone to bed: 00.30
woke up: 07.40
This Saturday has been good. I went to the gym and so did complete my second week of doing on 6 days sports. I pounced on a puzzle and it has been bothering me since then. Also I played some card games with relatives who came by. So no longer this boringsness. Something actually made me think. I know that games trigger many of our needs for feeling accomplishment, progress or confirmation in a way, but something games had always provided was fun. In my previous activities I have to say, I never felt the same amount of fun or joy in it. Not that reading or working for school is a bad thing. But it seems so plain, no such challange like in a video game. I'm a bit scared of this fact!
I'm grateful for:
- the food I had today
- the patience I have for tthe puzzle (I post a photo, when it's complete)
- fun with my relatives
- spending basically no time in front of a screen, except writing this journal
"NoFap" is making me difficulties. I don't have a problem renouncing porrnography, but renouncing masturbation is hard. It's just that I had some sexual thoughts today, not about anyone I saw. I just thought about good-looking girls and I dind't know what to do. We'll see!
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Day 4
gone to bed: 23.30
woke up: 06.45
It was good! My physics exam went almost perfect and I feel relieeved that I'm back on track in school. Beside that I'm glad to be more calm in school. I do not leave a comment on everything, I'm not that loud anymore and I think I'm more serious right now. I think I can be who I am and that makes me more than happy. Relationships are so going well. I stopped feeling guilty, because I sometimes am not just happy and feeeling a bit in a crisis.
As the weekend started today, I was so bored and still am. I slept for around 5 hours till now and don't feel very good about it, because I would like it, if I did something productive or creative. So far I coulnd't though. I did wanna watch some Youtube or Twitch just so that time passes but then didn't. I also questionned myself, if I really wanna quit video games forever and not just for a time. But all this doubt is just wantring the easy way. I don't wann feel bored, lonely, helpless nor on withdrawal. But I made this decision and if I really ask myself I know exactly that it's right and important for my life.
I'm grateful for:
- living in switzerland, with one of the best education-system in the world that I am part of
- having not relapsed till now and feeling pretty far away from games already
- being on this forum
- helpful, positive and understanding peoplle around me
- self-discipline I brought up
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16 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:
However, if there's one thing I've learned in the past from trying to change many habits at once, it's that it's very, very difficult to do so and you may not be 'setting yourself up for success' as Cam recommends. Trying to make a lot of really big changes to your lifestyle all at once can be really difficult and you may fall off the wagon if you're not careful. It takes a lot of willpower to resist the urges from multiple addictions every day.
That might be OK for you! Just make sure that you're aware how hard it is to do, and give yourself some credit even if you do struggle and fail. These changes are important, but they're also big and difficult to do. You may not get it right the first time.Make sure you give yourself credit for each day you do succeed. ?
Thank you very much for your feedback! Yes I see that problem or danger and I'm a 100% conscious about that. Still though I think I can manage that, through the fact that it's not the first time I quit games nor Pornography. I kinda know how it feels and as a result of that other areas in my life are absolutely great, I'm rather confident.
About giving myself credit: I have no idea how to reward myself, when for all my life it's been gaming for multiple hours and feeling this instant gratification. I though about reading or just sleeping, but I definitely have to come up with some other ideas!
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Hey Stevec2283,
I just read your last post and I really hope you get back on your feet. What I want to comment is the fact, that when you start playing games for escapism, you have a method of solving problems that you wont let go until you find something better at it's place. For myself I never knew a way to deal with stress or difficulties in relationships other than diving into the virtual world. So please don't be too hard with yourself and stay strong!
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Hey The radtech,
Great you made this decision. I hope it's not something you just came up with one day and you are more than willing to give up gaming. It just sounded a bit like a short-term decision. I just learned from myself that I have to be truly willing, otherwise I fail and feel even worse afterwards.
But I don't think that's the case for you! I wish you all the best and I will occasionally read your journal. Have a good one!
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1 hour ago, taichi said:
According to my former psychiatrist, my problem stems from a lack of core self-esteem, the sense that I will be loved no matter what I do.
Ugh that sounds like a lie. Honestly, is that a real thing?
Very interesting. It depends on what you believe I think. If you are convinced, that there is a god, you would be loved endlessy. But even if you do not, what do you think is better for you? Reduce yourself to something less or pushing yourself with a force, you may not even understand, but would help your situation. When you can't know the truth, then why don't you pick what is best for you and your people around you?
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Day 3
So far my hardest day. Couldn't sleep last night and gym, school and now learning has been very tiring. I feel like i could lay down and instantly fall asleep. Had very much thought about my past and how my life is been so far. Reminded me of the beautiful moments, but also the dark times. Today I feel like killing myself for making space for something new to thrive. Wanna finish my past, but also have the opportunity to ever come back and remind me of these times. Feeling also confused, maybe you can see it in my spelling.
Anyways, I had very good talk with a good female friend and I feel understood by her. On the other side I felt kinda helpless, when I saw her speaking and hugging another guy from my class. I really should work on my social skills and also gain experience in that matter. I somehow can't deal with it, when a female friend is having a good time with other guys.
Thoughts on Gaming are very rare. I caught myself watching 2-3 stupid videos on Youtube that were unnecessary. But then pretty quickly turned it off, when I thought about my goal. The only thing I'm struggling on is having no possibility to hide my feelings anymore. Just have to deal with everything I experience through the day. It feels like my head is always rattling and the only way to stop that is meditating or sleep. I look forward to the weekend and hope I can rest a bit. Also I'm excited about it, though I have no clue what to do, when there is at once so much time to spend/invest.
I'm grateful for:
- having the possibility to talk with someone about my problems and feeling understood
- my intelligence that brought me so far in school and allow me to sometimes do a little bit less investment, when times are difficult
- the music I find on Youtube that help me relax, fall asleep and process my feelings
"NoFap" is making me look after girls in school, and I don't like it, because sometimes I feel I can't control my eyes anymore. In my opinion I have to get used to all of this, with that I mean handling the fact, that there is no longer this regurarly sexual relief. In seeing ggirls the right way, was never a problem so far, but I definitely feel this kind of urge in my behavior. I will keep watching it.
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9 hours ago, dahankus said:
I am grateful for my faults.
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Update
By keeping track of other posts from other users I wanna add something to my daily journal that I think would improve it.
- I wanna list 3 things per day I'm thankful for
- Record my sleep time
Next to that I saw someone got into "NoFap", and I want to try it out as well, even though the scientific aspect of this detox is lost as it is now more than one factor.
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17 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:
Hey man, welcome to the club.
So sorry to hear about your father and your own troubles with the disease. Life can be really tough sometimes, it's only natural you needed to retreat somewhere. I think it's great you've decided to make this change now, I wish I had done the same at your age. Stay strong!Thank you so much. You probably have no idea how much such few words mean to me. Humans need so little encouragement and you just made my day!
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On 4/29/2019 at 4:48 AM, TimetoWalkAway said:
I feel good.So glad to hear this. Stay strong!
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Day 2
Today I found motivation to do some homework and it made me happy. I love to hear no stuff, learning and understanding to quench my tremendous curiosity. So that was good. I slept in the afternoon for about 3 hours and I don't know why. I usually never do this. I think it has to do, that i can no longer turn on my computer and start playing directly. I have to choose an activity. Because I do not have many ideas yet, and I'm kinda tired after school I just lay down. So I'm bored you can say.
Meanwhile all my games are uninstalled. E-Mail notifications are set off. Esspecially before sleeping or when I return home I urge to watch YouTube for fun or any streams to keep me entertained. I don't like it at all, but I also think it's normal.
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9 minutes ago, dahankus said:
Hey man.
I agree that Jordan Peterson has some great stuff out there, I also spend far too much time listening to his stuff ? During my struggles I have found that too much change at once is doomed to fail, always, except maybe if you move to a different country, than maybe its possible, but if your life stays the same, then your habits will most likely come back if you try to get rid of them at the same time. I recommend "Atomic Habits", amazing book about the "how" to change ones habits. You seem to have a good grasp on life already, so you will succeed sooner or later, so don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that success comes from consistency in the small things not from huge decisions.
Good luck.
I will see if this book is available in our local library, otherwise I order it.
At first I have to say I couldn't change anything. Because I'm still in school, people didn't change around me, I did always the same things I was so used to do for basically my hole life and every try to change something met with effort and work. That's where I learned to start small and also to not be to hard with myself. Through Video Games you really stop being patient so it was really hard at the beginning. I hate it to be slow and not haveing this instant reward-system that games provide.
Thank you dahankus!
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Great you came on this forum. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. So far I wish you much strength and positive things in your life to happen, that help your situation.
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So happy to hear that, keep it up!
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I'm in a similar situation. I have lots to do for school, feeling not eveyr good about my relationships with friends or family and just had a few days off, where I really just spend time on my own in my room. I think it's always a good thing, when you just stop for a moment and start realizing your sourroundings and the situatioin your in. But it's also dangerous, when you have no exchange with friends, to talk about. I sometimes fall in a dark hole. The thing that helps me get out of there, is starting the work you have to do, and resocialize again.
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I really like this idea, to always underline your decision with the phrase: "I am not a gamer". Does it effect your mindset or what's the deal with it?
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Day 1
So my first day was pretty good, even though i urged a little in watching youtube. Caught myself in scrolling through CSGO content and i was really tempted to watch the ESL Pro league. Anyways I did some organisational stuff, went to the library, was in the gym and had all in all a very quit day. In the afternoon I slept for almost 6 hours and can now not go to bed because of it. I was not able so far, doing my school work done, but that has some personal reasons I cannot write about, because I don't know them exactly. I just feel blocked inside my head to to anything productive and I hope this will end very soon. Maybe it has something to do, that I watched an almost 2h long interview with Jordan Peterson and then read in his book "12 rules for life" for quite a bit. It really fascinates me, but it's also a lot of brain work and thinking in it. Also a bit concerned I was about my time spending on this forum. I think I'm kinda bored, even though I have many things to do, but i rather see the new post, read and comment. But I shouldn't be online more than maybe 2 times a day, except I havee urges and need to motivate myself.
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Cool that you didn't relapse on Saturday. Very strong!
How did you do it, because i find myself often in the same situation?
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One more try..
in Daily Journals
Posted
Day 6
gone to bed: 23.30
woke up: 11.30
So I've been thinking about "NoFap" and for now I wanna keep it like that. It's all bearable, also to not play any video games.
Today I was so tempted to watch IEM Sydney of CSGO and I barely held me back. I did some homework then, went to the local sport centre an did some wellness and also cooked something for me, what rarely happens. I feel pretty good and I'm happy with my life at the moment. There is just one thing I wanna change, that's my usage of my smartphone. I normally watch some debates or motivational videos in the evening, but it became too much and I sometimes watched until midnight. I wanna put it away at 22.00, from now on and then go to bed at 22.30.
I'm grateful for: