NEW VIDEO: The Dark Side of Gaming (Documentary)
Ikar
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Posts posted by Ikar
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4 hours ago, taichi said:
Thank you for your insight.
What I am finding out, the hard way, is that I don't give unconditional love. People have to be special and serve my interests loyally for me to love them.
Thus my past relationships have been psychologically abusive ones, my current one also rapidly turning that way.
Thankfully, or more like miraculously, my current girlfriend has objected to my abuse and is still willing to stay with me, as long as I seek professional help for my inner troubles.
Funny thing is, I think my response about a month ago would've been different, as I was freshly out of a relationship and I never saw the end coming.
Realizing your past relationship, I think with you eventually overcoming the addiction successfully and her being a witness and a supporter in the witness, would create a strong sense of gratitude on your part towards her!
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Day 13:
I got up, ate and went on the school trip. We saw some nice exhibits, sights and nature. After all that, we just hanged out in a pub, so I got a beer. It felt nice to collectively socialize after some time. We also walked a bunch, meaning I am fairly tired as I am writing this. I think I'll be able to collectively socialize tomorrow as well, so that should be good!
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Damn man, that's rough.
I've been through a breakup recently, I tried to reflect on it and sent my thoughts to my ex. She was, in the end, the main impulse that made me hit rock bottom. Month after the breakup, I realized gaming/Twitch is the cause I am neglecting my priorities. I used gaming/Twitch to avoid them. Second lesson, tied to this now that I think of it, was lack of self-love. I'm positive we genuinely tried our best to make the other one feel good, while we treated ourselves as crap individually.
You posted it in the other thread, but your wife did some pretty irresponsible and impertinent stuff too. I think she just didn't take your addiction seriously with buying your kids games. It really is as if you put a bottle of booze in front of an alcoholic and told him not to drink it.
You drew the line a few days back, by being more conscious of your acts. You are trying. You must accept the fact however, that she might never try herself to understand, but that is OK. You're doing this change for yourself. Anything you reclaim with that decision is a nice "side effect", but you can't bank on it.
Stay strong.
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5 hours ago, taichi said:
According to my former psychiatrist, my problem stems from a lack of core self-esteem, the sense that I will be loved no matter what I do.
Ugh that sounds like a lie. Honestly, is that a real thing?
4 hours ago, Sapuverell said:When you can't know the truth, then why don't you pick what is best for you and your people around you?
That's actually a pretty good answer. I think mothers feel that way towards their kids naturally.
What's even more amazing that you actually find a person and build up unconditional love from zero with them too.
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Day 12:
In the morning, I went for the groceries. I watched ep. 9 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast. Then I started figuring out the (ROCKET) SCIENCE OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS! I got a decent draft of my message for my ex.
After lunch, I watched some Location Rebel videos and got mildly confused and discouraged because of that, but I'll just need more time to dive into it again. After that, I worked out a little bit while finalizing the message in my head.
I sent my ex a message of my reflections on our past relationship as honestly and accurately as I could, and I'm hoping she will share hers with me as well.
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Oh, women. Girls! You'll be fine ?
Good effort on today, keep it up and hold the line!
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Great job with having her back!
That said, if you have learned your lesson with gaming, do yourself a solid, try to make sure she learned hers.
It sounds odd, but in my case my (ex)gf broke up with me, because she couldn't change me. Paradoxically, once she was gone, I could focus on myself. It took me alone time to realize my addiction affected everything in my life. I think you had a similar realization.
I'm putting it out here because of my day 11. Gaming and general neglect about my life were probably the biggest reason we broke up on my part, but I have a sneaking suspicion I know what the biggest neglect on her part was as well (and it wouldn't be that she wouldn't love me) and I'd hate to be denied the opportunity to tell her that face to face.
I suggest you and K have a conversation about it! You can do this ?
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Day 11:
This has to be the weirdest day since I started this journal.
I started the day off with a headache, so I naturally wasn't happy about getting up at all. When I finally managed to do that, I took a painkiller (though I really dislike doing that) I watched ep. 8 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast. Hour later, I still had a headache, so I decided to take a hot bath and I was just in time for lunch.
After lunch however, I slept for three more hours, until I managed to get up at roughly 1500. I played some Scrabble, watched a few videos and went outside with basketball to get moving. As I feel my need for social ramping up with the absence of Twitch, I wrote my friend who lives nearby and asked him if he'd go out have a beer with me and he wrote me we can probably set up something during the weekend, so I'm looking forward to that!
After that, I was chatting with my (ex)girl when she suddenly mentioned she and a guy, who she's been writing with for four years, want to meet because they understand other. I was literally neutrally surprised when I got the message. I think nothing of it, as I don't think I am in a position to do anything and I won't be there until June to share "lessons learned", so after a small lag, I casually continued in the conversation.
Later on, I went onto watching some Preston Smiles and Jordan Peterson, as I felt I needed something new.
Glory be to the ambivalence of life, I'm happy the headache didn't last the whole day!
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I just found out about Jordan Peterson and honestly, this is the perfect way to end my day. Cheers!
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Day 10:
In the morning, I watched ep. 7 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast. I even brushed my teeth during the time! I worked on finishing school project 3, as today was the deadline and being already halfway done from yesterday helped immensely.
In the afternoon, I cycled to go English teaching. Much to my dismay, I left my preparation for it at home on my USB! I was a bit confused and nervous, because part of my plan was gone, however I managed to pull through.
In the evening, I finalized my paper and sent it, watched some Simpsons, some GQ videos and right now I'm chilling for the rest of the night, while creating the schedule below.
Schedule:
Mon: SCHOOL PROJECT 3
Tue: SCHOOL PROJECT 3
Wed: SCHEDULE SCHEDULE (lol) + emails, work out, reflect
Thu: FIND OUT MORE TO START OWN BUSINESS = SCHOOL PROJECT + reflect
Fri: SCHOOLTRIP 1
Sat: SCHOOLTRIP 2
Sun: find out more to start own ENG business? drum? get good morning/evening routines?
I also see exams on uni creeping up.
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I volunteer! I am very grateful that I ran into Cam's TEDx talk not too long ago and I know I will persevere for 80 more days.
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1 hour ago, Person said:
Hey I checked out your journal! It's pretty awesome that you decided to start working on yourself considering your girlfriend's decision to take time off. My first relationship started off really needy. I was really too dependent on her for my own happiness. Things didn't go to well, but I guess you live and learn. I'm happy you weren't too stagnant from that feeling of withdrawal, and made a decision to help yourself. ? So best of luck man. Really digging the positive attitude you have.
Thanks!
She actually tried to actively change/add some of my habits before that, but obviously I felt defensive about it and I took it in the way of needing to make a stand against her. She tried to make me work out, but without her working out and being a role model, there was no way that she would accomplish that. Now I'm in a different spot however and I work out because I want to!
Oddly enough, I was happy just to have her nearby, she literally didn't have to do anything, apart from being herself.
My main objective is to show her that now I am in a good spot and I'll do that just by showing up. Anything else will be a bonus afterwards.
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Day 9:
In the morning, I watched ep. 6 of the WWII documentary while I was eating breakfast (I noticed I've watched ep. 3 twice according to the diary!). I had two job interviews, both involved English and I think I left a good impression on both of them. However I felt a bit anxious on the second one, because I literally set it up an hour before it happened, because I happened to be nearby. I became more anxious as I was going home, so my main objective was to not crash the car!
I came home fine, became self-aware, watched Cam's video on Escapism, acknowledged my anxiety and got over it. It's sometimes funny how a bit of uncertainty about youself (like if the interviewer was happy with my English, as if I didn't know already that I'm good at it!) can spiral out further (I wasn't sure if I could get down to work on project 3, because I had to teach later on and I had "only" three hours until then). I managed to sit down on it and get some progress in in the end.
After that, I taught beginners and worked on project 3, as per the rule, "Due tomorrow? Do tomorrow!" ?
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Hi Sapuverell!
Welcome to the club ?
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Day 8:
In the morning, I watched ep. 4 of the documentary while I was eating breakfast. I like doing that, as I eat slowly and I don't need to pay 100% attention to the documentary. Afterwards I finished school project number 2, which took longer than expected but it's done and gone!
Brother came for lunch and then we hanged out on the playground with basketball, had a good time even though it was dreary outside. After that, I got my hair cut, read up something more on addiction, conflict avoidance and went on working on school project number 3. I got some decent progress in and I'm happy with it.
Feeling worn out, but again, another good day down for the count. Turns out life is busy even without playing games and watching streams for 12 hours a day ?
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I agree that the negative spiral of regret doesn't really lead you anywhere. Accepting the past as it was, something that's over, can be difficult sometimes, especially when there's other people involved.
As for myself, I've never thought of all the time I "lost". Right now, I rather worry about my relationships with others, as my digital escapism had to leave a mark on them. I let them know that I'm entering a new and better phase of my life and that they, too, have something to look forward from my side! ?
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So that'd be my first week. I feel that my initial hype from quitting is over. However, I am feeling steady with my decision and I know it was a good one.
I notice I sometimes escape into YouTube, chat or something else, but I rather spend 3-4 hours into them than 13-14 hours into gaming. Those activities still give me at least some feedback, as I mostly watch some GQ-related stuff. I can supervise them a lot better as well, because I'm very aware of this idea in myself and in others, so I generally just slack for half an hour and get back to work.
Overall, I am very content with my progress so far and I am not afraid to tackle anything that needs tackling.
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Day 7:
In the morning, I watched ep. 3 of the documentary while I was eating breakfast. After that, I reacted to some emails regarding jobs again and searched a bit myself. I started out on one of the projects slowly.
Afternoon I spent socializing, holding a conversation in English IRL. Later on, I had my mom help me out on the project (as she's an expert in the field), watched Simpsons and right now I'm discussing my Iceland venture with another friend.
A day well spent. I wanted to work out, but it was raining outside! I think I'll have to step up on the project, I will get both of them done tomorrow, as it should be calmer!
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Hey everyone!
I was wondering about this for a while. I'm on day 7 and breaking out of gaming and watching streams was a very liberating experience and freed up nearly 90% of my time that I can shift somewhere else in my life. I think I'll be still running around for a few days like a headless chicken just repairing the structures of goals that I've neglected, but I'm confident none of them will come crashing down.
I'm seeing a little bit of the ancient "fight or flight" reaction in this. Imagine you have a close friend/family member who indulges in gaming, social media, alcohol, you name it, quitting on them would feel horrible and obviously you don't want to lose them.
I feel like the two common "answers" to this issue is either patronizing "Just look at me dumbo, I don't game, so why should you!" or just giving up on doing anything actively, leaving it up to a chance. I think leading by example works nicely, but inspiring an alcoholic by a former gamer might feel too distant to the addict.
How would you help them out? How to help others "internalize"? Feel free to link videos and resources regarding this.
Thanks for all the comments and insights!
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Day 6:
In the morning, I took too long to on the project and didn't actually finish it, however there's still enough time during the weekend to pick up the slack. The school today went alright and I returned home in the evening, a bit later than expected too. I tried to shoot a video for my (ex)girl, as I was ready to have a presentation about my addiction at school, however I was only partly successful making it. I watched ep. 3 of the documentary.
I'm feeling rather bewildered about the day as a whole, but I can laugh at it! I plan on staying home tomorrow and getting stuff done during the weekend, so that should work out fine for me!
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8 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:
Best of luck on your journey man sounds like you have a good action plan. I might need to copy that idea of having a list of activities to do.
Thanks!
Truth to be told, plans have been on my mind for months, maybe even years. If something was a REALLY good idea, I wrote it down somewhere for future reference. Future is now! Go ahead ?
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To start off, I have to admit my productivity on my priorities is through the roof. Boredom or feeling burnt-out are a thing of the past. I also find I am more actionable on spontaneous ideas or ideas I get from other people. Less of them get done "later" (read never). Now I am almost afraid of running out of things to do!
Day 5:
In the morning, I got up, checked around the forums, took a bath. I mostly just fooled around, but I did send out some emails regarding job applications.
In the afternoon, I cycled to my grandma and stayed there for a few hours, confiding myself about my addiction. After that, I proceeded with job applications both locally and to Iceland. I sent out. A lot. I think the total might be around 60.
In the evening, I just watched some Simpsons, mostly just relaxing. I watered the plants and sent some pictures of them to my (ex)girl. Right now, I'm just winding down preparing to watch ep. 2 of the documentary while eating.
Oddly enough, I did hardly anything towards my school projects. I'll get one of them done in the morning, it shouldn't take more than an hour, but I feel I need to chill somehow for the day. Feeling content with how this day went!
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I missed reporting in the evening, because for basically the whole day I had a headache. I'm not a fan of painkillers, because then I'm not "sharp".
Day 4:
In the morning, I worked on the basic outline on school project 1 (building). I made a short school project 2 (presentation). I also prepared for English teaching. My filler activity would be watching YT videos, either TED or GQ.
In the afternoon, I went to a job fair and I was able to get two or three interesting propositions and separately got more offers to teach English, I'll look into these today. Then I went to teach English.
In the evening, I still had a headache, so I just watched some Simpsons, talked to mom and called it night at about 2000.
Despite the fact I had a headache the whole day, I still got all I wanted done, 8/10.
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Hi Person!
Good work for stepping up ?
One more try..
in Daily Journals
Posted
It depends on the expectations you put into the book. You can be hardly motivated to read some subject you don't care about. Generally, that's not really required on high-school in most subjects, it's more around the time of university/college when that starts to ramp up.
"No Fap" seems odd, I am sure it's not too practical. A healthy male has to "release" at some point, as sperm gets renewed in between some 60-90 days (forgot the exact number) and it goes away when you "release" it.
My awkward story speaks for itself; when I was younger, not "releasing" but activating sexually, I had these "pollutions" every 14 days or so, where I would just wake up wet, with my body "releasing" while I was asleep! Generally with some sort of a sexual dream as well and no, I didn't wet my bed ?
I've been releasing on a daily basis consistently for a while, however I imagine the ideal state is to do it 1-2x a week, so I'll have to change the habit too. I've never heard anyone talking about having too much sex though ?