NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Ikar
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Posts posted by Ikar
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9 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:
Care to expand on this @Ikar? This interests me. Think in what way?
Be mindful about what you do and how you feel about it. Perhaps by living a life that is exciting for you, as well as others? I am not sure what else to write!
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Day 72:
I did not start today well, I got through some job posts, but I got a bit peeved, as this has been going on for months.
I actually got a job hit today though, so I am pretty excited about that. If they are legit, I will go for it.
I also met some people from CZ in the camp, so it was nice to hang out with them for a while.
Other than that, I feel somewhat stretched, but happy I finally came across something. I will try to feed my mind somethint before I sleep.
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Day 71:
I had a slight negative feeling of anxiety earlier today that I resolved by making more plans for tomorrow. It was work related, but obviously nobody would respond to me during the weekend. I will be more agressive in my job search.
I sent the letter and a postcard home. After that, I visited the art museum. I also meditated a bit in the church.
I took it slightly easier on town exploration today, instead I focused more on work and thinking. Something good should come out of this.
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Day 70:
These days are crazy great. I feel like I experience so much stuff. Some are captured on photos, some might come up to my mind after a few years...
I will try to get back to some sleeping and reading habits, because I successfully bombared any habit indiscriminately when I came to Iceland.
Job search is well underway and Reykjavik is probably halfway explored.
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Day 69:
Missed an entry yesterday. I feel like I am still bombarded by a lot of impressions, although that is not really helpful, if I want to focus and think about something.
I visited the church yesterday and sat down there to contemplate a bit. I thought about two hypotethical neighbors that didn't kill each other over a stolen chicken, perhaps just from the fear of holy revenge of some sorts, and thus worked out a peaceful solution.
I also feel grateful for the fact that humanity has come along so far that I can use English, my home ID and home credit card to get me going in a developed foreign country. Doing that a century ago would be difficult and two centuries ago probably near impossible.
So really, yay for humanity, even if we still do some pretty atrocious things to each other, physically and mentally.
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The ways of how the world works are weird, but I got into my English business primarily based on what my gaming career provided. I am still working on the university, just in case I do poorly.
I read a proposition somewhere that you should thoroughly think about stuff you do daily (I guess weekly works too) for more than two hours. Massive pattern interrupt like I am doing right now is pretty amazing for thinking what do I need in life and what I do not need. All that is related to the hell one man's life can be without a real schedule, even if it would be imposed externally.
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It is rough to sacrifice the present for the future. Everyone in their lives makes progress, to stop means death. If you are convinced you want to be an artist, you have to put in the hours and I believe you do that.
Sometimes you got to remember the hell you would be in if you had not decided to quit. You got something better going for you now!
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9 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:
Good luck with the job hunt dude! Fingers crossed!
I hear Iceland is very beautiful. Is it worth a visit?
I really need to finish reading 12 rules... never got past chapter two. You’ve put it back on the priority one list for me. Thanks. ?
Two more days and you’re ten weeks clean! Huge achievement bud, make sure you celebrate it!
Thanks! I just need one hit.
I cannot say yet, since I am here for a short time and did not see much, but the ads and pamphlets say it is, so I will believe them for now!
Rule 3 I had to read twice, because it was that great and heavy-hitting. I really like the idea of dissecting problems down to their core and acting from there and that responsibility is basically a religion.
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Day 68:
I feel like my brain insists on feeling weird, despite putting in some effort. I asked a few people and handed in a few CVs personally. So I think the mistake was perhaps feeling anxious, just because I felt I could get the job on the spot somewhere.
Other than that, I wandered around the immediate area of Reykjavik, exploring and basically ready to be excited and I indeed did find a few nice places. I walked a TON.
I will give the jobhunt a week and if it goes poorly, I will just trek/stop/bus around, until I run out of ideas where to go.
I finished 12 Rules today and it has been a great read. I could not help, but nod when I read some of the passages, primarily resembling my family, my ex and ultimately myself.
I will try to assemble my thoughts better the next time, I feel somewhat scattered.
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Day 67:
Just checking in from Iceland, will try to search for some part-time tomorrow.
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Day 66:
I did Duolingo in the morning, a bit of Jocko with Peterson and Rubin with Tolle to help me out with the letter. I'm quite happy about it, as I can say I can see the actual meaning behind what I write and I am getting better with turning my words into reality and I think that's good and appreciated by virtually anyone around me.
Well, damn. I finally got hit by some actual fear and anxiety today! It was about time. This must be the most mentally demanding day of my detox, even if it's completely unrelated to games. I feel a bit paralyzed and easily distracted, but it helped I didn't leave everything for the last day. I set up everything I could to the best of my ability, experience and time and we'll see how that plays out.
Everything is sort of in the air, so I am not sure when/if I will report from Iceland, but I will have to confront the unknown on the spot before conjuring up a plan on how to deal with it.
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Day 65:
I watched an old JP lecture to get me into a good contemplative mindset for writing the letter (spoiler). Then I got an unexpected message that sucked about two hours of my time. However, after some calls and mails I basically made a very nice amount of money out of the initial issue. Solving problems actually works! I read a bit of 12 Rules to get me into the contemplative mindset again to write the letter. It's gonna be tough, but I'll try to finalize it tomorrow. I'll do the same with a few pieces gear that might be handy, as I'm already packing whatever I'll need.
In the afternoon, I went English teaching and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I visited my brother and said goodbye to him. Right now, I'm just dead tired, which means I did a good job today!
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Day 64:
I went for a car checkup in the morning, got some info on internet roaming and travel insurance. I visited grandma in the afternoon and said goodbye to her, as I'm leaving soon. I went English teaching afterwards and did some checks on my equipment in the evening. What I didn't do was writing the letter, but I won't to be sharp on that and hence I'll do it tomorrow morning. I also didn't read 12 Rules today, but I will catch up on that tomorrow too.
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Day 63:
Today's been pretty good. I slept in quite a bit after the last night. I got quite a few things regarding my Iceland trip straightened out amd I read 12 Rules. I also managed to write more of the letter which is important, as it also helps my mind to be more articulate. I also worked out in the evening.
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I follow you with being superficial on the internet, but I think it really comes from boredom if you just chat about nothing with someone. It can happen IRL too though. I prefer talking about profound things with people and while a well-asked question can snap me into that mode, it takes some time to engage in a genuine conversation. I noticed a spike in total time in that mode after my ex broke up with me and I think that's good.
Schedules are also good or at least to-do lists. Yesterday-me probably had a good reason to put these things in for tomorrow!
As for achieving in games, it's rough. Generally, it's a good idea to not stake 90% on one card in life to define your purpose/meaning, because if it's gone, you're 90% gone too. The chaos either kills you or perhaps makes you realize there are more things in life to live for that was previously your 10%.
The point is to have a plan in games, before you get sucked in and have the game plan for you by reaching the unreachable top. Games are great for marking progress too. Maybe your plan is to have rank 10 in HS, have a K/D over 2 in CS or play some old-school 2000s single-player RPG from start to finish with all the quests, but you gotta decide for yourself.
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Day 62:
Yesterday I did Duolingo, played Scrabble, read quite a bit of 12 Rules, visited a concert and hanged out with high school friends for quite a large part of the day. It was quite nice talking to them! I got home pretty much in the middle of the night, so I left journaling for today.
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Sucks about the relapse, however good luck with the girl! Can't give advice, figure it out for yourself! :P
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2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
After the bad relationships I've been a part of and seen in my life it makes sense that I'd be avoiding them. I really don't want to deal with another person's emotional insecurities and issues. I don't feel like committing myself to someone who I know is going to hurt me. Why would I take the chance of that happening?
I realized it's kinda interesting how this works, but it seems to me that every single relationship you have (including one with yourself) is affected and affecting the other ones. For example, I don't think one can conjure up a great romantic relationship if his family is in disarray, working on truces rather than co-operation and his friends are few and the connections bland. That's really a lot of weight the romantic relationship would have to pull to be more than the horrid combination of the above, because one just doesn't have the means.
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Writing is great! I'm happy I kept everything I wrote since 2013, though it wasn't much. What a sick kid I was... it's a nice reminder though.
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8 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:
I have one ex in particular who I was with for five years who I somehow still carry a torch for, four years later. She's married now, and here I am, unemployed, depressed and alone. I don't know if it's her I really miss, or more just the validity, purpose and support she brought to my life. I don't know if I'll ever feel like that again.
You can feel like that again, I am sure of that! There's not gonna be any shortage of hard work while doing that though.
8 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:Anyways, what's the format of your monthly summary?
I go over my diary, write down whatever important areas of my life I can think of and track progress on them. If it's a priority, I should progress towards it at least once a month!
8 hours ago, ElectroNugget said:I feel like I positively radiate negative emotions. When I came home tonight and talked to my parents about it my mom got really upset about it. I can tell being here so long and my long struggle with depression is starting to wear them down.
This is an interesting observation and I think it's correct. I also feel like people around me (primarily parents) are getting better, since I quit gaming. Just the mere fact I spend more time with them or do the household chores when asked more often.
I also get this "comfortable tiredness" feeling at the end of the day more often, literally feeling I did some actual work to justify my existence today. One of my friends called that happiness and he might be right, because it's the moment when you are enjoying the good work you did during the day and you are taking a few minutes to appreciate that at the end of the day which should be gratitude.
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Day 61:
I didn't have a schedule for today and I think it showed. I did Duolingo, washed the dishes, successfully practiced building a tent I'll be using for Iceland, worked out, sent the essay to my friend, did some groceries and got more tips for Iceland from friends.
SpoilerI spent a lot of the day thinking whether writing the letter to my ex from Iceland is a good idea or not. I'll go with yes, but I take the wow it's gonna be the last one if she doesn't respond, I won't cast pearls before swines. Reason for that being is that I may have sounded like too much of a preacher and didn't articulate my ideas clearly before. I'll do that as best as I can.
The contents will be the external hell she knows to be true, as almost every other reasonable human being does and working up from there. I will believe in what I write. Why? Because I live it.
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@ElectroNugget Myself, I shared my opinions on my childhood phase with my family quite recently, just so they know and perhaps can follow my train of thought and I slowly begin to see that problems are there to be solved, not to be ran away from, otherwise they'll just bounce back on top of other new problems. Problems are good. Taking a break to see that things are going well is also good. You don't even need anyone else to help you solve yours, so that's even better!
Exes are rough to deal with. On one hand, they know you better than anyone else (and there's tons of value in that, especially if you can get an honest conversation going), on the other, there's something in that why you parted (and usually not on good terms). If it was serious, both of you did something wrong along the way (so you can't blame it on the other) or there was something wrong to begin with. There's also gonna be a point when you have to draw the line, where you just stop worrying about what they might tell you, because it's been such a long time ago that the information isn't valid (something I am figuring out myself right now). And no matter how close you are to someone, telling the truth is rough and they need to not only trust you, but trust themselves to trust you and you can't trust yourself, if you keep questioning everything, because you are depressed (generally for the reason you're not honest with yourself and don't trust yourself).
4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:When you give all of that up you realize how hard it is to replace it all. Finding enough hobbies to replace video game usage is difficult. You gotta find out why you gamed through the types of games you played and the environment you craved.
Good line, I've read it before, but it is important to realize that.
4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:We constantly think about how to improve ourselves and don't appreciate any progress we make. We constantly seek perfection, but perfection changes in our eyes every few months. I bet months ago you'd be happy to just draw. Now you might want to draw perfectly or something.
This is why I like monthly summary. It helps keep progress in the grander scheme of things and it's also a good indicator of where you are heading and what your goals are. I don't think anything is a goal, unless you work towards it at least once a month.
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Day 60:
I did some small stuff in the morning, finished watching the Maps of Meaning 2017 YT lectures and visited a sports event in the evening with mom.
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I got back on FB a few days after about 2 months (I quit FB before I quit games), but for a very pragmatic reason of seeking job abroad, as it's amazing how many people it connects, how many opportunities it creates and how easy is it to use. I'll get rid of it again after I find what I'm looking for, though I wish everybody got back to text clients like QIP or Skype. At least WhatsApp is getting decently popular and Messenger is an option too.
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Moving on
in Daily Journals
Posted
@goodvibes This is an interesting lesson about the dark side of compassion, especially if almost everybody glorifies compassion today. It is even kind of self-fulfilling.
You want to help others, probably even more than they want to be helped. They will mostly accept, as they can take their easy way out of the responsibility.
Then you fall into the habit of being a martyr by being overwhelmed, so they get mad at you when you cannot keep up with all the work they kept piling at you and you basically robbed them of their responsibility earlier, so they are a bit lazier now.
Nobody is happy in that scenario and everybody loses. Helping others is good if you can manage it, but helping yourself is even better and you can always do that.