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Posts posted by Ikar

  1. 16th December - 21st December:

    My girlfriend and I went for a day trip to another city, together with her cousin and her husband. It was nice to visit some other place after a while.

    Watched "American Gangster" and had good fun with the movie.

    I cleaned and reorganized stuff in my room this week as well.

    Participated in the table football tournament and came up fifth, which is a success, as my regular teammate/friend was sick and another friend subbed for him.

    My thesis has been going on as usual. It's been going on since August and I'm kinda getting tired of it, which is normal I guess. I've been sending my tutor weekly updates for the last three months, though he hasn't given me much feedback ever since we agreed on the topic. I send him a message yesterday and he wrote he'll look at it over the week. I kinda hope he'll have just a few small things, as I have only a bit over two weeks to do something about it, while brushing up the rest of the text.

  2. 16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    My boss just said we might go back to a hybrid working schedule. I don't want to commute in traffic again. Fuck. This sucks.

    Any reason why? Is it his idea? A lot is at stake here, having an acceptable commute is a must.

    56 minutes ago, FDRx7 said:

    Everyone says it’s about the in-person connections, but I think it’s really about justifying that building they pay for. And some places don’t trust workers to work without physical supervision. Frustrating. Hopefully they don’t go through with it

    That's also in the mix. I watched a video on YT on that a few months ago, but I know you don't watch YT anymore. Maybe Books will watch it at least 😄

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  3. 10th December - 15th December:

    I've been working on the data for the last week and I think I am gonna finish this part at the weekend. That's good news, as I thought I'd be working on it for the whole next week. Now I have two weeks to polish my thesis, with one week in January to print it and hand it in.

    Took my family to the graveyard at the weekend to commemorate my grandpa and my mom's relatives.I attended the speaking event on Wednesday. It was good fun as usual. I think I'm good at improvising and thinking in the moment, but I'm bad at speaking with preparation. Got my bike back from service. Other than that, I spend time with my girlfriend as usual. A common friend came to visit us too 🙂

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  4. 5 hours ago, Vee said:

    - Using gaming as a reward. Well, duh. It's too easy to see through the lie of "I can only game when I've done X" - actually I can play whenever the hell I like. If I did want to try moderation, I think I'd need to simply...choose moderation. Not try to restrict myself to only before Xam or after Ypm.

    - Reinstalling Steam. Well yeah, duh, but I mean even if I could moderate my behaviour (doubtful),

    I mean, the idea that this forum is not called "Game Moderators" but "Game Quitters" makes me think that we have to quit to make a meaningful difference. Maybe not forever, but it's often much easier to dispense with the whole thing than to try and balance it. Gaming is not a physiological need.

    Part of why I got into gaming was because it was so immersive, so it wouldn't make sense for me to restrict myself to certain times either. Some people can game healthily naturally, and good for them. I knew I couldn't and that the negatives outweighed the benefits.

    Welcome back!

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  5. I'm ashamed to (not) give compliments to others. I'm afraid of being judged by others, in case they overhear it, but also that it comes out as creepy towards the recipient. For example, telling an acquaintance that she is smart, looks good etc. I'm very bad at complimenting myself too, as I think there's nothing praiseworthy for following and executing a plan well.

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  6. 4th December - 9th December:

    Still writing. I think I'm making good progress, so I don't have worries about not completing by the end of the year. I also went to the sauna with my girlfriend and another friend and played billiard yesterday.

    My sleep has been better the last few days, I swapped the mattress I slept on. I think I sometimes get headaches because I don't drink enough before I go to sleep. It's very annoying, as then it lasts the whole next day, so I need to watch that.

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  7. 14 hours ago, Pochatok said:

    I want to make the most of my life. I want to escape this prison of 9-5, of isolation within a community that doesn't value the parts of myself I value most, and which I have little value of myself. I want to be resist, I want to rebel- but in the moment, all of that adds up to continuing to work on my committed passions, and trusting that they will lead me towards that future. Perhaps not immediately, and not as easily as others would. But that's where I can try my best. That's where I can create a long-term, sustainable career- in animation and writing. 

    I've been thinking about this paragraph for a while. One thing that came to my mind was to use the existing framework to get the closest to the point where you want to be. In other words, not everything is horrible and the parts that are good can help you and be to your advantage. The framework can be quite rigid, but it can still support you and help you.

    Over time, you'll get enough freedom to make your own decisions more and more. That freedom comes with time and dedication, some would maybe say discipline. I'm self-employed myself, so I understand your vision to do things your way in animation and writing, though I am quite on the "safe" side as an English teacher. The objective is the same though: give people what they (and you too!) want and have a good life as a result.

    I hope what I wrote makes sense 😄 

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  8. I've been having some odd sleep in the last few days. I woke up early and couldn't fall asleep again. I haven't felt tired during the day yet, so it might really be that I sleep too much. It's just that mentally, it feels odd lying awake in bed for an hour or two, trying to sleep, and then still getting up early.

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  9. 14 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

    Yesterday I spent most of the day doing something very important - setting up the family budget and tracking expenses. I had tried to do this once before with the app YNAB, but I found it too difficult to set up and didn't see paying $14.99 per month or $99 per year to be worth it if I can do something similar in a spreadsheet. So, I sat down and put together a template, filling it in with November's information. It took hours, but now that it's done, I can use it right away for November and months thereafter. It feels good to have that complete with the clarity it brings to our finances. It'll help us to find where we can cut back and give us peace of mind each month.

    That's awesome! I think it's important to make sure to live within one's means. I also have a job that allows me to work more/less, so tracking money helps me feel confident in adjusting my workload.

    If you want a recommendation for an app, I've been using Wallet for years now. I started with the free version, but it has a limit of 3 money accounts, so I got lifetime premium for 30€ back in April. Premium also has automatic tracking (bank account synced with the app), but I still put in data from CSV files from my online banking, because I want to do a monthly evaluation anyway:


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  10. 28th November - 3rd December:

    Worked on the thesis as usual, although I stepped up the effort to 3 hours on Friday, 4 yesterday and 5 today. I'm confident I'll have everything done on time, though I need to start on the data selection and analysis

    Otherwise I spent time with my girlfriend, friend and attended Toastmasters again 🙂

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  11. 3 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

    Maybe I'm burned out. I did spend a few hours outside finishing the lights. It was very cold, so I really needed time to warm up when I came in. Still, something feels off, as though I've just taken the on-ramp to monotony. While I love reading, it seems like the only thing I do now in the evening. Everything feels like work.

    "Everything feels like work." reminded me of @BooksandTrees and his journal. He solved something similar and I think it's even the exact phrase.

    My opinion: I guess the mental signal you're getting is to live a little. Life isn't only about ticking off chores and improving habits. It's not a carte blanche to stop trying and to do stupid shit, but probably a sign to slow down. I sometimes have it too, so I just sit with myself a while and reflect on the successes I've had in the last months/years and really feel them through and appreciate them. Burnout is no good.

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  12. 4 hours ago, TonyMelo said:

    What I wanted to ask you all about was about switching from one addiction to another. When I first quit videogames I focused on being more social and getting a girlfriend. After I managed to do that, I started spending all my time studying to get a good job. After that, my focus was on my job and reading. I feel like I can't enjoy something unless I obsess about it, and when I get a big drawback on that obssession, I end up thinking about games again as a way to deal with my frustrations.

    Anyone else feels like you are just constantly switching from one addiction to another?

    I guess a lot of it depends on how you frame it. From the way I read it, I'd say you are goal oriented and progress from one thing to the next. That's not a bad thing. My idea after quitting games was to branch out into multiple important areas of my life and work on them consistently and with passion. Yes, sometimes I can get super passionate about a certain subject for a few months, but then it eventually passes. I haven't had my extreme highs and lows since I quit gaming, but I think the tradeoff for stability and sustainability is worth it.

  13. 4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    My main goal is to have a good life with my wife and future son.

    Wait, am I reading it right? Are you going to be a father soon? If so, awesome! Congratulations! 😄

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  14. 22nd November - 27th November:

    I've been working on the thesis every day since I wrote my last post, usually for two hours daily. I might step it up a little, but so far I haven't felt the need. I believe I'll have the theoretical part of it done in about a week, leaving my hands free for the practical part in December.

    I went to watch a hockey match with my mum yesterday. I haven't been doing anything special otherwise. There are many things I don't have time for, but I have to prioritize. No other way around it.

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  15. I'm using the template I used the last time. 25/10/23 - 22/11/23

    "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.

    I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.


    --- set smart/stretch goals - read book again


    Books/Reading articles:

    L: Finished "World Order" and started reading the book about freelancing I mentioned. It's not in English, so that's why it's nameless 🙂

    T: Still on the business book, although I've been prioritizing other projects, so I didn't spend much time on it.

    Possible direction/goals:

    Continue getting through the newsletters.

    (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.



    L: The kitchen plan ran into (another) problem. The working desk is a few centimeters shorter than needed, due to the fact there are unmovable drain pipes near the wall. The best solution, according to my father (and I share it), is to get a wider working desk, rather than to cut the cupboards to let the pipes through them.

    I met my mom for lunch about a month ago. Other than that, there's nothing special happening, except the fact that I'm going to visit my family/grandma every week until my grandma's kitchen is reconstructed.

    I got a new phone for my grandma, as her old one broke down. I also went for sushi with my brother (and my girlfriend), as well as for lunch with my father. I also visited my family four weekends in a row.

    And I can say I still don't give a flying fuck about the reconstruction of the kitchen. I'm 100% ready to give somebody the money to make this problem go away. I've tried it twice or thrice. Nothing came out of it. I'm just gonna consult my father on what to do next, as I just can't do this.

    T: Took my grandma and my mom to visit my grandma's sister family. The visit was OK. Went for a lunch with my father. Otherwise nothing new.


    Since October, the project of my grandma's kitchen has been my responsibility. Some progress has been made, however I know that half a year is just too big of a time-frame to justify. I'm gonna lay out the plan:

    Weekend of 11th/12th March: Ask my grandma to give me a "free hand" in the reconstruction of the kitchen. She was hesitant regarding the scope of the reconstruction, which made me hesitant in turn, because I didn't know what to do. I want to convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that the whole operation will be fast.

    Weeks 11 and 12:

    Consult my father and brother as to the design of the kitchen and use the IKEA kitchen planner to help me out. Show my grandma the plan for the kitchen at the end of week 12 and get a green light.

    Weeks 13 and 14:

    Go to IKEA to get the furniture and other shops for linoleum and other smaller stuff. There's no need for new electronic appliances, so there's no need to get involved with electrical thingies. Transport the furniture to my grandma's flat.

    Weeks 14 and 15:

    Plan a weekend with my father/brother to help out with the reconstruction. Removing old furniture, a bit of demolition, painting, putting in the new furniture. Get it done well and ASAP.

    NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.

    Possible direction/goals:

    Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.

    Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.



    L: Currently on 9 thousand words, although I wrote the last of them at the end of August and then I left for my holiday. This week, I resolved the email communication issues and had a consultation with my tutor. He advised me to be more specific with my topic and to send him a short summary at the weekend, so that he can insert the thesis assignment into the system.

    I think I'm past the negotiation/assignment stage. It feels like I have done nothing, though I put some 20 hours into it in aggregate over the past month. It's not exactly "nothing". The main slowdown was due to the fact my tutor sometimes takes days to reply. That pits me into a stage when I can excuse doing nothing until his next reply, out of fear that I'm gonna work on something that won't be relevant after his reply.

    Since now the thesis really is in the system, the layout is reworked (again), I'm gonna try to work on it every day from now on and I have already started today.

    As an interesting university side note, we hosted the first student exchange the last week and we're hosting another this week as well. It'll be the guys from Finland whom we visited in March.

    T: Got the outline pretty much done. I'm currently on roughly 18 thousand words, so I won't have troubles with the word count. I have until 9th January to submit it, meaning about 45 days. I'm confident that if I put 2-3 hours in every day, it'll be done, although it's hard to anticipate how much work it will take to finish the theoretical and empirical parts. I'm actually surprised by the fact that I have a lot of it done, even though I had week-long breaks in the past.

    My plan is to work on it every day, do at least a little bit every day, no matter how small. I shouldn't have any days away from now on, so it's doable.

    NOT: I don't want to drop out of the university.

    Possible direction/goals:

    Do the main part of my diploma in summer/autumn 2023 and do the defense and finals in January/February 2024.

    Work on the assignments in a timely manner.



    L: Events have really picked up pace. I had a business presentation for young students and attended a networking event. I started attending an online language lecturer academy and I can say I'm stoked. I got a Google sheets system for students running and I believe it'll improve the quality of my lessons greatly.

    I'm also booked for three other events in November already. I'm really funneling a lot of time into my professional development ever since I've returned from Georgia and I can say I'm enjoying it.

    I've been actually working (in the pure sense of lessons taught) a few hours less, but I don't mind. I have the flexibility, which is currently more important for me than pure income.

    T: I had a consultation with a girl who wants to teach informally in her company; a shared acquaintance told her to visit me to ask how to best do it.

    I haven't been feeling the best in the last few networking events. I'm not sure if there are any relevant ones for me before the year ends, but that's OK.

    I also lost a few courses over the past months, though again, I'm not too worried about it. I'm still making enough money to save some and I can use the time for my university studies or spend it with my girlfriend. Besides, I got two new students in the last three weeks 🙂


    An example for 19 hours this week: Category A 53% (64); B 4% (4); C 5% (0); D 5% (6); E 33% (26). Brackets are % values from previous month.


    I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:

    a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging

    b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group)

    c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day)

    d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality

    e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality


    NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.

    Possible direction/goals:

    With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.

    Keep classes at a stable 25-30 hours a week.

    Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.

    Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.

    Create a learning plan for myself.

    Go through "lecturer academy" materials.

    Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them:

    Networking and business events.

    Get a system to mark down the progress of my students, together with their learning plan.

    Check out business vouchers for equipment.

    Past projects:


    Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.

    Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).

    Got minor pay raises from language schools.

    Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.

    Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.

    Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".

    Lecturer academy.

    Sample business contract on my website.

    Google sheets system for students.



    L: Somewhat hampered, because of the issues with my foot the last week, though I can say the amount of activity I get is about the same. I also think I've been ill fairly often these months, which is definitely something I don't like.

    T: Cycling and walking still, though I prefer walks due to the weather. Had two hikes too.

    NOT: I don't want to become fat.

    Possible direction/goals:

    I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.

    Keep in shape.



    L: I haven't had time to even think about blogging with everything that was going on, although I do have a half-way written article in the works that I could publish soon.


    T: -

    Possible direction/goals:

    Find a suitable UI/web template.

    Set up emailing for subs.

    Post two articles a month.

    Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.

    Finish articles in concepts.




    What to do if I am bored?

    Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters

    Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging, diploma thesis




    Additional thoughts/activities:

    My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.

    This month, I did these cool activities: spending time on the GQ forum, table football tournament (another!), going for lunch with my father, hosting Finnish students, organizing a team-building event for 30 people with my geographer group, attended a Toastmasters meeting, changed wheels on my car for ones with winter tires, visited the cinema, attended my girlfriend's graduation ceremony, hiked twice.

    My girlfriend has been stressed by the lack of activity at her new work. She's bored. She wants to do something more active. Judging from the list of activities, I'm nowhere near being bored, though I can/did share only a few of the activities above with her. My plan is to do something active at the weekend to cheer her up.




    Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2023:

    Pass all the exams at the uni, finish the thesis and finish all university duties successfully in January/February 2024. - WIP, progress = yes

    Improve my business, so that I don't need to teach for language schools anymore, by getting more private contacts, opportunities and students. - WIP, progress = yes

    Go to Georgia to visit my friend. - Unfortunately, the plan didn't work out. I plan to go there later this year, either in late summer or autumn. We did it! 🙂

    Stop watching porn (again), stop reading too much news (again). - Got some blocks going on. The past week was clean!

    Start getting up when my alarm rings. - I got better, not 100%, but better.

    Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, studying for uni, working on good life/work balance.

    It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.

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  16. 13th November - 21st November:

    I didn't have much time to work on my thesis the last week, but I anticipated that. The challenge now is to get back into the rhythm of writing, which I've hopefully done today with a few necessary emails regarding the thesis. I have a bit over six weeks to submit it.

    The main event the last week was organizing a four day trip to a town nearby for about 30 people with a few other people from my geography group. It was quite tiring physically and socially, but I do feel recharged mentally.

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  17. 17 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

    We just tried, backseat and all, and I just felt absolutely terrible the entire time. Didn't even get 5 minutes into it, didn't even get to actually loading up the building part.

    I guess the emotion of hate/anger towards "what gaming did to me" is still too strong.

    12 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:

    I spilled my guts about this on the Discord server and the one person who responded told me I was obsessing too much and to just "stop worrying about it so much"
    So that was worse than nothing kinda wish I never even said anything!

    Even people in recovery for this addiction don't take it seriously 🙄 how am I ever supposed to have real conversations about this, how am I ever supposed to feel supported?

    I feel more supported recovering from this in NA where most of them don't understand it and even play games but know it's important to me so they take it seriously anyway.

    It's not obsessing, what you're doing is thinking. Discord is "too fast" of a medium to discuss this, journaling and NA are "slow", so people usually think before they say or write something. I'd argue the guy either doesn't care or doesn't have a gaming problem at all.

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  18. 1 hour ago, FDRx7 said:

    Hmm... you might be right, it could be saturation. However, do you think maybe you have grown to view these networking sessions as a chore, something where it isn't successful if you don't get anything out of it? If so, it might be helpful to re-frame these as just time to meet new people and have good conversation. I've been to my fair share of networking sessions and the best were ones where I placed no pressure on achieving some kind of outcome other than striving to have a good time speaking with people. That's when the real networking begins anyways. Maybe this could alleviate some of the weight you feel and rejuvenate your experience?

    It's true that I started going to these sort of events regularly just a few months ago, so the initial thrill probably wore off already. Another issue I see is that there might be some events that are not as interesting for me, but I can't tell before I'm actually there, because I started so recently. Starts are always confusing 😄

    I'm normally not a shy person, but I agree completely with you that I might be just putting unneeded pressure on myself to produce "results". These things can take years to materialize into "results". All the while being a freelancer is not only about making the "results", but also having a good feeling in the process - about the job, the people involved, speaking topics and other stuff. But hey, at least I know I'm not OK with focusing only on "results" and treating people only as a means to my ends 😄

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  19. 9th November - 12th November:

    I'm not very happy with the way I've been handling my networking meetings recently. I do my homework to prepare for them, but once I am there, I just turn apathetic and/or I just don't want to meet anyone new. I still do meet some new people, but I'm not 100% comfortable. I'm might be saturated and should cut some meetings or I perhaps need to recharge my enthusiasm. We'll see.

    Thesis has been going well, worked on it every day except one this week.

    Met my friend and my girlfriend a few times this week and went to the cinema for a new film.

    Later today I'm going out with my girlfriend.

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  20. 17 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

    More developments on the podcast I mentioned some entries back. After telling my friend how I felt, he's been acting very petty. He's been sending me texts now and then that leave a slight reasonable doubt as to whether it is meant to poke at me. He released the latest episode and texted me that the very beginning might pique my interest. I listened and he had included a disclaimer at the start saying that I had made a mistake he had considered removing but thought it was funny and left it in; he hoped the audience would feel the same. It could be considered something someone would do to add levity to a podcast (since hosts do make mistakes on air), but it seems more like a deliberate move to mock me as I'm sure he removed his own errors. So, with that all being said, I'm done with it entirely. I don't need to be mocked about something I'm only helping with. I'm thinking of just sending a text simply saying he should consider it my last episode. I haven't taken any action yet as I wanted to think over, to determine if my frustrations are truly founded. However, I think with the way things have been over the past week or so, it seems like a very effortful inclusion to elevate himself and debase me. It has been difficult to parse because it feels like true gaslighting. I'm sure he'll say he has no idea what I'm upset about, but I expect that response.

    Wow. It does seem like a really harsh poke. Otherwise, I can't imagine why he wouldn't at least inform you beforehand, because it doesn't matter to the audience in the end. The main issue I see here is that these things linger on the relationship; it's not only about the podcast. How are you going to approach that?

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  21. 2nd Nov - 8th Nov:

    For the first time, I visited a local Toastmasters group to practice public speaking. I even had a short improvisation, for about a minute or so. They were very nice and I'm looking forward to visiting the event again.

    I've been working on my thesis and I've done good progress over the last week. The word count is at 14k words from 9k the last week. I still need to rewrite it, as they are just excerpts of documents that I've read. I still have to adjust the outline a little.

    I took my grandma and my mom to visit my grandma's sister and her family. My grandma was happy I took her there 🙂

    I changed the wheels on my car yesterday, as the winter season is starting. I didn't want to delay it to find out one day that the snow has already fallen and I'm still on my summer tires 😄

    I had a few business events the last week - meetings, networking and perhaps something I could call my first consultancy for a beginning lecturer 🙂

    I have a meeting with my geography university group in the evening and after that I'm meeting my girlfriend.

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  22. 15 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

    My reading confidence has increased tremendously. After finishing my first novel (430ish pages), I am no longer intimidated by books that are four- or five-hundred pages long. These books used to fill me with a sense of defeat just by looking at them. This was the first large book I've finished in a long time. I needed that confidence boost to begin tackling larger books again. Now, a book that is 200 pages feels quite manageable. I think it helped that the text wasn't too demanding; the warm-up made it easier to jump back into reading, just like exercise. However, I think I'll need to be smart about how I approach books for a little while. Just like progressive overload in weightlifting, working a little outside your comfort zone is the best way to build muscle. Working way above it is a recipe for failure and pain. So, with books I will need to gradually step the difficulty until I'm back to where I was about 8 years ago, reading truly taxing works but with vigor, interest, and sustained concentration. Of course, I will never disband the pleasure of a light novel. It's more about expanding my ability to read difficult books.

    I keep a list of books I've read over the last three years and threw in the ones I read even before that. It was relatively easy, as I didn't read at all at high school. I can say that the main factor in finishing it is how entertaining it is.

    I basically don't mind the length at this point; I read the whole Gulag Archipelago (all three volumes) which amounts to around 2000 pages. I read it for over half a year and I couldn't care less 😄 

    I don't think I mind complexity either (hello Nietzsche), it's just that some books take longer to digest and ponder. If I read 15 pages in 60 minutes, so be it, I'm OK with that 😄

    15 hours ago, FDRx7 said:

    Thanks for your reply. I've known this guy for... wow, 17 years. He is indeed a good friend of mine, though we don't see each other in person very often anymore because he lives quite far from me. We have other things in common and he calls frequently to talk on the phone. I started this with him a year ago more to be a friend than anything else. Even back then, I wasn't super crazy about the idea, but I said yes anyway. I think I've done the best thing by slowly trying to step back from it. If I continue doing something because I feel obligated only to him, it will stress the relationship; I feel it has already done that, to some extent.

    It's very interesting because his stated (or sometimes implied) intention of the podcast was to show expertise, but I've only been in this field for about 3 years. He hasn't even entered it officially yet, only having done a co-op for a few months. What expertise are we demonstrating? I understand perhaps showcasing critical thinking, but I can do that in so many other ways that require less of my time (i.e., my work itself). At this point, it seems to be something meant to serve him even though I'm probably the one purportedly poised to benefit most from it due to my experience.

    I guess there's a good chance to recover from this issue then!

    One thing I got from the freelance book (currently 350/730 😄 ) is that people indeed see these blogs as passion projects, but also as future marketing tools. Once they have enough demand for their service, the interest in the project dies off. The book I'm reading is only from 2017, but as I'm currently crunching through its extensive sources, I found many personal/business blogs that were discontinued.

    Coming back to your situation, if you think you don't benefit enough from the podcast to justify the time expenditure, then you won't benefit no matter what anyone else says, because you're not gonna spread the word etc. The effect is mainly psychological.

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  23. 1 hour ago, FDRx7 said:

    Very busy day at work, but that's good. I recorded another small episode of a podcast that my friend and I have been doing, but it's really hard for me to be motivated about it. It isn't a passion of mine, and it reminds me of work too much. In my off time, I'm trying to do other things that bring me joy outside of work. Additionally, I stopped listening to podcasts, so the irony is thick. He isn't in the field I'm in, but he's trying to break in (I say field in general, not my specific line of work) and I think he believes this is his ticket in because he can point to it with potential employers. I think the value of that is overinflated. Yesterday, I told him relatively how I feel, that I can stay to help with mini-episodes, but it requires too much time for me to be doing my own large episodes. I probably should have been more direct, as my comments were a bit circuitous. Still, he didn't seem to take kindly to that, and told me that I can point to it to showcase my skills. I said that I don't need it to do that, because my resume speaks for itself after the years I've had in this work. Thus, this wouldn't be my motivation; it would only be to continue because I find it enjoyable.

    He then told me that there's something to be said for seeing it through. But we've been doing this for almost a year now and I am just not interested. "Seeing It Through" and "Sunk Cost Fallacy" are sometimes two sides of the same coin. I have so many things I want to do in my life, and this ranks low on the list. I only have so much time. He's still my friend and I want to preserve that relationship, so I was trying to reach a middle ground. Not sure what the future holds for it though. I feel as though the only reason we are doing it is for him, and that his appeals to me have been not for my own success but because he thinks it is his ticket in. It feels a little manipulative. Perhaps I'm overreading, but I also don't want to remain unguarded against being used.

    It's been on my mind for a long, long time. So, I'm glad I at least said something, but it looks as though he's not going to let me out so easily.

    I guess in times like these, it might be helpful to figure out how the relationship started and where it's at now, including the things you did and do. Say, if you've had three years of good hangouts and the podcast thing has been going for a year as well, there's surely something to come back to. If you see your friend for the last year only because of the podcast, it'll be more difficult to get it to some setting you'd prefer, because you share nothing else.

    I'd say that now you have some kind of "business partnership" going on (mixed with your friendship), since while he doesn't pay you, he's using your expertise in the podcast. I don't know how he can reasonably expect you to do a good/great job though, as it seems you're in this project against your will.


    I have one recent story myself. My girlfriend and my best friend said they'd have English lessons with me. Their English isn't bad at all, though my best friend is leaving his work soon and having a brushed up English for the interviews might come in handy. The same was true for my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago, on top of that she is somewhat competitive.

    It was almost as if I had had foresight, because I plainly told them "OK, no problem. Work it out together. Just tell me when." For the next few weeks, I had to repeat it a few more times to her, because my best friend's communication with her was rather haphazard and awkward, which she often brought up when we were together.

    In the end, nothing came out of it. I treated them like any other professional would and I'm happy that I did. Everything is OK, I still hang out with them and I remembered this episode only because you have something similar at the moment 😄 

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