NEW VIDEO: Why You MUST Quit Gaming in 2025
Ikar
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Posts posted by Ikar
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25 Oct - 2 Nov:
My girlfriend and I went for a short trip to Italy for four days until 28 Oct. It was nice to spend time together and to see a new country after a while. We also worked on some of the exercises from the "7 Principles" book for relationship.
I went to the doctor's and my blood samples and urine are OK. I'm going to visit cardiology next week just to be sure. As for my health, I went running this week and tomorrow I'm gonna change the wheels/tires tomorrow to get some lifting.
My father, my friend and I did some work on grandma's kitchen again. It went fine and we got the water pipes changed/remade.
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On 10/24/2024 at 11:00 PM, wheatbiscuit said:
Oh geez, I hope that doesn't happen too much at a reunion early next year. There's potential that it could. >.>
I think it's really cool to examine life guides as a team. If my ex never had serious trauma and things, we could have done a lot better naturally. That might be why the exercises might be difficult - having a naturally good thing going already. Idk 🙂
Funny you mention it too now. I could try to say that erotica has its last gasp as people become more social, but like with my current RPG-free streak, it's 1 day at a time saying 'I won't game now, maybe tomorrow' as opposed to 'I will pursue romantic interest today alone, then deal with the next day.' I might be twisting logic a bit there but romance to me is like a way of life, a mandatory alternative to merely comfortably assuring sexual 'health'. Gaming could be described as more of a (but long in some cases) step in a person's journey.
I tried truly opening up for a solid year, before becoming unwell as no one quite knew how to work with me, combined with my gaming. Learning to self-soothe was costly in a way. I'm unlikely to forget the highs/possibilities of my late teens/early twenties easily so that I can stop measuring things now against them. S'why we're here, so we can inspire each other with our learnings, isn't it?
Edit: This has been probably my first successful game-free real early morning here, without an alarm. Forgiveness please!
Thanks for your post! I don't worry about the birthday party too much. My two biggest friends are my friend and my girlfriend anyway. The rest is kinda "optional" - acquaintances and students. I meet quite a lot of people, but I have to admit it's not easy to make friends now. Maybe it's because I prefer quality over quantity 😄
Traumas are definitely a thing, although I feel like "trauma" is a too strong word for me to use. I mostly worry about how to best overcome these problems now; I think it's good to at least be aware of them and how they influence me.
Yes, I do think being in a relationship is/has a lifestyle of its own. I think my girlfriend and I have made good work on working together as a team in a relationship, especially over the last 3 months. We both put some effort in and the relationship seems to be on the up, though I still worry a little about a few explosive problems. The book has some advice on that, so I hope to use it well.
Good luck with your journey! 🙂
On 10/25/2024 at 6:37 PM, D_Cozy said:Yeah, Mission Statements are hard to write. I'm not familiar with that book, the one I'm reading is from Stephen R. Covey on "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." But the idea sounds similar; you want to create a base, a foundation that is built on correct principles like honesty, integrity, fairness, quality, and accountability (these are the ones I'm remembering atm). Covey also states in the book I'm reading that it isn't just a once-and-done kinda thing to write a Mission Statement, it can take several weeks or months before we feel comfortable with it, and even after that it's something we want to keep reviewing to align it as our understanding of principles evolves.
As my signature says, one day at a time. I'm not rushing the process; it's certainly hard to find time some days with 3 kids, but it's been worth it for me to carve out the time to do the work. Mission Statements can be written to be personal, for a family, for a community, and for a business. I'm starting with writing my own mission statement, but at some point I would like to write one with my wife for our family. We have a whiteboard that I think would make a good drawing board for it.
I remember reading "7 Habits" a few (or perhaps several) years ago, so it struck me to see it again in a very similar format in the "7 Principles" book in combination with you working on what seems to be a very similar exercise too. It sounds like a great idea to do it for your family later! I've never been big on these things (maybe because they are hard 😄 ) , but I'll write about some of the positive traits you mentioned below and what they mean to me, at least as an intellectual exercise:
Honesty: I strongly prefer to be honest. I'm nearly 100% honest in my speech and I often avoid even "white lies". I squirm if I lie and avoid eye contact; I have to say I am very bad at lying.
Integrity: I think my integrity was heavily compromised when gaming. I broke promises and made up excuses; not only to others but to myself as well. I effectively "lied" in my actions. I now know it's much better, but still I think I sometimes "nod away" an issue or avoid doing things (mainly at the request of others) when I feel it's not important/worth my attention. At the same time, when I truly decide for something, I can be sure I give it my 100% and take it seriously for everyone's benefit.
Fairness: I generally don't like to keep scores, but I think I am fair to others and myself. Being self-employed is basically all about managing good relationships and treating others fairly and equally.
I think not saying something at a certain can be a lie as well. That said, I suppose this is an area where people differ. I consider not being transparent/withholding information about e.g. fee structure a lie. Case in point: financial advisors. It's perfectly OK to have one, but I also think it's perfectly OK to know how much they are charging. Are they honest in what they are charging and how? Did they wave it off as an irrelevant concern? Did they find the numbers straight up? Investments are numbers on a paper and should be judged by their advantages and disadvantages; much like cars. It's not smart to buy the car just because the man looks nice and tells nice stories.
Thanks for your comment!
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19 Oct - 24 Oct:
I attended a birthday party at the weekend. I had a good time at the beginning, bad time in the middle and good time at the end. I had a good chat with one/two of the guys at the beginning, then had to overhear a bunch of (group!) gossip about a guy who was about to come to the party. I mean, get real. It was just cringe for half of the people there too. We had a fun quiz at the end though. I felt much more comfortable when my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend came over to visit me when I was home alone. I guess it just depends on the people. It's quite paradoxical that I often feel better on lessons with my students than with acquaintances in my off time. Even though there are of course some conventions and limits, I think I the personalities shine through over time during the lessons.
My girlfriend came back on 19th from the holiday with her friend. The last two weeks, we've been working on the exercises in "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It includes writing a "Mission Statement", perhaps akin to the one @D_Cozy is working on now. I tried getting myself to work on this exercise, but it is rather hard. My girlfriend feels the same. I felt a bit ashamed of not having overarching goals and dreams 'for life'. I already have a great job/business, a great girlfriend, a great friend and a great financial cushion and a few other things. I 'just' want to expand/maintain that. At the moment, I am only (again) feeling the need to distance myself from porn once again. I don't want to force some imaginary 'nice to have' goals that I have no attachment to.
I started looking after my health more too. I went to the doctor. I'm gonna get blood and urine samples, as well as an examination at cardiology. In the meanwhile, my father got me a new blood pressure monitor. I bought special tea to help me lower my blood pressure and I started doing more exercise than before. I went for a hike at the weekend, worked out on Tuesday and went for a run with a friend on Wednesday. I made a note in my calendar to start all of my online lessons standing, as I can adjust the height of my table just by pressing a button.
I also visited financial Reddit for a periodical monthly update on the financial world. I also organized a shooting range visit with a few friends at the weekend.
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Thanks for taking the time to write your diary. It's indeed quite insightful. I also like journaling, otherwise I wouldn't come here to write once a week for the last five years 😄
On 10/22/2024 at 8:03 PM, D_Cozy said:Mind you, Bluey is a children's show lol, but I love it; it appeals to adults too thanks to also having lessons like this one. This episode in particular, it reminds me that sometimes you'll just be bored and that's okay; being bored is still a valuable experience, it can be a great opportunity to check-in with yourself, or to notice or think about something new.
I found your profile image familiar, but I didn't know where was it from! I was once looking for nice cartoons for my students in the past and I came across Bluey. I wish it was 5 minutes long like Peppa Pig is 😄
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4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Much better now. Just worn out and had some communication problems with a few family members that I've difficultly resolved to a good solution. Just took a lot of conversations. I'm getting more sleep too besides tonight lol.
Good conversations are hard if one feels tired and exhausted. I'm glad you managed it well. Family members (or in-laws) can sometimes be difficult, but at least we don't have to live with them 😄
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54 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
Have you visited the doctor? You could have an underlying health issue causing it. You seem too young for this kind of issue.
Thanks for checking up on me! My father has high blood pressure as well. I wrote my doctor yesterday, as I measured my blood pressure for five days straight with similar results. I'll wait for a response from him and go for an appointment for sure.
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15 Oct - 18 Oct:
I had a standard week, even if a bit lonely. We called one another during the week though. I miss having my girlfriend around and doing things together, but she'll come back tomorrow 🙂
I spent just Tuesday evening with my friend and today I'm expecting my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend to come over for a while.
I also did some sport during the week and worked on some writing exercises, related to my past and my relationship with my girlfriend.
The bad news is that my blood pressure is 150/80. It is probably the cause of my infrequent headaches for the last year or so, so I need to take some measures (more sport, less unhealthy food/alcohol etc.)
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On 10/7/2024 at 11:37 AM, Amphibian220 said:
Put a good teacher in a school, and the pupils will want to attend it.
A few, maybe. As long as the standard format is a teacher telling kids something they can find on the internet, it doesn't have much practical relevance. The majority of the kids actually have the natural right to be bored. It might be why I never liked school, even though I am a teacher/lecturer. University was much better though, because I had an actual choice as an adult.
16 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:I'm not even grieving for it so much anymore, but when I started challenging my parents, they didn't grow in my opinion, they straight up got back at me. I reckoned the difference between play and cruelty. I was allowed to mostly develop character on the internet, leaving a lot of space for growth behind for when finding myself in the right environments, it seems. Still, my defence for them would be not knowing any better.
Good posts here guys.
I am sure your parents didn't know any better; but that most likely also means they don't know any better now. I also found out some things about my parents only after I had my epiphany and quit gaming. They messed up. I messed up too. I don't regret it though. I have a good life now, so really there's no point in me pointing fingers.
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9 Oct - 14 Oct:
My girlfriend is away for holiday with a friend for a week. I took her to the train station on Saturday. We had a call today to check up on one another. It does feel strange to be alone in the flat though.
Last week we attended a pub quiz, had my girlfriend cousin's family over for a visit (with their 1-2 year old), had a photo-shoot (for my new website and a few pair photos too).
I met with my friends - one quite smart IT guy, who has a smart home. My other friend and I put together a cabinet from IKEA. I also visited my family, met a colleague - English teacher. I also learned a bunch today about AI and I also attended a seminar on tech in education.
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 2/9/24 - 8/10/24
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: I finished the business book and did extensive work of putting it into practice. I am currently working on improving the financial management of my business.
I wanted to go through the CELTA materials again, but I didn't have time. I at least met with my coursemate twice and discussed it.
There were some opportunities to visit the speaker's club, however I feel the pressure to prepare and rehearse something beforehand and to be honest, I don't want to and can't find time to do that.
T: I didn't borrow any books this month, because unfortunately the library is in reconstruction. They should open it in a few weeks though.
I however do think I made good progress in educating myself through chats, meetings and Reddit with other English lecturers. I feel more confident at what I do and how I do it and that's a good feeling to have.
Possible direction/goals:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: I met with my family twice and with my girlfriend's family twice as well. I had two separate meeting with my brother too. I'm currently organizing, planning and mobilizing myself for more work in the grandma's kitchen.
T: My friend, my girlfriend and I made significant progress in the installation of the cabinets. The upper part is pretty much done and the lower cabinets are waiting to be installed. We're more than half-way through the project (including the planning - mostly done by my brother and father) and I'm very happy thanks to that. The installation of the lower cabinets will be more challenging, as we also need to deal with several pipes and the sink, but I'm confident we'll manage it.
SpoilerSince October, the project of my grandma's kitchen has been my responsibility. Some progress has been made, however I know that half a year is just too big of a time-frame to justify. I'm gonna lay out the plan:
Weekend of 11th/12th March: Ask my grandma to give me a "free hand" in the reconstruction of the kitchen. She was hesitant regarding the scope of the reconstruction, which made me hesitant in turn, because I didn't know what to do. I want to convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that the whole operation will be fast.
Weeks 11 and 12:
Consult my father and brother as to the design of the kitchen and use the IKEA kitchen planner to help me out. Show my grandma the plan for the kitchen at the end of week 12 and get a green light.
Weeks 13 and 14:
Go to IKEA to get the furniture and other shops for linoleum and other smaller stuff. There's no need for new electronic appliances, so there's no need to get involved with electrical thingies. Transport the furniture to my grandma's flat.
Weeks 14 and 15:
Plan a weekend with my father/brother to help out with the reconstruction. Removing old furniture, a bit of demolition, painting, putting in the new furniture. Get it done well and ASAP.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.
Business/English:
L: I started some important projects in August, among them are: setting higher prices, contacting old students with offers for re-engagement and the website improvement project. We'll see how they go.
From the numbers below, it's clear that I didn't have many language school courses during the summer. Many companies cut language school courses during the summer completely. For my financial stability over the summer, it is really better when I have my own courses, because individual people only cancel the lessons when they are on holiday (2 or 3 weeks, but not 2 or 3 whole months like companies).
I even got a pay raise in one of the language schools, but the gap is just too big at this point. I can earn 20-35% more on my own even on their best paid courses.
T: I have the CELTA certificate at home now! I also improved my financial planning by implementing new tools. I also worked on writing some of my new website and worked with my web-designer. I wrote about the teaching-philosophy change above.
The good news also is that I won't need the numbers below from the next month. I now officially have only 2-3 hours of lessons for the language schools a week, meaning tracking this metric is has become redundant! It will come down to just 1 hour in November too.
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20 (11) hours last week in August: Category A 81% (91); B 4% (0); C 10% (0); D 5% (9); E 0% (0). Brackets are % values from previous month/week.
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I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:
a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging
b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group)
c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day)
d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality
e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality
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NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. - check university offers after CELTA
Create a learning plan for myself. - going to CELTA
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials.
Networking and business events.
Past projects:
CELTA qualification - July 2023
Questionnaire - June 2023
Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.
Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).
Got minor pay raises from language schools. - summer 2023
Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.
Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.
Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".
Lecturer academy Brona. - fall 2023
Sample business contract on my website. - update the web with new ideas before July
Google sheets system for students. - update it
Questionnaire part 2 - January 2024
Canceled agency courses - March
Taxes - April/May
60/55 minutes online transition - April/May
Questionnaire part 3 - June
CELTA - July
Contacted old students with offers - Aug/Sep 2024
Raised prices - from Sep
Website improvement project - from Aug
Exercise/Movement:
L: I was more active this month, going for trips with my girlfriend and cycling occasionally. I also started going to physiotherapy and visited my GP, everything seems to be OK.
T: I visited the physiotherapist a month ago, but I still do the exercises from time to time, mainly the main three I got during our very first meeting. I can now also say that I exercise once a week, either running with my girlfriend or going to the workout playground with other guys. I also cycled and went for some trips.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.
Keep in shape.
Blogging:
L: I had another burst of inspiration some day in the late evening and managed to push out an article in about an hour and something.
T: -
Possible direction/goals:
Find a suitable UI/web template.
Set up emailing for subs.
Post two articles a month.
Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.
Finish articles in concepts.
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What to do if I am bored?
Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters
Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging
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Additional thoughts/activities:
I'm now more open to working abroad now after taking the CELTA. I also met many new and interesting people and managed to meet a few older friends.
My priorities for the next six weeks:
Prepare for the CELTA English teaching course that starts in six weeks. - done
I want to work on the questionnaire part 3 in May/June as well. - done
Reconstruct my grandma's kitchen.
My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: going for trips with my girlfriend, watching films with my girlfriend, meeting friends, going to the shooting range with my girlfriend, working on my business, starting physiotherapy, finishing the business book.
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Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:
Main must-have plans for 2024:
Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.
Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.
Move in with my girlfriend in April.
Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.
Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:
Re-start my financial blog in February.
Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.
Habits:
Stop watching porn (again).
Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.
Establish flossing at least once a week.
Exercise regularly.
Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.
It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
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I've been sitting here for about half an hour, wondering what I am going to write. Truth is, I already wrote it all above on September 8, so there's no point in repeating myself. I however do think the situation improved since then; I do more sport, the sex life is better and the trips this month went well, including the one at the weekend. It's OK to have a shit day in a relationship every now and then. There's not much to write/think about when it goes well after all 😄
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3 Oct - 6 Oct:
I spent the weekend out with my girlfriend on a trip to another city. The weather was bad, but I think we managed it well and had a good time overall.
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On 10/4/2024 at 12:25 PM, Wildermyth said:
Many video games of course also follow this design philosophy, especially online and mobile games that are meant to grab your attention at all times. You can barely open up the app without the feeling of a reward coming your way and there's always room for one next game, dungeon, level etc. I totally understand why I fell victim to MMORPG's because they have all the ingredients I like in real life, like exploring new environments, learning new skills, overcoming challenges and chatting with friends at the same time. And If I didn't like the path I was on I could just restart everything and become someone else, somewhere else doing something else. It's the perfect artificial representation of life without the actual benefits of true happiness.
It's not just the games either. It's also the news, adverts, people with certain character traits... It's not always easy to opt out, but it's worth it, as then it's possible to use the time for something worthwhile.
On 10/4/2024 at 4:03 PM, D_Cozy said:One other element that made me really addicted to them was the social element; I don't think I would've cared much for the big bosses had it not been had a cooperative element, the alliance banding together to take it down. That's what made me login daily as well, I didn't want to "disappoint" my teammates, and I liked feeling like I was "part of something bigger." But now that I've quit, the reality is that those people I played with weren't really anyone I owed anything to; out of the 90+ people I played and talked with regularly back then, I have only talked to one person since quitting (and he has also quit since). It's also why I got so addicted to social media, a lot of elements that those mobile games borrowed from social networks to keep me coming back daily.
I had it quite similar. I had some people watch my streams on Twitch and after I quit games, I wrote with one or two of the guys on Discord. I obviously had no Steam at that point and I didn't have much incentive to be on Discord either. It all eventually fizzled out a year or two later, but I don't think it's something unusual, even if it was an "offline" connection. If there is only one attachment (let's say a common hobby) between two people, it'd be strange if those two people (acquaintances) met afterwards on purpose. I think there are more attachments between true friends than just one.
One hack I found out for news and social media was to just not use their apps and access their websites through a normal mobile browser. That way I am more in control and have to think more before I go there and I'm OK with it.
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On 10/2/2024 at 3:53 PM, D_Cozy said:
Practice French - technically not through Duolingo, but I did drop off my middle child at daycare this morning and spoke to his educator; for context, c'est une garderie français en Ontario (a francophone daycare in Ontario). But I still plan to practice with Duolingo later today.
BTW, I know Duolingo can be a bit controversial due to its gamified elements. That said, the reason it's positive for me is because it's not the only thing I use to learn French; I have other francophone people around me, my wife included, which I can practice speaking with. I think that is the key that has helped me get to A2 French, the combination of both an app I can do in my own time in addition to having people to practice with. I still have a long way to go to get more fluent, and I know I'm gonna need an alternative for when I get to C1 French and beyond (Duolingo does not get that far at the time of writing, just to B2 French).
I'm happy to read that you don't have Duolingo as your only way to learn the language. The key is to really have many different sources and to put in at least half an hour a day on average. I've been trying to point out to my students that Duolingo and lessons with me (normally once a week) are probably not enough to learn English (in your case French) well enough. The main benefit of it is that it's 'free' - they just pay by watching the ads. Some of my students really like it, possibly because it's quite well gamified and that works for their personality.
I tried learning Russian using Duo several years ago, but I finished after a year or two, because I got bored of the app. It still throws rather out-of-context vocabulary/sentences at students, because it tries to be an app for everybody. Duo also doesn't train the thing most people actually want - to be able to understand and say something on the spot. Yes, it can help you prepare some phrases to use, but if the reaction of the other person is not simple, it's game over. And ultimately, speaking can be only improved by (surprise, surprise!) speaking 😄
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4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I always found it interesting how my friend circle evolved from college to professional life. Have you noticed any swings?
Definitely. I came to the university knowing next to nobody. I didn't have many childhood friends and the guys from the army didn't live in my hometown. Being at the uni/dorm exposed me to many different people and over time I realized which relationships suit me the best. My primary friends still come from the university background, but I've met a lot of new/interesting people over the last two-three years, be it through business (business partners or students) or through hobbies. I also think students are a big part of my social life. I even meet with my former students sometimes, if I feel we connected on a more personal level during the lessons. How did it change for you after college?
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27 Sep - 2 Oct:
I went running twice with my girlfriend this week. I met up with a few of the guys who used to live at the dorms as well. I've been busy with learning new stuff professionally - reading and chatting with colleagues, as well as with some writing for my website. I also managed to check out some Mememan comics/videos after a long time 😄
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On 9/28/2024 at 4:15 PM, BooksandTrees said:
Things are getting better overall. I have stopped working with the guy who bothers me and it's been a huge relief. I'm going to avoid him forever now and I'm happy with that. Work is great otherwise and I'm learning a lot with my new promotion.
I'm sort of getting more sleep on average. I'm still waiting eagerly for my son to be a little more independent. He's in a phase where he either wants to be held or when he's on his own, he rolls onto his stomach and can't roll back or crawl yet, so he cries. This happens within seconds of putting him down. So he's either on one of us or on a chair with straps whenever he's not asleep or doing tummy time and learning to crawl. It's a lot at the moment.
I find that my wife and I are doing better with stress but there's still time where we get frustrated with each other. But we're finding amicable ways to communicate our issues and come to good resolutions without arguing or fighting. I want a peaceful home.
I'm losing weight still but I'm still kind of miserable in life. I wake up, take care of baby for an hour, work for 4 hours, take care of my baby for an hour, work for 4 hours, take care of baby for 4 hours, and then sleep. I'm not doing anything to recharge besides sleep.
I'm not miserable because I'm with my family I love my son more than life itself and cherish it. I'm just noticing I don't have time to do hobbies or just exist and look at the phone.
I can relate to what you're saying about getting stressed and frustrated with your wife. I find (and I guess so does my girlfriend) that not all arguments are important, we just need to vent sometimes and that's OK. No need to take it too personally or seriously. I hope you'll be able to find some more time for yourself soon.
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20 Sep - 26 Sep:
I did some admin stuff, put again some work into the reconstruction of my grandma's kitchen with my friend and cycled at the weekend to visit my family. I also spent a lot of time with my girlfriend, going to seminars and watching films.
I had a call with an experienced English lecturer who works for one of the language schools and who did a few observations. I wanted her advice on some language-related jobs that she works, how to get into them, some tips for beginners really. We randomly started talking about marketing after that, but I was sort of surprised that her business know-how was lacking. It was a reminder for me to take advice from people only in those areas that they are good at.
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14 Sep - 19 Sep:
My friend and I put some good work into the reconstruction of my grandma's kitchen and managed to achieve some pre-final results, so some of the shelves are on the wall already. Spent some time with my girlfriend and friends and work. Nothing special.
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8 Sep - 13 Sep:
It had been a busy, but otherwise uninteresting week. I put together the final parts of my revised financial plan, went for a fun with my friend, spent time with my girlfriend, went out with friends. I had many lessons and admin-related stuff.
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3 hours ago, Mohammad said:
It has been a while. I am wondering why you keep journaling even though you are not concerned with gaming anymore. Is it just a habit, or do you find it as an essential part of your game-free life?
There are more aspects to it now. I just always drop in after a few days to reflect on what is new in my life. I also have monthly reports, which help me reflect in a more general way and plan for the future. On top of that, I also keep an eye out on spam on the forum and ban bots.
3 hours ago, Mohammad said:You mentioned you felt physically ill when you went on a hike on holiday. What was the elevation gain and distance? I am trying to understand the situation. You don't have to stay in a relationship if you are not happy. Did you have a conversation with her about all of this?
I am separated after 12 years of marriage with a six-year-old. We should have moved on way earlier in life, but we tried to stay together and wasted so much of our lives.
Making no decision is making a decision, so try to bring clarity to your life and make sure you know if you want or do not want to stay with her.I don't know for sure. I wrote: "Maybe I stop drinking or eating enough, get tired faster than her... I really don't know." We talked about it already and that's why she started going to trips with others too, so it's not all on me to satisfy her traveling/nature hiking needs.
But really aside from this, there's no other big challenge that would make us separate. We can manage all the practical aspects well, always come to an agreement and I can say my girlfriend makes my life better and she even makes me a better person 🙂
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2 hours ago, Mohammad said:
Hi Ikar,
I just came back to game quitters after a couple years and I quickly remember your name. You are such a motivation for me. May I ask how long have you been game free?
How do you keep yourself accountable and committed to this? I appreciate some piece of advice.
I can completely relate to your situation on your relationship. In fact, I am getting separated from my wife after 12 years of married life with a six year old boy. It is not easy and I am not 100% sure if this is the right choice, but we could not reach a compromise in our relationship.
You mentioned that you cannot keep up with her sport and travelling. May I ask in what sense? You don't want to travel as much or play sport, or that it is out of your budget and distracts you from you financial goals?
Regards,
Moe
Hello Mohammad, thanks for your praise 😄
I really haven't gamed since 21st April 2019. That said, I had a few occasions where I randomly came across a random browser game or watched an old stream of mine, but those are really isolated events.
@BooksandTrees once said that after a certain point, he stopped caring how many days has it been since he gamed and that he stopped counting them. I came to the same realization. Games are not something I instinctively think about. When I quit, I really saw it as a closed chapter of my life. I understood why I did it and moved on to activities that were better for my needs. In fact, I never even blocked Steam or did anything else than to uninstall the games. I just knew I was through and knew I just needed to do something else.
I'm sorry to read about your separation. I think it's OK with sport; sure, she does more exercise, but I rationally know it's good for me to do more sport. I think it would be OK to exercise twice or thrice a week instead of my rather random once a week now. She also motivates me to move more. Plus it's something I can opt out of easily, if I don't have time because of work, feel bad etc.
Traveling is a more complicated. It's just not as fulfilling to me and I don't see much of a point in it to do it as often as she'd like. It's not about time or money in this case; I'm happy to spend the time with her and I have enough money saved up to not work at all for a few years, plus the travels she comes up with are fairly cheap. The main issue is that I feel as if every time we go and walk/hike somewhere, I start feeling physically ill. Maybe I stop drinking or eating enough, get tired faster than her... I really don't know. But it's really hard to keep a smile if I get a bad headache, which I got while on holiday hiking, which I did mostly because of her. And obviously when we're out in a different place/country, I can't just pack up and go home to take care of myself. The argument then becomes "Why be together then?", if I can't travel with her even to a minimal extent (she sometimes travels with others too). I don't think it's an entirely fair argument, as I don't push her into my hobbies/interests either, but I understand the fact that there is a point where the partners are just too different. I'm still willing to keep the communication open and perhaps the next two trips with her will be OK, we'll see 🙂
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3 Sep - 7 Sep:
The last few days have been tough on me intellectually and mentally.
I have taken some steps towards better money management in my business (and in my life as well). I haven't made terrible decisions or spent money stupidly, but I have to rethink the allocation rather. It's mostly a question of planning, but it's still a challenge.
It's not easy to write this, but I don't know whether my girlfriend and I will be together. I'd love to, and I will absolutely hate it if we split, but there's obviously a limit. Traveling and sports are such a large part of her life that even with effort from my side, I don't know if I can keep up. I'm not writing this to blame her (or perhaps to show that my choice of a girlfriend was poor), but to show the differences. Our relationship is built on such a tremendous amount of respect and tolerance that I think is really without many parallels in today's world. She motivates me to do more exercise though; I generally cycle, run or workout at least once a week for an hour or so, I also started physiotherapy and got shoes that by themselves improve my posture.
On the bright side, she started looking for a potential new job and I'm happy to assist her with that, even if nothing comes out of it. She feels stagnant and bored in her current one, although she's more unhappy about the above. We came up with a plan though and we'll try to find a compromise.
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3 hours ago, Pochatok said:
i think that some people quit "forever", and yet drugs are pretty inherent to living in the Western world- it's really, really hard to get by without them. most people who i see "quit" here or elsewhere turn to other drugs- often without recognizing them as such. earning lots of money, attaining other status quo goodies, simply staying busy- all are encouraged and rewarded by societal structures. and that's the reason it is very hard for me to quit games- i don't conform, and not having those drugs at hand moves me towards gaming.
when i first quit, i immediately jumped onto the "success via career development + social status" drug. now, i'm off of that one- and games are making a return. over the last year, slowly, they really have been crawling under my skin.
i don't want to go back.
i believe that there is a 3rd option, where i neither conform, nor compensate with gaming for the isolation that results in me standing my ground, living life my own way.
and i'm looking for it, now.
I think you conflate meaning and addiction into one thing. I can agree that making a lot of money just for the sake of having a lot of money is a bad goal. It is a goal though, so the person has something to work on. The problem comes when/if this person reaches their goal. If this person doesn't have any other goals, they will fall into an "undefined limbo". This state is not easy on people, because they have no identity at this point and they don't know what to do.
Without making consistent effort (being dedicated, perhaps addicted or having some meaning attached), they'll never be known for anything and never get anywhere. They won't build up a reputation as a hard worker by working hard once a year and they also won't build up a reputation of being kind to others by helping somebody once a year. I think that's why "working on something" is generally considered a virtue.
If I had to hazard a guess, you derive a lot of meaning from (and perhaps are addicted to) being in opposition to "normal things" - your belief to not conform, to stand in opposition, gives your life meaning.
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Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"
in Daily Journals
Posted
I'm always in shock when realizing how many things and priorities are there to be handled and balanced. If you could (or maybe you can already, I don't know), would you cut your employment time to give yourself more time in other areas?