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Ikar

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Posts posted by Ikar

  1. On 4/9/2024 at 12:54 AM, Pochatok said:

    I need to re-form my life again. Even if it is feeble and unstable of a vision, I need to have one. 

    So, today I will begin keeping track of four separate living modules: half-day plan (revised/extended in evening), 7 day aspirations, 10-week goals, and 2 year dreams. 

    Or, 7 hours, 7 days, 70 days, and 700 days. For some reason, this number has been working well for me. 

    Again, I do not want to make this public directly. However, I do want to make and publish artwork that will reflect each one of these. To keep this private is to never commit. 

    First thing that came to my mind reading your entry was your commitment to introspection and your wish to figure yourself out. It's a tough job.

    What has worked for me was to find out what I don't want (to do, make or meet), gradually progress to things I want, plan ahead a little and establish a few routines (sleep, work, hygiene). And to prioritize stuff that has the biggest impact. Reading daily is nice, but it's not the biggest priority when you can't provide for yourself or don't have a sleep schedule.

    Good luck with your reform 🙂 

    • Like 2
  2. On 4/8/2024 at 11:42 PM, wheatbiscuit said:

    ~ Thanks trying to read my posts and liking them anyway, guys, I suspect it's hard to know what to say re: how loaded they might be

    I'm trying, that's true 😄

    Jokes aside, it seems to me you do have more of a "stream-of-thoughts" writing style. That makes it harder for me to react to something in particular - without taking in the totality of the matter and spending a bigger chunk of time on my reaction. I tend to write/journal very concretely and specifically these days. But anyhow, it's your journal and you can write it any way you like 🙂

    • Like 1
  3. 2nd April - 7th April:

    First week of living together with my girlfriend and I can say I am happy. A lot of the things are much easier and also smoother.

    As for the events, nothing extraordinary happened. We worked on unpacking and most of the boxes are now finished. We also had to shop a bit for some smaller things for the flat. We also walked a lot.

    I had some time to read through the newsletters and educate myself a little. I need to get some other more urgent projects done on time though, otherwise I can't go forward.

  4. On 4/4/2024 at 1:38 AM, Vee said:

    I keep thinking about installing dating apps again, but I haven't done so yet.

    I'll just react to this bit. Take the following for what it is: my experience. I was on/off on dating apps between ages 19-22. I even managed to start a relationship over them. Though sometimes, I easily spent more time on them than a hobby or two. Overall, I don't think it's a useful tool for people who have (or try to have) a balanced life.

    On 4/4/2024 at 1:38 AM, Vee said:

    Ideally, I want to jog 5+ times a week, with a longer exploratory jog once a week. I'd also like to start trying park runs.  There are a couple of social things I'm also interested in - aerial hoop classes nearby, and dance sessions in London. I want to at least try those, even if I don't go regularly. There's also a board game group I'd like to join.

    I think these social outlets give you better chances to meet (and date) someone organically and with less effort.

  5. On 3/26/2024 at 12:23 AM, pdallair91 said:

    The physical effects are tolerable, from home at least but I can't deny the psychological impact.  At times, I do feel like I am cursed, like a bad genetic role at birth or something, given all my medical issues.  I know I'm not the only one and some people have it worse but yeah, most people don't have as many medical issues as I have at this age.  So, I had a minor emotional meltdown yesterday.  I was so angry and sad.  I happened to have a session with my psychologist and he recommended that I take this week off - he even gave me a signed letter in case I needed to show it to my manager.  So, yeah... I'm taking this week off. 

    Given all the medical handicaps you have, I think it's just to give yourself a minute and recognize the fact that you've made it so far. Maybe you have bad genes, but you are still willing to fight the odds. That's courage.

    On 4/1/2024 at 2:47 AM, pdallair91 said:

    I always struggled to nurture this sense of belonging.  It feels daunting just to make plans and following through often leaves me feeling exhausted and disatisfied.   What I crave, I suppose, is reliable intimacy and affection, something I shouldn't expect right from the beginning in my culture.  It takes time to build bonds.  It's almost like you have to "just be there" when someone is accidentally vulnerable to prove you won't take advantage of them.  IDK, maybe most people just don't feel the need to be heard and valued as strongly as I do. ... *sigh*... it takes time but it's possible.

    I need to go out more.  I've said this many times but yeah... I need to take the time to cultivate more experiences in other areas so that I can share them.  I need to meet people that I can share my experiences with.  I've already done this at other times in my life, to a lesser degree, in improv and board games.  To truly beat it, I need to persevere through the fear of rejection and abandonment, I need to prove my pessimistic assumptions wrong... I signed up for a casual improv night this week but I need to look into doing more activities.  I should try going to the office sometime this week as well.  It's much easier to strike up a casual conversation there than when I am at home.

     

    22 hours ago, pdallair91 said:

    Anyways... I'm gonna try to be careful and even though I haven't completely abstained yet, I will do my best to avoid going down the binge-gaming path.  I have some paperwork to do, and I have to go job hunting again soon while I can still afford to live.  Wish me luck fellows.

    I think it's great that you decided on the social outlets and I hope you'll continue them even during your period of unemployment. Being alone is no good, especially during vulnerable and life-changing moments.

    As for the practical things, I'd definitely check the work contract to find out more about the severance. If you think there's anything shady, you can consult a lawyer. I had doubts about the interpretation of a Czech legal document. I looked up some pro bono online lawyer consulting and they helped me out. All I paid was 4€ to check whether I needed to pay over 1000€ or not. Pretty good ROI if you ask me 😄

    As for unemployment, there are the unemployment benefits, sure, but consider checking for other sources of welfare too. Czechia has a system, that if the expenses for housing exceed 1/3 of your total monthly income, the state covers some of the exceeding amount. I'm sure Canada will have something similar too.

    Don't give up! Good luck.

    • Like 2
  6. On 4/1/2024 at 6:41 AM, BooksandTrees said:

    I didn't realize it's been a month. My baby is home after 2 months in the hospital. He's ok and healthy. I'm very grateful and I love him more than anything in the world. My wife is ok I think. 

    I'm struggling. That's all I have time to write at the moment. I just haven't healed fully from what happened, the trauma of being in the hospital for 2 months, and then everyone wanting to see him at home and not realizing he was very sick. His feeding is emotionally difficult now because he's cluster feeding and screams when hungry. 

    Unfortunately, his screams forever remind me of some of the screams he made in the hospital when he was sick. I can't help but remember those difficult times. I've never felt so helpless.

    It's not all bad though. He's cute, warm, loving, funny, smart, loves napping on me, loves when we sing, makes funny noises, and just fills my heart with a love I didn't know I had. I'd give him the world if I could. 

    Lots of emotional Ups and downs I'm learning. I'm always worried my wife is ok. She's finally seeing a therapist this week. I'm so glad. It's hard not to forget that she almost died as well. And when she cries at home, I remember her cries during the 2 months at the hospital. And there's just some days I can't help. Another wave of helplessness. But she's strong and persevering. I love her very much. 

    It's beautiful that you care about your wife and child so much. I can't imagine how exhausting and extremely stressful it must be. I hope you can recover some energy, so you can give it to your family further. Respect to you for navigating so well this far!

    • Like 3
  7. 13 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    It's ok. Be kind to yourself and look back at your journey for strength. 

    Thanks for the encouragement. I'm gonna put some time into taking care of myself now. Wrote more about the situation below.

    28th March - 1st April:

    My girlfriend and I went for a trip for a few days. We visited a few towns and nature around them. The issue was that the day before we left, I started feeling ill and had stomach problems. It wasn't nearly enough to take me out completely and to cancel the trip, but I felt tired and weak for the whole trip.

    With all that, I also had to deal with my girlfriend being active; active in the way of using her time during holidays. We went on hikes and I think we managed everything as planned, although I couldn't exactly keep up with her 100. She had a tough time waiting for me sometimes and I had a tough time keeping up with her too.

    Regardless, it led us to a dicussion of spending bigger blocks of free time together. I'd say I'm active in my free time as well, just in a different way than she is. If I had a free day tomorrow, I'd spend it on catching up on errands in the morning, reading, spending some time on my work and hobbies and meeting with a friend in the evening. If she had it, she'd probably go for a morning-evening trip to the mountains. I just feel like she often rushes off for holidays to escape the reality of her unfulfilling job, while my holidays are more balanced in nature and I don't need big shifts of activities too often.

  8.   I'm using the template I used the last time. 2/3/24 - 27/3/24

    "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.

    I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.

     

    Books/Reading articles/Learning:

    L: Back to reading the business book, although I haven't read for over a week, as I was just so busy.

    T: Still reading the business book. Not daily, but enough to get a new idea or two from it every week. Some newsletters too, but not many.

    Possible direction/goals:

    (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.

     

    Family:

    L: I met with my father for lunch a few days ago. My brother helped me assemble a new computer a few weeks ago. I'm also receiving some tips regarding the new flat and the stuff in it (Internet, furniture etc.)

    T: Had a few family meetings, a lunch outside too.

    Spoiler

    Since October, the project of my grandma's kitchen has been my responsibility. Some progress has been made, however I know that half a year is just too big of a time-frame to justify. I'm gonna lay out the plan:

    Weekend of 11th/12th March: Ask my grandma to give me a "free hand" in the reconstruction of the kitchen. She was hesitant regarding the scope of the reconstruction, which made me hesitant in turn, because I didn't know what to do. I want to convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that the whole operation will be fast.

    Weeks 11 and 12:

    Consult my father and brother as to the design of the kitchen and use the IKEA kitchen planner to help me out. Show my grandma the plan for the kitchen at the end of week 12 and get a green light.

    Weeks 13 and 14:

    Go to IKEA to get the furniture and other shops for linoleum and other smaller stuff. There's no need for new electronic appliances, so there's no need to get involved with electrical thingies. Transport the furniture to my grandma's flat.

    Weeks 14 and 15:

    Plan a weekend with my father/brother to help out with the reconstruction. Removing old furniture, a bit of demolition, painting, putting in the new furniture. Get it done well and ASAP.

    NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.

    Possible direction/goals:

    Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.

    Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.

     

    Business/English:

    L: My work has been going well. I've had some good initial lessons with my students in the last couple of weeks. The uptick in my own courses has been significant. I'm likely going to cancel two agency courses. I was a bit bored after finishing the university, however the last two weeks I'm overwhelmed. I feel like I need to do a better job managing my time and prioritizing again. Maybe I could cancel all agency courses in E, but that'd probably be excessive and needlessly imbalancing. I might want to create some list of milestones I've already achieved, in the type of "past projects" below to have a better overview over the work I've done over the years, but I'll leave that for the next report.

    T: Canceled the two agency courses. I also changed the format of some of my 60minute lessons to 55 minutes, so I won't need to jump from one meeting to another instantly. Things are still going fairly well.

    -

    An example for 23 hours last week: Category A 71% (66); B 3% (4); C 9% (0); D 11% (12); E 6% (18). Brackets are % values from previous month.

    -

    I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:

    a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging

    b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group)

    c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day)

    d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality

    e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality

    -

    NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.

    Possible direction/goals:

    With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.

    Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.

    Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.

    Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.

    Create a learning plan for myself.

    Go through "lecturer academy" materials.

    Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them:

    Networking and business events.

    Get a system to mark down the progress of my students, together with their learning plan.

    Check out business vouchers for equipment.

    Past projects:

    Questionnaire.

    Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.

    Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).

    Got minor pay raises from language schools.

    Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.

    Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.

    Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".

    Lecturer academy.

    Sample business contract on my website.

    Google sheets system for students.

    Questionnaire part 2.

     

    Exercise/Movement:

    L: Went for walks and a cycling trip with my girlfriend.

    T: Went for walks and hiking trips with my girlfriend.

    NOT: I don't want to become fat.

    Possible direction/goals:

    I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.

    Keep in shape.

     

    Blogging:

    L: Now, blogging has a reminder in my calendar now, however it's not really an activity I could care for now. We'll see.

    T: -

    Possible direction/goals:

    Find a suitable UI/web template.

    Set up emailing for subs.

    Post two articles a month.

    Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.

    Finish articles in concepts.

     

    ---

     

    What to do if I am bored?

    Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters

    Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging

     

    ---

     

    Additional thoughts/activities:

    My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.

    This month, I did these cool activities: playing at the table football tournament, starting lessons with new students, furnishing a new flat, going for hikes, reading the business book, spending time with my family for lunch/at the weekend, spending time with friends.

     

    ---

     

    Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:

    Main must-have plans for 2024:

    Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.

    Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.

    Move in with my girlfriend in April.

    Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.

    Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:

    Re-start my financial blog in February.

    Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.

    Habits:

    Stop watching porn (again).

    Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.

    Establish flossing at least once a week.

    Exercise regularly.

    Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.

    It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.

    • Like 1
  9. 22nd March - 26th March:

    The last few days have been tough on me mentally. I think the main reason has been the stress induced by the whole moving process. My girlfriend is capable in these things, but I feel like I am not performing well enough, which is frustrating, because I'd like to be able to help her out more. Tomorrow I will sleep in the new apartment for the first time at last.

    • Like 2
  10. 18th March - 21st March:

    The workweek has been going well. We got new furniture for our flat on Tuesday. I went to the speaking club on Wednesday and also had lunch with mom and brother. I haven't found time to read, but I want to read a bit later today. Gonna visit my family tomorrow and assemble new furniture on Sunday.

  11. 15th March - 17th March:

    On Friday, I had lessons as usual and after that my girlfriend and I went to get mattresses for our new flat. After that, we hung out with her sister and had a good time. I spent yesterday mostly by myself; preparing for the next week, reading and working on my business. Today, my girlfriend and I went for a trip to another town and I spent some time on myself too.

    I also got tickets for Dire Straits, as they'll have a show in my city in about a month. I'm fairly excited about that 😄 

  12. 7th March - 14th March:

    A few things happened; my girlfriend and I got a new mattress for our flat and the internet is also up. We also went for a trip on Saturday and I visited my family on Sunday. Met a few friends too.

    -

    I started reading again, though not daily. I have some free time these days to use for my work, but I also need to relax and allow myself to be bored. I need to figure out an email to some of my students regarding the duration of our lessons.

  13. 2nd March - 6th March:

    I finally managed to clean out my "urgent" to-do list today, so I am taking some time to write here. I had a lot of stuff to do, but I decided to take it in an order of importance over a few days, so I wouldn't be stressed.

    I spent time with my girlfriend, cycled, did some stuff around the new flat and visited her parents. I had two feedback lessons of English with older teachers, had lessons with new students and canceled the courses I was planning on canceling. My friend and I also went to a table football tournament on Monday and completely smashed through it 16-0, without losing a single round, though the competition was tough as usual and some of the matches were very close. Today I also went to the speakers' club and presented my first longer speech and although I think my preparation could've been better, it was still fairly successful.

  14.   I'm using the template I used the last time. 24/1/24 - 2/3/24

    "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.

    I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.

     

    Books/Reading articles/Learning:

    L: I unsubbed from a lot of email newsletters several weeks ago, so I get very little nowadays. No time for reading; if I read, I read uni-related materials. I want to get back to the business book after I am done with my exams.

    T: Back to reading the business book, although I haven't read for over a week, as I was just so busy.

    Possible direction/goals:

    (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.

     

    Family:

    L: I spent two days with my family over Christmas and introduced my girlfriend to my parents. I also met for sushi with my brother several days ago.

    T: I met with my father for lunch a few days ago. My brother helped me assemble a new computer a few weeks ago. I'm also receiving some tips regarding the new flat and the stuff in it (Internet, furniture etc.)

    Spoiler

    Since October, the project of my grandma's kitchen has been my responsibility. Some progress has been made, however I know that half a year is just too big of a time-frame to justify. I'm gonna lay out the plan:

    Weekend of 11th/12th March: Ask my grandma to give me a "free hand" in the reconstruction of the kitchen. She was hesitant regarding the scope of the reconstruction, which made me hesitant in turn, because I didn't know what to do. I want to convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that the whole operation will be fast.

    Weeks 11 and 12:

    Consult my father and brother as to the design of the kitchen and use the IKEA kitchen planner to help me out. Show my grandma the plan for the kitchen at the end of week 12 and get a green light.

    Weeks 13 and 14:

    Go to IKEA to get the furniture and other shops for linoleum and other smaller stuff. There's no need for new electronic appliances, so there's no need to get involved with electrical thingies. Transport the furniture to my grandma's flat.

    Weeks 14 and 15:

    Plan a weekend with my father/brother to help out with the reconstruction. Removing old furniture, a bit of demolition, painting, putting in the new furniture. Get it done well and ASAP.

    NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.

    Possible direction/goals:

    Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.

    Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.

     

    University:

    L: I ranted about the thesis a little bit in my post above, but if I really had to submit it in 24 hours, I could. I just want it to be cohesive and well-written and that takes time. I've been working on it anywhere between 2-5 hours daily, sometimes I threw in an afternoon session too. Some 17 days are left to submit it.

    I was in a somewhat resigned mood the last few days before the submission date on 8th January. That was because my tutor came up with quite a few ideas what to change/fix/do better. I honestly wasn't in the mood to spend my whole weekend on that, so I just dealt with the most pressing issues and submitted the thesis. Regardless, I'm happy that he did give me the feedback. I got a B from him and B from my opponent a few days ago, so I am happy.

    I've been studying for the exams the past two weeks. As I wrote in the post above, I've had some ups and downs and I know it's not possible/constructive for me to study all day, but at the moment I feel positive.

    T: Finished. I still feel somewhat positive even after a month. To evaluate: The profs at the exam were OK, though I wish the testing of competences was done in a different way. I don't need to care about it anymore though. I'm going to remove this section for the next report; I added "learning" as a part of "reading", so whenever I educate myself on something in the future, it'll be there.

    NOT: I don't want to drop out of the university.

    Possible direction/goals:

    Do the main part of my diploma in summer/autumn 2023 and do the defense and finals in January/February 2024.

    Work on the assignments in a timely manner.

     

    Business/English:

    L: I will have two new courses in January and one new in February, all of them my own (A). I went back to my reports, pulled the numbers that I write every month and construed a graph for the year. I've had less hours since July, though at the same time the share of my own students went up. The last quarter of the year wasn't as successful for me, though March-June were especially strong. The new students in January/February should bring the hours up as well as A share above 60%. I'll use this in my all-year report for sure!

    I've finished the second round of my biannual questionnaire. Got some good feedback from my students and a few ideas for the future. I'm gonna rework it a bit for the third edition too. I might want to create some list of milestones I've already achieved, in the type of "past projects" below to have a better overview over the work I've done over the years, but I'll leave that for the next report.

    T: My work has been going well. I've had some good initial lessons with my students in the last couple of weeks. The uptick in my own courses has been significant. I'm likely going to cancel two agency courses. I was a bit bored after finishing the university, however the last two weeks I'm overwhelmed. I feel like I need to do a better job managing my time and prioritizing again. Maybe I could cancel all agency courses in E, but that'd probably be excessive and needlessly imbalancing.

    -

    An example for 21 hours last week: Category A 66% (49); B 4% (5); C 0% (6); D 12% (6); E 18% (33). Brackets are % values from previous month.

    -

    I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:

    a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging

    b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group)

    c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day)

    d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality

    e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality

    -

    NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.

    Possible direction/goals:

    With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.

    Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.

    Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.

    Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.

    Create a learning plan for myself.

    Go through "lecturer academy" materials.

    Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them:

    Networking and business events.

    Get a system to mark down the progress of my students, together with their learning plan.

    Check out business vouchers for equipment.

    Past projects:

    Questionnaire.

    Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.

    Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).

    Got minor pay raises from language schools.

    Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.

    Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.

    Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".

    Lecturer academy.

    Sample business contract on my website.

    Google sheets system for students.

    Questionnaire part 2.

     

    Exercise/Movement:

    L: Nothing special, though a lot of walks.

    T: Went for walks and a cycling trip with my girlfriend.

    NOT: I don't want to become fat.

    Possible direction/goals:

    I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.

    Keep in shape.

     

    Blogging:

    L: I haven't had time to even think about blogging with everything that was going on, although I do have a half-way written article in the works that I could publish soon. On hold until I finish the uni thesis.

    T: Now, blogging has a reminder in my calendar now, however it's not really an activity I could care for now. We'll see.

    Possible direction/goals:

    Find a suitable UI/web template.

    Set up emailing for subs.

    Post two articles a month.

    Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.

    Finish articles in concepts.

     

    ---

     

    What to do if I am bored?

    Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters

    Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging, diploma thesis

     

    ---

     

    Additional thoughts/activities:

    My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.

    This month, I did these cool activities: spending time on the GQ forum, had multiple good events with friends, moving/renting a new flat, assembling a new computer with my brother, meeting a career coach, going to the theater twice, going to a cycling trip with my girlfriend, attending the speakers club, playing billiard.

     

    ---

     

    Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:

    Main must-have plans for 2024:

    Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.

    Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.

    Move in with my girlfriend in April.

    Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.

    Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:

    Re-start my financial blog in February.

    Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.

    Habits:

    Stop watching porn (again).

    Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.

    Establish flossing at least once a week.

    Exercise regularly.

    Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.

    It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.

  15. 19th February - 1st March:

    The last two weeks have been busy. Last Wednesday, I attended the speakers' club after a long time and I decided to take up a bigger speech the next week. I also met the university career coach and had a good conversation with her. She even asked me if I would give a presentation at a student career festival in April. The thing is, I haven't even gotten to the notes from last Wednesday ten days ago. I went to billiard, I'm currently moving in with my girlfriend, I met friends, family, went cycling, to the theater, watched seminars, started lessons with two new students...

    Things have been hectic and I feel I am not happy with constantly catching up on something, so I will prioritize myself at the weekend. I also added a task to my calendar to write here weekly. I have been fairly consistent so far, but I noticed that whenever things get busy, I stop reading, journaling and start delaying things future important things that take just a few minutes to plan. I also get forgetful and people need to tell me something three times to remind me.

    • Like 1
  16. 21 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    Over the past few years I have found that I will treat gaming as a relapse, but not porn. I used to watch porn 5 times a day every day for years. Now I watch maybe a few times a month. I think this is acceptable for now. I have found porn way more difficult to quit than video games. I think if you aren't depending on it to get through stressful times then it's not as bad as gaming only because it's more of a natural function and is less time overall than 8 to 24 hour gaming sessions. 

    Also, if watching porn leads to gaming again then definitely avoid. I just haven't had that correlation for me. Everyone is different though. Just remember you're aware of this and taking it seriously. Some people just watch 5 hours of porn every day and game maybe 1 hour. It's different for all. 

    I think it's important to monitor how porn impacts your average day. Are you losing sleep? Are you skipping work and avoiding bills? Are you not socializing or cleaning your house or taking care of your hygiene etc? 

    Great points by @BooksandTrees. I remember I used to watch porn daily as well, though it was always an evening thing for me. Since then, I've cut it by 80%, meaning I watch it maybe few/several times a month now too. It got cut down so much automatically, because well... I got a life. I only ever regret watching it in relation to my girlfriend, as her libido is higher than mine and we are wondering how much of that can be explained by my usage of porn. And again, if I was single, I would wonder whether it would be a problem at all and how much of that would be explainable by not having a girlfriend. Context is key.

    I also didn't notice any connection between porn and gaming. Plus Books is right that the average "porn" session is many times shorter than the average gaming session. It's literally physically impossible to masturbate the whole day. As long as you feel it's not sabotaging your life, I think occasional recreational use is tolerable. Even if you never watch porn again, then there's also the topic whether/how much you should use your imagination, how much should you be "present" and listen to your body during masturbation etc. It's not really a problem to be "solved" per se.

    • Like 3
  17. 14th February - 18th February:

    My work has been going well. I've had some good initial lessons with my students in the last couple of weeks. I have just a few agency courses that I could quit if I wanted to, though I'll hold off on that until I have more students and until I feel I actually need more free time. I'll report on this more closely in the monthly report with some numbers.

    I'm trying to rent out my room by the end of March, though I'll see if I'm successful. It's been a bit stressful to communicate with potential tenants and the owner all at once and to organize everything correctly. The worst thing that can happen is that I'll pay the rent for March, so I try to not fuss about it too much.

    I got the business book to read, the one had been reading before I had to study for the finals. Happy I did, as I can spend an hour or two on good productive work a day with it.

    As for being social, I met some friends and went to the theater on Friday. I also cycled to my girlfriend parent's house and had lunch with them.

    • Like 2
  18. 59 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

    That's fantastic! Best of luck on this next step for you. Be patient. The newfound time without school is off-putting at first. Don't ruminate on it.

    Thanks! I have navigated this week a bit better and more in balance. I'll write more about it below.

    • Like 2
  19. 1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

    I haven't had any time to write recently. My wife had an emergency and almost died. I rushed her to the hospital. She gave birth brilliantly only 5 minutes after getting to the hospital. I apparently saved both their lives.

    They're both doing great now. She's healthy and dealing with the emotional trauma of what happened but she's so brave and doing great. My baby is doing great but will be in the hospital for a few weeks. But that's OK! We're both off of work for 4 months and spending each day at the hospital with him. 

    I'm so happy they're ok. It's been very difficult going through all of these emotions. Some days are difficult and others are good. I'm so glad I've prepared my mind through therapy and quitting games. I feel like I'm very prepared to handle this adversity and come out with a good outlook. 

    I'm very grateful that everyone is OK and for the care we're receiving at the hospital as well as from family. 

    Time goes by very fast at the hospital. We do his cares and spend bonding time with him. We're trying to fit in little bits of time to read books or do small hobbies and they've helped restore us a bit. 

    He should be home in 4 to 6 weeks. I might write less for a while just because of this but I promise I'll update you and share any successes I've found with dealing with stress and not relapsing.

    I think for me, the keys to success are sleep, nutrition, communicating My emotions and telling people how they can better help me, and finding joy in spending this time with my wife and child. If I eat poorly I lose any energy I had. If I don't communicate my pain or stress then I fester and get sick. My method for HALTED is getting me through this. 

    Oh no, that sounds terrifying. Glad you made it there on time. Many things can go wrong during birth, my grandma gave birth to my uncle almost two months prematurely. I hope things are a bit less tense now. And again, great job on your progress as a person, it is truly amazing to see what you've achieved!

    A fun bit, my grandma is born on 6th February. I don't know how it worked out with timezones, but your dad post came to me on 6th here 😄

    • Like 2
  20. 5th February - 13th February:

    I've been feeling a bit bored the last week, however I did some important things. I got a library registration and met friends and family at the weekend. We've also chosen the flat for my girlfriend and I. I should be moving in about two weeks.

    • Like 1
    • Like 1
  21. On 2/10/2024 at 12:22 AM, Ace92 said:

    Thank you for this clarification. I think a lot of my jealousy/anger, my need to prove myself or do better comes from the fact that media and top corporations love shoving competition in our faces, as if the only way to live is out preform everyone, become "top dog", and flex on them to push them down. 
     

    This is something that is toxic and how no one should live. No one should enter into a career or hobby, or do a task simply to get the praise over someone else or make someone else feel bad. 
     

    To put it simply, I think my mind was still controlled by the outlets that want to assault us with negativity and get us mad at each other. 

    Some people are driven by their pathological desire to be the top dog under any circumstances and to gobble up the most power they can. Thankfully, the power in democracies is divided enough to make sure the infringement of general civil liberties by any single person in power is fairly minimized. That makes it easier for us, "the people who just want to have a good life", to do our thing. Materialism and financial hustlers have nothing to offer to people who genuinely think their position is good and are happy with themselves.

    I agree with you on the media. Now, I like to know what's going on in the world and I like history and geography. That however means educating myself through select sources and not 24/7 news/entertainment outlets. For example, I noticed one of the news websites I use for my English students became so negative or irrelevant that I hardly use it during lessons today. It's just war, disease and failing economy and other stuff that my students or I can't change. I just choose not to participate.

    • Like 1
  22. 4 hours ago, Ace92 said:

    Something I'm still struggling with is learning how to be happy for other people. When I was gaming, people would tell me goals they had, aspirations, plans or things they accomplished. Later on I would always get mad at them for telling me that, thinking they were just saying that to flex on me or make me feel bad because I was just playing video games and I wasn't at that level. 
     

    The reality is they are telling me that because they think I'd be interested in them and if they are my friends I should support them and we won't have the same goals, so I shouldn't try to compete against them in whatever it is they are discussing with me. I shouldn't be competing against them at all. However, some of the jealousy still lingers because I get into this mindset where I think I am not good enough because they have x and I don't have x, or that I am behind. Which is not the case.

    Not sure how to get over this mindset though.

    It's OK. Progress in this is highly subjective and it's slow going through the ranks, but the results will come over time with some effort. There are enough good jobs or friends for everybody. To know what is good we also need to learn what is bad and what we don't want. Cutthroat competition is only present at the top echelons of business or politics, because it's a zero sum game there for the limited amount of votes or money. I think the last time I truly compared myself with somebody else was when I wanted to have a girlfriend 3-4 years ago. Since then, I've had two great relationships and I don't think I have envied anyone anything from that point on.

    • Like 1
  23. 1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

    Congratulations!! So you're done abs can get your degree now or is this for the semester?

    Thank you! I finished the uni completely! 😄 

    • Like 1
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