TimetoWalkAway

END OF DAY Report. Day 2 Comes to a close and I feel happier and more refreshed, I discovered that I have a tendency to roam the internet out of boredom but as soon as I start my brand new hobbies, I see this behavior likely shrinking. I went to the gym and worked out for a full hour feeling stronger than ever and finally sent my West Point Application. All I can do is wait until tomorrow to see what life gives me. Emotion: Content Actions Taken: Gym Time Home Cooked Meal. Relaxing Homework

Day 2 "Finally Feeling Better. After that workout and good rest. I actually felt refreshed and relaxed, took a long and refreshing shower before starting my morning, I still occasionally sift around online but it now has a goal instead of just screening for killing time." Mood: Content Actions Taken: After School Tutoring Today. Possible Game Night Made for Friday? USNA Application Sent Gym Time with Ex

END OF DAY 1 UPDATE. "Life has given me a new lease and I actually feel happy to be away from my gaming PC. I had a good time working on schoolwork and I finished my day with a nice long elliptical workout. (3 Miles in 28:46!) I feel genuinely tired but accomplished. I talked to my Ex and she's more than willing to give me a second chance...to let the love we started to flourish and grow once again. I have another goal to work towards and I feel as if I truly made a step forward today! Accomplishments: Made Schedule Worked Out After 6 Month Hiatus Started to Apologize to the Teachers I fought over my addiction Made up with Ex. Looked at the Hobby Guide Feeling: Accomplished Grade of the Day: A+

That's the best way of looking at it. My Ego has definitely taken the beating when I looked around and saw the wasteland I had created. I'll admit I'm afraid of taking off the mask and walking out of the chamber but It's better to smell the ashes than smell the rose-scented poison. I was happy to learn that I have people willing to walk with me out of the chamber. I just have to do it.

Good on you for finding someone! As a guy who had a flame myself, I'd say it gives you all the more power and reason to detox. Puppy Love is the most potent form of love and it simply drags you away from anything else to focus on that person. Continue Loving yourself and you'll find yourself with a jackpot at the end of the detox. As for the first Lapse. Don't feel bad. If Anything Make a Challenge out of it if you have a competitive mindset. 9 Days is your personal best! Let's put a new record on the board.

GOAL: Fully Detox and Get Back what I lost. 4/9/19 "I break the people around me...Who did she date for a Year...Did I Ever Show her the real me for any considerable amount of time?" These are the questions I ask myself on the day I put gaming to an end...looking back on the damage I caused...the thick fog blurring my vision as I shot shots into the dark and shot the ones I loved the most. I lost the one who kissed me and made me feel human for the first time. I lost valuable friends as I ghosted and didn't make the effort to keep in touch. I lost valuable time that could've went to school. I lost a lot. But I still got chips in the game of life and I'm not giving them up. I'm going all in. I gave my PC Plug to my father and admitted I needed help. He was happy to acknowledge it but the reference to her reminds me of her...how our beautiful comforting fire of romance turned into a damn funeral pyre. But... Did I really have a relationship with her? Yes or No. It's Action Time. Quit or Bust. Day 1 Emotions: Bowling ball? Mourning... Depressed. Accomplished Hopeful. Actions Taken: Going to Afterschool for Academic Studies. PC Power Plug Removed. Apology sent to Ex. Joined GQ.

Likewise. I grew up with a "Don't Throw Stones" outlook on life, I don't want to look back on my years with disgust but acknowledge the good that game from being a gamer in a way. The family time I spent when my cousins and I shared them wasn't gaming time...that was family time and it seems a little messed up to shoot myself in the food like that. I'm gonna try and go cold turkey but I'll look back and maybe fire up my heirloom. My Aunt's NES for a bit of nostalgia and remembrance of her. I've always found the multiplayer aspect of Gaming, the most addicting. Thanks. I compared it to a gas chamber as I slowly started to lose touch with myself and reality...those moments where I breathed and the real me came out were those gasps for air and I thought it'd be a good visualization. I'll set up a Journal and hopefully walk away. USNA Did always say that Improvement is Key. I can agree with 1 and 3 and 4. I had someone take my plug for my computer away so I can finally gain distance. With no Beefy PC to Play Diablo or Rainbow on. I can finally make the distance a little easier. My Gaming PC is now simply. An Artifact. I don't want to look down on others or on my years but I see where you're coming from. I think the Acknowledgment is important but also...if I make it. looking back on the improvements, I've made to escape.

Never in my life would I expect to find myself on a forum like this but. I guess life truly has no roadmap. I'd normally use an Alias but...seeing as how that usually ends up, I'll keep this personal and use my Real Name only and the names of those if permission if given and I apologize if it's hard to read. I tend awful when writing from the heart at times. With that out of the way, let me introduce myself. I'm Giancarlo. A Highschool Junior In the Big City who's trying to crawl his way out to freedom after realizing what gaming is doing, I started off on PS2 But slowly transitioned to other platforms and stuck as a multi-platformed gamer. I got into gaming at an early age since I lived in a bad neighborhood and my parents feared the worst. I was autistic and back then was often bullied and targeted...so I was kept in a small safe haven of the Nintendo Gamecube and PlayStation 2. The Nights of NSX and Simpsons Home And Run, happy memories of youth and killing time until My Uncle picked me up to visit my grandmother or playing against my cousins until dinner time! It was a time when gaming was that. A Simple game to kill time and then put down. But that's not where my story takes it dark turn. That happens sometime around middle school. This was when my hobby started to turn into the addiction it once was. It was when I was finally allowed to go online and interact with the world. This was the PS3 Era. When Bo1 and CoD MW2 Were the Games to have and own. I was this pudgy and F A T. Kid Growing up, so I was often bullied and left alone. at the time. My Parents finally decided to put the internet into the house for work purposes and by looking up videos online hooked my PS3 Online and Got a Headset from my cousin and soon I was on a fast track to talking and making friends. It felt...nice. Finally being able to hold an actual conversation with someone outside of my Special Ed Classes. Talking about common interests and having good laughs over the smallest and dumbest things...It helped my escape my brutal life in school. My Parents were naturally concerned but my father got into tech and supported it...from 5th Grade to 8th. It was Video Games Every Night and Day. Talking to the Same Peeps and finally feeling greatful. Then...I started to make them my priority. After All. It was just a simple algebra assignment. What's one little missing HW. Thing is. They tend to stack when you look at the long term. Little did I know the first stages were setting in. I became irritable when the internet was down, I stopped leaving the house and just scootering around in the park. I became a couch pillow and liked that way until high school started. I'll skip 9th and 10th Year as they were much of the same but worse...It nearly costed me to be held back and lose my position within my cohort. 11th Grade Year. I found what I thought was fucking impossible. A Girl who actually liked me...for me. I learned alot about putting up a front but...when I was with her. I didn't want to mask up and shield. I wanted to be a naked mind for her, just as she was for me but...gaming after so many years took its toll, I was socially recluse and often ghosted when we chatted on discord. Usually paying attention to a War Thunder Match or CS:GO Match, I was doing what had been done on to me...and little did I know at the time that I was hurting her. I let my internet persona take the lead and act like this giant Brochado, when she loved my sensitive and intelligent side that came and went in flashes. She eventually left me after I caused her "Stress" but we remain close friends. It wasn't until the last few months that I started to realize that I needed to lose the systems as I had bigger dreams. I found a school I wanted to go to (USNA!) but My grades after years of gaming, hold me back and after a heavy conversation with my Ex. I realized something... A Decade in my life was coming back to bite me with no punches pulled...My Safezone was really my Gas Chamber. I was poisoned and living in my own reality instead of being apart of the real world...the world with her, the world where we watched movies, the World where I left and explored New York City. I lived in a Virutal World. Devoid of Life. I need Help. I know what I want out of life...and I don't want to cross the Rubicon and become a shell... I want to fight this and finally be free.