Ashley K.

Day 9: Even though it's been 9 days, I feel like I've made some progress. Really didn't get to do much today other than order a mechanical drawing pencil, lol. I'm still struggling with time management. When I try to think of things to do, it always consits of watching drawing/graphic design tutorials. I kept thinking about the times I watched tutorials on Call of Duty, Halo, League of Legends, city building games, The Sims, etc. and how I learned so much that I knew what to do and how to do it like it was second nature. Ever since I quit and I've been learning techniques on drawing/graphic design, It feels much harder than I thought it would. It's not going to make me give up since it's only a challege that I know and CAN accomplish. It's just going to take much longer than what I'm used to. But when I do, I'll reap the rewards, I'll cry knowing that for the first time I didn't give up because it was hard and I'm looking for an easy way out. Can't wait for what the oncoming days of my detox brings!

DAY 8: Today hasn't been a very productive day as much as I would like it to be. I noticed earlier today that my son who's 5 years old, plays NickJr or Nickelodeon games. He refused to use the bathroom just so that he can keep playing. When I saw the signs of gaming addiction happening as young as him, it upset me. Moreso than I thought it would, so what I did is I downloaded Cold Turkey which blocks programs, websites, etc. and I blocked those websites from him so now the only website he knows of that he can go on is an educational website called ABCmouse, Which he is subscribed to. I told him that we were going to start reading, drawing and doing all kinds of awesome activities together. I'm glad I caught it before it got any worse. This was my fault completely and I've acknowledged it. I tried to draw a little today and all I did was sketch some eyes and tried to sketch a mouth from a zombie (didn't work out so well). My eyes welled up when I noticed how bad it looked. I wanted to give up right then and there, but my accountability partner told me to embrace the pain/crying and that being an artist is tough and to suck it up, princess, lol. He said to kick ass, living is pain. Pain enhances the sense and adds value to life. So now, I'm pushing on and continue to draw, do my graphic design, and set up my blog with my work on it.

Welcome! So glad to have you here !

Reading a book is a good way of handling downtime. Or going for a short walk, I would say watch a movie but sometimes when that happens you end up watching movie after movie.

Day 7: Yes! It's been a week! I'm so proud of myself. This past week has been motivating and I didn't think it would be. Having an awesome accountability partner along with a community of supportive people and such a great coach (Cam, obviously lol). So far I've been studying a lot on graphic design (decided not to give it up) and I already knew a bit about it before but I've learned even more. I'm still going to do the other aforementioned things I was going to do. It's just going to take time, that's all. It's hard and heartbreaking for me to watch my husband playing video games, watching streams, looking up websites on Pokemon to help his gameplay. But there's not much I can do there. I just have to focus on my progress and where I'm headed with the goals I'm setting for myself. Today my son wanted to blow bubbles outside while I was cooking dinner, I let him but told him to stay on the porch where I can see him. I noticed that I didn't become as irritated as I used to when I would be playing video games and he would bother me and distract me. Now that I think about it, it actually makes me want to cry about how bad the gaming addiction was that I was getting irritated at my son constantly for the smallest things. But now! When I look at him, he is such an amazing kid! A bit mischevious, but what 5 year old isn't? Lol. I'm just happy that I quit when I did and I'm on the right track and appreciating the little things that life has to offer. I can't wait for the next 83 days. Just realized that my second son will be born during my detox. November 16th So if I can and if no one minds, I will try and either get a video or picture of Harper (baby), Aiden (5 year-old son) and myself together!

Day 6: Last night I felt a little defeated. It was really due to my own fault for not thoroughly researching. I explained to my husband what I found out and he said: "Well, I thought you knew that already?" Nope...I didn't. I was naive. I thought to myself "What am I supposed to do now?", "Do I keep going with graphic design anyway or go along with being a Digitial Artist/Illustrator and Graphic Designer?" Because it would mean having to constantly practice drawing every day and I stopped drawing when I was 12 or 14. That's a pretty big gap of time I could've used to draw and hone my skills. I figured I'd speak to my mother about this just to get her advice and she just said "You're just going to have to do it. Don't let something like this hold you back, Just do it!" Like Shia LaBeouf in his video, lol. Just Do It!

Day 5 (contd): Going around and asking questions on a graphic design forum turned out to be a really harsh lesson. I went onto a website called graphicdesignforum.com and I figured I would ask some questions to any graphic designer willing to answer my questions. That's exactly what I got. The answers that were given to me by this person made me feel like trying to even pursue this isn't worth it. I already have money issues trying to go back to college online to earn my associates in graphic design, but this person just put me into a "Why bother?" mindset. Correction, from being naive and not researching thoroughly until now, I didn't realize that when it comes to being a graphic designer your artistic values don't really matter. It's about what the client wants. But that's not what I want. I like to be able to express myself through art so I'm going to look into Digital Arts or Illustrator. I really do feel like a complete dumbass for not realizing this sooner. If I never quit gaming, I would've never bothered to look into this and come to this conclusion. Yay me

No, But I could if I had the program, lol. I should. It would help me practice doing graphic design Digital Art/Illustration?

Welcome!

Day 5: Woke UpBrushed my teethGot dressedAte breakfastListened to a Tony Robbins PodcastTook a nap (3 hours, lol)Ate some cerealAnd now I'm sitting here putting in a journal entry. That list was talking about what I did with part of my morning. I woke up at 9 AM only to be sleepy at 10 AM and have my husband tell me to go take a nap. It was refreshing. Now I can work on what I was planning on doing today. Research graphic design, ask other designers questions about how they got started, read some books that I have on color theory, etc. and watch tutorials on graphic design. Not really sure if I should do this for a couple of days and then work on the next career goal and then come back to graphic design on a certain day. Maybe I'll make it like a cycle. So that I can try to get even amounts of work and research put in. Monday: Web DesignTuesday: Digital Arts/IllustrationWednesday: PhotographyThursday: BloggingFriday: Free Day!This seems like a good list for me to cycle through the week. I haven't thought about what I should do on Saturdays and Sundays. I'll figure it out soon.

Day 4 (Aug 31st): Yet again I keep backlogging myself with these journal entries, lol. I wasn't really feeling it today to do anything. I kept making up excuses to myself saying that I won't be able to get my career started as a graphic designer/photographer/blogger/Web Dev or Designer. I didn't realize that I wanted to do so many things. Who knows if I'm not going to be able to do all of these things...Maybe I will. Watching Cam and Ginger's stream on YouTube really helped to push through and keep going. Because I did feel like giving up. I'm glad I didn't.

I'm starting to tear up . Thank you!

Day 3 (Aug 30th): I never got a chance to put in an entry yesterday so here it is . Yesterday I was feeling depressed because I kept thinking about how everyone was making progress and I felt like I wasn't. I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to get any further and I'll just end up relapsing and not care anymore. But then something told me to keep going because it's only the beginning and if I was going to give up now it'll be all for nothing. Even though my husband doesn't want to quit, which is fine, I asked him if he wanted to go to the library the next day. He said he would but there wouldn't be anything to do there. I looked at him a little confused because I figured it was a place where he would be somewhat interested in reading but he just said he doesn't want to. I pushed it a little and asked him why, and he got a little annoyed and said why was I starting with him. I wasn't trying to start anything but I just wanted to do something together that didn't involve talking about video games all the time like we used to. All I know is that I don't want to give up when I have so much to live for and do with my life in order to give my kids a better life.

Thank you!

Day 2: Woke up feeling alright I guess. Lacking the motivation today to do anything. Whenever this happens I end up playing video games. Time management is not something I'm used to doing. I always just wing it throughout my day. I used to write down a To-Do list, I never follow through on it because I look at it the next day and I just lose all sense of motivation to finish anything. So I just revert back to playing video games because it's easier. So my struggle today is lack of motivation and discipline to do anything but just sit around and stare at the walls. I feel so tired.

I've already spoken to him about quitting before and he has said that he can stop playing whenever he wants to because he's not an addict.

Sorry for such a late reply. It's really helpful to read this and to try and stay motivated. Thank you.

DAY 1: I've decided to track my progress on here. I was a little hesitant to do so because you know how people are. They become judgmental about what you believe in and the things you want to do with your life. Well I know what I want but my struggle is trying to find a way to do it without sabotaging myself. I was playing league of legends yesterday and while I sat there watching my son play his educational games on my laptop, I realized that I couldn't keep going on the way I was. It can be 10 years down the road where it'll just be same shit, different day, in which this case playing video games. I believe that this will be beneficial in the long run. I'm not sure what I can do about my husband playing video games. As he says it's easy for him to stop playing whenever he wanted to. I don't believe it. I'm scared of relapsing, betraying my chances to try and make a difference with myself. I've always held myself back because I would revert to my comfort zone. Well It's time for me to break free of that and just go all in.

Thanks!

No, he likes to play and he says its easy for him to stop playing

My name is Ashley I'm 27 years old and have been playing video games since I was 5. I'm also a mother of a 5 year old boy and another on the way so lately I've been playing. It's hard to stop when my husband also plays video games (we mostly play League of Legends). Someday I would hope to become a graphic designer but I know that if I keep playing I won't make it. Along with the fact that since I have children, I need to put them first. Hopefully I can find a way to stop, but I don't know where to start.