[Life changing journey]

DAY 3

The day passed smoothly. Today I've been watching youtube for only 1 hour. Though I didn't have any more time to watch it, even if I wanted to?. My sister took me out, she broke up with her boyfriend not too long ago, so I was helping her today, but in reality (maybe) I was helping myself. I'm single for some time so it'd be a lonely Valentine's day. In the end, I can't say I'm happy (I'm an indifferent type), but at least I didn't think about games today. Feels great, hope it'll continue like this. I still have a little more time before bed, so might just study programming.

Also, happy Valentine's day, everyone! Hope you all had a great day!

[Life changing journey]

Hello! This is my first diary ever and also my first attempt to quit gaming. I am a lazy person, but I'll try to update in daily.

https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/7058-im-gonna-say-bye-to-the-gaming/  This is my story (a little messy, but I tried to be more specific and less wordy. Maybe later I'll change it more accordingly to my tastes, but for now let it be)

I'd like to indtroduce myself as a person who grew up with not only offline/online-solo gaming, but also the termine "e-Sports" (which I kinda hate, but netherless). I started following professional scene of Dota from 12-13 years old and as I was growing up, e-Sports accompanied me throughout my teenage years so now it's become an inseparable part from my being. As I grew up, I started to play more games (like CS GO, LoL and HeartStone) and, also, become a fan of corresponding competitive scenes. It sounds normal, but from this I have a lot of problems:

1. As I play a game and encounter a bad day (it happens when you lose 2-3 games consecutively and as I play a co-needed games sometimes the lose is not because of me), so I try another game instead of stoping playing. As you can see the pattern, I can kill a day just playing games totally ignoring RL and all I must do. Also it gives me my second actual problem: toxicity.

2. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I'm very toxic in games. I know it's not my true nature, but more like an environment defence instinct. I think a lot of people who play online games will understand me: sometimes we don't bother ourselves with that we say and how we behave in internet. I dont like it. I want to be myself in every possible way and if in real life I can be quite, in online games I don't even try it. You can say it relives stress which isn't a bad thing, but after swearing on someone I'll feel upset because of what I've said. No stress relived, but more acquired.

3. Time. Priority. I can give gaming all I have to get nothing in return. I don't like it. And there are many more reasons.

Summarizing:

At first I didn't want to admit to it, thinking "can gaming really be an addiction?". But, after honestly asking my innermost feelings, I have to admit that I'm addicted. I couldn't admit if before because I knew the reason, but never had the balls to admit it: without gaming I'm nothing. Seriously, all I did in my life was gaming. There was a period when I couldn't talk about anything with my CLOSEST friends other than gaming. It felt so shameful and frustrating that I had no other interests/hobbies in life. There was a period when I was thinking about becoming a pro gamer, but ultimately gave up: I'm not even excellent in the game I've played most of the time. Because firstly I did it for fun and later just for a habbit. I've never tried to reach the apex.

So, now being aware of my situation, I want to change it. I have no particular dreams/goals in my life, maybe only one: be true to myself and be free. I want to control my own life, if I feel like I'm wasting my time and recources on the things which give me nothing in return, not even satisfaction, then what's the point in doing it? I reassured myself that I can't quit because I've put up money in some games, buying hats and continue playing just for this wack reason. Screw it. For now all I want is to try 90 days challenge. I know I can easly take 5-6 days without gaming, but one month? two months? even three? I can't be assured, so I'll try it with my utmost determination.

Hope this journal will help me passing through this period and reaching my ultimate objectives: bringing new things in my life and becoming more aware.

For now I don't have anything in mind that I want to try, so I'll just stick with some books I wanted to read.

DAY 1

I was studying all day long, which surprised me, because usually I'll take a pause and play some games for maybe 1-2 hours (sometimes it became all day of playing instead of "pauses") and only after that I'll reassume my studies. You can imagine how disctracted I was usually. Feels great to study all day long in a while. I know it's not something to be proud of, but it's a good start, isn't it? Later, around 9 p.m. I opened youtube and just like that I've been watching some video games content for 1-2 hours straight. Feels bad to dedicate so much time to it, I need to cut it little by little later.

DAY 2

The day went normally, except I again have been watching youtube for 2 hours (and maybe more) and it's not even the evening. I think I'm trying to fill the gap of gaming using it, so screw it. 1 hour a day till the saturday. Good thing I started reading more, but it bothers me that other than reading I have nothing else. It feels like I need to find something new, or pick up which I left behind because I "didn't have time". So I decided to continue learning programming. Now I have time and possibility, but why it feels like I'm rejecting in internally? Feels like my inner self is speaking to me: "you have better options to do, like gaming or watching youtube". Funny. eh? Never knew I'd say it, but screw my inner self!

[I'm gonna say bye to the gaming]

Hi there! This is my story: I grew up in a small town, it happened so that my closest childhood friend took me to a PC caffe when I was around 6-7 years old. I came there with him everyday, but later I'd been going there even without him. Initially it was just 1-2 hours, but later it became periods of 4-5 hours. I couldn't play more simply because I didn't have enough money. Initially I was playing some MMORPG with friends and a little of DotA. We didn't have any WLAN services like Garena or iCCUP, so we've been playing DotA by LAN. When I've got good internet and a good PC (around 2013)  - I started playing Dota 2 and my days were like this: school -> home -> playing all day. Initially it was ok, but later I've started neglecting sleep and (I'd say) Dota is a very toxic game, so my mental health started degrading. Around 2015 I moved out. The change did good, I started to do more importang things, but the gaming addiction still remained. Sometimes I play more, sometimes I play less. I don't feel any excitement anymore, only a need to play. So now I want to free myself from this "shackles". I hope I'll succeed!