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JoshuaKeenan

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  1. Yesterday I had some cravings to game at work, the cravings started when I had to deal with some customers at work and I wanted to feel good or better about it, seeking an instant mood change specifically warframe and overwatch.soon as they came up I told myself I have many many hours in the games and they don’t add anything to my life here in reality. Made a lot of phone calls yesterday and got a lot of things done and set up my week. When I came home it was late and I went straight to bed no gaming. day 2 is going swell so far, though it is the morning. I work morning shift and plan to hang with family after work cause it’s my moms birthday. 7/17/19
  2. No longer will I post here once every 5 months with a, “I feel so defeated post, I should really quit”. It’s time to get aggressive about the things I don’t want in my life. life is a garden and videogames are my weeds choking my productivity goals aspirations and dreams, that reminds me I will see if I can write poems about what I am experiencing a and what withdrawal will be like you will be hearing more from me, and I want to make art about my journey. Poetry and music about it. looking forward to meeting you guys and being with you all here on forums on this journey of sobriety,
  3. Today I went to Starbucks and devised a schedule for me since I am a Licensed massage therapist now no more videogames, journaling every morning here to track progress, no longer using this as a defeated story of an addict, but turning this around for good. I need to be kind to myself and find other ways to re-energize. Work is sooooo draining so I come home to game, now I will work on my body and mind by meditating and working out, and reading Jordan Peterson 12 steps for life. And going to therapy tomorrow with my new therapist. Who specializes in gambling addiction i want to design boardgames be a licensed massage yherapist meet a woman Overlap videogame memories with positive real life ones get out of parents basement, will post tomorrow more practically this is just chicken scratch 7/15/19
  4. Well I am really addicted i am so hard on myself when I am not gaming because of the past trauma, I use games as an escape, still escaping and fearing I’m stuck and I can’t change and no matter how hard I try it’s not enough, this is WAY harder than I thought... it runs deep, I have no friends, still live in parents basement at 25. Still no massage license even tho I passed my mblex life is really hard this way, i need to make a change
  5. This has been my longest period of gaming it’s been like 4 or 5 months I think. The longest I made it without gaming was maybe 1 month. this time I have the funds to purchase respawn elite and I am hoping for the best and will continue to learn about myself and my cravings in order to better my life and help others with different sorts of addictions.
  6. I’m back again after my longest relapse and at a pivital time in my life . Just graduated massage school in the process of studying for a license test to become a licenensed massage therapist. Yikes I haven’t studied a lot. And my test is Tuesday. But I am here one step at a time I guess or baby steps back up the hill. I’m scared. Hoping that I pass.
  7. By the way this is JKD, lost the password and email to my old account but will continue my journal journey here
  8. Well I am clearly not a stable individual. Resownloaded all my videogames and have been playing them for months. have been very frustrated with life. My life feels like it’s falling apart, tomorrow I turn 25 and i just want to have a better quarter of my life compared to my first quarter. tomorrow I will be purchasing the respawn elite package and I am going change my life. I don’t care how many times I fall and relapse, because when I do reside in the man cave and game away. I get so frustrated with life. this is not what life ought to be like. I must stop gaming or it will stop my life.
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