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coulibri

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  1. Welcome! Yeah, it's difficult, but it's worth it.
  2. @Lea It's easier to muster the motivation to exercise when the temptation to game and watch videos isn't there, right? I think that by quitting I reclaimed not only the time I used to spend playing, but also the time I used to spend trying to decide if I should game or exercise, only to end up never exercising at all. Now exercising is way more attractive. :)
  3. Thank you for your messages and tips, @Peregrinator and @Deku. I have progressed during this time, although things haven't been perfect. I have started exercising and painting, and right now I'm reading Anna Karenina. 2018 was rough for me for many reasons, and now I feel I'm recovering. I'm feeling foggy today, so I hope this post makes sense. While I have progressed without games, I still feel lost without them. I cannot run from my problems so easily anymore, and facing them has been painful; however, by letting myself just feel the pain at that moment, I'm finally being able to leave them in the past and move on. My sleep routine is way more stable now. I might not go to bed at the same time every night, but I do it most of the days, and in any case my bedtime varies way less now. I usually go to sleep between 10pm to 11:30pm, while before I'd go between 3am to 8am, which was awful and always made me feel like shit. My exercise schedule also varies a bit, so one of the things I want to do is to make it more of a regular thing. But I have started weightlifting, swimming and doing yoga. I feel really good when I do them. My performance in my job has improved a lot. Everything is up to date, to the point that I feel bored sometimes because I simply do not have more work to do. Before, I would not make much effort to do better in my tasks. I'd just do the barely minimum and hoped that that would be enough. Now, since I don't have anything else to do, I take my time to do these things up until I feel proud of them, which feels very good. I'd say my biggest issue right now is boredom. I'm trying to teach myself to start doing things -- anything, just so I don't keep on staring to the ceiling when I'm not working. I tend to just... kind of wait for things to begin without any effort on my part, but, if I get out of the bed or the couch and start doing them, I tend to like them a lot. I am also taking a lot more care of my hygiene and appearance. I'm still trying to find myself amidst this new lifestyle, but overall I am in a better place than in the first post.
  4. It's almost 3am of a Wednesday, and I've stayed up until now because of FFXIV. I was able to stay away from it for almost 90 days until last Friday, but I hurt my arm and was feeling depressed, so I decided to play when, of course, not playing would have been way better for my arm to heal. I am in a weird situation regarding this game because a lot of close people that I've known irl for other reasons play it, even though they don't know each other, and I rarely can meet them because I've lived in another country for most of the time in the last few years, so playing it became a fun way to keep in contact with them. I rarely played anything before it, but the combination of loneliness + being interested in someone who turned out to be a heavy player + the pointlessness of my job made me basically start living my life in there. The game showed up in my life in a time I was vulnerable, and now I am having difficulties getting rid of it in great part because I want to spend more time with the people around me that play it. Despite wanting that, unfortunately I've been addicted to the internet for a long time now, and playing games always strengthens it. When I'm not playing, however, I finally feel strong enough to get over it. After around a decade trying, I am finally finding a healthy path to deal with it, but there is no way for me to really become healthy if I spend so much time playing in front of a screen. And to be honest I don't even like the game that much -- I just keep on coming back to it to stay close to the people I love. However, what I've realized today is that I'm setting myself on fire to keep other people warm by doing this. During the 81 days of detox, I was able to start sleeping at the right time and having a better established routine, something I've struggled with since I was a teenager. During the detox I was on top of my obligations. I was finally starting to exercise and following a healthy diet, because I felt less anxious without the internet as a crutch. And, honestly, this is one of the points that bothers me the most about videogames: as much as people say they are not only for children, I feel pretty childish when I, who have just turned 26, spend so much time on my computer, in a fantasy land, putting my whole life aside just to reach some random goals that don't mean much to me. I should not, as an adult, spend my life playing and running away from life. I have almost 300 hours in FFXIV, which I've accumulated since January, and I'm not even halfway through it. I'd certainly have to spend at last 300 hours more just to reach my friends' level, when I could be using this time to learn so many things and invest in a new career. I do not want it. Thinking about these 300 hours I have spent is, at its best, very bittersweet. Mostly, it's just a time I wasted and of which I don't remember almost anything. I was just a zombie in front of my screen. Thus, today I decided to stop playing once and for all and to take my internet use under control. I was about to reach 90 days, but I did not feel this time was enough for me to get rid of my addiction, so I want to establish another deadline: December 31st, 2019, and possibly longer, but let's get there first. One thing I lacked during the detox were clear goals. I want to think about it in more detail today during the day, but the things I want to do instead of spending time online and gaming are: * finding hobbies; * reading ten books until the end of the year; * exercising every day; * losing ~30kg; * visiting museums, going to the movies and to the theater and to libraries (I should make a list of all the places I want to visit). The first steps I am going to take towards it are: * defining a clear routine; * blocking my computer outside of work hours and my cellphone at night. I have already uninstalled all games and given my account to my wife, so there is no way back to it now. Today, I will get up at 9am and exercise. If there is time left after work, I will exercise again. I will also follow the Keto diet regularly from now on.