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Deku

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Everything posted by Deku

  1. My lack of quality sleep over the last week is really starting to add up, and it was hard to get through classes today as I kept zoning in and out. The weekend honestly couldn't come soon enough; I'm pretty spent and could use the extra time to sleep. What I learned today: How to grow and passage cell lines, a fundamental research skill in Biology that I somehow never got the chance to learn. Glad I'm making it up now!
  2. School was a bit better today, although the intensity of my course schedule is already starting to show in how much work is piling up. Personally I'm enjoying all the work though, as it fills up my time and keeps my gaming urges to a minimum. I'm amazed at how much better a fit my mediocre public school is for me than the elite institution where I did undergrad: the professors are much nicer, the classes are better taught, and it's so much easier to find common ground with my fellow classmates, many of whom are also looking for a fresh start. It's made me somewhat optimistic about the future, and I can't wait to see how much I gain grow and improve during the next year of my life. What I learned today: I'm timid and not very good at standing up for myself. I was hitting the books in the silent area of the library today, where no conversations or phone calls are allowed, and two girls sitting at the table next to mine were having a very audible conversation about boys and gossip as though the library was a damn coffee shop. I wish I could say I got up and asked them both to take their conversation elsewhere, but the truth is I sat there for over an hour trying to tune them out before packing up my stuff and heading out. I don't know why I did that--I had an entire speech worked out in my head, just my legs refused to get up and walk over. That really kind of bothers me.
  3. First day of grad school today, and maybe it was the sleep deprivation talking but I felt a bit underwhelmed. Overall the professors and other students don't seem very strong, and there doesn't seem like there's too much in the curriculum that will help me in my path to being a physician. A little disappointed, but hoping it'll pick up as the year goes by. On the bright side, the employer I sent my resume to a couple days ago responded and things on that end seem to be moving positively for now. Fingers crossed I won't need to be pinching pennies in the near future. What I learned today: How to use an inverted phase-contrast microscope!
  4. Highs and lows today. On the plus side, I managed to get myself out of bed at 6 in the morning, and even had a reasonably productive day of studying running on no breakfast and minimal sleep. Choosing to work in the open study floor of the school library was key to today's success; I suspect the fact that literally dozens of people could see my computer screen at any given moment helped to hold me accountable and minimized time spent screwing around on the internet. On the minus side, my lack of sleep definitely did limit my study time today, and I was only able to grind out a few good hours of work before I was absolutely at my limit. Even at my best I've historically never been good with sleep deprivation, so I guess that makes it all the more important that I get enough sleep each night. I'll be testing the bedtime app on my iPhone and seeing if it can help me achieve my sleep goals: bed by 10:00 and a solid 7.5-8 hours each night. School's finally in session tomorrow--can't wait! What I learned today: Three years of hard gaming have really taken their toll on my already pitiful social skills, and today it was unbelievable how hard it was for me to do basic things like maintain eye contact, speak slowly and not stutter. These are all non-negotiable skills to have as a physician, so moving forward I need to make every effort to talk to more people and utilize every human interaction as an opportunity for improvement.
  5. I really related a lot to this post, especially the part about doing poorly in university as a result of gaming and lying to your parents to keep them from finding out about your problems. I truly believe that you made a great decision quitting gaming and joining this community. Let's do our best!
  6. Today was a bit of a letdown. It's 1 am and I'm just now getting ready to head to bed. I have to be on campus by 8 tomorrow morning, so I've already set myself up for failure. A big part of that was how much time I spent mindlessly surfing the web today--I guess quitting games doesn't necessarily guarantee productivity right off the bat. I'll have to be careful with how much time I squander in the future. On the plus side, another reason why I'm going to bed so late is that I refused to sleep until I finished everything I said I was going to do today (however little it actually was). By my standards it was actually a fairly positive day--got my hair cut, submitted my resume to a prospective employer, read a chapter of Being Mortal, and got some cleaning done. I guess that's definitely some sign of progress. What I learned today: I spend waaay too much time mindlessly surfing the internet, even when I'm not gaming. I really have to keep a lid on it, especially since it has such a negative effect on my productivity. Will think of ways to do so in my free time in the next few days.
  7. As detailed in my introduction post, I've quit gaming as of today. I'll use this journal as a means to center myself and keep from relapsing. Uninstalled Runescape and League of Legends, and deleted my accounts. Spent the rest of today watching Hunter x Hunter and thinking about my goals for the upcoming semester. So far what I have is: 1. Attend all classes and get a 4.0 GPA 2. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week 3. Read a book related to the medical profession every two weeks 4. Post here every day, and spend 10-15 minutes daily browsing the posts of others. Finish working through Respawn. 5. Find a part-time job on campus 6. Find one (or two) meaningful volunteer activities Started working on goal 3 today by checking out "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande and reading the introduction. That's all for today. Going to try and get some shut-eye before hitting the books in the morning.
  8. My name is William and I'm a gaming addict. Like many others I started gaming in elementary school (early 2000's), all the way back in the good old days of Pokemon Ruby, Runescape Classic and Maplestory Beta. I don't think I really had a reason for jumping into all these games, but almost everyone at my school played and it seemed natural that I would too. The only difference was that as we all aged and most of my classmates stopped playing, I didn't. And thus began my illustrious career as an avid gamer. I don't think I was aware of my addiction problem in high school, but my parents definitely were. Working together, they created a bulletproof system to ensure that I could never game outside of approved hours. My computer was moved right into the middle of the living room, where I couldn't hide my screen activity, and I was closely monitored, right from the moment I got home until I went to sleep. I was forbidden from visiting friends at their houses or having them over at mine. I was also not permitted to have a smartphone, or any other device that could grant me internet access from the safety of my room. All of these measures were a genuine pain in the ass, and I was constantly angry and depressed while at home...but they worked. However miserable my life was, at least I had a life. I played on a varsity sports team, got incredible grades and test scores, was club president, even had a girlfriend. By the end of high school, I was bound for a top 10 university on a merit scholarship that covered more than half my tuition. It was a prime opportunity to compete for a seat in medical school, and a shot at my dream of becoming a great physician. College was, in short, a massive dumpster fire. As an elite school, my university drew a number of amazing students, the vast majority of whom were a lot better looking and more socially competent than I was. In high school most of my friends were the introverted gaming type, but here those kinds of people were few and far between. As a result, it was extremely difficult for me to find common ground with others and make friends. Very soon I found myself truly alone for the first time in my life--sitting by myself in class, studying at a lone desk in the library, eating all my meals out of to-go boxes in my room. I did a lot of resume-boosting, medicine-related extracurriculars, but my inability to fit in and become socially accepted really hindered my ability to enjoy them. There was one thing, however, that I did enjoy, and those were the nights when I would log onto League of Legends and play some games with my old friends from high school. As we talked, laughed, and destroyed noobs, all my problems just seemed to melt away and be replaced by pure happiness. I no longer felt alone--in fact, it felt just like old times again, better even since I no longer had my parents to stop me anymore. At first, I only let myself play on weekend nights. Then one fateful day I decided to shirk homework for a weeknight gaming session. And before I knew it, I was staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning, every single night, playing games on the Rift. I began to find myself falling asleep in classes, then skipping those classes altogether. I flaked on extracurricular event after extracurricular event, then finally quit them all. By junior year of college I was living by myself in a studio apartment, and had dedicated myself wholeheartedly to the one pasttime that filled the gaping hole in my life and gave it meaning. I would spend upwards of 12 hours a day playing League of Legends, living on a diet of junk food and energy drinks, skipping all my classes and cramming for exams only on the night before. My grades were never bad enough to put me on academic probation, and looking over my transcript it was at first glance impossible to tell that something was very, very wrong with me. But make no mistake--between my mediocre grades and lack of extracurricular involvements, my dream of attending medical school was functionally dead. Today it's been almost 15 months since I graduated college. I've been playing games for 60+ hours a week for over 3 years now. I am on GameQuitters, 3 years too late, because I will be starting graduate school on Wednesday and I need a fresh start in my life. Beginning today, I am going to take back those years I lost. I will use Respawn to rehab myself, and use the energy formerly spent on gaming to throw myself into my coursework, my job and other extracurriculars that will hopefully put me back on track to becoming a doctor. I am scared shitless that I will fail again, get discouraged, and go back to gaming. I don't think I can stand the thought of wasting even another day playing games.