Pelu's logbook: The journey to recovery in Daily Journals Posted July 11, 2018 · Report reply Day 4 Today I met the face of boredom. It was a familiar face. I was about to start watching some gameplays on YouTube, but turned my head to my library and found a book I always wanted to read but never did. So I took the chance. After having the "Pass" in the subject, I decided to have a break today. Still don't know if it was the best idea, because I felt focused and should have invested my time in studying for the September tests. Boredom came to say hello as well. But even if I wanted to do something related to games, I didn't. I remain strong, and that motivates me. The more time I spend without playing, the more motivated I feel to stay away from it. This doesn't mean it's easier, it means that I feel so good doing what I committed to do, that I just don't want to spoil it. I went with my friends to have dinner. We spent a nice night. The friend I was worried about came today with us. He didn't have the best face, but at least he still leaves the house sometimes. I hope I can bring this matter up the next time I see him, but I couldn't today. Things that felt good today: - My effort has been rewarded with a "Pass" and a 10 in a subject I thought I would fail. Quitting from gaming has made this possible, if I didn't decide to quit, I would have failed. - Had a great time with friends tonight. - I am progressing in doing my best to stay healthy. Less eating between hours, and focusing on having all my meds every time. Things that felt bad today: - I wasn't able to tell my friend I decided to quit, because I know he is in a similar situation and this may cause him to feel bad. Somehow I know he needs to take consciousness about this problem, but he doesn't want to. So it feels bad not being able to help a friend, and it feels bad not being able to be honest with him and get his support. - Still shy and insecure. Can't stop thinking I'm not going to fit if I try to know more people and that they would turn me down for not being good enough. I definitely have to improve my self esteem. Things that I'm grateful for: - Having a flexible and positive teacher. He really was involved in helping me pass the subject. - Again, my mother's partner is a gift from the skies for me. He loves me a lot and cares about me and that means a lot. - My family can sustain my expenses so I can go out with my friends if I want to (caring about how much I expend but it's more than enough).