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karabas

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Posts posted by karabas


  1. Still in my first day.

    I just got an angry email from my favourite client, telling me they're really frustrated with how long I'm taking with the work I'm doing for them.

    It's totally warranted and it's totally because of gaming. My hours gamed since relapse are now over 100, so no duh I could've put them to better use.

    On the plus side, this might be the kick in the butt I need to get rid of this habit once and for all. I hate making people feel this way, especially people I care about.


  2. Day 0/120

    I relapsed again. Even though I don't end up gaming a lot of hours every day, it's as I predicted: I only have a few hours a day free and I really need to spend them productively. Instead I do stupid crap like Football Manager 2018. It's like I'm playing a game which is a fake version of a game. I'm not sure if you could find a stupider pastime. Gah.

    I'm restarting this detox (yet again) that has so far failed to materialize. I need to do things differently to make sure it stays that way. It's way late now, so action steps for tomorrow:

    - Delete steam off of the computer & delete stupid effing bejeweled off of my phone

    - Develop a craving routine: if I want to game at night, I just go to sleep. Otherwise, I go spend time with family since I have that opportunity right now.

    - Listen to some Islamic lectures: there's a particular speaker (Hamza Yusuf) whose talks almost always make me more grounded and give me determination and hope. Not because those are the things he talks about. I don't know what it is.

    - Write out what I'm going to do & how

    • Like 1

  3. On 8/1/2018 at 7:47 PM, JustTom said:

    Are you using the BetterHelp website? It's surprising that some therapists don't know ANYTHING about addiction. Accountability is indeed powerful, that's what this forum kind of does. A few days ago I found somebody to have a call in the morning to wake the brain up and revise our goals, specifically to treat my getting up problem, and it's very helpful, even if it's temporary. If the dude quits I think I'll open a thread here ?

    Yes, I'm using BetterHelp. This last guy that I got seems to be a lot more straightforward, but he's not as responsive and he admits to not knowing a lot about internet/gaming addiction. But least he's reasonable unlike the other two.

    I definitely get that accountability is important, but I'm not about to pay $200+/month for that lol. And yeah, this website does this... to an extent.


  4. Thanks guys, especially @Cam Adair. Love your videos, they've helped me a ton.

    Days 1-2/120

    The first day was tough. Especially at the end of the day: it was a bit early and I really wanted to just play a bit before bed. I literally sat there for a few minutes, just battling myself internally. In the end, I decided that passing another milestone or two in the game isn't going to change a whole lot except make me want to pass more milestones. So I didn't game and in the end went to bed earlier than I've done in a long time!

    Second day was fine. Still not very productive, but I've been having some health issues + I was packing and making some last-minute plans for my trip (which is tomorrow). Stayed up late, but for good reason, so I'm OK. It looks like I won't be getting into my productive groove for some time, but I'm hoping to start carving out more work time over the next few days.

    I also paid for a week's worth of online therapy. I'm trying to see if there's any benefit to doing it. So far, I've found none. My first therapist was clueless, suggested I game in moderation, then agreed when I said that it doesn't work. Her advice was limited to that and telling me to have someone I'm accountable to. Great, no duh. I changed therapists (thankfully that's easy to do online), and the second was one was an aggressive monster. Not sure how this lady keeps a job in therapy. She essentially called me a child and told me to man up and just decide to quit games in a very rude manner and twisting my words to suit her own message. Thanks lady. I've been trying to quit for 10 years - I'm sure your brilliant advice is going to keep off of games forever. The crazy thing is, when I replied in a way to show that I wasn't receptive to that kind of message, she just kept bashing me psychologically for not being able to quit. Seemed like proving her point was more important than helping me in any way

    I changed therapists again. Have some more hope with this one: he actually asked me what I'm looking for from him. The other two didn't ask this even though it seems like a no-brainer question. He also seems to be more solutions-oriented, which is what I'm looking for. I'll see how it goes. If I don't find any benefit, I have until Aug 6th to quit. It's not a huge amount of money, so if there's some benefit, I don't mind forking over the money.

    Anyway, that's that. Today we're traveling to the biggest city in this country because i'm flying out from the airport there. Should be a fun trip: there's some good food here and apparently the biggest mall on the continent that I haven't seen yet. Will be cool to check out.

    • Like 2

  5. 5 hours ago, Manhotelle said:

    P.S. another day without meditation combined with sleep deprivation. Let's see how it goes today.

    Good luck! I've found that sleep deprivation is the #1 enemy of the detox overall. I always get more cravings when I'm tired and I have less willpower to resist them. I'd recommend planning to avoid nights of little sleep as much as you can. Obviously, it's unavoidable sometimes. But overall, sacrificing a bit in terms of money/grades/whatever is often worth going to sleep on time. That's from my experience, obviously. Yours may be different ?

    • Like 1

  6. 16 hours ago, JustTom said:

    I'm using pomodoro-tracker.com since I need a web app version. You know what I thought about just now? In the future, I need to make a chrome extension that when you launch a Pomodoro, it automatically blocks websites that you specify and then unblocks once the Pomodoro is over. That would be so sick!

    That's a pretty awesome idea! ?

    • Like 1

  7. Thanks guys. So far it seems to be that a therapist would be helpful in making a person realize they have a problem and maybe some basic techniques for dealing with the problem. They can also serve as an "accountability partner" to whom you'd be reporting regularly about your detox status.

    But it doesn't seem that there's benefit beyond that. I've known about my problem for a decade now and so far what I learned online, especially on these forums and from Cam, is on par if not better than what therapists have offered.

    Which I could excuse them for... they deal with all sorts of stuff, but this community deals with gaming addiction specifically.


  8. Nice going so far. Don't feel too bad about semi-relapsing while sick. It's the hardest part of detoxing ?

    And cool, I'm Russian too ?

    For freelancing, your English is good enough already. Check out the website called Upwork and freelancetowin.com for advice on how to succeed there. I'm not affiliated with either, but I've been successfully freelancing using those two resources for 2 years now. Freelancetowin has a paid (very expensive) course, but he also has a ton of free content and it's more than enough to get you started.


  9. So I signed up for one of those online therapy websites. So far it's been underwhelming and nothing I didn't already know. That and I get a strong sense they're not really convinced that I'm "addicted" in the full sense of the word.

    Anyone here find benefit in talking to a therapist about your addiction?

    I'm not talking about other mental health problems like depression or whatnot. I'm talking about the addiction specifically.

    • Like 2

  10. 20 hours ago, JustTom said:

    Sup! How are you doing? If things are bad, don't forget that this is a long-term effort. Losing a battle is fine, as long as you don't give up and keep fighting. As one of my teachers in high school said once to me that really stuck: "The only thing you need is the desire to desire". 

    Thanks man. Yeah, I'm really trying to get in the mindset that it's not about quitting games & other addictive tech for good, it's about having as many detox days as possible and keep the relapses as short as possible. I think that helps with the feeling of crapiness that comes when you relapse.

    Anyway, I started a new journal here: 

     

    Gonna try to do 120 days this time...

    • Like 1

  11. Day 0/120

    I'm starting this as I started my last detox, at day 0 and a pretty crappy day it was.

    I've been gaming for about 2 weeks now, which isn't that much. But it's just an extension of my whole addiction problem: for a good month before that I had a problem with videos and even books. The result is that I haven't been productive since June.

    I'm traveling to my home country in a few days to help my parents out with some stuff and will be there for a month. It'll be particularly important for me to have the time to work while I'm helping them. So I can't do this nonsense.

    So I'm restarting my detox, including games and videos, and addictive books (fiction mostly).

    Last time what caused me to slip was:

    1) reminders of my past habits (such as news about games)

    2) "excusable" videos: TED talks, random videos I saw that was relevant to my interests, and the damned world cup

    I've deleted most of my sources for the above (cleared history on youtube, etc). I need to get off of facebook as well.

    I also need to spend more time away from the computer, so I'm going to try again to get away after every 2 hours and run the pomodorro timer otherwise. I also need to start writing out my day's tasks and hourly breakdown again.

    I was able to do 90 days last detox, so I'm increasing it to 120 this time. If I can go addiction free for 120 days straight, that's a third of the year. Even if I relapse after, it's a long way without addictive behaviour.

    I'm kind of in a conundrum: what happens if I break my detox in videos? Videos are definitely not as bad for me as games, but videos lead to games. At the same time, if I break my detox through videos, I'll say "eff it" and will go back to gaming as well. I need to try to do both I guess - that's the only idea I have for now. Even if games aren't in and of themselves that bad for me, they end being really bad as part of my addictive behavior.

    So, here we go again...

    • Like 2

  12. Nice! Half-way through!

    How are you feeling about the detox?

    I'd say try to post a bit more about your detox every day. It's a useful habit and it can help get yourself through some tough periods. I personally struggled around day 40 and being able to just write about it on the forums was very helpful.

    • Like 1

  13. In terms of health, I can sympathize. Stomach pain is the worst pain. You feel like you're going to die even when it's something that's not life-threatening. There are a lot of reasons it can happen: ulcers, reflux, etc. Make sure you're taking care of your diet.

    In terms of results from not gaming: if you've replaced gaming with something else, then it's possible that you won't see results. I have a clearly established hierarchy: I game, but if I stop gaming, I watch videos/movies/shows. If I stop that too, I read obsessively.

    In the end, it's the same behavior. 

    The other question is why you're quitting games in the first place. What do you want to accomplish in life? What is the meaning of life for you? (It's a big question, but I think people struggle if they don't answer this clearly).

    • Like 2

  14. Hey guys,

    I've successfully completed a 90-day game detox and overall have found that despite occasional relapses I'm able to control this part of my life.

    But throughout my life - including during the detox - something I haven't been able to do consistently is go to bed early.

    When I do go to bed early and wake up early, I know I'm super productive. I have more motivation, less distractions, and I just feel better about myself. But the longest streak I've managed was maybe 3 weeks (I've been trying for over a decade).

    Sometimes it's watching videos or gaming or even reading that's keeping me up.

    But sometimes it's literally nothing. I'll just sit there and stare out of space or spend more time in the shower/bathroom when I should be going to bed. It's like I can't make myself move towards the bedroom.

    Has anyone had this problem? Any tips on how to fix this? I'm finding this more difficult than abstaining from games or videos...


  15. 13 hours ago, JustTom said:

    This better not be a dab at me! ? 

    I personally like the "threat" of losing the days I've been on a streak, once the counter gets to 10+ I feel much more resistant to random relapses like "ahh, I'll just play for 10 minutes, who cares"

    Lol, no ? You've gone 10+ days in your detox several times (your record is close to 50 days, right?). I'm talking about people who can't even get a good start where losing the streak is a big deal (i.e. people who fail 3-4 days in).

    So yeah, when you have a streak, losing it is a strong motivator. When you don't have a streak, it can be discouraging.

    • Like 1

  16. On 7/25/2018 at 2:19 PM, Manhotelle said:

    You did it last time, mate, and you will succeed this time! You said you relapsed again. Did you analyse why it happened? Last time i played that hard (i played in June 14 hours per day average and there were two days when i played 45 hours straight) i didn't know why i did what i did. Perhaps, if i knew what triggered me to play that hard back than, i could have escaped that. I just hope you learned your lesson. You got this ?

    Thanks man. I think overall it was watching the world cup. It encouraged me to spend an hour or more a day watching games, replays, catching up on news, discussions, etc. It also brought me back to watching videos on YT. And it brought me back into gaming (I'm playing football manager).

    I almost relapsed during my 90 days because I saw news about the upcoming fallout game and I wanted to go back and play old fallout games.

    So I think I'm overall good as long as I don't get "triggered" by a reminder of a game or another I used to play. Considering how many thematically different games I've played over the years though, it's unlikely I'll be able to just avoid those triggers.

    My other problem (that's currently coming into the forefront for me) is that I can't for the life of me go to bed early. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I relapse or am unproductive even when I don't relapse. But it was my attempted goal throughout my 90 day detox and I was never able to do it for more than a few days in a row.

    This is something I really don't know what to do about because nothing I've tried so far worked.

    Anyway, let's see...

    • Like 1

  17. New Detox: 2/6  

    So the last week or so has been a total disaster.

    I did relapse in terms of gaming. That lasted a few days and I racked up 50 hours of gaming within those few days. It was bad.

    I got really sick of myself but wasn't ready for another long detox. So I decided to do a 6-day detox and allow myself a day of gaming on day 7.

    The mini-detox has been great in that I haven't gamed or watched videos. But I guess I found an alternative (which I always had): books. I spent the last two days STILL not doing anything except bare life necessities and reading. I finished two books (which were the last two in the most recent series I got addicted to, so thankfully I'm at a good stopping point).

    Overall this has been a disaster. I think I've relapsed worse than my last relapse 90+ days ago, because at least I was doing SOMETHING at that point. My last week has been virtually all gaming or videos or books and barely any work or study or anything else.

    It's sad, because I feel like a complete loser for not being able to do things that I feel passionate about. There are so many things I'd like to accomplish. And to accomplish any one of those things would be far more rewarding than becoming a top-league football manager in some stupid game.

    But it is what it is.

    It's early and I'm going to bed now. I'm planning to wake up early, have my breakfast, hit the gym, and finally crush the day.

    And you know what? At the moment, I'm not feeling like coming back to that game at the end of the week. Maybe I'll set another detox and I want to beat my past ~95 day record. Let's say 120 days. That's a 1/3 of the year.

    Let's see how I feel about it tomorrow.

    • Like 2

  18. 1 hour ago, Peluconus said:

    Maybe have both counters? The first would be the total of days and the second would be the current streak. There could be even a third for the longest streak. But I don't know if this is even possible in this forum, and I think there have been other similar suggestions. Anyway, sounds like a good idea.

    Oh I didn't mean a counter in the profile... I'm just thinking that most people who have journals usually do some sort of X/90 day counter in their posts as it's a suggestion that's made. Maybe we should start adding this other suggestion as a possibility.

    Longest streak is also a great idea, although I know some people who haven't gone beyond 10 days, so that might be a bit discouraging depending on the situation. There needs to be a balance between positive feedback & some pressure


  19. Hey guys,

    So I had an idea based on something Cam said at one point, which was that if you relapse, you should try to minimize the number of relapse days and increase the number of game-free days and keep a "high score" of each to motivate yourself.

    And one of the things I noticed is that many people struggle if they routinely relapse during the 90 day detox.

    So what if, in addition (or instead) of the 90 day detox that resets if you fail, we were to count total game-free days since starting in the community?

    The benefit is that it can help people feel more positive about what they've achieved.

    The negative is that losing a long detox streak is definitely a strong motivator not to relapse and the counter may make this motivation weaker.

    But if a person routinely fails the 90-day detox (as I've seen some members do), the benefit might outweigh the harm.

    Thoughts?

    • Like 2
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