JaniP

Let me explain. Some people here are familiar with my story and it's not really even that much different from all the other stories here. Anyway, I quit gaming about 50 days ago, relapsed once in between and am now exactly at 34 days of not gaming at all. Initially, I had a moderate amount of cravings - having some every morning every now and then. Now in the last two-three weeks I had no cravings at all. So bottom line: I don't feel that I have to do gaming just to fill the urge. So what seems to be the problem then? Why am I writing to this sub? Well, I have noticed that I have no means of reducing stress. Gaming, for me, was always almost the only working tool to remove/reduce stress. I had a huge entrance exam a week ago. Initially that exam was the reason why I quit gaming. Here is what I have tried for stress reduction (including in the times when I was gaming): new hobbies: everything from golf to juggling, jogging to rollerblading, skating to x-country skiing, ice-hockey to floorball, jiu-jitsu to karate, airsoft to paintball, gym to crossfit... learning an instrument and listening to music (been playing guitar for 10 years, now learning singing), this seems to help a little, but is nothing compared to stress reduction gained by gaming alcohol and partying (not good) walking in the nature (the paths near my place are really boring, since I tried to use this way to reduce stress in the past when I previously had quit gaming) now trying a natural remedy, L-teanin. My mom hinted me to try it, so I am giving it a shot. I doubt it will work but we'll see about that. So I have been going through some panicking / chronic stress symptoms that could also be related to Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I know I should also consult my doctor about all of this, but at the same time I know that if I went back to gaming, I would get rid of these symptoms. Atleast I used to feel no such things because I could just sink into the gaming world for some hours and then not go through all this negative crap in my head while also relaxing at the same time. This was of course about singleplayer / low-commitment multiplayer games. I would just feel more stressed by let's say League of Legends or some other competent game. Help me please, I feel that I am going to relapse just by thinking as gaming as the last means to reduce these stress symptoms that I am going through now. I am in the brink. My friend also messaged me yesterday (since a long time) and asked me, if we can play something together. Maaaaaaaaan, I am in distress right now!

Days 32-33: Not going to write much here now because I am heading to bed to be fresh(er) in the morning... Have a long day in front of me again. I just wanted to sign in to keep writing consistently at least every 2 days. I spent the whole weekend working now, not really having been able to enjoy my spare time at all - just watching a new series that I found from an on-demand service. Tomorrow I am going to reflect on this new issue of not being able to converge my stress. I think I became overstressed while simultaneously stopping gaming, alcohol and at the same time studying my ass off for the entrance exam AND then doing the exam itself! I have been going through some massive PTSD-like symptoms in the past 3 days, I have feelings like I have some cardiac arrythmia, my hands are shaking, I am getting cold shivers and from there going to hot flashes. Also feeling a lot of nausea and general bad feeling in my stomach in the evenings, always at the same time. I am pretty sure it's stress. This is really annoying. So far I was always keeping myself in the comfort-zone and now when I was outside it for a bit too long.... Well, then something like this starts happening. The stress peaked on the exam-day (last wednesday) and since then I have been feeling these feelings, the danger now is that it's also causing me cravings in a way - I am in some level thinking that gaming would cure these feelings now, because it's a 100% certain way to relieve all the stress. I am scared.

Days 30-31: Guess what, it's a full month now! Yay! Still in the aftermath of the exam - my head feels empty and I am recovering from the stress. Also had the first day in the new job yesterday. All the people at work seem really nice and they know their stuff so I can feel more confident in asking for advice etc. Today I have a day off, have already been composing some music - without results, sigh. Also been watching a series and did the application to the police academy, just in case I don't get in to study medicine. Plans for today include resting a bit more, watching TV and then hitting the gym for some workout. Feels good not having to study all the time now.

Yep, I've been going out more a lot lately and I can really see it affecting my mood in a good way! All the research about the health effects of going outside to get fresh air & sun has not been in vain :D My plan B is actually already in progress now. I applied to the police academy in southern Finland - sent the application form like 5 mins ago... It'd be a bit different to be a police officer than to be a doctor, but I think I would do just fine in either profession. My curiosity lies in the higher ranks of police - being a higher ranking officer, leading investigations and doing stuff like that in the field. Maybe also something like crime-technical investigation where I would be doing fancy stuff like analyzing DNA from samples and doing all the other "Dexter-things". Not murdering the bad guys like him, though haha.

Days 28-29: Yesterday was just a day full of relaxation, eating, watching tv, doing all kinds of fun stuff. Nothing special. I was just preparing for this day. So, today I had the entrance exam. It was as hard as I remembered from last year, when I attempted. Darn, I am still mentally a wreck after it, I gave everything in my power! Probably not going to pass again (it's the second hardest degree in the country to get in) but I did my best and I do not regret a thing about the whole process and especially today. Now I am in the process of reducing the packed stress. The bad thing is, that I can't even have any holidays now (which would have been so awesome, my head is empty and I am kind of hyperventilating all the time because of stress) and I need to start a new job tomorrow. I am just thinking of the job more as a way to get to know new people and to learn new things right now. I also started to do swimming like three days ago - outside :D I wouldn't have thought of doing it, the water is +12 degrees Celsius... The lake was still covered in ice two weeks ago but now because of 7 days of extreme heat in Finland, it melted really quick and started heating so that it's already +12 now. Today I was also playing guitar a lot and went for a walk. I started this habit a week ago and I forgot to mention it here probably. I read about the health effects of being outside in the fresh air and the results about better sleep quality and better mood stunned me. I wanted to do the same thing now and I was actually never an outside person. Well, you know, just gaming all my life so why would I suddendly give a crap about going out? :D Now I have been going out for 20-60 minutes every day: cycling to the university and back, just taking a walk in the nature, stuff like this... It's awesome and I already see what it does to my mood and sleep patterns. They are both drastically improving. Now it's time to head for the bed and to be ready for a new chapter in my life - the exam is done, still feel no urges for gaming and I can start earning some money from tomorrow onwards. Let's see what the future brings up. Tomorrow will also be the first month without gaming too, trying to have reflection on some things tomorrow too :)

Days 25-27: During the weekend I was on a trip to the countryside with my family and we were spending Mothers' Day so there wasn't really a good moment to sit down and write the journal - nor was there any need to. I decided to get back to it now. Yesterday evening a thought crossed my mind, that what would happen if I decided to stop writing the journal now? I think it wouldn't ruin the process, not just yet. But in 2 or 3 weeks of time things might start happening. First of all, I think that because there is no active reasoning every day on why not to do gaming, I would relapse pretty quickly under all the pressure from work and while waiting for the results from the entrance exam (which is on Wednesday, yikes!). Last time when I quit, I stopped writing the journal at around this time, while not having played for one month or so. Well, back then, luckily I got into a relationship soon after finishing the journal and then was occupied by that, but as soon as it ended, so ended the gaming break. I think that if I'd kept writing the journal back then, I wouldn't have relapsed. At least as easily as I did. So today I had to force-wakeup early to head to the university to finish with my revisions for the exam. And now I am finished. Over 4 months of hard work again. Done. I am done. Thank god. Next up will be the test itself. During the weekend I also gave a thought to having a backup plan, finally. I know it is important in a situation like this to have a backup plan, but I kinda used all those plans already. I have tried so many things and have given time to think about so many careers, but only medicine has been fascinating so far. So I was thinking and came to the conclusion that I will apply to the police academy. It is in another city, like 300 kilometers away, so it will be really tough for me to leave (I have always lived here close to my family and friends). There are some pros though: I have like 3 or so friends living in that city already, studying, and it will be an adventure to move on to a bigger city with new things. And of course the training itself is pretty fascinating - thank god I am in a good physical shape already so that the entrance exam there will not be a living hell! Well, this was a good little reflection (and stress relief strategy) to write here today. Came to notice that the journal again works - you know when some people say, that "You can take a break of 10 mins of every day to just go through all the negativity, call it the anxiety break" or stuff like that. This was my anxiety break :D Getting back here tomorrow.

Days 23(holiday) and 24: Yesterday was a day off by almost all meters: no ice-hockey, no studying.... Only went to do a little workout in the gym and ate a lot! Didn't touch my laptop, so I didn't manage to come here and write. No biggie, it was a boring day (no cravings nevertheless - I was outside a lot and feeling super good the whole day!) Today, it was a rough start to the day again. Woke up after a good 7ish hours of sleep but was still feeling drowsy... I decided to try to tackle the drowziness by taking a bike trip to the university. It actually worked but the pollen in the air.... Damn, I feel like my eyes and nose are tearing apart from my face :D I am so allergic to this.... I am still having dreams of gaming but not really feeling like craving for it when I wake up. It must be the thing that I don't have any friends at the moment and I am craving to be with my fellas, so the only thing my mind comes up with, is to do gaming with them. I am so much hoping to tackle this issue by autumn. Also, just under a week until I start a new job in a local furniture store as a salesman. It's a job just for the summer to earn some extra cash, I hope for it to be exciting and full of adventures :D And 5 days until the entrance exam. Ugh, feeling bad just by thinking about the whole thing. So much preparation (+400 days of studying -> easily over 1000 hours of productive time) just for one day, 5 hours. Sigh. Tomorrow is ice-hockey day, watching the world cup, and it's Finland - Canada! Will be an awesome match but Finland is in an awkward position to start such a game because we lost to Denmark 2-3 on Wednesday :D This will get intresting. No plans for today really, might even hit the gym again in the evening if I can't come up with anything better.

Yeah, this is actually a major issue and it'd be super awesome if people started noticing this in their processes. I mean, I am pretty sure that you and me are not the only ones being affected by it (fortunate ones to acknowledge it, though!) and raising awareness about the issue would be a good thing. That was a nice point to notice man, thanks!

Day 22: I woke up just like an hour ago and it's almost 1pm already... I feel kind of sad that I wasted so many hours in the morning, but it must be still the workout from Monday that is takng its toll on me. I don't have really anything special to say about this day, I will be mostly studying (again) and watching some more ice-hockey in the evening. Some little part of me wanted to play League again when I woke up. How does this happen at this point? I thought the craving part would be over already. Well, I guess they come and go - now I don't really feel like playing anymore but I did when I woke up, was feeling tired and was trying to decide, whether to go to the university or not. Eventually, I ended up here in the uni so everything's good. I hope cravings like that don't haunt me any more in the mornings, when I am the most vulnerable to them :D

Day 21: Yesterday evening I first almost had a nervous breakdown after not getting a physics problem solved. It was about electricity, Kirchhoff's second rule's applications to be exact. First tried to have a grasp on it for like 6 hours (not the first time, been doing it for 6 months now) but didn't succeed. Then I went home, opened my books again and told myself "I am gonna make it through this problem, just like I have made it through these 20 days of not gaming." And I freaking solved it. Felt so good. It's not even that hard but I somehow have hard time with some problems that seem to be really easy to other people, but then again I excel in many things that other people find hard. We humans are weird. Yesterday evening I also hit the gym again. I decided to follow the path that I started like 1,5 weeks ago - I started doing more cardio-wise workout and it has paid off nicely, I have slept better, I think, and I feel the endorphins and all the other feelgood-chemicals flowing through me more than before, when I used to do more powerlifting type of workout. Of course I will not do this new thing forever but I am gonna start alternating between the two - it's gonna make me more consistent so that I can make myself go to them gym still even years from now. That should be the goal for everyone out there - especially if one's struggling with going to the gym in a long run, not only for 1-2 months at a time. I have now been going there for 1,5 years straight, and it's my new record. It's this new mindset that has made it possible. I can recommend doing it through having fun. not with "your tongue under the belt" :D Today I will start the last section of biology for the exam and it will take me maybe one week to go through with it. Also there is an ice-hockey game this evening, Finland-Norway, so of course I'll be cheering with that this evening too. Feeling super good at the moment, I wish this would be the case every day... Oh, and no cravings again, even though I had a dream that I was playing Sims 2... Sims - freaking - 2, what is that even?! :DD

Day 20: Woke up fresher than on any of the days during the detox, is this wizardry? Mornings like this are 1/10000 on odds (almost literally, lol). 9 days remaining for the entrance exam, still trying to avoid the exam anxiety. What I need to start reflecting on, is how to survive if/when the harsh truth of rejectance hits me from the university and I don't get the admission. Last time this led to a relapse and me almost getting depressed again. This time I must take another perspective on this matter. Today planning to hit the gym in the evening and before that just finish my studies for today. Maybe considering to start looking for some new hobby to try on this evening, I feel more energized to do it than before. Also, seems like it's ten more days until the first month!

Day 19: Not really a productive weekend at all so far, mostly just protecting myself from too much stress caused by studying. Well, we had a band practice session today and I watched some ice-hockey both days during the weekend now. No cravings today again, which is good :) Tomorrow more studying and trying to take a look at some of the recent comments, that I might or might have not read thoroughly... I didn't really spend any extra time browsing the Internet lately (which is again positive, I guess?)

Day 18: Woke up a bit too late. Managed to compose half a song, feels good. No cravings today. Keeping it short here this time and heading to bed.

Hi! Thanks for sharing your story Dmitry. Life can really seem to take the best of us at times but we will persevere. Your story makes me wonder how I was stuck to gaming so much even though I didn't have any particular, serious reasons to escape anything. You must have some willpower and self-respect, right on! Wishing you all the best and I hope to see you back in the forums :)

Days 16-17: ....and what happened: I forgot to write anything yesterday too :D Or I actually remembered at midnight time but then didn't want to get up again to open my laptop and start writing (would have ruined the sleep for me for sure). Anyway, yesterday was nothing special really, was kind of tired for the whole day but managed to study through it and then just play guitar after. No cravings. This morning was somehow really good. Unlike yesterday, I was able to be up at 6:50am, feeling fresh and rested. I was browsing around one musician forum a bit earlier, looking for potential singers for my band. I think I found one guy. More about that later, if things succeed with him! Since I am already in the university, I can expect this to be a day full of hard work and productibility. It feels good to be inside because the weather is like crap today: there was a hailstorm earlier before and now it's just raining like hell. Actually at this point I want to bring up this little thing, considering the cravings and stuff. I haven't felt any major cravings or direct urges to play anything in a couple of days now, but one thing that seems to haunt me is the urge to check the stats sites for games and see how my friends are doing nowadays (like OP.GG or such) in the games. It's actually annoying because it's again just waste of time. I did it maybe once or twice because it felt so tempting to see if they are doing well in the game or not, when I am not there playing with them. I think this will just go away at some point - it might be that I am subconsciously hoping that my friends, too, would stop playing the same games that I used to play and move forward (and kind of suffer) in life just the way I did. Suffer to leave gaming behind, suffer in the moment to reach a better quality of life afterwards. What a sad, miserable and cynic way of thinking I have, but I think we are allowed to do it once in a while, are we not? :D Tomorrow my goal is not to skip a day here.

This is obviously really vulnerable time for your process and additional big changes - no matter how good they are - like quitting smoking, surely give their effect in tolerating all the feelings caused by the whole mess: the studies, quitting gaming and possible issues with your loved ones. I would be so glad if I could say that there is a simple cure to all that.. One thing that I did in a similar situation (even though it was REALLY SUPER TOUGH and even required me to move back to my parents to cope with the stressi&not having to concentrate in taking care of EVERYTHING myself) was to simply drop off my uni degree, reflect what I really want to do and get to work with that. I knew it's gonna be a hard road but I also knew that I am stuck in a really boring(yet profitable and good) University degree and I wanted to do something else. Not necessarily something easier but something fascinating. I decided to go for medicine studies even though my scores were the lowest possible ones from high school and I knew, when I started working for it in 2016, that I need to work harder than in my entire life so far. It's now May 2018 and I am still only in the process of getting the admission there - having the entrance exam in 2 weeks, but feeling confident and hopeful nevertheless. Now, this was just a little fragment of my whole story but I just wanted to give you a hand, in case you happen to be a same kind of person like me, who is usually aspiring from the environment around me :) This studying thing was just one thing but I'd consider navigating around that. Keep up the good work bro!

Days 14-15: Didn't remember to check in yesterday, dang. Well, yesterday was really boring, knowing that everything was closed due to the celebrational day before, I couldn't really think of leaving home to go anywhere or to do any excercise or anything. Managed to study a couple of hours in the afternoon and then just lied down and watched TV. Of course boredom like that made me crave for gaming too. I was thinking like "on a day like this, would it hurt?" Truth: it wouldn't hurt on a day like that but on all the future days to come, it would hurt. I know I would be hooked instantly again. Or well, I have noticed that this is game-dependent, but I know there is only one game that I would like to play and it would be the road to ruin. Good to keep things like this in mind. First two weeks completely game-free now, yay! :) Today I had a hard morning (and am still having). I couldn't sleep well at all, was just rolling in my bed until 2am. For some miraculous reason I am still up for studying for the whole day and I reached the university already to do that, so maybe it will turn out to be ok. These days I hope (and kind of presume) every single day to be atleast an ok one, usually even a good one, because I have a tendency of trying to make them good ones. What I mean is, that when I used to do gaming, I was actually feeling good for most of the time atleast. Since quitting, I have then been trying to achieve the same feelings over again but it's easy to stumble to the fact, that there is the "dopamine-syndrome" (you know, the feelings when you get no satisfaction from anything apart from gaming in the first few days after quitting...). I am not sure if this is even healthy thinking, but this is actually why the journal comes in handy again: reflecting my inner feelings and stuff that I notice in my everyday behaviour. God, I am actually so grateful for doing this journal. This morning I had to come in early to write it, so that I won't forget again! Consistency is the key here...

Welcome back! Like people have been telling already, it's not a sin to relapse, it's just a part of the journey. Sometimes we just face life changes and to adapt to them, we might want to go back to our old habits, which might or might have not required any conscious efforts to live on. It's not anything to be ashamed off. Of course all that is just self explanatory, but I just wanted to address my support :) Hoping to see your new journal :)

Hi and welcome! Those are nice goals right there and it's really nice that you are taking on such a decision at such young(ish) age :) I'd suggest starting a journal so you can reflect some possible hardships or obstacles there - as well as maybe noticing things about your studies changing there too. Good luck ;)

Day 13: Managed to wake up at 6:50am, still gathering 8 hours of sleep in total, I am getting good at going to bed earlier. Today is the Vappu-celebration day in Finland, it's a day when all the high school graduates, university students, working people and political people gather around the cities (doesn't happen in rural areas actually that much) and they have a drinking contest basically :D So far, every year I was part of this celebration in some way, usually drinking along with others. This year I feel different. I am in the middle of a good cycle of progress - I sleep well, wake up to a new day early, hit the gym, then study and finally sleep again. I get energy from this cycle, it keeps me focused while not developing too much stress. Days like this are usually the ones to distract me from what is important to me. Also, they have been one reason for potential relapses in the past. I remember how it used to be: there was somekind of a celebration or a memorial day or any such thing and I attended it. Usually through some factors, I get really depressed during those events while watching other people having fun with their friends and/or hanging out with their boy/girlfriends and that has sometimes driven me to self pity and through that: back to my desk playing games. Just 10 minutes ago I was actually talking to a friend of mine (not a gaming friend) who asked me to join their group in the city centre this evening. I said that I might think about it, but most likely and even certainly I wouldn't be getting drunk and I wouldn't stay there for too long if I go there. During my conversation with this friend, I also got to hear that I seem different, like another person, and I told her that I had quit gaming some time ago. She has seen me doing this before too so then she said that it was actually what she thought I am going through :D. So let there be a peaceful Vappu. Other than that, I am gonna again stare at my books and my notebook for the rest of the afternoon since I meet my friend and then gonna spend some time with them. Overall I anticipate a nice, social evening.

I am intrested in your new journal. As JustTom mentioned, just write something - the no-smoking journal seems particularly intresting to me though, because I am an ex-smoker too :D - but of course you are doing it for yourself so I'd just say that write anything that makes you get atleast to the same self that you were before your girlfriend started telling the negative things about your changed personality. Keep up the good work :)

Days 11-12: So the weekend has not been too busy so far and I see and feel improvement in my behaviour when it comes to dealing with not doing anything. I don't feel as bored anymore as I did, say, two weeks ago. I decided not to do any sporty activities during this weekend, just to recover from all the physical and emotional/psychic stress that I was gathering throughout the week. At the moment I feel really satisfied, when it comes to dealing with this whole situation - cravings have been to their minimum now, maybe once-twice a day I might THINK about gaming but am nowhere near relapsing or even thinking about such thing. This is improvement. Next week is going to be busy again - already craving to get to my biology books and to my physics/chemistry calculations, since the entrance exam is only three weeks away now. Kinda getting anxious here already, but I know I will do well, if I can keep this pace for the next 2,5 weeks. Getting back here tomorrow...

Day 10: Went cycling yesterday evening to enjoy a nice warm(ish) spring weather! I think I am detoxing a little already now because what made me go to this little cycling trip, was the feeling of getting motivated by not staying inside and doing nothing. In other words: I got satisfaction from something else than gaming! It's super weird to notice such a little detail but that's how it is and it feels really great! Today managed to come to the uni to study again but things have not been going as planned. Instead I ended up spinning two equations around for one really hard physics problem, taking 4 pages in my notebook (I hope it pays off, I feel like I wasted 5 hours of valuable time) but didn't give up this time and ended up solving the problem with some guidance from the answer sheets. In moments like this I usually think about how easy it would be just to sit at my PC and play games - just clicking on the mouse and instantly solving all the problems ingame 'cause I was good at it - but everyone knows that it doesn't really get us too far ahead in life. Tough day, tough.. I am going to make it to the medschool though, damn, I am gonna make it! In the evening planning to do a workout again and maybe watch a movie to reward myself because I did kinda well this week, surprised myself even.

Day 9: Yesterday's gym workout + hard studying for almost 11 hours = extreme fatigue this morning! I actually went to bed at 10:30pm again just to tackle sleepiness in the morning, but instead I woke up at 11pm, that's crazy. It's a minor setback though because I managed to get to the university. I must be grateful to be able to do things like this now because before, when I was gaming, I couldn't stick to routines like this for more than a day or two. There's actually not much to write about this day - I am just going to study hard until maybe 6pm and then head back home and try to relax...

This was a nice advice, I'd stand behind the 90-day detox too. Also you'd want to consider, what are your goals regarding the games and what are your goals regarding your life. Do you want to make a living out of those games or a single game? Is there something in life, that you'd like to do even if it would be a little challenging to achieve? Do you just want to do gaming for fun? These are all some factors that usually keep people playing games, but also thinking about those factors may give one the need to re-evaluate the motivations to continue the gaming habit. Contemplating those questions and coming up with truthful answers to yourself will help determine, what you should do about things, since you are the only one who can really start the change ;). Also if you choose the journey to quit games through the 90-day detox (which just is the optimal way to do it, I guess) you'll get tremendous help from this forum in many forms. Best of luck!