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Everything posted by Arch

  1. Day 15 Long bus ride across the country with rain, ah the picturesque reading environment... :) I finished the book called Highly sensitive people. It talks about a highly sensitive percentage (15-20%) of people in society that have different energy levels, how they can interact and for how long. They can be exhausted by long periods of socialising and require times of quiet to regather their energy. They value deep conversations over superficial conversations generally. I see myself as a Highly sensitive person. The trait proves beneficial and troublesome at the same. We have antenna like receptors that can notice laughter in the background and misinterpret it as they are laughing at us whilst at the same time visualizing a picture of the following consequences. We equipped with a more sensitive nervous system than normal. The positives of the trait is that we are usually creative. Personally, I've had this thing since I was 10 or 11 where I just dance to music with my fingers like my brain was connected to the melody strings of the song and it would flow with me like electricity. Other times I burst into a dance with joy, crying the freedoms of expression that I want. Occasionally, I will bust out a poem like some godlike power is bursting out my mouth DBZ style It's also the reason gaming had captivated me for such a long time. The games were beautiful, I still consider them the greatest arts of our time. The sound and music moves you as you do in the game itself and you can see whatever you like of your choosing. Gaming offered me the arena to test out my highly sensitive inputs with reaction times, perfectionism of grinding and achievement. Anyways I learnt a lot from this book, I'm sure there are many among this community :) So Hi to you Here's a link to learn more about HSP: https://huffpost.com/us/entry/4810794
  2. Day 14 So last night my brother called me to ask if I was wanting to come back to my hometown or stay in the city. My father who lives overseas is trying to sell his house which my sister and partner are currently living in. The house needs a bit of maintenance and renovating to become more appealing of sale. So I am accepting to help with what needs to be fixed there from gardening, carpet, painting, etc. It has been an amazing house that has gifted us with many precious memories and would like to see it be taken care of and enjoyed by it's future owners. I think this is a good opportunity for me, it comes with costs but has benefits too. I remember being with my family holds me somewhat more accountable and responsible whereas in my solitary room I can easily get bored and waste time. The company of others incentives me to participate and work on relationships. I will have to most likely scratch off my football desires but will still try to look for one on the Saturday weekend. The real reward I'm truly after working on this project is a trip to travel overseas. My father had offered me as a reward for finishing Uni, a trip overseas but I never accepted the offer being constantly addicted to video games. Now I shall work hard to make this house look better than its ever been so we can end the chapter with this house and move on. We kind of have too much attachment to this house, we are 5 mins to probably the best beach in New Zealand and it is tucked quietly into the bush where birds sing through the day and waves crash in the distant; a sleep inducing symphony on summer nights. Every summer for the last 2 years "I've been saying, let's enjoy the beach while we can, this may be the last". I want to look back and see that I was an active agent in this period and gave it a proper farewell. Another plus is that I will learn more about house building, I already have learnt a bit about sanding, painting and plastering. All in all I think it is a healthy and wise decision to make. I am slightly annoyed that I still have a blank Pinboard as I procrastinated from sitting in silence and truly rigged down to what I wanted my affirmations to be. But one thing I remember from Hal's book is that you can focus on your shortcomings or your achievements. So here is what I've achieved in 2 weeks: Studying Spanish using Duolingo everyday Have woken up at between 6-7AM for the past 7 days. Probably normal for many of you but I had developed a very bad habit of gaming to exhaustion and sleeping at 6-8AM beforehand. Exercised (running) everyday for the last 7 days Read self help books for 2 weeks. And I think these habits will only strengthen when I have more work to do to keep me away from boredom and procrastination. I already have my go-to running route over in my hometown ready to be ran! Oh and I bought an analogue alarms clock as I was using my phones alarm clock which was not far away from me to get my ass out of bed in an instant. It usually takes me like 5 secs to turn it off and another 5 secs get out of bed. I want it so damn annoying and far away from me that I will get out of bed in ~5 seconds This is one of Hal's surefire ways to leave the cozy laziness of the bed. I also went and loaned 2 more books to keep me reading for the months ahead: The Art of living consciously by Nathaniel Branden Highly Sensitive people in an Insensitive World by Ilse Sand. I am grateful for the Library, probably the most useful organization our species has produced. A place where you can relax in quiet, acquire knowledge about virtually anything. The institution is so highly valued by the people that the service is free. I think conscious people and leaders know this is where civilization moves forward. The place where ideas are shared and made available to all people, white, black, Hispanic, Arab or Asian. Again, I have to be grateful for family as I would probably be homeless or dead without them. I leave tomorrow morning back to my hometown.
  3. Day 13 I finished reading Miracle Morning and started working on the questions Hal Elrod asks of my ideal "Level 10" scenarios in all the areas of my life. There's a nice pie diagram that is cut into 10 areas with each marking an area of life such fitness, romance or career that I filled out and makes it visually clear which areas are lacking and need more effort and commitment towards. The answers I am coming up with are more specific and clear in this stage where I am hit with confronting questions that I would normally shy away from or halfheartedly answer to. With family and friends I wrote, "Probably call/keep contact more regularly, ask them about their personal/professional ventures with an authentic level of curiosity and good intent. Invite them for an event or attend theirs. Tell them something I value about each family and friend. Be present with them. We offer each other helping hands and discuss areas to improve and hold each other accountable for. I still have a few more questions but it is getting late and I want to wake up early and continue my Miracle Morning. I am grateful for clean water to drink. Meditation to soothe my mornings into peace. Music to dance, smile and enjoy. My body which miraculously seems to never get I'll except for mid winter cold/flu. I'm half expecting to get Cancer or something devastating in my later years as Karma for my blessed immune system.
  4. Not much today, just the usual spanish, reading and exercise with meditation in the morning. I don't have a PC but want to upload some of the pictures I took at Cuba Dupa. I'm having difficulty getting a PC to edit so a bit frustrated I can't upload some of the fun we had. Very cool, chill vibe today.
  5. Day 11 I continued my practice of Miracle Morning by incorporating the Exercise after meditating. I find my body becomes too relaxed and lethargic if I sit in the peace too long, herein lies a lesson in itself. I found 2- 2 1/2 hours later my overall energy increased at the base level. I headed off to the city to shoot the attractions of the festival. I managed to get a few 'peak' moments one particularly of a 10 year old Circus performer and her magic tricks. I decided to use my longer focal length lenses to focus on specific objects to separate the action from the sea of people. I plan to upload a few tommorow and take some more photos for Day 2. I am grateful I am no longer in a Net cafe playing a game endlessly into the night without a care and instead coming alive to the world around me. I am grateful to have enough respect in myself to say no to gaming in order to build a healthier life.
  6. Whatever you think your good at you can develop as a skill and feel more confident about your abilities. The time we've spent gaming has been a long period where we have neglected attributes about ourselves that are worthy of attention. We're gonna need as much positive confidence we can get to build the social lives we desire and deserve. I believe in you :)
  7. Day 10 Each day is getting easier for me to wake up and meditate, I'm beginning to appreciate the benefits of installing these good habits. I couldn't stand the thought of not exercising today so when the rain died down to a drizzle I just went running. I am grateful I am still doing this detox, grateful for this website and the age of information we live in were we are able to heal ourselves with the help of information and communities available to us. I'm nearly done with Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning. I have been reading it slower than usual because I am taking notes and underlining a lot of useful information. I think its worth it to fully soak in this book as it is ridiculous in how it's so straightforwardly laid out but immensely profound. I am grateful this rainy weather is dying down and soon sun will perch above the skies. There is a large festival happening this weekend and am going to use it as an opportunity to shoot some photos. If I get some good one's I may post em here.
  8. Yep this resonates with me as a perfectionist. The best answer I can give you is to check out "When Perfect Isn't Good Enough" by Martin M. Anthony and Richard P. Swinson. I read the entirety of this book without doing the exercises within the book because of my perfectionism haha. It's the most direct method of tackling the Perfectionism subject I've come closest to. Here are some juicy Chapter names to get you hunting after this book: Perfectionism and Behaviour, Measuring Perfectionism, Developing a Plan for change, Changing Perfectionist Thoughts and Behaviours, Accepting Imperfection, Perfectionism and Depression, Perfectionism and Social Anxiety and Preventing Perfectionism from Returning. I was given this book by a counsellor. If I recall correctly, the main way to change Perfectionism is through Cognitive Behavioural methods. So these include noting down the facts of the matter and seeing things objectively. One must SLOWLY challenge their perfectionist thoughts and behaviours with actions and note how those actions made them feel against what they thought. This is recorded over a period of time charting the days, weeks with scales from 1-10 about how anxious you were when you did what you were scared of. Eventually the point is to align your over panicking mind to a more rational mindset more in line with reality allowing you to act without obsessing over perfectionism. And now, here I am writing a 20 minute perfectionist reply instead of logging my Journal, because I love this site :D
  9. Day 9 Small entry today. It was the first day where it had rained in about two months properly, Winter is truly coming. I want to build a better plan to adapt to winter this year. Usually, I get a bit depressed, staying inside more because its predominantly wet. We usually get like 2 'ok' days (3 if lucky) in a week where it's a few patches of clouds and sunny in winter, the rest is quite gloomy. So I stayed indoors all today and procrastinated and reinstalled twitch app, binging all day since I wasn't unable to go outside and walk somewhere or run. I deleted the app after realising how much time I had wasted. I am aware that's on me for not having a sorted out timetable yet. Gym is probably a really good activity. Also considering those Vitamin D supplements this time around. I continued learning some more Spanish and looking forward to another morning of meditation.
  10. Day 8 I woke up earlier in the morning at 6.30 instead of 7.30 as part of the Miracle Morning. I did feel like I woke up much easier by allowing mostly positive thoughts in my head the night before. I said to myself, "I am going to have the right amount of sleep to wake up energized and ready for the day!" And fended off the thought of "I'm going to be tired when I wake up with this much sleep I'm going to get." My success from this mindset was so-so. I writhed in bed the night before and stayed awake a bit too long. I'm thinking it has to do with how much cellphone use I'm exposing myself before bed. Yes, I was able to spring from my bed within 10 seconds and followed through with a seamless transition into meditating but found myself lazily creeping back into my beds comfort. A piece to this puzzle, I had not read yet was to leave the room after waking up. Its just too easy to go back to bed. The other reason being I probably only got 6 hours of sleep. So tonight I have pushed aside my thirst for reading to make room for sleeping. I want to test the Miracle Morning properly. I would have never guessed this from my former self -writing a journal at 9.30 and aiming to sleep a little after 10pm. So used to sleeping at oblivious times, I am grateful for this new healthy habit. I traveled on the train to get to this store that my mother gave me a gift card for. There I bought a new pair of sneakers which I plan to play football and run with. I got some nice looking t-shirts too if I happen to go out to a social. My body has changed to be slightly more toned in structure and skin from all the walking and running. Those simple t-shirts looked sexy on me when I tried them on yass!! XD haha Unfortunately, tommorow is forecasted to rain so will most likely not be able to play football. I will be patient but won't let that stop me from playing football this year. More espanol: caballos is horses. Mucho gusto is Nice to meet you. Rojo red, amarillo yellow. One of my long term goal is to be less connected to social media and electronic devices in general so this TED talk interested me, maybe for you too.
  11. Day 7 I started of today by reading half of Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning book and may have found the reason I always wake up sluggishly and sleep for another hour. Apparently you just have to replace the thought of "I'm not going to get enough sleep and wake up tired tomorrow morning" with "I got the right amount of sleep". It's about the first thought you wake up with, which is what you said to yourself before you went to sleep that sets course the trajectory of your morning and the energy permitted thereof. His book is filled with nuggets of life and I highly recommend it. Going to read the other half tomorrow, it's quite short at around 135 pages. I got a message from the phone repair company that my device needed a chipset replacement costing $330 (the phone was $380). I had researched through forums to find a solution to my far-gone bricked, black screen phone weeks ago and ordered an EDL cable. I decided to not go with the repairs and try to fix it myself with the EDL cable. After an hour of frustrating troubleshooting I got the computer to recognise port 9008 which is what phone uses to flash firmware if all else goes to shit. Normal recognition by the computer doesn't work and this is the only way. If the technicians did any research they would have come across this method in their "diagnostics" which included heating the back glass cover to loosen and remove the non-removable cover of my phone to look at the insides. This procedure left unwanted damaged marks on several parts of my phone. If they further did any research, they would have come across a YouTube tutorial that shows how to remove the cover non destructively with a guitar pick and a suction ring. Long story short, I knew more about troubleshooting than these guys. This for me, is a lesson of self-efficacy in that I should trust myself more in my capabilities and not rush to impulsive, quick-fix decisions :/ I was unable to install the firmware on the public computers in the Lan cafe as a restart was needed to take effect but they delete all data on restart :( So need access to a personal computer to fix it fully. I came back home kinda late and decides to go for my usual run under the lightly covered forest canopy, 2 laps around a field and loop back to the suburbia. Learnt some more Spanish... kinda concerned how effective I'm learning the language. I want a person to speak it to so I can practice it, it's usually the most effective way I find. La gatos is the cats, toro is Bull, quesso cheese. I'm finding it kinda easy to learn Spanish, is it one of the easier languages to learn? Didn't get to read more of Self-esteem book because I went bonkers installing like 6 to-do apps and value testing each one of them for App supremacy muhahahah! ;D seeing if they're worthy to be on my phone. There's some real classy apps with good design and others too feature packed but not cohesive as an overall package. I'll recommend some after a few days use. My time management is very bad so this rather crucial for me.
  12. Day 6 The big ass haul across the city to grab a pinboard day lol. I bought it for 5 bucks last night and opted to pock it up free instead of delivery... Yea moneys tight and I'm tryna be more mindful and less lazy. Got really good exercise was like 6-7KM of walk up stairs, hills, etc. On the way back I noticed an Arab looking dude with a Barca T-shirt so I stopped to ask him if he plays football and when. He told me on Thursdays at 6pm or 6.30. We exchanged numbers and he said he'll call me. Whether or not he calls me I'm gonna go show up and see if I can play. I'm simply after having fun, burning some energy and potentially making new friends :D New task is to buy some new sneakers suitable for football, don't really wanna go all out on a pair of boots yet. I slipped up big time today, I masturbated to Porn after listening to a podcast about a ex Mormon pornstar. Yea why I was even in that section? xD I even tried to meet halfway and be diplomatic trying to convince myself to masturbate without the porn...but nope! Addictions mang. Cam is 100% right, if you don't have a plan with your time, you just revert back to your habits. I was going to keep this part out of the log but remembered from the self esteem book that high self esteem people are not afraid of challenges and admit when they are wrong/face challenges. At least that's the self-esteem I want to work towards :) I had a nap when I got back, the sun is quite strong... I even had a round cricketers hat. Sun GG. Woke up and continued learning Spanish. Today's phrase: de nada which translates "you're welcome" I chose to read another chapter of Respawn over the Self esteem book as I had been falling behind a bit. Marked up my go to activities in the different situations. I have a clearer understanding of my goals but next I will need to break them down into smaller tasks. I installed two To-do apps to help with that purpose. And I plan to use my newly acquired pinboard to lay out my goals on. I installed a nature sound app to help me sleep and tried it last night with crickets and wind, very soothing. I keep sleeping in for an hour after I wake up from 7.30AM. How to shrug off the morning lethargy? Maybe I just need to practice this new sleep routine more.
  13. Day 5 Today was pretty lazy. I woke up and increased my meditation time from 5 to 10 minutes which I think is more effective. Really sunny day so washed another batch of clothes. Its funny how I used to dislike hanging clothes when I was younger but appreciate its therapeutically calming effect. Its a simple task but offers me a small way to build discipline which I lack :) I listened to GQ podcast, the one with Brianna Greenspan and am now interested in her hyped 'Morning Miracle' method. I bought a $5 noticeboard which I plan to incorporate aspects of the Morning Miracle as well as organise my super objectives and goals. I will be walking another long ass journey like 6KM's to collect the noticeboard so looking forward to the exercise and sun :D Learnt some more Spanish... getting quite fun actually, very sexy language. Spent about 10-12 minutes today up from yesterday's 5 mins. I dislike how the Duolingo app has kind of been 'gamified' through the use of virtual currency and loot boxes but since it's free, I'd let it slide. Winter is slowly approaching but so far we are blessed with really nice days. This has to be a standout summer for New Zealand in terms of sunshine and good weather. I want to pick up playing football this year, gotta make a few runs though first ;D My foot is nearly fully healed now. I had the choice of going out tonight to attend a free music festival and shoot some photos but opted against it in favour of focussing on maintaining a regular routine (sleep, reading). I figured I'm only a minute fraction of the way through my detox, better play the slow and steady game instead. Don't know maybe I copped out? Another song, enjoy.
  14. Day 4 Today was chill. Woke up to a small meditation session of 10 minutes feeling a little calmer. I think I got to practice this a little more to get with the flow of things as my natural pretense in the morning is to be low level anxiously thinking of what to do for the day. I used the Headspace app for the guided meditation and 'Mindfulness' app to help me sleep with its binaural waves music :D The music didn't work that well to help me sleep but that was more because my body was hot/ awkward sleeping positions. Maybe need some low profile earbuds to make it really effective. I walked past the city today towards my friend's suburb and headed to the park we agreed to meet. Little did I know this wasn't a flat fields kind of park and more of the hiking forest type of park xD. So I got quite a workout climbing this hill and told friend not to bother. He texted me saying he had a tinder date that he forgot about until the morning. At first I was a little annoyed that I was essentially being blown off but then reviewed the situation that he could potentially be embarking on a new relationship :D and more hiking exploring time for me yaay! I probably walked about 7-8 KM's there and back so gonna have a good sleep fo'sho. I didn't want to buy food in town but was so drained I felt I needed to eat something so had some cheap sushi on special. Walked back home and had a 1 hour Nana nap. I remember people using Duolingo to learn languages so I thought I'd give it a try. At first I was searching for Arabic as I have lost the ability to speak it but it didn't have it so I looked up Spanish. I learnt that in Spanish, according to an objects masculinity or feminity the prefix before the object changes. So "the bread" is "el Pan" not "la Pan" whereas "the milk" is "la leche" and not "el leche." Bread being masculine and milk being feminine. Seems quite interesting to me and provides a more colourful and elegant way of talking about things. Now onto Self-respect. In ze book of self esteem, Branden says that without self respect you can't/have difficulty appreciating your achievements. You may be at the top of your field but feel an emptiness where you expect to be happy. He continues, that if we cannot see ourselves being worthy, of benefitting from our actions then we cannot feel successful. Therefore it is a crucial part of self esteem. Growing up I was caught in between my parents divorce. I starkly remember being asked by my mother to go to my father and tell him "there's a bed downstairs" or something along those lines. And I kind of took responsibility in that situation as an 11 y/o thinking it was part my fault. So I grew up feeling quite shit about myself lacking self respect. I know now it's not my fault but still feel that subconscious resonance of lack of self respect. I'm now building myself back up :) Soy un hombre I would like to leave you a nice song I have been going crazy over this last week :D
  15. You should check out Cam's Respawn guide... It breaks down the reasons / needs you game for and what types of activities to replace them with. The time we have spent on gaming can be used to develop other skills that are actually useful in the real world. I'm 27 now, you are 25... Over the last half year I've noticed things that helped push me over the line and made this 100% decision to quit. Among them were my parents being 60+ years old, having aching knees, and the obviousness of how lacking I was able to take care of myself in the bigger scheme of things (cooking, people talking, etc. Soon my parents won't be able to take care of me and that's a really grounding truth that has kicked my ass into a bit of action. The revelation dawns - you will have to take care of yourself. I'm just saying what worked for me - at some point honestly look at what gaming is benefitting you 1 week, month or year from now and compare it with what you could do with that time. I'm by no means past the point of successfully quitting games but I found it to be a huge paradigm shift when I CHOSE to set my foot in the sand and take a different direction. Its no longer about "having" to quit because I need to and more "I want to quit." This is unlike my previous 'attempts' at quitting as there is this positive energetic movement to my actions where they were previously filled with lethargy and lack of willpower. Hope this helps :)
  16. Day 3 Heh, this day numbering thing is kinda fun like I'm leveling up :D Today I walked to the city and dropped my phone off. They said they will have a look at it over 1-2 days and contact me on how to proceed with repairs. In the meantime I went to the Library to continue reading Six Pillars of Self esteem. There are two parts to self esteem - Self-efficacy and Self respect. The former is about confidence: trusting your ability to face up and function against life's challenges like believing in yourself to carry on and have that job interview and be successful. One can see themselves being successful and trusts in process of their intelligence and consciousness to bring about success. Branden makes clear that it is the process not the outcome which is important in focusing on. I'll talk about self-respect tomorrow. I left the library and headed back home. On my way back I couldn't stop noticing girls - our city is abundant with sexy ladies. This triggered my desire to fap :/ I'm currently incorporating No Fap and no gaming all in one during my detox. I don't know if I can succeed with the No Fap though. I can choose not to look at games but women is much harder for me. I'm physically looking away half the time feeling quite awkward. I plan to take up some Dance class or something. I called my best friend to kick the football 2moro. Installed geocache to use it as an engaging activity for the future. I found a cache near the park we will play football at and try to find it. Lastly, installed headspace to practice meditation 2moro @ 7.30AM I haven't had a game related thought today :)
  17. Day 2: I remember some advice I read or heard was to clean and declutter your surroundings as it may help with productivity/finding things, etc. So I mostly spent today cleaning up my room as I had left it in a pretty neglected state where Doritos and bits of almonds littered the closest part of carpet next to my bed. I washed most of the clothes I would wear and sorted out two plastic shopping bags to give away to charity. When I arrived at the Church, the doors were closed so I planned to just drop them off in a quiet corner to be picked up the next day. To my pleasure, two workers passed by and open a gate to place my gifts in a more secure location. Feels good when Fate decides to help :) Time goes really slow now that I'm not gaming. I started reading a self-help book called The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I want to rewrite a little about what he talks about here, to see if I've understood what he's said. He says that self-esteem is like a Life functioning need. What we think we deserve will manifest itself in either productive or destructive behaviours to align with our perception of ourselves. I have a low self-esteem which I am trying to understand more about its dynamics and change the relationship I have with myself. Tomorrow I will go to the city to see if a phone store can repair my phone. I will go to sleep at 10.30pm now, not like 4-8 AM when I was gaming. It's a tough act for me to give up gaming, having formed such an identity and community around it. But I can only imagine, for now, that it will be 1000x worth it.
  18. So I relapsed a little last night with many bad consequences to follow. I spent $10 for 5 hours at a Lan cafe, bought an energy drink, a lighter lighter and a chocolate ice cream at the end of the night. I had previously been at my ol hometown, hanging with my family and stayed there for about two weeks. In the beginning of my stay there I played for 2 or 3 days then stopped playing until my return to the city. From my experience living with family and friends is a must. The contrast is quite stark for me; here in the city I live alone and in my hometown, the small interactions I would have with my sister and brothers brought a level of accountability that made me want to 'help-out' and pitch in. So that's one thing I realised: Change environment to meet my goals. I'm back to square one with detox but feel I am learning more about my condition and the triggers that trip me back into relapse. I want to start writing more on here as an accountability tool. My dream is to talk to people easily and die knowing I had a happy life with friends :) I plan to start running as soon as my Achilles/ankle injury heals up.
  19. Heya my name is Taha from New Zealand. I've been addicted to Video games for a long time and have only recently realized the damage they have caused and missed opportunities given by way of. I look at my folks who have taken care of me in their aching bones and realize, they can only do so much. Eventually they will be unable to take care of me and pass away. I need to do this for myself,to be self-reliant and to grow into a healthier person. I'm quite tired of being a helpless victim and gaming allowed me to stay in that mentality, physically and mentally setting the boundaries of where I could be great and couldn't. I'm giving away my steam account to my sister so I won't be able to log on to it anymore. I kind of want to delete the account altogether, feeling like gaming is a monstrous creation of our times. But she's a more moderate type that than can enjoy things without getting full-blown addicted - o what a blessing I am envious of.