Super Saiyan Journal in Daily Journals Posted October 4, 2019 GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 37, 4.10.2019 20:22. I either forgot or didn't feel like writing yesterday. I'm mostly writing now because I don't want to skip days. I'm not sure I see much value in writing this journal right now. Though I want to keep doing it because I want to be able to use it later should I need to do this all over again. So yesterday I met my friend and she helped me finish my resume and look for job offers. Mostly she helped my by just being there, because the thought of looking for a job on my own is paralyzing. She says I have a very good resume. I don't really believe her, I think it's quite empty, all my experience in work and NGOs is stretched out as much as possible so that it doesn't look bare. But at least now it's 95% finished (just need a photo and some graphic design done). I have about a dozen job offers that we thought I should apply for. They are in vastly different fields, from english teacher to a dude who carries documents, none of them I really feel confident about or am excited about. But I'll see. We've also picked every offer that said english is very important, because that's my best skill, by a lot probably. I'll be finishing the resume tomorrow. Anyway, I'm intensely grateful to my friend. Today was first day of class. Last year of college if everything works out. I'm very stressed out because I didn't do my mandatory internship-type thing on time and now I'll have to ask someone what to do about it. I mean, the worst thing that can happen is they'll say I have to take a year off from college, which means I'll be at college for 9 years instead of 8 - no big difference. I don't expect that though. The second worst thing is that I might lose a shot at scholarship, which I otherwise would get 100% because I totally kicked ass at the last two grading periods. That would suck. If I get the money, I'll use it for psychotherapy. If I don't, it'll be a shame. Otherwise, I think that's it. It might be an unpleasant conversation, and I know I have no reason to have it feel unpleasant, but I find it hard to control even though I know all the possible bad consequences. That is all. I now have two days free. Today I registered to vote. Which means I'll be able to vote in this city. This is the first time I did that, usually I would either put it off for later until it was too late and be unable to vote, or have to vote at the village I'm from which is a pain. Now it is finally all. Huh, I just said I don't feel like writing this and then I wrote a lot. That's good. Oh, oh, I also cleaned the apartment today. Well, cleaned 85% of it. That felt good. But I really didn't want to do it. What I did was decided to just power through it immediately as I got home from classes. And it worked. I'm so stupid with the cleaning thing, I always put it off and it always feels more and more stressful that I still haven't done it, and then I just do it and it takes maybe an hour and isn't that bad. This actually describes me well in pretty much everything I have to do. That is a problem, I would definitely talk about in in psychotherapy.